Pregnancy after 35 - good or bad?

[Cathmomof6]

Ok I am starting this new thread because it is really weighing heavy on my heart right now. I am 36 and am expecting baby #7 - a little boy!!! He is due in March when I will be 37. We are currently going through quite a scare as my afp test came back positive for trisomy 18. We were referred to a maternal fetal specialist and had a level 2 ultrasound. The ultrasound did not uncover anything and the baby appears to be healthy but we are still awaiting some results from bloodwork to count fetal chromosomes. I just received a letter that seems to be saying that I can no longer see my midwife who delivered my previous babies and need to now see the MD. I am almost 20 weeks and am now crazy neurotic about fetal movement!!

We have been married 15 years and have really not utilized NFP a lot. When we were 1st married, we took a STM class but still used artificial contraception since I was still in college. After the birth of our first son, I breastfed for a year with no return of fertility until he was completely weaned. Then came number 2 and so on until now. We have “tried to avoid” since about baby #3 but have decided not to use artificial contraception(obviously we follow the rules that require the least abstinence) We initially used STM and then were trained in Creighton, which called for a lot of abstinence. After our last baby we used Marquette and still conceived on my first postpartum cycle!

Anyways, I am sure we could probably work harder at the nfp - maybe find a new instructor or something, but we really don’t want to. I would still like to breastfeed for a year, which makes things tough. But my main concern is this age thing. I keep hearing it over and over, and I honestly didn’t think much about it since I’m not over 40 yet!!

So I guess my question boils down to: should a loving couple abstain for extended periods of time to prevent pregnancy when really the only reason is age and risk of birth defects? We have no other serious reason, but all these doctors keep talking about my age!! And I would feel horrendously guilty if we would have a baby with a birth defect - like i caused it because we were to weak to abstain for awhile!!

I am really finding this to be a difficult time for family planning. Early in marriage I kind of assumed my husband would have a vasectomy when we were done having kids. But we are in a different place now and will not do that. I just wish God would naturally turn fertility off when you’re too old. My mom was in her mid50s when she went thru menopause so I could have like 20 years of fertility left!! That is scary!!

So please advise, especially you moms who had babies over 35! What was your experience? How did you handle this? My mom had my youngest brother at 36 and was told he had Down syndrome. He was born completely healthy, but my mom had her tubes tied after he was born. I really get why she did that - this has been super stressful!!!

 

[bsroufek]

My wife was often told about how “bad” it was to be pregnant and older, but the baby was fine, of course.

There are many women who have babies later in life, including a Romanian Princess who has been having healthy babies in her late 50’s and early 60’s.

This is complete nonsense and falsehood preached by modern American Medicine, as God would not make women fertile into their 40’s (and beyond) and yet make having babies in latter days a cause of birth defects. This is just another reason to support their pro-abortion and family planning (fewer kids) propaganda.

In the worst case scenario, that there is a birth defect (tests are fallible!), please don’t have an abortion. Many Catholics are reported to bring their children to term even when born without brains and they are happy for it.

God Bless!

 

[Casilda]

My wife was often told about how “bad” it was to be pregnant and older, but the baby was fine, of course.

There are many women who have babies later in life, including a Romanian Princess who has been having healthy babies in her late 50’s and early 60’s.

**This is complete nonsense and falsehood preached by modern American Medicine, as God would not make women fertile into their 40’s (and beyond) **and yet make having babies in latter days a cause of birth defects. This is just another reason to support their pro-abortion and family planning (fewer kids) propaganda.

In the worst case scenario, that there is a birth defect (tests are fallible!), please don’t have an abortion. Many Catholics are reported to bring their children to term even when born without brains and they are happy for it.

God Bless!

My last child was born when I was less than a month from my 37th birthday. She is perfect. My mom is one of twelve, all live births that lived to adulthood. My husband is one of nine and his baby brother was born when my MIL was 45 . Baby brother is perfect. My cousin, same age as me, has 9 perfect children. My mother had me at 38 and my perfect baby sister at 41.

When I was pregnant with my last, the doctor kept pressuring me to have an amniosyntesis(sp?) done. Because I was a high-risk pregnancy because of my age. Another of my cousins, having had that done said to avoid it at all costs because it almost caused her to lose her baby. I had to refuse that test every single time I went in for a checkup. They gave me a blood test that showed a 90% chance of the baby having down syndrome. Every single visit I had to field suggestions for an abortion…they were relentless, telling me I was high-risk, yada, yada, yada. This was the easiest pregnancy, no complications (except I wanted to gag the doctor) and my daughter was perfect, full term.

All the ladies at church who were over 30 were all told the same thing, that the blood test showed a high risk of down sydrome and there were about 6 beautiful perfect babies born to all of us. So I agree with the quote, that the American Medical system is very prejudiced if you have more than 2 kids and you are over 30. Its not their ‘normal’, but it is God’s normal.

 

[bsroufek]

My last child was born when I was less than a month from my 37th birthday. She is perfect. My mom is one of twelve, all live births that lived to adulthood. My husband is one of nine and his baby brother was born when my MIL was 45 . Baby brother is perfect. My cousin, same age as me, has 9 perfect children. My mother had me at 38 and my perfect baby sister at 41.

When I was pregnant with my last, the doctor kept pressuring me to have an amniosyntesis(sp?) done. Because I was a high-risk pregnancy because of my age. Another of my cousins, having had that done said to avoid it at all costs because it almost caused her to lose her baby. I had to refuse that test every single time I went in for a checkup. They gave me a blood test that showed a 90% chance of the baby having down syndrome. Every single visit I had to field suggestions for an abortion…they were relentless, telling me I was high-risk, yada, yada, yada. This was the easiest pregnancy, no complications (except I wanted to gag the doctor) and my daughter was perfect, full term.

All the ladies at church who were over 30 were all told the same thing, that the blood test showed a high risk of down sydrome and there were about 6 beautiful perfect babies born to all of us. So I agree with the quote, that the American Medical system is very prejudiced if you have more than 2 kids and you are over 30. Its not their ‘normal’, but it is God’s normal.

It’s shameful that they use these highly flawed (at best) tests to scare women into abortions.

 

[Jon_S_1]

My wife was often told about how “bad” it was to be pregnant and older, but the baby was fine, of course.

There are many women who have babies later in life, including a Romanian Princess who has been having healthy babies in her late 50’s and early 60’s.

This is complete nonsense and falsehood preached by modern American Medicine, **as God would not make women fertile into their 40’s (and beyond) and yet make having babies in latter days a cause of birth defects. ** This is just another reason to support their pro-abortion and family planning (fewer kids) propaganda.

In the worst case scenario, that there is a birth defect (tests are fallible!), please don’t have an abortion. Many Catholics are reported to bring their children to term even when born without brains and they are happy for it.

God Bless!

This is nonsense.

By your logic I wonder why God allows for birth defects at all.

Or perhaps, “God would not make our bodies capable of running when we are 90 if we weren’t meant to run everywhere”

Just as it would not be prudent for a 90 year old to use their God given bodies to run everywhere, so too it is not prudent for women with a history of giving birth to a baby with birth defects to try and have as many birth defect kids as possible.

Study after study has shown that women over 40 have a very significantly higher chance of GIVING BIRTH to a child with birth defects and this doesn’t even include the tons ABORTED. Because of reported birth defects.

I am fairly certain this has nothing to do with natural capabilities, but with environmental issues that accumulate in our bodies over time. By the time a women is 40 she has been exposed to enough of whatever to cause birth defects with more probability.

As many have demonstrated the tests are flawed despite the Dr’s confidences and many babies are born to older women perfectly healthy, but we are not talking about every woman or every older birth we are talking about probabilities. It is pretty simple to measure.

What is your age?
Does your child have birth defects?
Survey Complete.

To the OP I sincerely pray for your child to be healthy and your family strong.

 

[7armyrugrats]

My eighth baby was born in February, one month before I turned 37. She is perfect despite all the dire predictions from MFM specialist and midwife. My mom had me at 38 and my brother at 40 (we were #'s 5 & 6). My grandmother had my mom at age 40 in 1938, and my other grandmother had my dad at home (she delivered him herself while grandfather went to get the doctor!!!) when she was 37, and then went on to have two more sons after him. My dad was the tenth of twelve kids. And don’t forget about Sarah or St. Elizabeth. They had their children very late in life as well. Could you imagine what it would be like if Isaac or John the Baptist had not been born? It’s funny, but I have met many more people who have children born in their 20’s and early 30’s with birth defects than I have with children born in their mid to late 30’s. I’ve met a few more women in their 40’s, but not that many more. Try to relax, I know it’s hard. Enjoy your baby, both now and after his birth. These days can never be re lived, and there is so much joy we tend to over look along the way.

 

[HouseArrest]

I know plenty of women who have had healthy babies in their late 30’s and 40’s. I have a lot of kids, with one of them being born when I was 38 and the last when I was 41. I have 5 close relatives that have all had babies in their 40’s. They are all healthy.

You might want to take a closer look at the statistics. They might convince you that the hoopla is a little overblown. I think at age 45 a woman has a 3% chance of having a baby with a chromosomal abnormality.

But look, does it even matter? I mean what do the percentages and chances matter to us? Either your baby has “a defect” or he doesn’t. But it is your baby. You are going to love the baby regardless, correct? And guess what, your baby isn’t going to be perfect, anyway. None of us is.

In the end I think it boils down to trust in God.

 

[bsroufek]

Actually, I want to point out that the pregnancies of the Blessed Mother and St. Elizabeth (mother of St. John the Baptist) are both symbolic and instructive to us in these days and times. The Blessed Mother was 14 when she conceived (see The Mystical City of God, approved by several Popes) Jesus while St. Elizabeth (and her husband Zachariah) was aged. I think one of the reasons this is so is that God wants us to know that He is personally involved and approves of pregnancies of both young and old women, that each pregnancy is valued by Him.

As a side note, both my grandmothers continued to have babies into their mid 40’s, no problems.

 

[Jon_S_1]

Here is a Catholic link talking about age and genetic abnormalities.

catholic.org/health/story.php?id=47342

 

[St_Francis]

I would not look at the statistics right now, not because they are depressing, bit because I suspect they include those babies who were aborted because the tests showed something–do you see what I mean? I also notice that they put the results in sacrier-sounding ways: they don’t say there is a 3% chance; nooooo! they say 1 in 33 women.

I had my last at 43, and he is just fine Also, after our first or second, when they asked about testing, my husband and I asked ourselves why we would do that, and stopped having any fetal testing. And our children still came out fine!

Now, I was thinking about the way your situation was handled, and I felt that it was very strange. First, they gave you the news over the phone? When it was likely you’d be alone? Second, despite the fact that, as someone on the other thread mentioned, 90% of the positves turn out to be false (!!!), they just gave you the news without mentioning that fact!!!

I remember when I had an abnormal PAP smear, they asked me to stop by the office, they didn’t really say anything about the result, they just said they wanted to do the test over again. Why did they not do something like this with you?

I have heard of more women getting false positives for a number of things than I have of women actually having the babies with the problems!

Overall, it seems like this type of handling your situation is just kind of pushing women to abortion–it just seems so awful to think that, but I cannot imagine why else they would handle a situation like this so incredibly insensitively!

HTH!
Annie

 

[EasterJoy]

My mother was on all sorts of medications when she became pregnant with my youngest brother when she was 42 (and thought she was past conceiving), so she was very worried that he would have issues. He was born as perfect as could be and was the apple of her eye.

Another relative and his wife, a young couple just married, just had their first baby not long ago, and she has Down Syndrome. She is the apple of their eye.

Whatever comes, you can do this! No, concerns about birth defects are not so serious that all older couples have some duty to abstain in order to avoid pregnancy! Most children with chromosomal problems are born to women in their 20s, not women in their 40s. Yes, your risk of having problems go up as you get older, but the likelihood that you will get pregnant at all go down. Besides, experienced parents might be better-equipped to cope with a child who comes into this world with chromosomal problems, compared to parents who barely know how to hold a newborn, let alone recognize how a special-needs child differs from a typical child.

Let your worries about NFP wait for another day. Let your worries about problems the baby might have that you can’t change wait for another day. I don’t mean to command you to not worry. I mean to give you permission to let your worries go.

This is the bottom line: It may be hard, but you can do this, no matter what happens. Any baby with you as a mom and your husband as a dad is a blessed baby. Any baby with your children as siblings is a lucky kid. Now that you are pregnant, what else matters? So dare to be happy that this child is coming. The Pope can allow himself to sleep at night because God does not sleep. You should be able to sleep at night, too. Be faithful, and when it is time to rest, do it.

