Prayer Warriors please help and others! Kids going on visitation

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CatholicSam said:
Oh, Nana, this is such sad news 😦 But do not lose hope. We are all still praying for these precious children’s safety, and God WILL get them through this. I offered my Holy Communion this morning for them, and I will keep begging St. Philomena to rescue them.

I had a thought–if the dad does take them tomorrow at noon, and if the wife is still in the hospital, maybe Norma or you could pre-pay an order of pizza for lunch to the kids’ address. Or maybe you could even show up and “catch” them being left home alone all day? I don’t know the rules about these sorts of things, thank God, but it was just a thought. Maybe give them extra money and a place to hide it (inside a book, pillow, etc.).
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I think the idea of giving them money to order pizza is great. I don’t know if the teenager in charge would keep it, but I would think that she would want to eat too. We would order the pizza, but we are one county away. The dad moved one hour away from here. I also told Norma to put some food, healthy food, in their backpacks for them to eat while alone at home. It has to be nonperishable though. We think the dad will forget that they get out at noon tomorrow and if the school calls Norma or one of us, we can pick them up and he can pick them up after he gets out of work. I might be in the area tomorrow so that they won’t have to wait to long. I rather pick them up for then they will get a good lunch.

Unfortunately, my sister can’t just show up to help the kids. We were once at his house to pick up the kids unannounced for he kept them from school and he filed trespass charges on both of us.
 
Hi everyone, the children are with the father. My sister offered to switch weekends since his wife was in the hospital and he called back and left a message on her voicemail saying no way and was even angry she offered.

Norma called DCF again today and they told her that they will not take the kids away from the father or stop visitation. They said they will RECOMMEND that he and his wife not hit them and that they both go to anger management. I can’t tell you how angry I am not DCF. We report abuse and they do nothing. We feel like:banghead: What is it going to take?

I am ready to fight for these kids and for others in this system that says to report abuse and even tell you what is considered abuse on their website, but when you do nothing gets done. No wonder the stepmom kid’s don’t report to anyone like they use too. The poor kids get ignored and then make their mom really mad at them for talking in the first place. This is what we are afraid will happen this weekend. The stepmom gets out of the hospital today and she will be in a bad mood for this report was on her this time.

What do you think of this idea? My dh and I have already got the Governor’s office and a congressmen’s office involved already. They told us to call them if nothing is done and come Monday, we will. If they say that they can’t do anything, how about the media? We have what is called “problem solvers” or “whistle blowers” in our local media. I think they would love to hear how DCF doesn’t protect our children and how children have no voice at all.
 
The kids are home safe, but acting strange, or least Marissa is. I had to pick up Luis from school and not Marissa who was sick today. Her dad dropped her off at my mom’s this morning. She was complaining of stomach ache, like the ones she use to get. The ones she use to get were psychological in nature and due to stress. Anyway, they both had to go to the dentist and I took them. I had to first pick up Luis and the first words out of his mouth, before Hello or anything is, “they slapped me again.” I asked who and he said he had a bruise on his leg and showed me and said his dad did it. I asked how he did it, but his story than got strange. He said his dad didn’t do it and that he stepped on a belt and it flipped up at him on his leg. That is impossible, but that was what he was sticking with. Than as he talked more, he said his dad didn’t hit him all weekend, but also that he got hit so hard it hurt. He was not making since and was contradicting himself so much. I came right out and asked if his dad hit him at all this weekend and he said yes. He said his dad punished him with no dinner for talking to DCF. Later when I got Marissa in the car and Luis and my daughter were busy watching the DVD movie, I asked her if it was true that her dad hit Luis this weekend. She said he did not. I asked if it was true that Luis and her were punished with no supper for talking to DCF and she said that was untrue also. I asked Luis if he lied and he said yes. I told him how serious this is and that he can’t lie about these things. At the same time though, Marissa was not with her brother the entire time. Her dad and Luis went fishing one day and she did not go.

