Pregnancy after 35 - good or bad?

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I had a miscarriage earlier this year - aged 36. My previous pregnancies were fine, that one was fine too and I was healthy, and the doctor was surprised it happened, especially because I was already in my 2nd trimester. He thought it was most probably because of my age.

I know this is a different issue from birth defects, but it shows that these things do happen more often with older mothers.

 

[Stilldreamn]

When our last 4 children were born, I was 34, 36 and twins at 41. All were healthy - but sure, I worried about increased risk. Particularly with the last pregnancy, the twins, my doctor did a lot of ultrasounds. At one point, they thought that “Twin A” had a major problem and sent me for more detailed ultrasound studies but it was a false alarm. We will all be praying for you, sister.

 

[savedbygrace71]

There can always be risks, but with your history and health, and the known false positives in the tests they put us through, I think you are perfectly fine to continue living your life as you have been! I had my first at 35, and my second at 38. If My health had cooperated our third may be here now at 42… But that’s another story age is just one piece of the puzzle. Let your current blessing be born, and see how you feel next year

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Let your current blessing be born, and see how you feel next year

I think this is very good advice. You still have half the pregnancy ahead of you, so no point in thinking about your next child at this moment.

I suspect that you are overwhelmed with what has been happening and are now panicking about all the possible things that could go wrong in the future. The thing is that you don’t know. Our anecdotes will not prove that having kids after a certain age is a good or bad idea. These are just personal experiences after all.

Pray for this baby and your family and put it all in God’s hands. If you are blessed with more children, you will deal with each pregnancy when the time comes.
God bless.

 

[lenexa]

42 years ago, I had my last baby at 36…that was “on the edge” of time, in those days. That daughter, had a baby 2 years ago, at age 40. With good prenatal care, nowadays, women 40 -42 are having babies…although getting pregnant may be more difficult at that age.

 

[PhiloMed]

I’m a physician so my perspective is that there is an increased risk and that risk is not insignificant, though it is not huge. At age 45 the risk of Trisomy 21 is 1 in 30, but at age 30 the risk is 1 in 1,000. So you can see there is a great increase in risk, but the absolute risk is still stacked in your favor- so to speak.

That being said, I was 30 when I got pregnant for the first time and at our first ultrasound we found out we lost the baby around 6-7 weeks. Further testing revealed there was a Trisomy 10, which is not compatible with life. For my next two pregnancies, I refused any genetic screening and only had the routine ultrasounds for dating and anatomy scan.

I think, in general, people are oblivious to the potential for complication unless it happens to them. To me, it was always a concern, probably because I know everything that can go wrong and it just seems like such a miracle anyone is ever born completely healthy.

I do think that avoiding pregnancy over a certain age because of risk of complications is a very legitimate reason. However, as with any decision one must weigh the risk versus benefit and decide if have a child (or more children) is worth the potential risk. It probably lrgely depends on one’s overall situation and family size.

 

[holyrood]

All the ladies at church who were over 30 were all told the same thing, that the blood test showed a high risk of down sydrome and there were about 6 beautiful perfect babies born to all of us.

Call me cynical…jaded even…but that sure makes me wonder what the blood tests really said and how much it’s simply doctors with an agenda.

My youngest was born when I was 36. I divorced due to infidelity and much more, but I wouldn’t have thought twice about becoming pregnant much later. I know too many people who have had pregnancies that are just fine well into their 40s. And to be honest, even if someone does have a Downs Syndrome child…this is still a child of God.

 

[PhiloMed]

Call me cynical…jaded even…but that sure makes me wonder what the blood tests really said and how much it’s simply doctors with an agenda.

None. Doctors present the data from the testing as it is reported to them. They provide information on risks based on this information. It is ultimately up to the patient to decide what to do with this information. As I mentioned in my previous post, while the risk increases greatly with age, the absolute risk is still small so to have anecdotal evidence of 6 babies born healthy when they had a 3% or less chance of their being a problem is perfectly within the norm.

 

[Country_Gal]

I had #5 and #6 children at ages 36 and 38. After 40 the rate of genetic problems really jumps, but in your 30s you are still in prime years for healthy babies.

I’m 56 now, and eagerly awaiting my empty nest, my youngest is a senior in high school. I certainly wouldn’t want to be any older than that and dealing with teenagers.

 

[MomaMary8]

I think my last four children think it’s an excellent idea. They were all born when I was 36+ Not one genetic “defect” beyond a freckle or two. So much for the doctor who told me I’d be lucky to have anymore after suffering a late miscarriage at the age of 35. If I am graced to have another baby (I’m 44) I’ll lovingly accept that child. If that child has “defects” as our culture likes to label them, I will lovingly learn how to carry a new cross and parent as best as I can. God doesn’t make mistakes. We just need to learn how to live in His world.

 

[Country_Gal]

People have a right to try to avoid a higher risk pregnancy and genetic anomalies in their offspring without being told that they are not accepting God’s world. Frankly, that sounds a bit judgemental. And, we live in a fallen world, remember. Our world is tainted by original sin, and suffering, imperfections, etc, are part of that.

 

[Xantippe]

Contra Mundum said:

"I had a miscarriage earlier this year - aged 36. My previous pregnancies were fine, that one was fine too and I was healthy, and the doctor was surprised it happened, especially because I was already in my 2nd trimester. He thought it was most probably because of my age.

“I know this is a different issue from birth defects, but it shows that these things do happen more often with older mothers.”

I also had a later miscarriage (13 weeks) at 36 years old. It was very upsetting and set me back for a long time.

While the odds of giving birth to a chromosonally normal baby are still pretty good up into the early 40s, the risks of miscarriage are much greater than for a younger woman.

There’s a chart here showing the plunging fertility and skyrocketing miscarriage rate for women as they age:

extendfertility.com/downloads/documents/NEJM_AdvancedMaternalAge_HowOldIsTooOld.pdf

By over 45, it looks like the rate of miscarriage is over 90%. In the earlier 40s, it starts around 50% and rises quickly. The rate goes up throughout our lives, but it goes up faster and faster the older we get.

 

[7armyrugrats]

I have miscarried 8 times. All my miscarriages were before age 35. Most of my miscarriages were early second trimester or late first trimester. I have never been given a reason as to why, just told it happens more often than most people realize. Am I at increased risk now that I am 37? Who knows. I just figure God knows what is best for our family. We have eight great kids here on earth and eight perfect children in Mary’s arms, praying for us and rooting us on as we struggle through this broken world. With the exception of two kids, we would have a different set of children than we have now if I had not miscarried and that could have made for a much different family situation. Our perfect babies are safe and I believe their prayers for the family are what help us out here on earth. We talk to them by name and look forward to finally seeing their beautiful faces when we make it home. But that day is hopefully far off in the future. We should never base our lives on fear. God does not want us to be anxious or worry. His plans are so hard to understand sometimes, but His plans are always for our spiritual good. Do I think no one should ever use NFP to avoid children? No, there are many legitimate reasons a couple may have, but fear should never be a deciding factor. Health, ability to care for/provide for, and marital harmony are a few of those reasons. No one should purposely try for a baby if you are in an abusive situation. No one should plan a child if the parent is likely not healthy enough to raise the little one. No one should plan on a new one if they have no place for Baby to sleep. But fear of, “What if I miscarry?” or “What about birth defects?” or similar fears…those are risks of each and every pregnancy regardless of age.

 

[rkwittem]

My mother had both me and my sister at 36 and 38, respectively. From stories she’s said, both were manageable, “easy” pregancies. Those are her words, not mine. Anyway, I know she was anxious about the health of both babies but it came out fine. The advice I would give is to take a deep breath, pray, and share your concerns with your husband so he can help share the burden in his own way. Best wishes

 

[Xantippe]

7armyrugrats said:

