Pregnant Wifr

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redbaron162

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My wife is pregnant :eek:

Of course I am going through the full range of emotions related to having a first child of excitement, worry, and general freak out. Of course I am very nervous about the whole thing but we are ready. It took three years of trying but it has finally happened.

From those of yall with more experience what are the best things to do to prepare (other than the obvious of finding a good doctor, etc…) Specifically what are the best things an expectant dad can do?
 
Congratulations!
  1. Go to the ultrasound appointments
  2. Remain calm if/when Wife boards the Hormone Crazy Train; assist Wife in putting on socks and shoes if needed during final weeks; be understanding when Wife feels sick or tired
  3. Plan a lot, then be flexible and throw plans out the window if they’re not working
  4. Budget. Assume the hospital will do their best to put you in the poorhouse
  5. Support Wife during the difficult postpartum months. Sometimes that means recognizing that Wife is working herself into a hole–martyring herself with breastfeeding that just isn’t working, slipping into postpartum depression or anxiety, you name it–and making sure she gets help
  6. Take care of yourself. Be as fit as you can for when the baby is born
  7. Enjoy! Enjoy the kicks, the ultrasounds, the reports, which we hope will all be positive!
  8. Prepare for your life to be altered. Babies are awesome! And awful! And really wonderful! And so, so disorienting; you’ll feel like you’re in an alternate reality for quite awhile
  9. Go to babycare classes with Wife
 
Congrats! I recently found out I’m pregnant and it’s our first as well. My husband also experienced a full range of freak outs and emotions. Obviously I don’t have much experience, but I can tell you that if your wife is as starving as I am all the time, it’s nice that my husband brings snacks everywhere we go (granola bars, protein bars, crackers, nuts, fruit, etc). And if she’s as tired as I am, it’s nice that he lets me nap and doesn’t make me feel bad about it. It’s also nice that when the midwife gives us material to read, he reads through it too and then we talk about it together. Being supportive in any way possible goes a long way! 👍
 
You can prepare and prepare and prepare and you’ll feel like you haven’t done enough with a new baby.

My husband would probably tell you that the most supportive you can be is after the baby is born.

The pregnancy is a wonderful time to experience. But it will all be forgotten when you make it home from the hospital.

That is where all the work begins. That is the hardest…especially for a brand new mom who is nursing.

If you can take off work at anytime…do as much of it after the baby is born. Cook, clean, run the errands, enlist as much help as you can get (parents, siblings and in-laws) to help and not just to sit around and coo at the baby and expect to be entertained.

The biggest help I got was from my MIL and my parents when we got home from the hospital.

I was trying to exclusively pump and I had a crying baby and I couldn’t find anything I needed in the house.
Then I knocked over the 2 or 3 ounces I had worked so hard to pump out to feed my daughter.
I lost it and was inconsolable. Hubby called his mom for immediate reinforcement. She got to the house quickly and sent my husband out to pick up dinner and was the adult in the room that I needed so badly.

My parents came over the next day with a hot meal and frozen dishes for the freezer and held the baby while I slept.

Keep an eye out for PPD. It can be serious and it’s something that no one should brush off.

My husband and I made the mistake of ignoring my PPD all this time…after 3 babies.

Two huge pieces of advice I will give you…in terms of preparation.
  1. Have a medicine cabinet ready with the following items:
    -Infant Motrin/Tylenol
    -A really good nose aspirator (not the one the hospital gives you…those are hard to use)
    -Vicks vapor rub/Vicks tabs (for humidifier)
    -Saline Spray
    -Get a really good humidifier
    -Thermometer
If your baby gets sick and you call your pediatrician…they will probably ask if you have the following anyway…these are things you can take care of yourself or handle completely on your own.
  1. Do NOT go totally nuts with the organic, BP free, eco-everything…it will literally drive you and your wife insane!
Also…I tell everyone this…DO NOT rely on breastfeeding to space pregnancies. EVER. It’s not reliable and it’s not something anyone can predict.

However…I’m not sure if that is applicable anyway…but if your wife is considering it…I would discourage it.

Eco-breastfeeding is insanely hard and almost unachievable and the is literally no additional benefits from a child who is normally breastfed.
 
I would avoid the Tylenol. And the vaccines, doubleso on the first hep b.

New babies are actually pretty easy except for the lack of sleep. Plan out some easy food for after. Make sleep a priority. Sometimes you do get a hard baby, though.

Your wife will likely be very tired at times during pregnancy, and could also be completely crazy.
 
white_sheep said:
I would avoid the Tylenol. And the vaccines, doubleso on the first hep b.

New babies are actually pretty easy except for the lack of sleep. Plan out some easy food for after. Make sleep a priority. Sometimes you do get a hard baby, though.

Your wife will likely be very tired at times during pregnancy, and could also be completely crazy.
Click to expand...
Forget the vaccine debate…that isn’t something anyone should get into here…and you definitely shouldn’t give advice on vaccines anyway…that is a strict pediatrician question to discuss…not with strangers on an internet forum because everyone has an opinion…right or wrong.

But what in the world is wrong with Tylenol?

It’s perfectly safe for babies and is the number one method to reduce a fever in an infant. In fact…any sane pediatrician or ER would ask if you already used Tylenol or Motrin if you showed up with a feverish baby and if you didn’t…they’d give it to them or up the dosage if you did.

Actually…Tylenol is safer then Motrin anyway for babies.

If a baby is feverish or teething…you need to use a medication designed to reduce fever, pain and swelling.
 
Red,

Gratz, we had our first just 3 months ago. Big change, the lack of sleep, the very very loud crying :). It’s a lot to deal with. But the first time she / he looks up at you and smiles – it is one of the best feelings ever. You will need to be patient also – try not to get too frustrated 🙂

But one thing, we should have done and are in the process of trying to get him to do now – drink from a bottle. At first my wife fed him, once in a while a bottle which he took to but after a couple of weeks of using both. She went with just her feeding, now the thing is when she is sleeping or running to the store for something – even just for a few minutes. If he is hungry there is nothing I can do – except wake her up or wait for her to get back home, as he refuses to take a bottle now.

So if your wife feeds, use a bottle once in a while to keep him use to it. So you can take care of him if she is sleeping or out.

God has blessed you with your child, may He continue to bless you, your wife, and new child.

Winter
 
Winter_Warlock said:
Red,

Gratz, we had our first just 3 months ago. Big change, the lack of sleep, the very very loud crying :). It’s a lot to deal with. But the first time she / he looks up at you and smiles – it is one of the best feelings ever. You will need to be patient also – try not to get too frustrated 🙂

But one thing, we should have done and are in the process of trying to get him to do now – drink from a bottle. At first my wife fed him, once in a while a bottle which he took to but after a couple of weeks of using both. She went with just her feeding, now the thing is when she is sleeping or running to the store for something – even just for a few minutes. If he is hungry there is nothing I can do – except wake her up or wait for her to get back home, as he refuses to take a bottle now.

So if your wife feeds, use a bottle once in a while to keep him use to it. So you can take care of him if she is sleeping or out.

God has blessed you with your child, may He continue to bless you, your wife, and new child.

Winter
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This is a very good idea because then you can actually help out.

I’m in a position where my child won’t take a bottle. So, I’m on the hook for 95% of her care and that means very little sleep sometimes.

It got isolating and I was in a very dark place for a few months.

My first was bottle fed and that meant hubby was able to take some night feedings and I was able to get some consecutive sleep and that was huge.

My last two were/are exclusive breastfeeders. So, I took care of their needs.

You can get a free milk pump…almost all insurance companies do this now. That wasn’t the case even 2 years ago but they’ve changed their outlook on how important a pump is for most mothers.
 
Kelfa28 said:
Forget the vaccine debate…that isn’t something anyone should get into here…and you definitely shouldn’t give advice on vaccines anyway…that is a strict pediatrician question to discuss…not with strangers on an internet forum because everyone has an opinion…right or wrong.