She told me that on that day they went fishing, she stayed home and that her stepmom called her into her room and proceeded to tell her that Norma is sick, very sick emotionally and a liar. She told Marissa that Luis did not have this mark on his back and that Norma did it to blame her for revenge. Marissa was to afraid to her to tell her that she heard the whole thing, but did tell her dad. This woman also told Marissa that DCF is on her side and her dads. She said more that upset Marissa, but she just listen and didn’t talk.
 
I had a situation happen with Norma that I feel bad about, even though I don’t think I was wrong.

Advice please!! Here is what happened.

I took the kids to the dentist and while there Luis hit Marissa over a video game they had in the office. I pulled him out and told him not to hit his sister and he yelled at me. I told him to sit down and he said “NO!” I told him again to sit and again he said no. I tried to move him, but I do have a bad back and legs and other pains. He was honestly stronger than I am. I told him to sit and do his homework and he said no. He went to lock himself up in the bathroom, but I caught the door before he did. I went into the bathroom with him and he was screaming at the top of his lungs telling me to get out. Oh before running into the bathroom he called me an “idiot.” I was in the bathroom and told him that he is not to yell at me and call me names. At that time, he hit my arm and took both hands and pushed me up against the door. That hurt my back. I took my hand and spanked him on his leg, a little hit really for I have bad hands (fibromyalgia) and told him that he is not to hit me or push me. He pushed me again. I thought I was going to loose it. I wanted to hit me again, but what he said after the spanking was what prevented me doing so. He said, “You are just like my daddy.” He wanted privacy to go potty and I gave it to him, but it was just to get me out. He locked himself up for about 10 minutes. He would not unlock when I asked and not even the people who worked there. I can tell they were getting upset that I could not control my child. I told them he was not my child but my nephew and told him a little why he has so much anger.

He opened the door when I lied and said that the office staff were going to call the police. I went in for he would not come out. He was so so so angry and yelled. I asked why he is so angry for all I did was correct his bad behavior and he yelled out, “what do you think.” I wanted him to tell me and he finally did and and said he tired of getting hit at his dads. He said he didn’t want to go over there anymore. I calmed him down and told him to go to the game for I needed the restroom. He calmed down, but then something happened again with one of the girls and he was off again. I was never so embarrassed for this child was a undisciplined child. He didn’t listen to anything I asked him to do.

My sister got home when I was at my mother’s still and I told her that something needs to be done about him not listening to adults. By the way, this is also happening in school. My sister said that him locking himself up is his way of handling the situation and diffusing. I told her that he has to learn not to do this for what happens when others need the restroom like today. She got defensive at me and asked me what she needs to do because the counselors were working on it. I told her that the counselor is just listening to his problems, but they are not addressing bad and disobedient behavior. I told her that is her job. My sister is a good mother, but where she is lacking is that she allows both kids not to obey her and talk back to her. She doesn’t punish them or give them consequences for their behaviors. So I told her that she needed to punish her son and she said they are punished enough at their dads. I told her that she had to punish them also at her end and not feel sorry and because she feels sorry not punish them when bad at her end.

I just lost it and we argued. We obviously have different parenting techniques, but I will tell you I never felt the way I did today helpless. This child yelled at me, pushed me and hit me and called me names and still nothing I tried to do to punish him he would do either.

Was I wrong? I believe that she needs to discipline him for his behavior to adults will get worse and it has. The last time he got this angry at my mom and through a heavy toy at her glass slidedoor, my sister did not punish him for the behavior and just talked with him his feelings. I think Luis is catching on that if he complains about how bad he has it at dads mommy feels bad for him and won’t punish him.
 
nana3 said:
I had a situation happen with Norma that I feel bad about, even though I don’t think I was wrong.

Advice please!! Here is what happened.

I took the kids to the dentist and while there Luis hit Marissa over a video game they had in the office. I pulled him out and told him not to hit his sister and he yelled at me. I told him to sit down and he said “NO!” I told him again to sit and again he said no. I tried to move him, but I do have a bad back and legs and other pains. He was honestly stronger than I am. I told him to sit and do his homework and he said no. He went to lock himself up in the bathroom, but I caught the door before he did. I went into the bathroom with him and he was screaming at the top of his lungs telling me to get out. Oh before running into the bathroom he called me an “idiot.” I was in the bathroom and told him that he is not to yell at me and call me names. At that time, he hit my arm and took both hands and pushed me up against the door. That hurt my back. I took my hand and spanked him on his leg, a little hit really for I have bad hands (fibromyalgia) and told him that he is not to hit me or push me. He pushed me again. I thought I was going to loose it. I wanted to hit me again, but what he said after the spanking was what prevented me doing so. He said, “You are just like my daddy.” He wanted privacy to go potty and I gave it to him, but it was just to get me out. He locked himself up for about 10 minutes. He would not unlock when I asked and not even the people who worked there. I can tell they were getting upset that I could not control my child. I told them he was not my child but my nephew and told him a little why he has so much anger.

He opened the door when I lied and said that the office staff were going to call the police. I went in for he would not come out. He was so so so angry and yelled. I asked why he is so angry for all I did was correct his bad behavior and he yelled out, “what do you think.” I wanted him to tell me and he finally did and and said he tired of getting hit at his dads. He said he didn’t want to go over there anymore. I calmed him down and told him to go to the game for I needed the restroom. He calmed down, but then something happened again with one of the girls and he was off again. I was never so embarrassed for this child was a undisciplined child. He didn’t listen to anything I asked him to do.

My sister got home when I was at my mother’s still and I told her that something needs to be done about him not listening to adults. By the way, this is also happening in school. My sister said that him locking himself up is his way of handling the situation and diffusing. I told her that he has to learn not to do this for what happens when others need the restroom like today. She got defensive at me and asked me what she needs to do because the counselors were working on it. I told her that the counselor is just listening to his problems, but they are not addressing bad and disobedient behavior. I told her that is her job. My sister is a good mother, but where she is lacking is that she allows both kids not to obey her and talk back to her. She doesn’t punish them or give them consequences for their behaviors. So I told her that she needed to punish her son and she said they are punished enough at their dads. I told her that she had to punish them also at her end and not feel sorry and because she feels sorry not punish them when bad at her end.

I just lost it and we argued. We obviously have different parenting techniques, but I will tell you I never felt the way I did today helpless. This child yelled at me, pushed me and hit me and called me names and still nothing I tried to do to punish him he would do either.

Was I wrong? I believe that she needs to discipline him for his behavior to adults will get worse and it has. The last time he got this angry at my mom and through a heavy toy at her glass slidedoor, my sister did not punish him for the behavior and just talked with him his feelings. I think Luis is catching on that if he complains about how bad he has it at dads mommy feels bad for him and won’t punish him.
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Dear Nana3,

The best thing we can do for you here is offer up our prayers. I know the kids are getting individual counseling but it sounds like some family counseling as a group would be beneficial. You might suggest family counseling for you, your daughter, and the kids.

We aren`t experts, and while there are many parents here at CAF, when suspected abuse is involved, it is time to call in the professional experts. I hope you will look into family counseling. .

I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212
 
I’ll keep praying for Luis. Somedays he is on my heart and I think thats God’s way of letting me know he is having a rough time. Did anyone in the office hear him talking about his Dad? Can you tell the lawyer what happened and see if you can make a statement? Poor Luis is acting out. He has so much anger inside that its starting to boil over.

Still praying for a miracle!!!
 
I am staying in touch with this thread and continuing to pray also
 
Thank you to all for your continued prayers. Sometimes I think we are living a nightmare. My sister got word today that the case will be closed by the end of the went. One of DCF lawyers looked at the case, just the one and not all 6 DCFreports, and said that they will not continue with it because “it does not rise to the level of child abuse.” We don’t know what else to do, but pray. My sister called her attorney and she use to be a DCF lawyer and she is completely surprised. She said that she has two other cases like Norma’s and DCF has already taken the kids away from the dads. She said Norma’s case is worse and they still don’t stop visitations. She also told Norma that she was surprised that the judge did nothing after seeing the pictures of Luis’ back and bottom. She said she will call the DCF lawyer herself tomorrow morning and find out why they will not pursue this case in court in dependency court.

I will contact the governors’ office who has a cabinet that handles cases like this involving children. Norma’s lawyer is now seeing that the judge and DCF is favoring the dad and stepmom because they are cops. She told Norma that she didn’t like it that the dad will not be held in contempt if he pays by this Wednesday.

Norma is so upset over all this and of course my mom is asking me, as if I know God’s will, when the Lord will do something. I told her to be patient and maybe the Lord wants us all to be patient and trust in Him, other than that I don’t know I am not God.🤷 I know how they feel though, but we have to wait and see. I just feel for the kids. For Luis to talk to a stranger, his dental hygienist, yesterday and say that he doesn’t want to go to his dads anymore, it is bothering him so much.
 
:signofcross:
Remember, oh most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored they help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence I fly to thee, oh virgin of virgins, my mother. To thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. Oh Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen. :signofcross:
 
HI everyone. My sister filed a police report today in the county where the dad lives. They police told her that not much will be done, but that the report will be on file. They gave her some excellent advice for the next time, if there is a next time. The next time the kids come back from their dads and tell us that they have been hit and have a mark, we have to take them to the county where the dad lives and call the sheriff’s office. When the sheriff’s office send one of their deputies, they make a police report and take pictures of the marks or bruises. This way it just happened and they go and arrest the person who did this to the child. They told her not to bother with DCF for they don’t do anything, as if we didn’t know this already.

I have message from Marissa to all of you. She was here at my house earlier when she came into our office and saw I was on the forum. She read one of the ones I was reading. She said it was “cool” that Catholics can talk to each other and ask for help. I told her that I had a thread just for her and her brother in their situation and that many of you are praying for them. She said, “Will you tell them thank you and we really need it.” I told her I would pass the message to all of you. She also wanted to put a smilies from her to you and here is the one she picked. 😉

Thanks to all of you. Marissa has been home sick since she returned from her dads with terrible stomach pains. I took her to the doctors and he could find nothing wrong and asked her if she is worried about anything. She told us that she is worried of what her stepmom told her this past weekend. She said that she was mean and said horrible things about her mother and said that she needed to talk to her mom or else she would. No wonder she is worried. She wonders how she would talk to her mother. Poor thing. I told her that the next time her stepmom gives her a message for her mom to tell her to keep her out of it and that the adults need to talk among themselves. She looked up at me and said, “All I want is a happy childhood.” She has been quiet and depressed since returning to her mom on Monday. This is why she was so worried.

I pray for the stepmom to grow up and not involve the children in adult matters. It puts way to much pressure on this child who keeps things bottled up until it makes her physically sick.
 
Reepicheep said:
:signofcross:
Remember, oh most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored they help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence I fly to thee, oh virgin of virgins, my mother. To thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. Oh Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen. :signofcross:
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AMEN
 
nana3 said:
I have message from Marissa to all of you. She was here at my house earlier when she came into our office and saw I was on the forum. She read one of the ones I was reading. She said it was “cool” that Catholics can talk to each other and ask for help. I told her that I had a thread just for her and her brother in their situation and that many of you are praying for them. She said, “Will you tell them thank you and we really need it.” I told her I would pass the message to all of you. She also wanted to put a smilies from her to you and here is the one she picked. 😉
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Marissa, I am praying with my husband every night for the safety of you and your brother. We won’t stop until the issue is resolved! 👍
 
CatholicSam said:
Marissa, I am praying with my husband every night for the safety of you and your brother. We won’t stop until the issue is resolved! 👍
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I picked her up from school and gave her your message and she was touched. She thanks you and your husband for your prayers and she wants to keep your family and those on the thread in her prayers. She asked me if it was okay to say that she prays for those who pray for her and her brother since she can’t remember the forum’s name and I told her that was fine for God knows who she means.

She sees her counselor tomorrow and says she fears telling the truth of her stepmom because she could find out. Please pray that fear plays no role in her telling the truth. Thanks again.

Luis saw his counselor today and Norma was approached by his teacher today and he is acting out in class and has hit a student. They are trying so hard to help him. I am glad that the school counselor and this teacher are willing to help. The teacher even joked and said she has never had a child like him and has tested her patience as much as he has. My sister told her that she was in for a challenge and they both laughed. This teacher sympathizes with Luis and his situation. They are going on ahead and helping him without daddy for they have called and he doesn’t return their calls.
 
I am so glad you shared this with Marissa. I think the biggest thing is for her and Luis to not lose their faith in God. I am sure that things feel hopeless to them much of the time. Please tell her that all of us here are their friends, sisters, and brothers in Christ and (just as you, Norma and your family) we will not abandon them.

It is good to know that at least one sheriff’s office will do something to protect the children.

Nana, thank you for continuing to share this with us. I know you do this to ask for our prayers, but I want you to know that you bless us as well. I, for one, feel like part of your family and we are going to have a big CAF party the day Marissa’s and Luis’ nightmare ends!
 
stadre said:
I am so glad you shared this with Marissa. I think the biggest thing is for her and Luis to not lose their faith in God. I am sure that things feel hopeless to them much of the time. Please tell her that all of us here are their friends, sisters, and brothers in Christ and (just as you, Norma and your family) we will not abandon them.

It is good to know that at least one sheriff’s office will do something to protect the children.

Nana, thank you for continuing to share this with us. I know you do this to ask for our prayers, but I want you to know that you bless us as well. I, for one, feel like part of your family and we are going to have a big CAF party the day Marissa’s and Luis’ nightmare ends!
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I do feel that all of you are part of the family. I am so blessed to have people like all of you to turn to during this difficult time. I am touched by what you wrote and by all of your kindness shown to me and my family thoughout all this. I think that is what touched Marissa.

I am so upset though now and wonder if it is time to accept the way they have to live their lives at their dads. The reason I say this is because the administrator of DCF just called my husband and I. We are so disappointed in the system that is suppose to protect children. Let me tell you what he said. Even though there is a mark left from corporal punishment, unless it causes an injury it is not classified as child abuse. The hand mark the dad left at one time on Luis, is not child abuse. This belt mark left by the stepmom, who is denying hitting him at all and in fact accusing my sister of doing it and than forcing the kids to say it was her, it is not child abuse. Not feeding the children enough food or sending them to bed without supper, that some people do as a form of punishment, is not child abuse. Verbal and mental abuse is child abuse, but difficult to prove. This man said that if my sister or one of us keep reporting to DCF everytime the kids come back with a mark, they will look into the fact that both parents are not getting along and they will both lose thier children until they can learn to communicate. I told him why would they do that and he said because the tension between the two is not good for the children and I agree, but my sister has tried to communicate and her ex will not call back or answer her calls. He said he knows that but for him all he hears from both parents is “he said, she said.” He said both parents could lose the kids. I told him that it was unfair to take the kids from my sister if she reports any abuse.

By the time, we got off the phone with this man, we understand that Florida’s law do not protect the children and he said that Chapter 39 has a lot of gray areas when dealing with this. That is the Florida Stature chapter 39.

I’m sorry, I just feel that this situation is hopeless. DCF said they will keep the case open until court date on October 1st and it is all up to the judge, he said.:crying:
 
Just know that we are all praying. I know it seems hopeless but always remember that God has a plan…sometimes, like right now, we don’t get it. But just trust that He knows what He is doing.

Marissa sounds like an amazing girl. I’m sure she will grow into an amazing woman!

Have the counslors just let Luis get it all out? What I mean by that is have they let him say everything, cry, yell or do what he needs to do to get all that built up stuff in him out without inturrupting him? From what you said about the bathroom thing at the dentist, he has so much built up in him. When I get to my breaking point I cry and cry and cry. Maybe he just needs to know that its ok to breakdown and just get all his emotions out.

Will he talk to Marissa about this? I know my brothers can talk to me when they don’t feel like they can talk to anyone else. I’m a sister…I have 2 younger brothers…please let Marissa know that I think she is a super amazing person.
 
Dear Nana3,

This whole situation just saddens me so much. It sounds like the best option right now is to change tactics. Not give up on the situation, but changing your “fighting method.” Up until now, just from what I have read on your posts, which I know is not the whole story, the focus has been on removing Marissa and Luis from a dangerous situation. And that is exactly where your focus should have been! But since, due to DCFs inadequacy, it might be time to shift gears and really focus on how you and the children respond to the situation, and the poor treatment. For example, as you do already, continue stocking their backpacks with granola bars and trail mix, so they can eat that "in secret" if need be. I also strongly recommend group counseling and invidual counseling. Marissa and Luis will hopefully always have a relationship with their Dad, and he will always be their Dad. I hope that after he learns to deal with his anger, their relationship will grow into a more loving one. But in the interim, Marissa and Luis need to learn effective communication skills, and how to manage their feelings, so they dont grow up keeping everything bottled up inside. They also need to learn how healthy relationships function, so they won`t model their behavior after their Dad, or end up repeating his mistakes when they are adults.

Prayer and counseling are your best battle tools. I think you are doing a wonderful job already. Also, try to teach Marissa and Luis that their Dad is not treating them correctly, but still deserves empathy and love. He must have had a horrible life, perhaps when he was a child… Try teaching them that their Dad has a big knot of anger tied up inside him, and pray that in time, he will be able to untie the knot, and let the anger go.

I wonder if their Dad views the custody battle as a power struggle, and uses it too hurt the children`s Mom. Maybe if she stops talk of removing them from the situation (at least in front of the children), the Dad will start to shift his energy from focusing on how to make your sister miserable, and start focus on loving his children.

I wish I had something more useful to stay. But I will continue to keep your children, and all of your family, in my prayers. This is a sad situation. The laws clearly are not protecting your children. But until the laws change, or DCF gets their act together, the children need to learn how best to deal with the situation.

I think you should still document any future abuse. Document each detail/incident, so you will be prepared for court again if need be. But try to shift the focus with teaching Marissa and Luis how to manage their emotions, and teach them that it is okay to feel upset, because the way they are being treated is not correct. I know they are scared of their Dad, but maybe at some point they could write him a letter telling him how much it hurts him when he does these things. Maybe, when at their Moms house, the kids could keep a journal to express some of their feelings. (I wouldnt do that at their Dad`s house in case someone in the family found it and used it to make fun of them).

Finally, remembering that they have a Father up in heaven who loves them very much, will go a long way. Sometimes people who have had “difficult” relationships with their Dads, have a hard time viewing God as loving and merciful later in life. We don`t want this to happen with them. I know it might be easy for them to feel like God is abandoning them, but please remind them that is not the case. When they feel sad and alone, remind them that Jesus felt that way too when he hung on the cross.

We will keep praying Nana3. This isn`t the end–just the beginning. We will keep the prayers going, and with the power of prayer and the rosary, things will improve!!

Hang in there.

Sincerely,

Maria1212
 
Nana, this is just the saddest situation. I am so sorry that this is still going on. I am going to Adoration tonight. I will pray for this situation and the safety of Marissa and Luis.
God bless
 
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