K
Kevin12
Guest
I have been having a particularly awful week, at least once to the extent that I thought about ending my life. I would never do so because I am afraid of going to Hell and it would hurt my family, but I felt several times this week that if there were a way to die without either of these things happening, I would welcome it.
The other day I rear ended someone by accident (there was not damage to the other persons car, and my car only got a flat tire and the airbags going off and cracking the windshield) I didn’t get a ticket for the accident, I got one because I didn’t realize my plate sticker was expired. And then afterward, because I was trying to rush back to make a class I teach, I accidentally ran through a stop sign, got pulled over and ticketed again, for a grand total of 280 dollars. My car is currently out of comission since I found out it didn’t have a spare tire (I bought it from an auction) and it will cost me quite a bit to get a new tire, windshield and airbags. Then today I found out the person I hit filed a claim with my insurance agency for the very minor scratches to her fender, which cost just enough to raise my father’s rates - he pays for my insurance because I am a grad student and barely make enough to live on my own. He is constantly having to support me financially because of my many stupid mistakes, including a time when I had to live at home for a year after losing my first job out of college. I feel that I am a huge burden on him even though he is very forgiving and compassionate. I feel very ashamed that even though I am 28 I still have to depend on him, particularly when my younger brother and sister are completely financially independent.
Earlier this week, I had a situation with the Composition class I teach as a grad student. A student had previously complained that I was too distant to my superior, and on Wednesday they reported a student had made an anonymous complaint about my grading. I used to be a middle school teacher, and that was a very negative experience - it was the job I lost, as I mentioned. I would rather not get into why, but I was asked to resign for what I felt was an unfair reason, and after that I developed the feeling that any criticism I received was a sure sign that I was going to lose my position. I have been told I am overreacting, but it is hard for me to accept this subconsciously.
I also do not know what I am going to do for money in the summer, because my stipend ends in June. Given the fact that I was already in a financially precarious position, the fact that I am going to have to pay hundred of dollars in fines and repairs has left a knot in my stomach. The fact that my stupidity is probably going to get my dad’s insurance costs raised has made it even worse. I have gotten some counseling help, but at the end of the day no councilor can take away all my money problems. And the worst thing is that, whenever I try to talk to anybody about it, they say its just money and it doesn’t matter. I feel like people who say this are usually people who have enough money to get by without depending on others - their intentions are good I’m sure, but they come of as people talking from a position of privelege.
Anyway, I just ask that people pray for me - if not for my situation to improve, than at least for this knot in my stomach to ease up a bit.
The other day I rear ended someone by accident (there was not damage to the other persons car, and my car only got a flat tire and the airbags going off and cracking the windshield) I didn’t get a ticket for the accident, I got one because I didn’t realize my plate sticker was expired. And then afterward, because I was trying to rush back to make a class I teach, I accidentally ran through a stop sign, got pulled over and ticketed again, for a grand total of 280 dollars. My car is currently out of comission since I found out it didn’t have a spare tire (I bought it from an auction) and it will cost me quite a bit to get a new tire, windshield and airbags. Then today I found out the person I hit filed a claim with my insurance agency for the very minor scratches to her fender, which cost just enough to raise my father’s rates - he pays for my insurance because I am a grad student and barely make enough to live on my own. He is constantly having to support me financially because of my many stupid mistakes, including a time when I had to live at home for a year after losing my first job out of college. I feel that I am a huge burden on him even though he is very forgiving and compassionate. I feel very ashamed that even though I am 28 I still have to depend on him, particularly when my younger brother and sister are completely financially independent.
Earlier this week, I had a situation with the Composition class I teach as a grad student. A student had previously complained that I was too distant to my superior, and on Wednesday they reported a student had made an anonymous complaint about my grading. I used to be a middle school teacher, and that was a very negative experience - it was the job I lost, as I mentioned. I would rather not get into why, but I was asked to resign for what I felt was an unfair reason, and after that I developed the feeling that any criticism I received was a sure sign that I was going to lose my position. I have been told I am overreacting, but it is hard for me to accept this subconsciously.
I also do not know what I am going to do for money in the summer, because my stipend ends in June. Given the fact that I was already in a financially precarious position, the fact that I am going to have to pay hundred of dollars in fines and repairs has left a knot in my stomach. The fact that my stupidity is probably going to get my dad’s insurance costs raised has made it even worse. I have gotten some counseling help, but at the end of the day no councilor can take away all my money problems. And the worst thing is that, whenever I try to talk to anybody about it, they say its just money and it doesn’t matter. I feel like people who say this are usually people who have enough money to get by without depending on others - their intentions are good I’m sure, but they come of as people talking from a position of privelege.
Anyway, I just ask that people pray for me - if not for my situation to improve, than at least for this knot in my stomach to ease up a bit.

Amen