But what in the world is wrong with Tylenol?

It’s perfectly safe for babies and is the number one method to reduce a fever in an infant. In fact…any sane pediatrician or ER would ask if you already used Tylenol or Motrin if you showed up with a feverish baby and if you didn’t…they’d give it to them or up the dosage if you did.

Actually…Tylenol is safer then Motrin anyway for babies.

If a baby is feverish or teething…you need to use a medication designed to reduce fever, pain and swelling.
Click to expand...
You asked me why no Tylenol.

I just read the studies on the nih website.

You’re right, shouldn’t have brought it up. I didn’t intend on debating anything anyway, that’s my opinion on it and that’s about all I care to say.
 
Also to new dad, I would avoid all the baby books. We never read one that gave any good pointers. All you really need to know are the 4 S’s. I think I learned about it in a book. lol. Babies like to be shooshed, suck, swing, and be swaddled. Shooshed means noise, it is loud in the womb. Everything else you have to figure out to that specific baby.
 
white_sheep said:
I would avoid the Tylenol. And the vaccines, doubleso on the first hep b.

New babies are actually pretty easy except for the lack of sleep. Plan out some easy food for after. Make sleep a priority. Sometimes you do get a hard baby, though.

Your wife will likely be very tired at times during pregnancy, and could also be completely crazy.
Click to expand...
Please…there have been enough childhood disease outbreaks because of people not vaccinating their children. And I agree this not the place for this debate.
 
👍
Kelfa28 said:
Forget the vaccine debate…that isn’t something anyone should get into here…and you definitely shouldn’t give advice on vaccines anyway…that is a strict pediatrician question to discuss…not with strangers on an internet forum because everyone has an opinion…right or wrong.

But what in the world is wrong with Tylenol?

It’s perfectly safe for babies and is the number one method to reduce a fever in an infant. In fact…any sane pediatrician or ER would ask if you already used Tylenol or Motrin if you showed up with a feverish baby and if you didn’t…they’d give it to them or up the dosage if you did.

Actually…Tylenol is safer then Motrin anyway for babies.

If a baby is feverish or teething…you need to use a medication designed to reduce fever, pain and swelling.
Click to expand...
👍 oh, can I add the stuff that helps them with gas? I can’t remember what it is called. Lifesaver!
 
1990Domer said:
👍

👍 oh, can I add the stuff that helps them with gas? I can’t remember what it is called. Lifesaver!
Click to expand...
There is gripe water and regular gas drops.

I don’t use either because it seemed to put my two exclusively nursed babies in more discomfort.

Nothing beats persistence with the back patting, different positions and doing bicycle kicks to get all of that awful gas out.
 
white_sheep said:
You asked me why no Tylenol.

I just read the studies on the nih website.

You’re right, shouldn’t have brought it up. I didn’t intend on debating anything anyway, that’s my opinion on it and that’s about all I care to say.
Click to expand...
They were talking about the dangers on the liver if you over use it.

Just like any medication…dosages are very important.

Use the correct dosage for the right age. Call the doctor if you aren’t sure.

If you do it right…there is literally no danger toward the baby and you can literally save the babies life.

If you over dose you might damage their liver. But adults can do that too if they use too much.

Hardly an implication to avoid it completely.

Aspirin can be dangerous to adults but it’s common sense for a man of age 50 to take a daily aspirin to prevent a heart attack.
 
Kelfa28 said:
There is gripe water and regular gas drops.

I don’t use either because it seemed to put my two exclusively nursed babies in more discomfort.

Nothing beats persistence with the back patting, different positions and doing bicycle kicks to get all of that awful gas out.
Click to expand...
I never knew of the bicycle kicks. I couldn’t nurse because my 6 week preemie (now a 5’10" 13 y.o.) was put on high test formula because he was losing weight. He had a NG tube for several days until his suck/swallow instinct developed. Wow. Memories.
 
