Premarital sex

[JAW642]

This is the experience of a couple that I knew.
Both are Catholic, but they decided to have sex before get married. When they had the first sexual intercourse in the girl’s mind emerged a repressed bad experience of her childhood. That caused a psychological blockage, and their relationship was in crisis. Step by step they could have a good dialog and get over the blockage. At last they could place trust one another and they had again sexual intercourses. After some time they got married and now they are an happy family.
For this couple it was useful to have sex before marriage. So they could detect their problem and settle it. However they didn’t follow the teaching of Catholic Church about premarital sex.
I cannot have a clear opinion about their story.
What do you think?

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From JAW642 on 04/30/2010

According to the Catholic Church, it has the authority and power to bind and loose the actions of Man. The Church believes it has the power to take the non-moral act of eating meat on Fridays, and suddenly make it into a mortal sin, and then reverse itself, and make it no sin at all.

I wish the Catholic Church would do the same thing with premarital sex in a Trial Marriage, monitored and guided by a local priest. I think it would be a fantastic idea, if the Church would allow Engaged couples to actually live together and to have premarital sex, for a period of up to one year before they actually get married. I think this Trial Marriage period, would probably greatly reduce the number of divorced Catholics, and bad marriages.

The Engaged couple could use Natural Family Planning, NFP, during this one year Trial Marriage period. But if a pregnancy resulted, then the couple would be bound to get married.

Happily, for this Catholic couple everything turned out just fine. But what if the girl’s issues could not be resolved, and neither one of them would be happy with being married to each other? If they married first, and found out later that they could not resolve the girl’s problems, then they would be stuck in an unhappy marriage for the rest of their lives.

Any thoughts?

From JAW642 on 04/30/2010

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[vera_dicere]

Why would it have been so harmful to deal with this in the context of marriage?

I ask this with all respect. I am sure that this was such a painful process. However, the permanence and stability of marriage lends itself to helping the spouse grow through difficulties. While God indeed often takes a sin and weaves the effects into His design, it does not negate the sin. We just don’t know what the design may have looked like before the sin.

I am happy for this couple, and I pray that their marriage is always full of peace and joy. Let’s just remember not to let a murky situation confuse us as to what is truly God’s plan for marriage.

Exactly!

And it does make me wonder, if this pre-martial sexual relationship had not worked, then what? The girl would probably end up even more messed up in the head as the first guy she wanted to have sex with turned his back on her because of her past abuse, so, she’d end up repressing it further.

As terrible as her past abuse was, it did not justify her pre-martial actions.

Some people can drink and drive and not kill a family of 4, but some people are not so lucky with what lane their car drifts in.

 

[camerong]

But what if the girl’s issues could not be resolved, and neither one of them would be happy with being married to each other? If they married first, and found out later that they could not resolve the girl’s problems, then they would be stuck in an unhappy marriage for the rest of their lives.

If this girl’s issues could not be resolved? NOTHING could happen between my wife and me that we could not resolve. NOTHING. But more than that, I would be absolutely terrified of trying to resolve any serious issues without her. I’m not sure I could.