Priest can not stand me

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pat_mc_1

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Our new parish priest can not stand me. He has even gone as far as taking me off the parish schedule for serving.

He leaves the sacristy when I enter ignores me at the sign of peace and gives rude statements to me.

I haven’t done anything to this man and this is how Im treated.

What should I do? Change parishes? Confront him? Tell him off? What?
Im really annoyed with his behavior. :mad:
 
Having changed parishes myself in the past, my answer to you as to whether you should change parishes in your case is,
  1. Pray on it. Ask God what parish He wants you to be in.
If you do change parishes, your new parish will not be entirely perfect either, this side of Heaven. But if it’s where God wants you to be, you’ll know.

As for how you should personally handle the new parish priest, since I’m not the greatest at providing that kind of advice, I will wait along with you for someone wiser to handle that part.

:blessyou:
 
pat_mc said:
Our new parish priest can not stand me. He has even gone as far as taking me off the parish schedule for serving.

He leaves the sacristy when I enter ignores me at the sign of peace and gives rude statements to me.

I haven’t done anything to this man and this is how Im treated.

What should I do? Change parishes? Confront him? Tell him off? What?
Im really annoyed with his behavior. :mad:
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Ask for an appointment with him. In a private setting, tell him how you feel, and ask for his side of the facts. Don’t be confrontational. That will only lead to more anger and hurt. Just don’t let this situation simmer. Get all the facts, and then decide what your next move should be.
 
Well, I would ask to speak to him at his convenience, alone. Than tell him how you feel about his interactions with you. (You don’t tell him ‘you are making rude statements’, you say something along the lines of " I may not be taking this the way you intended, but I perceived that when you said “…”, that it was disrespectful or somewhat demeaning." “Perhaps I’m oversensitive, but it appears you avoid me by leaving the sacristy…”)

Then listen with an open heart/mind. Has this man heard something about you from the last priest? Do you remind him of someone else? Is it simply his personality is more brusque/less polished than you’re used to?

Then you can use this information to decide whether to leave or whether you can work with this man.

ETA: You or he didn’t happen to be sick when he avoided you at the sign of peace, perhaps? I’m very uncomfortable shaking hands when I am sick or feel like I’m coming down with something and will avoid it. I have received some glares over it in the past.
 
I would suggest talking to him but do so very delicately.

Focus on YOU and don’t make comments about him that could be seen as accusing. Perhaps things like: When you do this it makes me feel like this. Maybe that’s not your intention. Are you trying to avoid me or am I overreacting?

Stuff like that.

Sometimes when we meet personalities we aren’t used to we assume things we probably shouldn’t. But if you speak to him openly you might gain some insight.
 
Priest are human beings, and as such have the same failings we all have. I once had a parish priest* I *could not stand (the feeling was mutual). It was a very painful episode, because I was very involved in parish life, and had many close friends there. I ended-up leaving the parish, but later we were able to talk, and work out some of the misapprehensions between us. Time and distance sometimes work wonders. He has since retired, so it is no longer an issue.

You might try asking him point-blank what is going-on. I would try not being confrontational, but talking one-on-one might clear the air. I would be honest. Tell him that your removal from the service rota was painful for you, and that you’d like to know if you had done something to which he took offence. Take responsibility for anything you’ve done to contribute to the situation, but don’t grovel. Express your willingness to reconcile the relationship.

In a perfect world, the two of you should be able to sit down discuss the issue in the spirit of Christian Charity, but we don’t live in a perfect world. Sometimes, it just better to move-on.

BTW, the parish I ended-up in was wonderful. I stayed there for 15 years. It worked out for the best.
 
Dear Pat,
Code: 
      I am sure this is all a lack of communication.  Pray and ask the Lord for guidance and then make a formal appointment to talk about  this matter head up.    I know what this is like.  And don't be afraid to go to another Church parish; but  I don't think this will be necessary.
God Bless You,
BP
 
Priests are just like people sometimes they can hold a grudge, be immature, rude like anyone else. Does your parish have another Priest to build a better bond.
 
pat_mc said:
Our new parish priest can not stand me. He has even gone as far as taking me off the parish schedule for serving.

He leaves the sacristy when I enter ignores me at the sign of peace and gives rude statements to me.

I haven’t done anything to this man and this is how Im treated.

What should I do? Change parishes? Confront him? Tell him off? What?
Im really annoyed with his behavior. :mad:
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They’re human. Bear up. The reformation was caused in part by clergy who demonstrated the validity of the doctrine of Original Sin in their own persons. Strive to love him rather than allow it to hurt you personally. He can be one of the crosses God’s asking you to bear.
 
If you are an adult (over 18) I would agree with setting up a meeting to iron out these feelings. If you are younger than 18, I would suggest to have an adult you trust present at that meeting.

If you feel after the meeting there is a problem that needs resolved, take it to the next level (either your Pastor or Bishop).

And definitely pray about it. Keep God with you in good times and bad.

Peace.
 
pray for your priest, talk to nobody about the hurt you feel and offer your pain up for the holy souls in purgatory.
 
I would definitely talk to you priest about this, in a private meeting. Just tell him how you feel in the nicest way possible, no confrontation is necessary.

Start out by asking him if you have done anything to offend him.

