Pregnant Girlfriend - What to do?

[Groo]

Unless and until the OP is willing to accept, personally and interiorly, the fact that at each stage of the relationship, that he made a decision, and accept responsibility for that decision, he is going to continue to bounce along through life, making decisions and blaming someone else for the results.

No woman has ever pushed me into a decision - for physical intimacy or anything else. And that is not to say that I have never been pressured; but whenever I did something, it was because I made a decision. I have made wrong decision. I was the one who made them. Whether or not there was someone else involved in the decision is irrelevant - I made a decision, for which I am responsible. And I submit that however much emotional or physical “pressure” any woman made on you, you made a decision.

Yes, people leave the Church; and that is a decision. No one forced them out. Someone may have been rude; abrupt; short tempered; lacking in attention, unkind, downright nasty. And the individual who left made a decision. And having known a few people who went through that scenario, they always pointed their fingers at the priest. It was always, someone else’s fault. Interestingly, they tended to live their life that way, bouncing from pillar to post, and always, it was someone else’s fault.

Sorry, I believe in personal responsibility for the decisions people make.

And I won’t dignify your last question with an answer.

You say you believe in personal responsibility, but it only seems to go one way. The OP is all but accused of being a serial rapist, but the woman shares no responsibility in this. If she does not want to work with the OP, there is only so much he can do.

True, people are not forced into decisions. But people judge the Church by the example of who is in the Church. When people are treated poorly by people in the Church, they may get turned off and leave. While leaving the Church is their individual decision, they are influenced by Church members. I would not want to answer to God for someone leaving His Church partly due to uncharitable actions on my part.

As for the non-response response, I find it hypocritical that it is OK to tell a man to “keep it in his pants”, but a similar phrase towards women is not OK.

 

[otjm]

You say you believe in personal responsibility, but it only seems to go one way. The OP is all but accused of being a serial rapist, but the woman shares no responsibility in this. If she does not want to work with the OP, there is only so much he can do.

True, people are not forced into decisions. But people judge the Church by the example of who is in the Church. When people are treated poorly by people in the Church, they may get turned off and leave. While leaving the Church is their individual decision, they are influenced by Church members. I would not want to answer to God for someone leaving His Church partly due to uncharitable actions on my part.

As for the non-response response, I find it hypocritical that it is OK to tell a man to “keep it in his pants”, but a similar phrase towards women is not OK.

This thread is not about the woman; she did not respond to the thread and she was not the OP. She is carrying the child, not the OP, and the OP had the opportunity to step up to the plate and do something about a child that might be aborted. If you want to start a separate thread, please feel free.

People are treated poorly by the Church when they are not challenged to be honest with themselves; whether that is in the confessional or elsewhere. You answer to God only for the choices and decision you make; I will assure you I am more than happy to answer to Christ for my comments. I am reasonably sure you do not wish to enable the OP in trying to push off the blame. You do it your way, I will do it mine.

My comment about not responding was not in the least hypocritical. I am not going to be dragged off topic. Like I said, start a new thread. This thread isn’t about her, or the choices she made, or didn’t make. It is about him.

For women who aborted and claimed abandonment, isn’t that an assignment of blame also? Should we tell them that they should have just kept their legs shut?

Aside from the fact that your comment was snotty, women are abandoned when the male gets up and leaves her to deal with the pregnancy. Your use of the word “claim” is a bit telling.

 

[Cackles]

You say you believe in personal responsibility, but it only seems to go one way. The OP is all but accused of being a serial rapist, but the woman shares no responsibility in this. If she does not want to work with the OP, there is only so much he can do.

True, people are not forced into decisions. But people judge the Church by the example of who is in the Church. When people are treated poorly by people in the Church, they may get turned off and leave. While leaving the Church is their individual decision, they are influenced by Church members. I would not want to answer to God for someone leaving His Church partly due to uncharitable actions on my part.

As for the non-response response, I find it hypocritical that it is OK to tell a man to “keep it in his pants”, but a similar phrase towards women is not OK.

I know who’s at fault in all this and who bares the responsibility. This being from a jewish legal perspective and likely the Catholics have many things on the books also. I would love to weigh in but i’ve been warned.

All I can say is some people would NOT like the answer at all all.

 

[Groo]

This thread is not about the woman; she did not respond to the thread and she was not the OP. She is carrying the child, not the OP, and the OP had the opportunity to step up to the plate and do something about a child that might be aborted. If you want to start a separate thread, please feel free.

People are treated poorly by the Church when they are not challenged to be honest with themselves; whether that is in the confessional or elsewhere. You answer to God only for the choices and decision you make; I will assure you I am more than happy to answer to Christ for my comments. I am reasonably sure you do not wish to enable the OP in trying to push off the blame. You do it your way, I will do it mine.

