preparing for death

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BJswife

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I need a good book or two to help me help my 90±year-old father prepare for death. He has so many regrets and other stuff and is filled with guilt. I want him to know how to pray and have a good death and figth the final battle that Satan will wage for his soul on his death bed. I pray frequently for him but I feel it is incumbent upon me as his daughter and a fellow CAtholic to od more.
 
Since you posted on this forum I’ll suggest to you “Preparation for death” by St Alphonsus de Ligouri, saint and doctor of the Church.

You and your father are in my prayers.
 
Is your father Catholic?

Get a priest.

If he’s not Catholic see if he would consider it. Get a priest in there to talk to him.

Sometimes a brown scapular is a good start. If you can get him to wear that, maybe say a rosary with him. This has been shown to have great conversion powers.

Also what are his beliefs about satan? Ask him if he is willing to fight satan alone, or if he wants to be able to fight him with overwhealming force?
 
Dad is Catholic but his knowledge is less than the old Baltimore Cathechism, and he doesn’t feel he is able to learn things anymore. I know I can help him if I know what to tell him. I remember that here and there I’ve read stuff but of course can’t remember beyond it being good and helpful. I have brain damage so I have my limitations. I don’t feel either of our pasytors is right, and I don’t think Dad would be comfortable. I know what I want to say but can’t put it into words, if you know what I mean. I’ve read many accounts of the last moments of various saints who have had a dark night of the soul or done battle with Satan on their deathbed. I need to be prepared to help him. Dad is adamant aobut not converting to Lutheranism like my brother and mother want him to. I love St. Alphonsus’ writings but somehow he doens’t seem to be the right person to go to.
 
Forgive me for asking, but I’m not sure how you feel about this particular devotion, but the Divine Mercy devotion is a wonderful thing to pray for one who is preparing for death. Whether or not your father will say it, you yourself could. And it isn’t very complicated. There are no sets of mysteries to try and remember and concentrate on.

In combination with the Rosary, I think it would be very powerful, indeed. To pray with Mary, the mother of Christ, and to pray to Him Who is Mercy, offering God the Father the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ for the atonement of our sins and those of the whole world…

I’ve prayed these at the bedside of those who were dying. I can’t recommend these practices highly enough.

I’ll keep you and your father in my prayers. 🙂
 
Lee1440 said:
Forgive me for asking, but I’m not sure how you feel about this particular devotion, but the Divine Mercy devotion is a wonderful thing to pray for one who is preparing for death. Whether or not your father will say it, you yourself could. And it isn’t very complicated. There are no sets of mysteries to try and remember and concentrate on.

In combination with the Rosary, I think it would be very powerful, indeed. To pray with Mary, the mother of Christ, and to pray to Him Who is Mercy, offering God the Father the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ for the atonement of our sins and those of the whole world…

I’ve prayed these at the bedside of those who were dying. I can’t recommend these practices highly enough.

I’ll keep you and your father in my prayers. 🙂
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I fully agree with your comments and I too have prayed the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy in the presence of the dying.
 
I pray the rosary and the chaplet nearly every day. I need books to help me explain about the final battle and what it could be like and how to fight it and come through victorious.
 
Books…I’ll think about it and look. I wish I still worked at the Catholic bookstore (our last Bishop closed it, argh!). I was more aware of what was out there then. But I’ll look.

In the meantime, here is a page at EWTN on The Last Things.

I know there’s a little book we used to have at the store, called The Four Last Things. Ah, here it is at TAN books. (I love that company!) It’s a really little book and you can order it at TAN or Amazon or maybe find it in a Catholic bookstore near you. 🙂

TAN also publishes some books by Fr. Paul O’Sullivan, one is How to Avoid Purgatory.

I’ll let you know what else I find. There are probably others here who can help more. Oh, and you might try Father Corapi’s site. You can listen to some of his talks online, I think. 🙂 I’ll keep you and your dad in my prayers. (My dad is 84 and entirely not open to talking much about these things. He wants to get most of his knowledge about life after death from the History Channel and those tacky Ghost Hunter shows. Oy!)
 