To the OP…

Best of all, enjoy the miracle of having a child. I wished God blessed us with more, but it wasn’t to be. I don’t know where the 13 years have gone, but they flew by. My little boy is now a young man. God gave him some obstacles, but he is still the best kid a parent can ever ask for. I am truly blessed.
 
An interesting fact about newborns is that they eat every three hours. Like EVERY three hours. Including three hour intervals all night. That means that for the immediate future, the most sleep your wife can expect to get at once is two and a half hours. Lots of times it’s more like two. Or less.

So don’t ask her to do a lot of silly extra stuff like prepare meals and clean the shower. You might consider offering to hold the baby for a few minutes so she can take a shower though. That sort of thing is always appreciated.

After a couple weeks, your baby might start to go for four hours between feedings and that is a great accomplishment. It means only having to get up once in the middle of the night.

Don’t start in right away asking about having sex again. That’s really annoying when you only get to sleep for two hours at a time. You will give her urges to become violent.

Also, you should give your baby a weight-appropriate dosage of Tylenol if he has a fever. Buy it ahead of time or else your baby will get a fever at three o’clock on a Sunday night and everywhere will be closed.
 
Babies under 3 months with a fever always need to see the doctor.
 
I was in your same situation earlier this year. We got pregnant in our first year of marriage.

All I can say is try to help your wife with her needs.

Do a little extra around the house especially in her second and third trimester.

Be prepared for a lot of tears. Pregnant women cry about everything and anything. It’s ok, don’t freak out, it’s just hormones.

When the baby comes, be prepared to not have a lot of sleep. Don’t be upset about it though; what I have found is that after I went a few nights with very little sleep, my naps were a lot more refreshing than they were before the baby, so it can still feel like you have had a full night’s sleep even though you’ve had scattered naps throughout the day. Hopefully, if you are the sole income of the house, your wife will let you sleep in a different room after a few weeks so you can be well rested for work. But in the first few weeks, your wife is going to need as much help as she can get either from you or from family/friends so be prepared for that. Ask your boss if you are allowed paternity leave.

I have found that as a dad I am the expert at swaddling the baby and rocking him to sleep. This is typically my job after mom gives him his last nightly feeding, she hands baby off to me so that she can go to sleep, and I take him out into the living room, change his diaper if necessary, swaddle him up nice and tight (trust me, the tighter the better, this calms them down like nothing else), and then I put him in his carrier and start rocking him and singing hymns to him and he falls right to sleep. I feel like a pro at this by now. It works every time. I have heard this from other dads as well so I guess these things are typically a dad job.

In the first few weeks the baby is going to want its mom probably 80-90 percent of the time. Truth is, baby is growing up fast and needs lots of nutrients, and as a dad you just don’t have the groceries… that’s mom’s job. Until she starts pumping or formula feeding, then you can help out.

Speaking of which, when you’re feeding the baby, you will save yourself a lot of trouble if you burp the baby for around 15 minutes or so (or at least keep him/her upright for that long) after feeding. The baby will be a lot more comfortable and there will be less puke. Oh yeah, keep a puke rag on your person at all times. You will be needing it.

When the baby is fussy and crying a lot, it can be unnerving. I have found that if I talk to the baby in kind of a goofy, affectionate way, the way mom does, it calms me down and it calms him down too. As a dad you can control the mood of both yourself and your baby. If you are too stressed then the baby will feel it and it will be harder to calm the baby down. I just rock him when he’s crying and say “oooh what’s the matter buddy? you are o.k.! yes you are! you are just fine!” and he eventually calms down.

Oh yeah also there is this video on youtube of a pediatrician who shows you this thing you can do with the baby called “the hold” and it calms the baby down when it is screaming or crying. I have been doing it with baby Jack and it works like magic. Check it out:
youtube.com/watch?v=j2C8MkY7Co8
Oh yeah
 
The last bit of advice I will give you is beware the mommy wars!
 
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