Pregnant and feeling jealous of my very pretty friend

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I’m SO glad someone else is saying this. I have always been really thin, and like Sarabande, I’ve got the belly and bigger thighs now (I DID NOT expect the thigh growth, at all!!). I have been very, very blessed in that I don’t have acne, no stretch marks in the family (and I have some big family members!!) and no varicose veins (I still have morning sickness though, so everything evens out in the end. Some days I still can’t leave the house). But I am terrified everything will fall down and never get back up after our baby boy comes!

Doesn’t help that every girl friend I have, save one, has no children. So I have no basis for comparison, reassurance from non-internet sources, etc. I am finding myself jealous of fourteen-year-old girls.

Also: I hate maternity clothes. They’re all ruffled and stuff. I hate ruffles. So I can never find stuff I really like to wear … esp. since the stuff that isn’t ruffled is cut DOWN TO THERE. And I’ve had significant, uh, growth. In certain areas. Those I was thinking would not get so big, and my mom says they’ll never go back down. Hers never did, at least. I wasn’t prepared for that, either.

Hearing that someone else also is occasionally hating their pregnant looks is nice. I feel less alone :D. Also, there will be babies!! I figure hey, I’m doing this for God. In heaven, I won’t care if parts of me are saggy.
 
For what it’s worth, I have the opposite problem! My best friend is 7.5 months pregnant and glowing. Her smile lights up the room and her big belly is so cute! Her shower is this weekend and I am so excited for all the momentous events she has in front of her. Part of me really wishes I were in her shoes right now … I know my husband finds my friend attractive to begin with and he thinks pregnant women are beautiful regardless and sometimes I get a little jealous of my friend and how (much more) beautiful she looks right now and how proud her husband is. Of course, when I’m having a rationale day, I’m glad I don’t have to wake up 3 times/night to pee and that I can sleep comfortably in whatever position I want, and that I don’t have acid reflux and that I can fit into all my clothes and that I am not always hungry and do not have to go to the doctor so often … 😛 It’s just that some days I forget about all of that and just wish I looked at wonderful as she does right now. The grass is always greener, right?

Congratulations on being pregnant!

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EmBee said:
For what it’s worth, I have the opposite problem! My best friend is 7.5 months pregnant and glowing. Her smile lights up the room and her big belly is so cute! Her shower is this weekend and I am so excited for all the momentous events she has in front of her. Part of me really wishes I were in her shoes right now … I know my husband finds my friend attractive to begin with and he thinks pregnant women are beautiful regardless and sometimes I get a little jealous of my friend and how (much more) beautiful she looks right now and how proud her husband is. Of course, when I’m having a rationale day, I’m glad I don’t have to wake up 3 times/night to pee and that I can sleep comfortably in whatever position I want, and that I don’t have acid reflux and that I can fit into all my clothes and that I am not always hungry and do not have to go to the doctor so often … 😛 It’s just that some days I forget about all of that and just wish I looked at wonderful as she does right now. The grass is always greener, right?

Congratulations on being pregnant!

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It’s good to hear that perspective. 🙂 When I wasn’t pregnant, I’d think the same thing of pregnant women - how glowing and beautiful they looked and how cute their bellies were. And it’s so true, there is definitely a glow with many pregnant women, especially when they are thrilled and excited to have a child. I remember how some of my friend’s faces would light up when I’d tell them how beautiful they looked, because to them, they felt so fat and ugly. It took me a couple of years to get pregnant and I would at times, feel so badly when I’d see these beautiful pregnant women around my age and wish I were pregnant too.

I will admit, now that I’m pregnant, I fully understand what these women were feeling. It does help boost your self-esteem on certain days to hear people say those things to you. Then there are days where you feel absolutely beautiful and love having your big belly popping out.
 
Serap said:
Thanks everyone for your kind words. Sarabande, you made me laugh. We’re delivery sistas!!
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I’m so happy I got you to laugh!!! 😛 Yeah, it’ll probably be one of the best, if not the best, Christmas presents we mommies will ever have.