“I have miscarried 8 times. All my miscarriages were before age 35. Most of my miscarriages were early second trimester or late first trimester. I have never been given a reason as to why, just told it happens more often than most people realize. Am I at increased risk now that I am 37? Who knows. I just figure God knows what is best for our family. We have eight great kids here on earth and eight perfect children in Mary’s arms, praying for us and rooting us on as we struggle through this broken world. With the exception of two kids, we would have a different set of children than we have now if I had not miscarried and that could have made for a much different family situation. Our perfect babies are safe and I believe their prayers for the family are what help us out here on earth. We talk to them by name and look forward to finally seeing their beautiful faces when we make it home. But that day is hopefully far off in the future. We should never base our lives on fear. God does not want us to be anxious or worry. His plans are so hard to understand sometimes, but His plans are always for our spiritual good. Do I think no one should ever use NFP to avoid children? No, there are many legitimate reasons a couple may have, but fear should never be a deciding factor. Health, ability to care for/provide for, and marital harmony are a few of those reasons. No one should purposely try for a baby if you are in an abusive situation. No one should plan a child if the parent is likely not healthy enough to raise the little one. No one should plan on a new one if they have no place for Baby to sleep. But fear of, “What if I miscarry?” or “What about birth defects?” or similar fears…those are risks of each and every pregnancy regardless of age.”

I’ve only had the one miscarriage, and my husband and my big kids lost nearly 2 years of me between that pregnancy, my prolonged medical recovery from the miscarriage, the anxiety of the next pregnancy (which was healthy, but very complicated and worrisome for pretty much the entire pregnancy) and getting through the hormonal disturbances of the newborn stage. My relationships with a number of my close relatives suffered a lot after my miscarriage, because they just weren’t very supportive and just expected me to go on immediately, which meant that once I got pregnant with the next baby, I didn’t feel like I could confide in those relatives until I was “in the clear.” (Our relationships have more or less recovered.) It was all very sad for me (at the low points, all I could think was “my baby died, and nobody cares” over and over again) and sad for my husband and hard on the big kids. I just wasn’t mentally or physically very available for quite a while. I’ve got three kids who need me very much, and yes, I do fear that if I had another miscarriage, I would check out again for a long time.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Pregnancy is good.
(Circumstances around a pregnancy may or may not be good, but pregnancy is good.)

… I just wish God would naturally turn fertility off when you’re too old…

For those of us who are women, He does.

So please advise, especially you moms who had babies over 35! What was your experience? How did you handle this?

I prefer not to talk about my age. I like to convenient forget how old I am. I advice you to do the same. You are pregnant, which means you clearly are* not* too old to be pregnant.

My mom was over 40 when I was born.

Without disclosing my age, let’s just say, like mother, like daughter. With my last pregnancy I was really tired; I was also taking care of 7 children. I handled it by trying to get more rest. I stayed home more.

My youngest is fine. She’s smart, cute and delightful. It’s fun watching my children and my husband with her. I’m still tired. I feel older because I am older–and I’d be older whether or not she’d been born. One nice thing is, I pass for younger because I’m the mother of this young child and everyone “knows you have to be young to have a baby”.

I’m sorry to read that you got a scary result back on an afp test. Prayers for you and your child. Try to get more rest and stop worrying about your age.

 

[7armyrugrats]

7armyrugrats said:

“I have miscarried 8 times. All my miscarriages were before age 35. Most of my miscarriages were early second trimester or late first trimester. I have never been given a reason as to why, just told it happens more often than most people realize. Am I at increased risk now that I am 37? Who knows. I just figure God knows what is best for our family. We have eight great kids here on earth and eight perfect children in Mary’s arms, praying for us and rooting us on as we struggle through this broken world. With the exception of two kids, we would have a different set of children than we have now if I had not miscarried and that could have made for a much different family situation. Our perfect babies are safe and I believe their prayers for the family are what help us out here on earth. We talk to them by name and look forward to finally seeing their beautiful faces when we make it home. But that day is hopefully far off in the future. We should never base our lives on fear. God does not want us to be anxious or worry. His plans are so hard to understand sometimes, but His plans are always for our spiritual good. Do I think no one should ever use NFP to avoid children? No, there are many legitimate reasons a couple may have, but fear should never be a deciding factor. Health, ability to care for/provide for, and marital harmony are a few of those reasons. No one should purposely try for a baby if you are in an abusive situation. No one should plan a child if the parent is likely not healthy enough to raise the little one. No one should plan on a new one if they have no place for Baby to sleep. But fear of, “What if I miscarry?” or “What about birth defects?” or similar fears…those are risks of each and every pregnancy regardless of age.”

I’ve only had the one miscarriage, and my husband and my big kids lost nearly 2 years of me between that pregnancy, my prolonged medical recovery from the miscarriage, the anxiety of the next pregnancy (which was healthy, but very complicated and worrisome for pretty much the entire pregnancy) and getting through the hormonal disturbances of the newborn stage. My relationships with a number of my close relatives suffered a lot after my miscarriage, because they just weren’t very supportive and just expected me to go on immediately, which meant that once I got pregnant with the next baby, I didn’t feel like I could confide in those relatives until I was “in the clear.” (Our relationships have more or less recovered.) It was all very sad for me (at the low points, all I could think was “my baby died, and nobody cares” over and over again) and sad for my husband and hard on the big kids. I just wasn’t mentally or physically very available for quite a while. I’ve got three kids who need me very much, and yes, I do fear that if I had another miscarriage, I would check out again for a long time.

Believe me, I understand your deep, deep pain. I’ve been there. It is so much harder tgan most people can understand. With my youngest no one except my mom, my husband and my kids knew I was expecting until a month before she was born. I live far from family–one of the perks of being a military wife–so I just didn’t tell anyone. It was much easier tgan listening to the normal comments I tend to get from my siblings when I’m expecting. No one has ever congratulated me except after #4, my first girl. It was, “I’m so happy for you! You ARE getting your tubes tied, right? Or is he getting snipped instead?” Listening to hurtful comments is only compounded when you miscarry and are told it is for the best.

I am absolutely no stronger than anyone else. Please don’t think I am. I assure you that my heart breaks for you because I know the sword has pierced it. If it were not for Mary also understanding our pain, none of us would stand a chance. Fear is very powerful, but it is NOT from God. We need to do whatever it takes to prevent it from ruling our decisions. God bless you and know you are loved and important.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

This is what I experienced also. We had an long period of secondary infertility (a few years) after my 2nd child (33) and then my subsequent pregnancies (at 35/36) ended in miscarriage. I was heartbroken. We haven’t been pregnant since then.

I would have been very happy with a larger family, but unfortunately, as CountryGal said, we live in a fallen world that includes miscarriage, infertility, and birth defects.

I am truly happy for those who continue to conceive and carry a pregnancy and have healthy babies into their 40s. I wouldn’t at all judge a couple who decided to be more cautious after 35 though.

Contra Mundum said:

"I had a miscarriage earlier this year - aged 36. My previous pregnancies were fine, that one was fine too and I was healthy, and the doctor was surprised it happened, especially because I was already in my 2nd trimester. He thought it was most probably because of my age.

“I know this is a different issue from birth defects, but it shows that these things do happen more often with older mothers.”

I also had a later miscarriage (13 weeks) at 36 years old. It was very upsetting and set me back for a long time.

While the odds of giving birth to a chromosonally normal baby are still pretty good up into the early 40s, the risks of miscarriage are much greater than for a younger woman.

There’s a chart here showing the plunging fertility and skyrocketing miscarriage rate for women as they age:

extendfertility.com/downloads/documents/NEJM_AdvancedMaternalAge_HowOldIsTooOld.pdf

By over 45, it looks like the rate of miscarriage is over 90%. In the earlier 40s, it starts around 50% and rises quickly. The rate goes up throughout our lives, but it goes up faster and faster the older we get.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Listening to hurtful comments is only compounded when you miscarry and are told it is for the best.

Some well meaning people kept telling me it was God’s will. Seriously, I wanted to scream in frustration.

I’m so sorry you also experienced stupid comments. It’s terrible. For this reason I would not tell people I was pregnant until later, just so I don’t have to hear such things in case I miscarried.

 

[Country_Gal]

It’s always wise to say “I’m so sorry”, and leave it at that, when hearing bad news.