Priest asking girl for her number

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iamheartilysorr

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Hi, I am a 17 year old girl. I work at a church. One of the visiting priests who spent the summer is going back to study in Rome. We were on friendly terms, and he asked for my number to keep in touch and I gave it to him, but I did not reply when he texted me and asked me if I had WhatsApp (a free app that makes free calls overseas.) Now I realize I am working one more day before he officially goes back so may have to see him and explain why I ignored him! I feel uncomfortable keeping in touch with him for some reason, even though by all accounts he seems like a holy guy… Has good homilies, never exchanged more than pleasantries with me, etc. He is a foreign priest so maybe to some extent he is naive to all the suspicion caused by the sexual abuse scandals… Any thoughts?
 
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To me, it doesn’t make sense for him to do that. In my diocese a priest can be suspended for contacting a minor via text message in his parish, assuming the parent’s haven’t explicitly given consent. What do your parents think of this?
 
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You are a minor and a young girl, he is an adult priest. No bueno. Talk with your parents about it and listen to your gut feeling (‘ I feel uncomfortable keeping in touch with him for some reason’)
 
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Even if his intentions are perfectly innocent, all the safe environment training I’ve ever done in order to work/volunteer at my parish is quite clear that an adult shouldn’t be exchanging contact information (such as phone #’s or e-mail addresses) in this way with a minor. This is for the adult’s protection too, so that he/she couldn’t be so easily falsely accused of something. I agree with the advice to talk with your parents about this. Like I said, even if the priest’s intentions are innocent, he should be made aware that this is a no-no.
 
WhatsApp is encrypted meaning he could get away with sending you explicit photos possibly. (That May not be true though bc the photos could be found on your phone).

This is really inappropriate. Report it.
 
Wow!..This is not good!

If you have to interact with him again, I’d recommend doing it front of others in a public place at church. Try not to interact with him alone. You don’t actually have to bring up staying in touch with him or the WhatsApp. In fact, I would certainly not bring it up with him.

If he brings it up, you can always just act like there was a miscommunication if he asks you about this again…which is likely true enough.

I’m sorry for your situation. This priest should know better.
 
Okay, thank you everybody. I sensed something was amiss with this, but just wanted to confirm with other pious people.
 
If he is foreign, there may be a number of things we’re jumping up and down about that haven’t crossed his mind: he may not realize 17 is considered a minor here, he may not understand the taboo of asking for you to communicate this way, etc, etc. Being a priest, let’s assume (and hope and pray) that his intentions are pure and good. THAT SAID, the bottom line in any interaction with another person regardless of your age or theirs, if you feel uncomfortable, discontinue any non-public communication.
 
FIY he is studying in Rome. Also in Italy you are considered a minor until you are 18 yo. In USA right now there are very clear guidelines and requirement if you are in a parish and in contact with minors. I give him the benefit of the doubt but he should know better.
 
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My radar tells me there is something not quite right about this. Even if the priest’s intentions are totally honorable — and they may very well be — nevertheless, this connotes a certain familiarity that a priest shouldn’t be having with a young woman, whether a minor or not. It could pose a temptation for him, and I hesitate to say this, but if you grew more attached to him through texts, calls, etc., it could pose a temptation for you. There is a very good adage that applies to this: “resist beginnings”. Or to put it another way, “nip it in the bud”. (Apologies to Barney Fife.)

The best way to avoid problems is to keep them from ever becoming problems in the first place.
 
Chances are the priest is merely lonely and needs a friend. Chances are he has found you brighten up his day. Should a man in a position of authority be seeking a solution to loneliness with a 17-year old in a one-to-one relationship? No. Do you have a responsibility to help this man? Not with this sort of thing! If you want to help, should you? No. When you are 17 you can’t be equipped to safely address such issues. Should you report his behaviour? Don’t know enough to say. But if you consider it get advice from an older person expert in these things to help you through. Your diocese will have someone listed on the website I hope. Could your parents or another family member help?
 
You are underage and you are right to not want to keep the contact with a priest.

Foreign priests does not always act as western priests and are more likely to act like what you describe. We had some cultural gaps like what you describe with an African priest in a former parish.

If he asks yiu why you don’t want to give him his contact just say that you are underage and it is not something accepted in your culture. Tell him that you are unconfortable, and that it is a definitive “no”. Add that your parents forbid it, if they agree.
 
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Anicette said:
Foreign priests does not always act as western priests and are more likely to act like what you describe. We had some cultural gaps like what you describe with an African priest in a former parish.
Click to expand...
^^This.
OP, don’t encourage the priest’s behavior by responding to him.
 
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Why not just drop him a post card once in a while. Don’t go the technical route, no phones or computers. No long letters. Just an occasional “How is everything going?” and see how he responds to that. If he just sends you a post card back without much on it, then maybe letting him know you are alive and breathing would be enough. That would also give him the hint that you are not willing to get very involved in corresponding.
 
I wouldn’t even send a postcard. If she seems receptive, he will likely want and push for more contact.

A priest needs to understand that a friendship with any woman who is younger than the age of his grandma is likely to be poorly perceived in today’s environment. It might be permissible if the woman was a mature person on his staff, but even then care would have to be taken. He should not be communicating with a young girl unless it’s his sister or his niece or other family member.
 
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