Oh, and eat, too!
He lay down and fell asleep under the solitary broom tree, but suddenly a messenger touched him and said, “Get up and eat!” He looked and there at his head was a hearth cake and a jug of water. After he ate and drank, he lay down again, but the angel of the LORD came back a second time, touched him, and said, “Get up and eat or the journey will be too much for you!” He got up, ate, and drank; then strengthened by that food, he walked forty days and forty nights to the mountain of God, Horeb. 1 Kings 19:5-8

 

[Cathmomof6]

I would not look at the statistics right now, not because they are depressing, bit because I suspect they include those babies who were aborted because the tests showed something–do you see what I mean? I also notice that they put the results in sacrier-sounding ways: they don’t say there is a 3% chance; nooooo! they say 1 in 33 women.

I had my last at 43, and he is just fine Also, after our first or second, when they asked about testing, my husband and I asked ourselves why we would do that, and stopped having any fetal testing. And our children still came out fine!

Now, I was thinking about the way your situation was handled, and I felt that it was very strange. First, they gave you the news over the phone? When it was likely you’d be alone? Second, despite the fact that, as someone on the other thread mentioned, 90% of the positves turn out to be false (!!!), they just gave you the news without mentioning that fact!!!

I remember when I had an abnormal PAP smear, they asked me to stop by the office, they didn’t really say anything about the result, they just said they wanted to do the test over again. Why did they not do something like this with you?

I have heard of more women getting false positives for a number of things than I have of women actually having the babies with the problems!

Overall, it seems like this type of handling your situation is just kind of pushing women to abortion–it just seems so awful to think that, but I cannot imagine why else they would handle a situation like this so incredibly insensitively!

HTH!
Annie

I agree that this news was not delivered the best. I didn’t mind so much getting the news over the phone as I would have also been a mess up until I could get to the office. But they had some nameless, faceless nurse give me the results. She did explain to me that this is a screening test only and there are many false positives - kind of seemed she was reading a script!! I would have been much more reassured if my actual provider who delivered my last 3 babies would have given me the news and provided some reassurance for me. I want to tell her that at my next visit too but don’t know if I will be brave enough. Maybe I am just being a baby!!

Regardless of the outcome of our tests we will not abort. My concern is what to do after this baby. Like I said, my mom had her tubes tied after a similar scare at my age. I understand where she was coming from. She had another 20 years of fertility before menopause, and the doctors keep warning me of my age and the risks with future pregnancies!! They have me scared pretty good!!! I certainly don’t want to selfishly cause a birth defect because we couldn’t abstain at my “advancing” age!!

 

[QuiteCatholic]

I have 6 children and my 3rd, 4th and 5th were all past the age of 35. I always said no to the tests and just put all my faith in God. I have 6 beautiful healthy kids! Thanks be to God! If I were to fine myself expecting now at 43, I still would say no to any tests.

 

[Usige]

My wife had our fifth when she was 36 and is currently 18 weeks pregnant with number 6 at 38. Our fifth is perfectly healthy. I’ll let you know about number six in 20-22 weeks.

Yes, there is evidence that there are greater chances for genetic abnormalities as people age, but that is true even when you look at the rates from a mother that is 20 compared to one that is 24. Even at 40 there is perhaps only a 2% chance of any genetic abnormality.

A couple things to keep in mind. Generally the triple/quad screen tells you the risk, not if your baby has a given abnormality. There are a number of things that go into the risk assessment including maternal age and weight, gestational age and protein levels. Because it’s not a direct genetic assessment those calculations can lead to false positives.

Its because of the risk of false positives we no longer do the prenatal screenings. When my wife was 21 and pregnant with our oldest son the triple screen came back and we were told he had a 1:4 chance of having spina bifida or other open neural tube defect. We were at the high risk OB getting ready for an amniocentesis when she noticed that the due date had been changed because of some early spotting and a 7 week ultrasound that showed the fetal sack being too small for 7 weeks. Because of that the first OB had changed her due date to 2 weeks later. That completely screwed up the risk assessment. On recalculation it with the original gestational age the risk went from a 1:4 chance to 1:22. Well his 16th birthday is in 4 weeks and other than being a normal hormonal teenager he is perfectly healthy. All the triple screen did was cause us to worry for 20 weeks.