I just can’t believe that he is deliberately treating you this way. Either he misunderstood something you said or did, or vice versa.
 
How new is this priest?

I’m thinking at this point, maybe you should lay low for a while and see if you can observe or otherwise learn anything to give you a clue as to what it’s about. I can think of any number of reasons a priest would shun a particular unsuspecting person, but I have no idea even which direction to go at this point. There is a good chance that his anger is actually based in some other problem you don’t know about, and that he is venting through you for some reason. As long as it doesn’t bring you down, play along for a while and don’t let on that you notice anything. Report back here and let us know what you see and hear that may help put this puzzle together enough to have a properly targeted strategy.

When and if you do “confront” him I have some specific ideas to convey that I learned from a psychologist, about what words to use and what not to say. I’ll try to get back to them later, but right now I have to go and really I don’t think it’s quite time.

Alan
 
AlanFromWichita said:
How new is this priest?

I’m thinking at this point, maybe you should lay low for a while and see if you can observe or otherwise learn anything to give you a clue as to what it’s about. I can think of any number of reasons a priest would shun a particular unsuspecting person, but I have no idea even which direction to go at this point. There is a good chance that his anger is actually based in some other problem you don’t know about, and that he is venting through you for some reason. As long as it doesn’t bring you down, play along for a while and don’t let on that you notice anything. Report back here and let us know what you see and hear that may help put this puzzle together enough to have a properly targeted strategy.

When and if you do “confront” him I have some specific ideas to convey that I learned from a psychologist, about what words to use and what not to say. I’ll try to get back to them later, but right now I have to go and really I don’t think it’s quite time.

Alan
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Hes been with us since late summer. This attitude came out of no where while I was gone for a month for work. I came back and he was a whole different person.

I have asked around the parish and they are all noticing how he treats me. Its really weird.

With our former priest I was the one who did everything for him. He was odd and had this funny attitude towards people. But I took care of the sacristy for him and I was basically his only server for a long period of time.

Will this new priest doesn’t like me and takes care of all sacristan duties so when Im there I have nothing to do but listen to him talk about the lights of the church.

Christmas was a Turing point he was very rude towards me and told me I needed to be straighten out because I questioned him on how he likes to process in and out of church.

Tonight Im writing a letter and send it with my key to the rectory back to them.
 
pat_mc said:
Our new parish priest can not stand me. He has even gone as far as taking me off the parish schedule for serving.

He leaves the sacristy when I enter ignores me at the sign of peace and gives rude statements to me.

I haven’t done anything to this man and this is how Im treated.

What should I do? Change parishes? Confront him? Tell him off? What?
Im really annoyed with his behavior. :mad:
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i found this thread kinda funny.

don’t physically beat up or assault a catholic priest.

simply move on find a different parish/church.

good luck on find the right church/parish for you.
 
pat_mc said:
With our former priest I was the one who did everything for him.

Will this new priest doesn’t like me and takes care of all sacristan duties so when Im there I have nothing to do but listen to him talk about the lights of the church.

Christmas was a Turing point he was very rude towards me and told me I needed to be straighten out because I questioned him on how he likes to process in and out of church.
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I get it now. One of the hazards of lay involvement.

Some priests like to have a lot of lay help and will readily turn responsibilities over to some parishioner or group thereof who will take them on. Some priests don’t like it at all, and feel like the parishioner is overstepping his bounds.

We had that exact situation in one of my parishes. (for historic reasons, I have two). A particular person did absolutely everything for the priest, and the priest was happy to have it that way. This person really became a fixture. Some people even began referring to that person as “Father ________” or even “Bishop _________”.

New priest came along and dismissed the parishioner from everything, instantly. He was just one of those who felt it was intrusive, and made no secret of it.

Nothing much to do about it. It just is what it is. You might take some comfort in knowing it isn’t you personally, it’s the role.
 
Ridgerunner said:
I get it now. One of the hazards of lay involvement.

Some priests like to have a lot of lay help and will readily turn responsibilities over to some parishioner or group thereof who will take them on. Some priests don’t like it at all, and feel like the parishioner is overstepping his bounds.

We had that exact situation in one of my parishes. (for historic reasons, I have two). A particular person did absolutely everything for the priest, and the priest was happy to have it that way. This person really became a fixture. Some people even began referring to that person as “Father ________” or even “Bishop _________”.

New priest came along and dismissed the parishioner from everything, instantly. He was just one of those who felt it was intrusive, and made no secret of it.

Nothing much to do about it. It just is what it is. You might take some comfort in knowing it isn’t you personally, it’s the role.
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He doesn’t have a problem with any of the women sacristans or female servers just me who is the only male server/ sacristan.
 
DaddyGirl said:
Heya…someone else started a thread just like this a few days ago with the same hurt and concern regarding their priest. You two should talk.
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Yes I saw that one. I dont think she was involved in any lay ministry in the church like I am.
 
pat_mc said:
He doesn’t have a problem with any of the women sacristans or female servers just me who is the only male server/ sacristan.
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Maybe it is simply that he doesn’t want any volunteer to feel like they “own” their ministry - he needs them to realize that he is in charge; not them. If you were ever telling him what to do instead of waiting for him to tell you what to do, this could be the source of his reaction.
 
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