Lee1440 said:
Forgive me for asking, but I’m not sure how you feel about this particular devotion, but the Divine Mercy devotion is a wonderful thing to pray for one who is preparing for death. Whether or not your father will say it, you yourself could. And it isn’t very complicated. There are no sets of mysteries to try and remember and concentrate on.
In combination with the Rosary, I think it would be very powerful, indeed. To pray with Mary, the mother of Christ, and to pray to Him Who is Mercy, offering God the Father the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ for the atonement of our sins and those of the whole world…
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Just a plug for my patron, St. Joseph is the patron saint of a good and Holy Death, having himself died in the presence of Our Lord and Lady.
 
I am sorry that I am coming so late to this discussion…just logged on for the first time in a while. I am praying for your father and your family…

I believe (and if I am wrong, someone please correct me!) that the Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament in Hanceville is only about 10 minutes from Cullman! I have never been there, but I believe that Mother Angelica’s Monastery is there (or close) and that you could contact a good priest through the Shrine, the Monastery, or even EWTN itself in Irondale.

I have to believe that with all of the wonderful priests I have seen on EWTN, they would be more than happy to arrange for a priest to visit who would be able to help your father (and your family) with confession and to be prepared for whatever he might face at the end.

If I am wrong, someone please correct me for the sake of BJ’s wife’s dad and the family!

God bless you.

Melvin
 
BJswife said:
I need a good book or two to help me help my 90±year-old father prepare for death. He has so many regrets and other stuff and is filled with guilt. I want him to know how to pray and have a good death and figth the final battle that Satan will wage for his soul on his death bed. I pray frequently for him but I feel it is incumbent upon me as his daughter and a fellow CAtholic to od more.
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When I die, I will completely turn the entire process over to God, in the spiritual care of the Church. I know I won’t be able to determine my own death, but I know how I will face it, if I have the time. Thank you for the post. This kind of glimpse into our future reminds me of the great need to live each moment for Christ, in the bossom of His Church. My prayers are with your father.
 
My father was not Catholic and not religious. He always respected religion, but did not practice. When he was dying, at far too young an age, I brought a little statue of St. Peregrine (a patron of those with cancer). Da never said anything, but kept that statue by his bed for the months that passed. I like to think it helped him make the journey.
 
BJswife said:
I need a good book or two to help me help my 90±year-old father prepare for death. He has so many regrets and other stuff and is filled with guilt. I want him to know how to pray and have a good death and figth the final battle that Satan will wage for his soul on his death bed. I pray frequently for him but I feel it is incumbent upon me as his daughter and a fellow CAtholic to od more.
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Take him to Eucharistic Adoration once a week. My first thoughts were to tell you to “stay close to His son”. Take him to church with you and by all means have him go to confession. A priest would be glad to come right to the house. Ask him what books he would recommend. Be glad your father can still have “regrets” as both of mine have Alzheimer’s. I will keep both of you in my prayers.
 
There are a number of prayers for a happy death, but I’d suggest a simple one:

O Blessed Joseph, you gave your last breath in the loving embrace of Jesus and Mary. When the seal of death shall close my life, come with Jesus and Mary to aid me. Obtain for me this solace for that hour - to die with their holy arms around me. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I commend my soul, living and dying, into your sacred arms. Amen.

Perhaps you could print out this prayer on a card in large enough font for him to read and you could say it along with him. Maybe you could get him a small St. Joseph statue to keep by his bed!

Is it time for a priest to administer him Last Rites?
 
Well, I think the first thing is to not stress so much about death and rid yourself of fear. TRUST is the key, he must trust in his relationship with the Father that He will guide him and show him what needs to be done and yourself also. I strongly suggest setting up a meeting with a priest and see if he will come and talk with you and your dad, if for any reason just so that he will help calm any doubts you may have. Repentance and prayer are key. God bless.
 
Melvin said:
I am sorry that I am coming so late to this discussion…just logged on for the first time in a while. I am praying for your father and your family…

I believe (and if I am wrong, someone please correct me!) that the Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament in Hanceville is only about 10 minutes from Cullman! I have never been there, but I believe that Mother Angelica’s Monastery is there (or close) and that you could contact a good priest through the Shrine, the Monastery, or even EWTN itself in Irondale.