Long and short is that every pregnancy has a risk, but don’t focus on the doom and gloom statistics. By pure statistics you have twice as great a chance of accidental poisoning then having a baby with trisomy 18 at 40. You are 9 times more likely to get an infection at the hospital. Despite those risks most of us would not consider avoiding eating or going to the hospital.

Prayers offered for you and your baby.

 

[rayne89]

! I certainly don’t want to selfishly cause a birth defect because we couldn’t abstain at my “advancing” age!!

Please don’t think becoming pregnant after 35 is selfish. We live in a society which wants to limit births in every possible way to the point where it makes pregnancy seems scary, dangerous and often selfish. You would not cause a birth defect. Druf addiction & alcoholism can cause birth defects -thats not what we’re talking about here. As many have attested babies are born perfectly healthy to older women the majority of the time. -And children with birth defects are born to young couples.

I was born with a severely defective heart which wasn’t discovered until I was 7 months old. (My mom began having concerns sooner but was originally dismissed by doctors.) I was adopted within days of my birth when nobody knew or even suspected I was sick. The doctors told my mom I was going die at 7 months. My mom and grandmother, both 100% Italian let the doctor know in no uncertain terms what they thought of his prediction. Obviously I did not die. I don’t know if my young bio-mom did anything as far drugs or drinking that caused my heart to form the way it did or if was just a fluke. But nothing she did was selfish in my eyes because she gave me life.

I was able to give birth to a perfectly healthy baby girl -and was told and confirmed with a second opinion and then a third opinion from the top congenital cardiologist in the world that another pregnancy would be too much for my heart. I wanted to be here for the baby girl God blessed us with so we have strictly used NFP since. I won’t lie and say we haven’t slipped on occasion over the many years & used unapproved methods at times of weakness, followed by confession.

I’ve had surgeries, had a pacemaker since childhood and now a defibrillator. I’ve had complications develop as I’ve aged and I’m bordering heart failure at 41. I continue to amaze doctors at my ability to function despite what they see on the echocardiogram.

I realize some birth defects are more catastrophic. Even so giving life is not selfish. I remember reading a blog from a young woman years ago that chose abortion for her little boy because he had heart defects and would have to have surgeries and be on medicine for the rest of his life. She thought it was selfish to give him a life like that. I wept at my computer. I wept that his future was stolen, that his defects made him not worthy of life in the eyes of his mom. I know you don’t feel that way and that you would not abort. Just remember every life is precious -every single one -and giving life is not selfish.

 

[Kelfa28]

I have a close friend who didn’t start having children until she was nearly 39. She was married at age 38.
She has two beautiful and healthy kids. A 3 year old and a 1 year old.

I hate reading threads like this because I didn’t start having children until I was in my late 20s. I’m 30 and due any day with my 2nd child.

Of course I want more. I don’t want to stop at 2 kids just because I’ve hit my 30s and should be “done” having children since the risk factors increase.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

This is nonsense.

By your logic I wonder why God allows for birth defects at all.

Or perhaps, “God would not make our bodies capable of running when we are 90 if we weren’t meant to run everywhere”

Just as it would not be prudent for a 90 year old to use their God given bodies to run everywhere, so too it is not prudent for women with a history of giving birth to a baby with birth defects to try and have as many birth defect kids as possible.

Study after study has shown that women over 40 have a very significantly higher chance of GIVING BIRTH to a child with birth defects and this doesn’t even include the tons ABORTED. Because of reported birth defects.

I am fairly certain this has nothing to do with natural capabilities, but with environmental issues that accumulate in our bodies over time. By the time a women is 40 she has been exposed to enough of whatever to cause birth defects with more probability.

As many have demonstrated the tests are flawed despite the Dr’s confidences and many babies are born to older women perfectly healthy, but we are not talking about every woman or every older birth we are talking about probabilities. It is pretty simple to measure.

What is your age?
Does your child have birth defects?
Survey Complete.

To the OP I sincerely pray for your child to be healthy and your family strong.

90 year old runner

I know plenty of women who have had healthy babies in their late 30’s and 40’s. I have a lot of kids, with one of them being born when I was 38 and the last when I was 41. I have 5 close relatives that have all had babies in their 40’s. They are all healthy.