Oooo… I don’t know if this will help, but I’ve noticed ever since I’ve been pregnant, I’ve been really drawn to wearing bright and light colors. It makes me feel happier, prettier and more ebullient, especially on days when I’m feeling like the fat, ugly lump. hahahaha!
 
pentecostbaby said:
I’m SO glad someone else is saying this. I have always been really thin, and like Sarabande, I’ve got the belly and bigger thighs now (I DID NOT expect the thigh growth, at all!!).
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Now that my placenta previa is gone and the placenta is rising (just told by the doctor on Thursday that it’s ok. woo-hoo!!!), I’m allowed to exercise again and so I’m hoping I can get my legs back into shape by walking. I’ve always had thin legs, so it was weird to feel my very upper thighs touching. Just with the two days of hour walks, I’ve already been able to feel the difference. If you are able to, maybe try to take longer walks or more walks. I think it would help and it definitely won’t hurt, unless your doctor doesn’t want you to exercise for medical reasons. I remember how horrible it was for me to not do any kind of exercise while I had the previa.
pentecostbaby said:
Also: I hate maternity clothes. They’re all ruffled and stuff. I hate ruffles.
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Have you tried Old Navy maternity? They have some nice stuff which is all ruffled, and when it’s on sale, they are really cheap.
pentecostbaby said:
So I can never find stuff I really like to wear … esp. since the stuff that isn’t ruffled is cut DOWN TO THERE. And I’ve had significant, uh, growth. In certain areas. Those I was thinking would not get so big, and my mom says they’ll never go back down. Hers never did, at least. I wasn’t prepared for that, either.
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Oh… I know what you mean. I’ve always been well-endowed, but now I feel like they are a pair of oversized watermelons. If I wear bigger clothes, it accentuates them. If I wear more fitted clothes, it accentuates them. And I’ve come to realize that even though you have the preggers belly, the first thing a man sees and ogles is still the chest.

In regards to them going back down, I think it also depends on the genes. What about your grandmothers? Did theirs go back down? My grandmother and aunt on my dad’s side have really tiny breasts - like smaller than A cups. But when they were pregnant, they got big. Once they were done breast feeding they went back to their pre-pregnancy cup size. My mother’s cup size went back down, but my grandmother’s on my mom’s side always kept hers. They never did go back down. So, I have a good chance, that mine will go back to pre-pregnancy cup size, but there is that slight chance that I’ll take after my mother’s mom.
 
Sarabande said:
Now that my placenta previa is gone and the placenta is rising (just told by the doctor on Thursday that it’s ok. woo-hoo!!!), I’m allowed to exercise again and so I’m hoping I can get my legs back into shape by walking. I’ve always had thin legs, so it was weird to feel my very upper thighs touching. Just with the two days of hour walks, I’ve already been able to feel the difference. If you are able to, maybe try to take longer walks or more walks. I think it would help and it definitely won’t hurt, unless your doctor doesn’t want you to exercise for medical reasons. I remember how horrible it was for me to not do any kind of exercise while I had the previa.

Have you tried Old Navy maternity? They have some nice stuff which is all ruffled, and when it’s on sale, they are really cheap.

Oh… I know what you mean. I’ve always been well-endowed, but now I feel like they are a pair of oversized watermelons. If I wear bigger clothes, it accentuates them. If I wear more fitted clothes, it accentuates them. And I’ve come to realize that even though you have the preggers belly, the first thing a man sees and ogles is still the chest.

In regards to them going back down, I think it also depends on the genes. What about your grandmothers? Did theirs go back down? My grandmother and aunt on my dad’s side have really tiny breasts - like smaller than A cups. But when they were pregnant, they got big. Once they were done breast feeding they went back to their pre-pregnancy cup size. My mother’s cup size went back down, but my grandmother’s on my mom’s side always kept hers. They never did go back down. So, I have a good chance, that mine will go back to pre-pregnancy cup size, but there is that slight chance that I’ll take after my mother’s mom.
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I was a small B cup before I had Elisa and then my breasts were a big C cup while breastfeeding her. Afterwards, my breasts shrunk to a small C cup or a big B cup (depending on the bra).

My boobs didn’t shrink all the way back and they remained perky :D.

Now my boobs are already a big C cup and I’m 21 weeks going on 22 weeks. I dread to think how big they are going to get this time :eek:

As for the thighs, mine are rubbing too, but don’t worry gals…it’s most likely water and the extra blood running through your legs.

Oh and I found a new HUGE varicose vein running from my uhh-hmmm around my inner thigh to my butt cheek. It sticks out about 1/3 an inch!!! It’s so big, I think I’m going to give it a name…

Any ideas?
 
