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[Mummybee]

I am 7 weeks pregnant with our fourth child. Baby #2 is in heaven; I miscarried at 8 weeks. #1 dd is 6.5, #3 dd is 19 months. I am sorry to say I have not felt the exhilaration about this that I did with my previous pregnancies. Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy. However, I am also very frightened. I want this baby so much, but I honestly dread telling my family and my boss. My husband and I both work full time (he nights, me days) and we homeschool our 6 year old. (It’s verrrry hard when both parents work full time!!! We are always wayyy behind.) We both work because we have to; our financial situation is always dire and it’s getting worse. I’m dreading telling my family because the first thing they’ll say is that we can’t afford the kids we have. In spite of all 6 of us being raised devoutly Catholic, only one of my sisters and I have remained so (my parents are long dead). I’m not so sure if even she would be so happy for us. My boss would be concerned about how a third child might make me need to take more days off. Even my best friend, although supportive, wasn’t terribly excited when I told her.

I worry terribly about money. My husband makes a lot less than me, and I don’t make all that much. I’ve been strategizing for years about ways to restructure things so that I don’t have to work. My husband never finished his degree, and he has never learned a trade. He is self-taught in his extensive computer knowledge and skills, but without a degree, the chances of him getting a better paying job are very grim. I don’t see how I can continue working full time with 3 children, not to mention the negative effect it would have on our homeschooling efforts. On the other hand, I don’t see how I can possibly not continue working. So, between money woes and dreading the reactions of those closest to us, I haven’t been nearly as excited as I could be.

Having miscarried before, and having had serious early problems in my other two pregnancies, and the fact that I don’t really feel as pregnant as I think I should, I fear God will punish me and take this baby from me. Why? For being afraid.

If I had my druthers, I wouldn’t tell my sisters about this baby until it is 2.

 

[carol_marie]

Mummybe,

God won’t take your baby from you just because you’re worried. He’d have to take ALL the babies because we all worry about something! And money tops the list for most! It sounds like you have alot on your plate so cut yourself some slack. Thankfully you will have 9 months to sort it all out. As far as not “feeling” pregnant - maybe it’s a bit early… I never felt morning sickness kick in until around 7 - 8 weeks. Could you go to the doctor and ask for an ultrasound? They should see something by now… That might make you feel reassured. It’s all in God’s hands anyhow though… as you know, there isn’t much we have control over either way. As far as your sisters & your boss… I think when you tell them (I’d wait awhile - maybe not till the baby is 2 but a couple of months) anyhow - when you tell them, if you seem HAPPY and excited, it will be more difficult for them to be critical. At least I hope so.

All the best to you,
CM

 

[Mummybee]

Carol Marie, thank you so much! I can’t tell you how I needed to hear your supportive words. You’ve made me feel so much more reassured. You are so right about having a good attitude when I tell my sisters and boss. That is great advice!!! It’s just that I’ve heard so many sad stories of women whose families turned on them when they announce number 3. Look at what happened to poor Jen with her parents when she lost her sweet angel. There is just no low that is too far to go for some people. I think my family would love to turn it into a judgement-fest. I remember when the director of our department (making 6 figures + easily, no financial worries whatsoever, good home,etc) told people his wife was expecting their fourth. My boss literally screamed he was out of his mind. Maybe that’s why he waited until she was about 8 months along to let people know. By that point, he had to, to prepare for his absence when the baby came.

My first appt. isn’t until 8/30. I’m fine, I’m just not feeling sick. I’m always tired, so that’s nothing new. You know, when I found out I was pregnant with number two, I felt so incredibly loved by God. He had given me my heart’s greatest desire, after several years of sadness and hardship where I "felt’ like I’d lost His love. Then He did what I dreaded most, and took my baby away. I miscarried on our wedding anniversary, no less. I felt so punished, so despised by Him. Of course I knew better, but I couldn’t help it. Ever since, I worry it could happen again, only worse. But you are right. He’d have to take them all away, because we all worry all the time.

I can’t thank you enough. You’ve really given me a boost. I wish I had more people like you around me. (((CM)))

 

[Michelle_in_KC]

I am due in late February with #3.

My first is a 4-year-old girl. My second is a 2-year-old girl.

We are very excited, but trepidatious. We are going to attempt to live on my husband’s income and begin homeschoolilng. It will be a challenge and I think my husband is sweating it much more than I am. I believe that when I don’t have to work full time I will be able to devote the time it takes to watching the budget closely. When I’m working, I’m too tired and there’s always the extra money to spend when the budget gets tight.