You might want to take a closer look at the statistics. They might convince you that the hoopla is a little overblown. I think at age 45 a woman has a 3% chance of having a baby with a chromosomal abnormality.

But look, does it even matter? I mean what do the percentages and chances matter to us? Either your baby has “a defect” or he doesn’t. But it is your baby. You are going to love the baby regardless, correct? And guess what, your baby isn’t going to be perfect, anyway. None of us is.

In the end I think it boils down to trust in God.

Please don’t think becoming pregnant after 35 is selfish. We live in a society which wants to limit births in every possible way to the point where it makes pregnancy seems scary, dangerous and often selfish. You would not cause a birth defect. Druf addiction & alcoholism can cause birth defects -thats not what we’re talking about here. As many have attested babies are born perfectly healthy to older women the majority of the time. -And children with birth defects are born to young couples.

I was born with a severely defective heart which wasn’t discovered until I was 7 months old. (My mom began having concerns sooner but was originally dismissed by doctors.) I was adopted within days of my birth when nobody knew or even suspected I was sick. The doctors told my mom I was going die at 7 months. My mom and grandmother, both 100% Italian let the doctor know in no uncertain terms what they thought of his prediction. Obviously I did not die. I don’t know if my young bio-mom did anything as far drugs or drinking that caused my heart to form the way it did or if was just a fluke. But nothing she did was selfish in my eyes because she gave me life.

I was able to give birth to a perfectly healthy baby girl -and was told and confirmed with a second opinion and then a third opinion from the top congenital cardiologist in the world that another pregnancy would be too much for my heart. I wanted to be here for the baby girl God blessed us with so we have strictly used NFP since. I won’t lie and say we haven’t slipped on occasion over the many years & used unapproved methods at times of weakness, followed by confession.

I’ve had surgeries, had a pacemaker since childhood and now a defibrillator. I’ve had complications develop as I’ve aged and I’m bordering heart failure at 41. I continue to amaze doctors at my ability to function despite what they see on the echocardiogram.

I realize some birth defects are more catastrophic. Even so giving life is not selfish. I remember reading a blog from a young woman years ago that chose abortion for her little boy because he had heart defects and would have to have surgeries and be on medicine for the rest of his life. She thought it was selfish to give him a life like that. I wept at my computer. I wept that his future was stolen, that his defects made him not worthy of life in the eyes of his mom. I know you don’t feel that way and that you would not abort. Just remember every life is precious -every single one -and giving life is not selfish.

Beautiful Rayne, and very true!

 

[on_the_hill]

My wife was 35 when our last was born. I got a kick out of teasing her that she was of “advanced maternal age.”

Both my mom and sister had healthy babies at age 42. Although I’m not sure I’d call my brother “healthy.”

 

[lerapt78]

Cathmomof6, I would echo all the others who have posted and tell you not to stress yourself over this. Remember that the AFP test is only a screening test, not a diagnostic one, and that the vast majority of women who test “positive” go on to have healthy babies.

While being over the age of 35 does come with increased risks of birth defects, difficulty conceiving or carrying to full-term, etc, keep in mind what those risks are and what they actually mean for the *overall *picture. A woman under the age of 30 generally has a 1 in 1000 risk of giving birth to a child with Down’s. At age 35-40, the risk is about 1 in 400. So while the risk is significantly higher, this still means that 399 of those 400 women will go on to have healthy children. For women who test positive on AFP, I believe the risk of a Down’s diagnosis is 1 in 20, which is 5%. This means the odds of delivering a healthy child are 95% in their favor, despite the positive screening. Whichever statistics you look at (all chromosomal abnormalities, miscarriages, etc) the odds still remain overwhelmingly in favor of having a healthy child, regardless of increased risk.

There are also increased risks associated with the age of sperm once a man nears 40 (autism, low birth weight, spontaneous abortion, subfecundity, genetic mutations, etc.). Despite their increased risks, men’s odds of contributing to complication-free pregnancies are still similarly in their favor, as they are with women. Since men don’t usually panic over this - take a page from their book and try to relax, lol!

And since we’re all sharing our anecdotal observations, I’ll share that my perfectly healthy younger sister was an unexpected little “accident” to my then-40 year-old mother.

 

[ela2]

My mother had her 11th child at the age of 43. A perfectly healthy boy.

We can never formularize these things. Everything is in the hands of God.

God bless you.