Serap said:
OK…guys…I know that this is completely stupid, but instead of saying anything to anyone, I’d rather just vent about my stupidy anonymously on CAF 😊

I am 5 months pregnant; recently noticed varicose veins on the back on my leg and I’m retaining a lot of water. My legs are all dimply and puffy when I sit down; it’s not fat; it’s the darn edema. I have been feeling very unattractive and HATE maternity clothes.

((don’t get me wrong…I’m very thankful to be blessed with another child 👍))

So my beautiful and attractive girlfriend came over last night. I know that my husband finds her attractive and who wouldn’t…she’s the most beautiful person inside and out. She came back from vacation and showed us her pictures. There were some pictures of her in a bikini while my husband and I were viewing her slide show. She looked amazing in a bikini…she’s never been married, hence no babies; hence a gorgeous tight body 😛

I got jealous. Can you believe it??? I got jealous!! What an idiot I am!!!

I know my husband finds her to be a very sweet person and also attractive, but he would never do anything about it. That’s the least of my worries. I also know that she’s very high in moral fiber and would never step over any boundaries.

So my husband drove her home and I felt really jealous about them being alone together. I was being completely irrational. I have been feeling frumpy and fat, but I know my husband thinks I look beautiful. I never ever get jealous; it’s not in my character. I was shocked with myself last night.

I feel really bad about feeling those ugly thoughts because she’s such a sweetheart and a good friend to me. For that reason, I would never say anything nor act on it.

Just thought I’d get this off my chest…😊
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pregnancy is God’s way of forcing us to redefine ‘beauty’. Really, all these things are superficial.
 
Serap said:
I was asking b/c your post came across as kinda hurtful and not very compassionate, but internet is sometimes ambiguous.

congrats on your family.
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My apologies fr coming off that way it wasn’t my intention, I was just in a hurry this morning when I posted so I couldn’t elaborate:)

Of COURSE I can relate to and sympathize with the feelings of being pregnant and feeling out of control of what’s happening and not attractive, BUT, I do think it’s a time when we ladies need to check ourselves, spiritually, and get a grip on these feelings by putting things in the proper light. Some of us, take a lot of pride in our bodies and feel very powerful because of our attractiveness and being thin and being able to dress a certain way is a big part of this. But obviously, when pregnant, we’re not going to stay that way for long:p Are we then no longer beautiful? Nope. We’re just not meeting our own probably skewed ideals of beauty. It’s an opportunity to open our minds and hearts and be willing to see ourselves in a different an better light. And yes, in the grand scheme of things, stretch marks, veins and extra weight and flab are superficial. A truly beautiful person will shine through all of that and then some. Forget pregnancy, how about aging? Now that is something you can’t control and can’t recover from either. What about people who are born with deformities or physical disabilities? What about people who are permanently physically disfigured in accidents? Burn victims? I’m sure we’d hardly tell them they aren’t beautiful, in all likelihood, they’re more beautiful than most, because of the physical changes they’ve been through they’ve had to widen their definition of beauty and redefine themselves. Certainly pregnancy does this for us too. It’s all about perspective and perspective can change if we want it to. I truly do believe that is God’s challenge to women in pregnancy. My :twocents:

Having said that, it’s hard to change something so ingrained in our very beings. Women want to be attractive as much as men want to be strong. It’s part of who we are.

I know one thing, I don’t look like the same person I was when I was 21 and had my first baby, and I’m not the same person inside either. That’s OK, I’m an even better version of me.👍

I hope that explains what I was trying to say better:)
 
shannyk said:
My apologies fr coming off that way it wasn’t my intention, I was just in a hurry this morning when I posted so I couldn’t elaborate:)

Of COURSE I can relate to and sympathize with the feelings of being pregnant and feeling out of control of what’s happening and not attractive, BUT, I do think it’s a time when we ladies need to check ourselves, spiritually, and get a grip on these feelings by putting things in the proper light. Some of us, take a lot of pride in our bodies and feel very powerful because of our attractiveness and being thin and being able to dress a certain way is a big part of this. But obviously, when pregnant, we’re not going to stay that way for long:p Are we then no longer beautiful? Nope. We’re just not meeting our own probably skewed ideals of beauty. It’s an opportunity to open our minds and hearts and be willing to see ourselves in a different an better light. And yes, in the grand scheme of things, stretch marks, veins and extra weight and flab are superficial. A truly beautiful person will shine through all of that and then some. Forget pregnancy, how about aging? Now that is something you can’t control and can’t recover from either. What about people who are born with deformities or physical disabilities? What about people who are permanently physically disfigured in accidents? Burn victims? I’m sure we’d hardly tell them they aren’t beautiful, in all likelihood, they’re more beautiful than most, because of the physical changes they’ve been through they’ve had to widen their definition of beauty and redefine themselves. Certainly pregnancy does this for us too. It’s all about perspective and perspective can change if we want it to. I truly do believe that is God’s challenge to women in pregnancy. My :twocents:

Having said that, it’s hard to change something so ingrained in our very beings. Women want to be attractive as much as men want to be strong. It’s part of who we are.

I know one thing, I don’t look like the same person I was when I was 21 and had my first baby, and I’m not the same person inside either. That’s OK, I’m an even better version of me.👍

I hope that explains what I was trying to say better:)
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You are absolutely right. We women are suckers for wanting to be beautiful.

I am feeling better this week though, even though I found the mother of varicose veins in my inner-thigh 👍

Thanks for your ellaboration.
 
I don’t think anything I say to my wife convinces her how much I adore how she looks when she is pregnant. But I think she appreciates me saying it. I wish she would believe it.

God bless,
Ut
 
Serap said:
Oh and I found a new HUGE varicose vein running from my uhh-hmmm around my inner thigh to my butt cheek. It sticks out about 1/3 an inch!!! It’s so big, I think I’m going to give it a name…

Any ideas?
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Maybe Ringer
or The Beast (then maybe you can pretend you Bell and you save this ugle varicose vein from its self :D)

or my old stand by is Jorge

or my kleanex box gets called “my newly founded friend Fred who follows me everywhere”

ooh maybe Victor the vicious varicose vein

Let us know what you decide 😃
 
Dear Serap
I have been jealous a few times too. I don’t think that makes us into bad people. Maybe it is foolish and I think it is somehow fear based.
With me I tend more to be “jealous” of the pregnant women we know. Struggling with infertility I fear that deep down my husband wishes he had married a woman who could have kids. All his brothers have had pregnant wives recently and beautiful babies. I have been very sad. I just know that he would love me more if I was pregnant. I think it is human, that bearing children brings a couple closer together. I hope your friend will also be blessed with husband and children.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and your loving husband.
Love, Amber
 
Amber2 said:
Dear Serap
I have been jealous a few times too. I don’t think that makes us into bad people. Maybe it is foolish and I think it is somehow fear based.
With me I tend more to be “jealous” of the pregnant women we know. Struggling with infertility I fear that deep down my husband wishes he had married a woman who could have kids. All his brothers have had pregnant wives recently and beautiful babies. I have been very sad. I just know that he would love me more if I was pregnant. I think it is human, that bearing children brings a couple closer together. I hope your friend will also be blessed with husband and children.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and your loving husband.
Love, Amber
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you’re absolutely right. I would feel the same way. you carry a huge cross and I hope you become pregnant soon!

it’s truly humbling to read your struggle.
 
Amber2 said:
Dear Serap
I have been jealous a few times too. I don’t think that makes us into bad people. Maybe it is foolish and I think it is somehow fear based.
With me I tend more to be “jealous” of the pregnant women we know. Struggling with infertility I fear that deep down my husband wishes he had married a woman who could have kids. All his brothers have had pregnant wives recently and beautiful babies. I have been very sad. I just know that he would love me more if I was pregnant. I think it is human, that bearing children brings a couple closer together. I hope your friend will also be blessed with husband and children.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and your loving husband.
Love, Amber
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Oh, Amber, your post here touched my heart. I’m sorry you are feeling sad. Please accept my prayers, and a hug? 😦 :hug1:
 
Hi girls

Thanks so much for your prayers. I’m sure they will help. It certainly is a huge struggle to be infertile, but I did not write it to make people feel sorry for me.
I just wanted to put things into perspective although I perfectly understand Serap’s feelings/fears.
I’m sure God will make all things well for those who trust in Him. If you pray for me then pray for that - that I will trust in Him.

Thank you again,
Love A (who can’t wait to someday wear maternal clothes:)
 
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