Praying together for Marriages

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jules11 said:
Please pray for me. Things have been really good between my husband and I lately but just a week ago they turned really, really bad. And I don’t even know why… Please, I need your prayers desperately as I’m so stressed, I’m finding it hard to pray.
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You have my prayers as well. I hope that things will get better for you soon and that all our prayers will help heal and strengthen you for whatever may be coming. I know you suffer so much, as my sister does, and yes at times it is so hard to pray due to all the suffering. I have learned and it helps to place myself within the wounds of Christ and ask him to cover me with his blood to strengthen me and console me. If all you can pray is “Jesus, help me!” that is better than nothing. He knows your suffering and is with you. I will ask St. Monica and St. Anne to pray for you now.

Just know that you are not alone and we are all here for you. Let us know how you are doing.
 
Thankyou everyone, I really need the prayers. I need to know God’s will in all of this. I
haven’t seen him for a week, he refused to talk to me or answer my phonecalls (we are separated but were trying to sort things out) I spent New Years alone, then when he answered my text messages, they were abusive.
He won’t even tell me why he’s so angry with me.
We had a small altercation and he’s blown it into something huge and I don’t know why. He won’t give me any explanation. He just refuses to talk to me.
It’s all very stressful and hard on the children. I will always hope things will change for the better, as my idea of marriage being permanent runs very deep. I hope for a miracle but do not know whether that is God’s will. I wonder whether I should just give up and let go completely. I just don’t know. From my human perspective and from where I’m looking now, it seems hopeless. It seems as if nothing will ever change and I will be going through this misery for the rest of my life if I don’t end it now… I’m just so confused. I don’t know what to do or which way to turn.
 
Jules11, I am praying for you. I’m so sorry for your hurt. I’ve been there, too, and I have an idea as to what you and your children are going through.
 
jules11 said:
Thankyou everyone, I really need the prayers. I need to know God’s will in all of this. I
haven’t seen him for a week, he refused to talk to me or answer my phonecalls (we are separated but were trying to sort things out) I spent New Years alone, then when he answered my text messages, they were abusive.
He won’t even tell me why he’s so angry with me.
We had a small altercation and he’s blown it into something huge and I don’t know why. He won’t give me any explanation. He just refuses to talk to me.
It’s all very stressful and hard on the children. I will always hope things will change for the better, as my idea of marriage being permanent runs very deep. I hope for a miracle but do not know whether that is God’s will. I wonder whether I should just give up and let go completely. I just don’t know. From my human perspective and from where I’m looking now, it seems hopeless. It seems as if nothing will ever change and I will be going through this misery for the rest of my life if I don’t end it now… I’m just so confused. I don’t know what to do or which way to turn.
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Oh Jules, I am so sorry again that you are hurting so much. I have seen my sister suffer as you are suffering and it is so heart breaking. I will pray a Rosary for you and your husband. My sister can’t talk to her ex either and she doesn’t know why there is so much anger.

Even though it feels as God is far away, he is with you and carrying you through this difficult time. He will let you know His will in his time and it will be for your best whatever it may be. I know my sister did not want a divorce, but she is happier now, except the problems with the kids and their dad. She never realized how in her marriage she was always afraid of her husband and offending him. She has been hurt so much and had many nights and days of crying, but now she sees that her ex was not good for her and her walk to holiness. I think deep down, she still wanted her marriage to work, but who of us doesn’t for we marry for life, but when the other wants out, what can you do. She had to learn to accept his decision. She even had to accept him remarrying only a month after their divorce was final. She has suffered much and now the ex and his wife are making her life miserable and she gets depressed only for her children and the way her ex is using them to hurt her.

Please, know that all of us are praying for God’s will to be done in your life. Try to find a good Christian support group to go to talk to others about this. You want to be able to talk to others so that it will not depress you so much that you fall into despair. My sister did that and I think she is still very fagile for this nightmare has not yet ended for her and it has been going on for two years. It will affect anyone emotionally. SHe will be the first to say that she is more spiritual and closer to Jesus as a result of all this that has happened to her.

Private message me if you need someone to vent or just listen. Remember you are loved. I love you and even though I never met you, I know of your suffering not firsthand, but from what my dear sister has suffered. I do know firsthand about the anger though with my own husband and it is terrible when they are angry at you and you don’t know why, but I have learned a lot about that and not to blame myself for his feelings that sometimes are not normal. Jesus loves you and our Lady is certainly praying for you.
 
I agree with the PP… as I know of that first hand in my marriage.
When i was married, I would wake up everyday and tell myself I would be happy no matter what, even though my husband hurt me the day before. He took it to be that he was keeping me happy and I was making him miserable. Actually, it was me who made the decision to be happy and he who made the decision to be miserable by holding on to every small hurt that happened in our everyday lives.
I hope you will also come to realise this after you are able to recover from all this pain that we can never make another truly happy unless they themselves want to be happy.
Remember that as you go through this pain, others have been there before and have survived. God will take you through it and you will be stronger at the end of it.
 
Well I have waiting for long enough, so I guess it’s my turn to ask for your prayers. I have now been separated from my wife and two daughters for almost 1 year. My DW and I have been through quite a rollercoaster, I have tried to do everything in my power to make things work. She still refuses to even talk about our situation, when we first separated she told me that she needed time away from me to remember the good things about me. Since then, she has started to go out weekly with her girlfriend to clubs, bars and who knows what other places. I think I have shown quite a bit of change to merit a new chance. I admit that I was not the best husband, but I am trying to be a good husband now. She keeps telling me that she wants me to move on with my life, doesn’t want me to feel obligated to her in any way. I take my vows very seriously and hope with God’s grace to stay commited to her for as long as we both shall live.

Now I am very confused, my DW has told me that “it’s over”, but if it really is over why then hasn’t she filed for divorce, or plan to file? I don’t even know her reason(s) for not wanting or willing to work things out. I think I atleast deserve a reason.

I keep praying and everytime I am at the point of despair God sends me a sign, through my DW that gives me the strength to keep going. Christmas was one of those signs, I was at an alltime low, didn’t know how I was going to handle being alone for Christmas, I kept praying and crying on a daily basis for strength and guidance. When Christmas finally came I got to spend it with my DW and kids. We went to mass together for the first time since our separation, came back to my parent’s house and our girls got to open some presents with both of us there.

I feel so alone, so sad and so remorseful, so here I am asking for all your prayers, and saying prayers for all of you.
 
I am so sorry Peter46 that you are going through this, but glad that you have decided to change. If I could give you some hope.

I have some friends who have 4 children and were married for more than 10 years. The husband had a problem with pornography and this really hurt his wife. Even after he said he would stop, he didn’t and lied and continued to lie. He broke the trust. The wife could not trust him anymore and wanted a separation. They were separated for two years before she filed for a divorce. In those two years, his wife went out with friends and was having a good time. I remember talking to her in that time and she was very negative toward her husband. He never gave up and because he was the one that needed to change, he did and did everything in his power to please her. He babysat with his children while she went out with friends. He prayed like crazy and asked everyone he knew to pray for his marriage. It helps that your mom is at Holy Hour for 2 hours a day, so she prayed for her son and his marriage. All his other brothers told him after a year of separation to get a divorce for she was not giving any signs of welcoming him back home. He did not give up. It was very difficult for him to see his wife go out with friends, but it gave him time with his kids. Basically, he bent over backwards to please her and make up for his problems and what they did to his marriage. He even joined a group for men with this problem. His wife on the other hand did not want to get back together. She filed for a divorce, but he told her that he would give her one after she went on this marriage conference with him if she still wanted one. They went on this conference that is not Catholic, but Christian based. They came back and she did not want the divorce anymore. They still had lots to work on, but if you could see them now, you would have never guessed that they almost got a divorce. They are happily married and even got pregnant again, but unfortunatly lost the baby in a miscarriage. They communication has improved and given raising the children is better.

This is not to say that your wife would be interested in trying to work things out, but my friend’s wife did not want to and I believe that his perseverence in prayer and staying close to his children and her had helped so much. I think that it is great that you want to work things out. Do you see your children and her on a daily basis? My friend use to be at their house every night for dinner, but would sleep at his parents. He was not pushy with his wife, but knew when to talk and bring things up. Sometimes he would push her away, but he learned real fast from his mistakes. Of course, we will all pray for you and your wife and hope that things will get better. I already see good things that you are doing and that is admitting that you need to change and wanting to work at the marriage. I think our Lord gave you a great Christmas gift in spending it with your family.
 
Thank you nana3 for your words of encouragement. I do thank God that I get to see my kids and my wife on a daily basis, even on weekends. Your friend’s experience is so encouraging and in fact it’s what I have been told that I must be willing to do. The sacrifice part of it, I mean. Truth be told I am a bit scared to put myself out there like that, I want to, but there is that fear in me that keeps telling me, what if after all that she still doesn’t want you back? This fear is something that I am trying to deal with, I know that she has free will and can choose to return or not to return.

There are hopeful signs here and there, which I take to be signs telling me not to be so afraid. Every now and then my DW will do something really unexpectant and charitable for me, like bring me some diner or breakfast. She says she feels nothing for me, but I know that is more of a reaction because of the deep hurt that I caused her. I know deep down she cares, perhaps not as much as she used too, but she does care. Thank you again for your prayers.
 
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