I have to believe that with all of the wonderful priests I have seen on EWTN, they would be more than happy to arrange for a priest to visit who would be able to help your father (and your family) with confession and to be prepared for whatever he might face at the end.

If I am wrong, someone please correct me for the sake of BJ’s wife’s dad and the family!

God bless you.

Melvin
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Doh! I didn’t even notice that she was in Cullman! Yes, the Shrine is in Hanceville, and Mother Angelica’s nuns are there too. The priests in Irondale are wonderful.

Also, if you are still in need of books to help you, as you requested earlier, you can try the gift/bookshop at the Shrine, or try the gift/bookshop at Ave Maria Grotto there in Cullman. I haven’t been to either one in over a year, but I enjoyed them both last time I visited. 🙂
 
May I suggest reading the book “As I Lay Dying” written by the late (and I say this with much sadness because he died today) Fr. Richard John Neuhaus? It talks about his expeirence with death some years ago. It is profound, but, I believe it will help your father.

Fr. Neuhaus also wrote this article about death. Here is a brief sampling of what this great priest wrote:
A long time ago, when I was a young pastor in a very black and very poor inner-city parish that could not pay a salary, I worked part-time as chaplain at Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn. With more than three thousand beds, Kings County boasted then of being the largest medical center in the world. It seems primitive now, but thirty-five years ago not much of a fuss was made about those who were beyond reasonable hope of recovery. They were almost all poor people, and this was before Medicare or Medicaid, so it was, as we used to say, a charity hospital. They were sedated, and food was brought for those who could eat. The dying, male and female, had their beds lined up side by side in a huge ward, fifty to a hundred of them at any given time. On hot summer days and without air-conditioning, they would fitfully toss off sheets and undergarments. The scene of naked and half-naked bodies groaning and writhing was reminiscent of Dante’s Purgatorio.
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Hardly a twenty-four-hour stint would go by without my accompanying two or three or more people to their death. One such death is indelibly printed upon my memory. His name was Albert, a man of about seventy and (I don’t know why it sticks in my mind) completely bald. That hot summer morning I had prayed with him and read the Twenty-third Psalm. Toward evening, I went up again to the death ward—for so everybody called it—to see him again. Clearly the end was near. Although he had been given a sedative, he was entirely lucid. I put my left arm around his shoulder and together, face almost touching face, we prayed the Our Father. Then Albert’s eyes opened wider, as though he had seen something in my expression. “Oh,” he said, “Oh, don’t be afraid.” His body sagged back and he was dead. Stunned, I realized that, while I thought I was ministering to him, his last moment of life was expended in ministering to me.
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There is another death that will not leave me. Charlie Williams was a deacon of St. John the Evangelist in Brooklyn. (We sometimes called the parish St. John the Mundane in order to distinguish it from St. John the Divine, the Episcopal cathedral up on Morningside Heights.) Charlie was an ever ebullient and sustaining presence through rough times. In the face of every difficulty, he had no doubt but that “Jesus going to see us through.” Then something went bad in his chest, and the doctors made medically erudite noises to cover their ignorance. I held his hand as he died a painful death at age forty-three. Through the blood that bubbled up from his hemorrhaging lungs he formed his last word—very quietly, not complaining but deeply puzzled, he looked up at me and said, “Why?”
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Between Albert’s calm assurance and Charlie’s puzzlement, who is to say which is the Christian way to die? I have been with others who screamed defiance, and some who screamed with pain, and many who just went to sleep. Typically today the patient is heavily sedated and plugged into sundry machines. One only knows that death has come when the beeping lines on the monitors go flat or the attending physician nods his head in acknowledgment of medicine’s defeat. It used to be that we accompanied sisters and brothers to their final encounter. Now we mostly sit by and wait. The last moment that we are really with them, and they with us, is often hours or even many days before they die. But medical technology notwithstanding, for each one of them, for each one of us, at some point “it” happens.
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You can find it here by following this link:

firstthings.com/onthesquare/?p=1282

I hope this helps you.
 
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