My comment about not responding was not in the least hypocritical. I am not going to be dragged off topic. Like I said, start a new thread. This thread isn’t about her, or the choices she made, or didn’t make. It is about him.

Aside from the fact that your comment was snotty, women are abandoned when the male gets up and leaves her to deal with the pregnancy. Your use of the word “claim” is a bit telling.

My point was that your posts to the OP were snotty. Being a straight shooter is one thing, but being snide is another. People don’t respond well to condescension. If you still don’t see that your posts to the OP dripped with sarcasm, then there isn’t much more to say.

 

[otjm]

My point was that your posts to the OP were snotty. Being a straight shooter is one thing, but being snide is another. People don’t respond well to condescension. If you still don’t see that your posts to the OP dripped with sarcasm, then there isn’t much more to say.

Sarcasm has its purpose.

 

[Groo]

Sarcasm has its purpose.

In this case, to convey contempt to the OP and to belittle his masculinity.

 

[otjm]

In this case, to convey contempt to the OP and to belittle his masculinity.

I don’t have contempt for the OP; if I did, I wouldn’t bother responding. Ido have contempt for his actions, and there is a difference. I really would like to see him step up and take responsibility for his actions; so far he hasn’t.

Belittle his masculinity? He is 25, a grad student and runs home to mommy and daddy. That is really masculine in my book - not.

Part of being masculine is taking responsibility for one’s own choices. Or perhaps you define it differently?

The whole issue here is that he impregnated her, and then got up and left. When judgment comes for him, is he going to blame her? And how is that going to go over? When Christ judges him, Christ isn’t going to be listening to what someone else did or didn’t do; Christ is going to judge him a to what he did or didn’t do.

 

[Psalm98]

I don’t have contempt for the OP; if I did, I wouldn’t bother responding. Ido have contempt for his actions, and there is a difference. I really would like to see him step up and take responsibility for his actions; so far he hasn’t.

Belittle his masculinity? He is 25, a grad student and runs home to mommy and daddy. That is really masculine in my book - not.

Part of being masculine is taking responsibility for one’s own choices. Or perhaps you define it differently?

The whole issue here is that he impregnated her, and then got up and left. When judgment comes for him, is he going to blame her? And how is that going to go over? When Christ judges him, Christ isn’t going to be listening to what someone else did or didn’t do; Christ is going to judge him a to what he did or didn’t do.

Wow, it is amazing that you - an imperfect, mortal human being - know how Christ - the perfect, immortal being - will judge him. How very nonjudgmental and Christian of you - NOT.

 

[otjm]

Wow, it is amazing that you - an imperfect, mortal human being - know how Christ - the perfect, immortal being - will judge him. How very nonjudgmental and Christian of you - NOT.

Apparently you missed a couple of the posts. I was responding to GROO, who wanted to drag in the issue of the responsibility of the woman in this issue for getting pregnant.

I have no idea how the OP will be judged - righteous or not; But the OP will be judged on the choices he made, not the choices the woman made, and my post only went to that issue; not to the issue of his righteous nous or lack thereof.

So I will maintain my position - he will be judged on his own choices, not the choices of another Presuming he has confessed and been forgiven, that is how he will be judged.

“On what” and “How” are two different matters. I only spoke to one.

The whole issue which is ongoing is about accepting the choices one makes, and not, instead, blaming others for those choices.

Nothing I have said presumes how he will be judged. Read more carefully.

 

[Psalm98]

Apparently you missed a couple of the posts. I was responding to GROO, who wanted to drag in the issue of the responsibility of the woman in this issue for getting pregnant.

I have no idea how the OP will be judged - righteous or not; But the OP will be judged on the choices he made, not the choices the woman made, and my post only went to that issue; not to the issue of his righteous nous or lack thereof.

So I will maintain my position - he will be judged on his own choices, not the choices of another Presuming he has confessed and been forgiven, that is how he will be judged.

“On what” and “How” are two different matters. I only spoke to one.

The whole issue which is ongoing is about accepting the choices one makes, and not, instead, blaming others for those choices.

Nothing I have said presumes how he will be judged. Read more carefully.

With respect, friend, you can use this word instead of that word and nit-pick the specific words as much as you want. The issue is your attitude. What you said was judgmental, whether you intended for it to be or not.

 

[otjm]

With respect, friend, you can use this word instead of that word and nit-pick the specific words as much as you want. The issue is your attitude. What you said was judgmental, whether you intended for it to be or not.

:nope: