Priest Refused to Hear Confession?

[nsper7]

I know I deal with Scrupulous issues, but I was going into Confession today to confess, among other things, a lust/masturbation addiction/issue I deal with. Now, my last Confession was Friday, but I had committed the sin of masturbation since then, and there was also a questionable issue I wanted to address (see here).

There were two reasons I wanted to receive Reconciliation:

A) I don’t like being in a state of mortal sin (I know there are various arguments about addiction and mortal sin; one Priest, a different one, told me that since it is an addiction it is not a mortal sin, but I’d rather be safe than sorry on this one)
B) I wanted to receive Communion today (I was unable to receive yesterday, although I attended Mass)

The Priest refused to hear my Confession (thus, refusing to grant absolution) and his reasoning was that I do not understand the Confession properly. It did not appear to be a case of him feeling I was unrepentant, but more a case of he feels I go to Confession too much (which I admit I probably do), telling me he will not hear my Confessions and that I need to go to another Priest (the next Confession with another Priest would be tomorrow).

I cited that I felt I had committed a mortal sin and that I wanted to receive Communion today, but his response was (and I paraphrase), [You can just confess directly to God and he can forgive you]. Although he did not outright say it, it seemed implied that I could receive Communion while in this state of mortal sin if I prayed ‘directly to God’ without going to Confession. Now, I know there is the doctrine of the Act of Perfect Contrition, but he did not mention that.

Am I the only one who sees something terribly incorrect in this Priest’s words and actions/suggestions? Is this valid reason to complain to a higher level (i.e. diocesan)? Honestly, I have to admit I am hurt, upset and furious with this Priest for this.

He never mentioned any concerns that he felt that I was unrepentant (I know that is a valid reason to refuse absolution).

EDIT: Despite what this Priest was saying that I go to Confession too much, I thought frequent Confession is a positive thing (at least according to various Popes, including John Paul II), especially in cases of addictive issues.

 

[damooster]

A) I don’t like being in a state of mortal sin (I know there are various arguments about addiction and mortal sin; one Priest, a different one, told me that since it is an addiction it is not a mortal sin, but I’d rather be safe than sorry on this one)

I’ve never heard this before.

but his response was (and I paraphrase), [You can just confess directly to God and he can forgive you]. Although he did not outright say it, it seemed implied that I could receive Communion while in this state of mortal sin if I prayed ‘directly to God’ without going to Confession.

Then why have the Sacrament of Reconciliation?

Please let us know how this turns out.

 

[nsper7]

Does it sound like I have a valid case to complain?

BTW- my diocese is the Diocese of St. Augustine led by Bishop Victor Galeone.

 

[Corki]

From time to time the issue of scrupulosity comes up in these forums. The priestly advice always seems to be the same. Go to a regular confessor. Do what he tells you, especially with regard to frequency of confession.

Is it possible that the priest you went to just wanted you to go back to your regular (or more regular) confessor?

 

[nsper7]

I’ve never heard this before.

Well, the Catechism does give leeway on the masturbation issue:

2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.

So, that other Priest, a Jesuit who is a Priest-in-Residence, does have a possible point, but it seems like a gray area.

 

[nsper7]

From time to time the issue of scrupulosity comes up in these forums. The priestly advice always seems to be the same. Go to a regular confessor. Do what he tells you, especially with regard to frequency of confession.

Is it possible that the priest you went to just wanted you to go back to your regular (or more regular) confessor?

Well, he didn’t quite word it like that. Also, would that be grounds to categorically refuse to hear a person’s confession, especially if they had a concern about a mortal sin issue and wanted to receive Communion that day?

 

[damooster]

Does it sound like I have a valid case to complain?

BTW- my diocese is the Diocese of St. Augustine led by Bishop Victor Galeone.

I’d make sure that:

1. You clarify what the Father said by asking him (it’s possible you misunderstood).
2. Were you confessing at a time outside of posted Confession hours (or did you have an appointment)?

 

[nsper7]

I’d make sure that:

1. You clarify what the Father said by asking him (it’s possible you misunderstood).

 

[damooster]

What could I have misunderstood? He refused to hear my Confession and when I said I had a mortal sin to confess and I wanted to receive Communion that day, his response (although I paraphrased it) was pretty clear.

Well, when you paraphrase, you aren’t repeating what the person said, therefore there’s a possibility that you could have misunderstood something. By asking the Father to clarify, you’re giving him a chance to explain again so that you are sure you didn’t misunderstand.

You’ll need this clarification if you want to report it to the Bishop.

This occurred during the posted Confession hours.

Then you definitely have a reason to make this issue known, but like I already mentioned, clarify your understanding with the Father and then let him know your intentions i.e. if you’re going to write a letter to the Bishop.

 

[Jimzz12]

I know I deal with Scrupulous issues, but I was going into Confession today to confess, among other things, a lust/masturbation addiction/issue I deal with. Now, my last Confession was Friday, but I had committed the sin of masturbation since then, and there was also a questionable issue I wanted to address (see here).

There were two reasons I wanted to receive Reconciliation:

A) I don’t like being in a state of mortal sin (I know there are various arguments about addiction and mortal sin; one Priest, a different one, told me that since it is an addiction it is not a mortal sin, but I’d rather be safe than sorry on this one)
B) I wanted to receive Communion today (I was unable to receive yesterday, although I attended Mass)

The Priest refused to hear my Confession (thus, refusing to grant absolution) and his reasoning was that I do not understand the Confession properly. It did not appear to be a case of him feeling I was unrepentant, but more a case of he feels I go to Confession too much (which I admit I probably do), telling me he will not hear my Confessions and that I need to go to another Priest (the next Confession with another Priest would be tomorrow).

I cited that I felt I had committed a mortal sin and that I wanted to receive Communion today, but his response was (and I paraphrase), [You can just confess directly to God and he can forgive you]. Although he did not outright say it, it seemed implied that I could receive Communion while in this state of mortal sin if I prayed ‘directly to God’ without going to Confession. Now, I know there is the doctrine of the Act of Perfect Contrition, but he did not mention that.

Am I the only one who sees something terribly incorrect in this Priest’s words and actions/suggestions? Is this valid reason to complain to a higher level (i.e. diocesan)? Honestly, I have to admit I am hurt, upset and furious with this Priest for this.

He never mentioned any concerns that he felt that I was unrepentant (I know that is a valid reason to refuse absolution).

EDIT: Despite what this Priest was saying that I go to Confession too much, I thought frequent Confession is a positive thing (at least according to various Popes, including John Paul II), especially in cases of addictive issues.

Sometimes we’re not ready for confession. For you this is probably the case. Sometimes when I seek a confession, I find I am foiled by something. If is something innocent and usually it is, I do let it get to me. I take it as a sign that God wishes me to make a better confession. As for you, as of right now, Satan has got you right where he wants you – in fear of death. I say, embrace misery. Get into the habit of mediating on the rosary, and nightly prayers of Our Lady of Perpetual Help. Everytime you are besieged by Satan, say the name of Jesus, and he will flee. By the name of Christ never let him drive his hooks into your flesh again. Also, introduce sacramentals into your life. Ask for the prayers of the Carmelites by becoming invested in the Brown Scapular – it is an easy yolk to carry. Make a public oath by joining the Knights of Columbus and by fixing the rosary they give you in your right pocket always – never let it part from you. I say never should you be found without your rosary and scapular. Fix holy images and icons around your home. And, most of all the daily use of holy water is highly commendable. Holy water is a powerful weapon against the enemy in the spiritual combat. Lastly, find a begger and give him alms. Then bless him and thank him for his plight. Verily his suffering and ignominy brings you salvation. Your spiritual strength will gather slowly. Remember to never grow proud, or Satan will come back strong. He will try to get you with guile and deceit as never before. Be wary and be observant. When evil senses defeat even the most seemingly innocent thing is an arrow dipped in poison. Fasting from alcohol, meat, and even fish and milk every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning until Sunday Mass will give you strength. Furthermore, abstain on Wednesdays as this is the day that we betrayed Our Savoir. When it is a Solemnity on the Calendar of the Church celebrate with great joy. Do not wallow in pity and depravation. When you have a headache endure the pain. Pain relievers are the Devil’s handy men.

“Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
Prayer, Alms, and Fasting.

 

[Shin]

If one has a grave/mortal sin on one’s conscience one should go to Confession quickly.

While a priest can refuse absolution to someone who is not repentant to refuse it to a person who is in grave sin and repentant as in your case is wrong.

Addiction reduces culpability HOWEVER, how much it reduces it for a particular person is difficult to know - depending on the extent of the addiction it may or may not be reduced enough to render the sin less than mortal – but it is still always basically serious however reduced and so always to be confessed before Communion.

I should add also, aside from this one should never be carnally minded before approaching Communion, even venially.

So you are doing the right thing in how you are proceeding in this matter in this specific case. I’m sure generally you could probably use more instruction on chastity, and how to maintain it but that’s a different issue.

Do you have another priest you can go to?

I am not certain how to deal with this particular priest. After further discussion and insistence that it is best for your conscience to proceed as you have, if he continues to oppose you certainly you can take it to the bishop if you feel capable of handling it, or you could move on to another confessor, or… ?

It’s not just laypeople there are many priests these days who do not approach the issues regarding chastity properly – they are in fact badly taught too.

“A man who has approached his own wife is not to enter the church unless washed with water, nor is he to enter immediately although washed. The Law prescribed to the ancient people, that a man in such cases should be washed with water, and not enter into the church before the setting of the sun. Which, nevertheless, may be understood spiritually, because a man acts so when the mind is led by the imagination to unlawful concupiscence ; for unless the fire of concupiscence be first driven from his mind, he is not to think himself worthy of the congregation of the brethren, while he sees himself burdened by the iniquity of a perverted will.”

St. Gregory the Great, Letter to St. Augustine of Canterbury

 

[nsper7]

Well, when you paraphrase, you aren’t repeating what the person said, therefore there’s a possibility that you could have misunderstood something. By asking the Father to clarify, you’re giving him a chance to explain again so that you are sure you didn’t misunderstand.

You’ll need this clarification if you want to report it to the Bishop.

Then you definitely have a reason to make this issue known, but like I already mentioned, clarify your understanding with the Father and then let him know your intentions i.e. if you’re going to write a letter to the Bishop.

But I’d rather not confront the Priest directly here. After all, I am a new Catholic, although knowledgeable enough in the Catechism (I have looked up mortal sin and Confession issues) to know that what the Priest was incorrect in his advice.

If one has a grave/mortal sin on one’s conscience one should go to Confession quickly.

While a priest can refuse absolution to someone who is not repentant to refuse it to a person who is in grave sin and repentant as in your case is wrong.

Addiction reduces culpability HOWEVER, how much it reduces it for a particular person is difficult to know - depending on the extent of the addiction it may or may not be reduced enough to render the sin less than mortal – but it is still always basically serious however reduced and so always to be confessed before Communion.

So you are doing the right thing in how you are proceeding in this matter in this specific case. I’m sure generally you could probably use more instruction on chastity, and how to maintain it but that’s a different issue.

Do you have another priest you can go to?

I am not certain how to deal with this particular priest. Certainly you can take it to the bishop if you feel capable of handling it, or you could move on to another confessor, or… ?

It’s not just laypeople there are many priests these days who do not approach the issues regarding chastity properly – they are in fact badly taught too.

Well, there are other Priests I can go to, although not today. Basically, there are four Priests at my parish and they revolve who handles Confession (basically, the Confession time is before the evening daily Mass every weekday), so it is hard to know who is handling the Confession on any given day until you actually arrive.

Still, I must admit I am furious at this Priest’s attitude toward Confession. He seems to view it as unimportant. If all these Post-Vatican II Priests want to take a lackadaisical view of Confession, that is up to them, but DO NOT KEEP AWAY THE FAITHFUL WHO ACTUALLY WANT TO RECEIVE RECONCILIATION FREQUENTLY! IF IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR POPE JOHN PAUL II AND POPE ST. PIUS X (WHO SUPPOSEDLY RECEIVED RECONCILIATION DAILY), THEN WHO IS THIS PRIEST TO DISAGREE?!?

It was interesting a few days ago I posted the question about how some Traditionalist Catholic challenge the Priests a lot, but I got my answer not in the way I expected…

Sometimes we’re not ready for confession. For you this is probably the case. Sometimes when I seek a confession, I find I am foiled by something. If is something innocent and usually it is, I do let it get to me. I take it as a sign that God wishes me to make a better confession. As for you, as of right now, Satan has got you right where he wants you – in fear of death. I say, embrace misery. Get into the habit of mediating on the rosary, and nightly prayers of Our Lady of Perpetual Help. Everytime you are besieged by Satan, say the name of Jesus, and he will flee. By the name of Christ never let him drive his hooks into your flesh again. Also, introduce sacramentals into your life. Ask for the prayers of the Carmelites by becoming invested in the Brown Scapular – it is an easy yolk to carry. Make a public oath by joining the Knights of Columbus and by fixing the rosary they give you in your right pocket always – never let it part from you. I say never should you be found without your rosary and scapular. Fix holy images and icons around your home. And, most of all the daily use of holy water is highly commendable. Holy water is a powerful weapon against the enemy in the spiritual combat. Lastly, find a begger and give him alms. Then bless him and thank him for his plight. Verily his suffering and ignominy brings you salvation. Your spiritual strength will gather slowly. Remember to never grow proud, or Satan will come back strong. He will try to get you with guile and deceit as never before. Be wary and be observant. When evil senses defeat even the most seemingly innocent thing is an arrow dipped in poison. Fasting from alcohol, meat, and even fish and milk every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning until Sunday Mass will give you strength. When you have a headache endure the pain. Pain relievers are the Devil’s handy men.

“Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
Prayer, Alms, and Fasting.

Actually, I was planning on asking the Priest to, after Confession/Mass, to enroll me in the Brown Scapular (I am currently wearing one, but have not been enrolled yet).

I thought there are only two ways to be forgiven for mortal sin:

A) Absolution as received from a Priest in Reconciliation
B) Act of Perfect Contrition

What the Priest said about just praying to God for forgiveness (no Perfect Contrition mentioned) sounds like what most of my Protestant friends say, but they’re Protestant. For a Catholic Priest to say that…

 

[damooster]

But I’d rather not confront the Priest directly here. After all, I am a new Catholic, although knowledgeable enough in the Catechism (I have looked up mortal sin and Confession issues) to know that what the Priest was incorrect in his advice.

I’m a new Catholic too, so I understand your concern. But just like any complaint process, it’s courteous and professional to inform the person you are complaining about of your intentions. If you talk to the Father again, you strengthen your “case” should you choose to inform the Bishop about it i.e. Father told me this, I later asked him for clarification and he repeated what he had said before.

I don’t think the Father intended to mislead you. You may feel slighted right now, but it’s important for you to put your feelings aside to properly approach this problem: if you misunderstood the Father, you need clarification. If the Father falsely instructed you, he needs to be made aware that what he said may have been incorrect.

I personally think that telling the Bishop would be a last resort. If someone had a complaint against you, wouldn’t you want to handle it rather than being blindsided by the boss?

 

[Shin]

What the Priest said about just praying to God for forgiveness (no Perfect Contrition mentioned) sounds like what most of my Protestant friends say, but they’re Protestant. For a Catholic Priest to say that…

Yes, sounds like you have a badly taught priest here – I am only speaking from the details of what you have said, but we have had widespread problems in the seminaries lately. But you look to thoroughly have the right approach.

Except I will note that you should endeavor -before- going to Confession but as soon as possible after sin, to make a perfect act of contrition. In no wise is this a substitution for Confession – it draws its efficacy -from- Confession and the intent to -go to Confession-.

In general when endeavoring to make a perfect Act of Contrition I consider the following topics:

That I am dust and the worst of sinners, because I have been given so much and done so poorly with it. I can do nothing good on my own.

That I must resolve not only to not sin again, but to be disgusted and hate the sin and the near occasion of it.

That all of this is for the sake of the love of God, and even were He to send me to Hell and give me nothing at all, I would still hate this sin entirely for His sake not from fear of deserved punishment, for He is all good and all deserving of only goodness and not even the slightest sin.

That I must live my life in trust and prayer and with Him always in mind for all my actions in the future, rather than as I have in the past, focused on material things of the senses that stir up the passions which instead are to be overcome.

Then I beat my breast and say, ‘Lord have mercy on me a sinner’ and consider acts of mortification.

One should engage in spiritual readings if one needs to acquire a more proper mindset for contrition.

I pray you overcome your difficulty with the passions. Reject all pleasure from lust from henceforth I pray, and find your happiness only in spiritual joys. I pray you learn to live a happier and more temperate life.

And do not forget 3 Aves morning and evening.

 

[nsper7]

I’m a new Catholic too, so I understand your concern. But just like any complaint process, it’s courteous and professional to inform the person you are complaining about of your intentions. If you talk to the Father again, you strengthen your “case” should you choose to inform the Bishop about it i.e. Father told me this, I later asked him for clarification and he repeated what he had said before.

I don’t think the Father intended to mislead you. You may feel slighted right now, but it’s important for you to put your feelings aside to properly approach this problem: if you misunderstood the Father, you need clarification. If the Father falsely instructed you, he needs to be made aware that what he said may have been incorrect.

I personally think that telling the Bishop would be a last resort. If someone had a complaint against you, wouldn’t you want to handle it rather than being blindsided by the boss?

I suppose you’re right. I admit I allowed my emotions to get the better of me, especially anger and feeling hurt and wanting to ‘get back’ at the Priest for refusing to hear my Confession, and thus preventing me from receiving Communion today.

Yes, sounds like you have a badly taught priest here – I am only speaking from the details of what you have said, but we have had widespread problems in the seminaries lately. But you look to thoroughly have the right approach.

Except I will note that you should endeavor -before- going to Confession but as soon as possible after sin, to make a perfect act of contrition. In no wise is this a substitution for Confession – it draws its efficacy -from- Confession and the intent to -go to Confession-.

In general when endeavoring to make a perfect Act of Contrition I consider the following topics:

That I am dust and the worst of sinners, because I have been given so much and done so poorly with it. I can do nothing good on my own.

That I must resolve not only to not sin again, but to be disgusted and hate the sin and the near occasion of it.

That all of this is for the sake of the love of God, and even were He to send me to Hell and give me nothing at all, I would still hate this sin entirely for His sake, for He is all good and all deserving of only goodness and not even the slightest sin.

That I must live my life in trust and prayer and with Him always in mind for all my actions in the future, rather than as I have in the past, focused on material things of the senses that stir up the passions which instead are to be overcome.

Then I beat my breast and say, ‘Lord have mercy on me a sinner’ and consider acts of mortification.

One should engage in spiritual readings if one needs to acquire a more proper mindset for contrition.

I pray you overcome your difficulty with the passions. Reject all pleasure from lust from henceforth I pray, and find your happiness only in spiritual joys.

And do not forget 3 Aves morning and evening.

I usually try to frequently pray for forgiveness of my sins, also asking for the grace to get to Confession, to do penance, amend my life and overcome my sins. So I definitely do pray on my own before I can get to Confession.

But what should I do about the Priest though? Should I just try to avoid him in the Confessional and leave it at that or should I make a big stink about it?

---

On a side note, what exactly can the Bishop do if you, for lack of a better term, file a complaint?

 

[Shin]

I suppose you’re right. I admit I allowed my emotions to get the better of me, especially anger and feeling hurt and wanting to ‘get back’ at the Priest for refusing to hear my Confession, and thus preventing me from receiving Communion today.

I usually try to frequently pray for forgiveness of my sins, also asking for the grace to get to Confession, to do penance, amend my life and overcome my sins. So I definitely do pray on my own before I can get to Confession.

But what should I do about the Priest though? Should I just try to avoid him in the Confessional and leave it at that or should I make a big stink about it?

---

On a side note, what exactly can the Bishop do if you, for lack of a better term, file a complaint?

I’d first try to gather some ammo for the position with authoritative quotations (my usual methodology) and/or explain exactly how I feel about the matter and assure the priest that -it does me no harm but only good to confess these things as I do, so please put up with it- etc. Not a big stink, but a peaceful pleading is more likely to overcome. If he’s hard hearted, I’ve met that type before, well then you have to pray for that priest and go to another when confessing whatever sin the priest doesn’t think is a sin.

 

[Al_Masetti]

There are three conditions that MUST be satisfied completely in order for an action to be a mortal sin:

1. it must be serious
2. you must know it’s serious
3. it must be done with full consent of the will

All three conditions must be met.

Since you are a new Catholic (and even though versed in the Catechism), the confessor may have detected some obsessive-compulsive approach to the act which you took to be sinful. It is highly likely that the priest considered that condition #3 was not fully met.

Condition #3 may be regarded by different confessors somewhat subjectively … based on how they hear the confession. Tone of voice, for example, gives a lot of information to a listener with a lot of experience in listening.

Scrupulosity is not regarded by folks suffering from it as being serious. But the Church looks at scrupulosity differently. Because scrupulosity distorts the judgment of the penitent.

I would recommend doing a search here on Catholic Answers Forums for “scrupulosity” and when you find it, there is a newsletter published by the Liguori Fathers, “Scrupulous Anonymous”. In addition they have published a book on that subject. You can read the newsletters on line and the book is available through them.

There is another book … which used to get quoted a lot here on CAF, but which I haven’t seen lately. Difficult Moral Questions by Fr. Germain Grisez.

amazon.com/Difficult-Moral-Questions-Lord-Jesus/dp/0819909815

Get a copy and read it.

The issue of what is and what is not a sin is very difficult and the book on Difficult Moral Questions goes into enormous detail on what would and what would not cast identical actions into one category or the other.

Finally, to repeat what others have said, Trust the Confessor. It seems difficult to accept, but they have been trained and have experience. Trust them.

 

[Shin]

There are three conditions that MUST be satisfied completely in order for an action to be a mortal sin:

1. it must be serious
2. you must know it’s serious
3. it must be done with full consent of the will

All three conditions must be met.

The full consent of the will is the comforting aspect that mitigates a mortal sin to a merely grave one. However simply because something is pleasing or tempting and one is habitually persuaded by that does not *necessarily or always *mean one has not committed a mortal sin. I have said I’m not clear where the dividing line is interiorly for myself, (once I was told ‘you will know you have committed it’), and while I am comforted by this and #3, I believe it is reasonable to proceed cautiously giving advice to others on how to proceed on the matter.

And one is not to go to Communion as I have said whether the sin is mortal or only grave before Confession. A person with a habit like the above will certainly be required to wait for Confession before Communion simply because it is a carnal matter.

A scrupulous person, that is a truly scrupulous person would naturally be highly likely to overdo it – nevertheless even so, such a person could also have a correct understanding despite this and be paired with a priest with a too permissive understanding. Each situation can be different.

Combatting scrupulousity vs. confession for grave sin, the latter wins being of greater importance and key to the overall battle. One has to simply take care of the scrupulosity in other ways and make sure the Confession is proper overall.

1. May those afflicted with addictions to self-abuse be treated as if these sins were only venial to them …as long as they showed signs of reform?

Some confessors presume that the addict is not gravely culpable for his crime. This is false.

On December 29, 1975, the Sacred Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith addressed this very question in its Declaration on Certain Questions Concerning Sexual Ethics, “Psychology helps one to see how the immaturity of adolescence (which can sometimes persist after that age), psychological imbalance or habit can influence behavior, diminishing the deliberate character of the act and bringing about a situation whereby subjectively there may not always be a serious fault. But, in general, the absence of serious responsibility must not be presumed; this would be to misunderstand people’s moral capacity.” (p.15)

So, in general, the addict remains responsible for his serious crime; his innocence “must not be presumed.” Said again, in practice, in dealing addictions of impurity we are to assume that a grave sin has been committed.

web2.airmail.net/~carlsch/MaterDei/Homilies/homily040718.htm

 

[LilyM]

There are three conditions that MUST be satisfied completely in order for an action to be a mortal sin:

1. it must be serious
2. you must know it’s serious
3. it must be done with full consent of the will

All three conditions must be met.

Since you are a new Catholic (and even though versed in the Catechism), the confessor may have detected some obsessive-compulsive approach to the act which you took to be sinful. It is highly likely that the priest considered that condition #3 was not fully met.

Condition #3 may be regarded by different confessors somewhat subjectively … based on how they hear the confession. Tone of voice, for example, gives a lot of information to a listener with a lot of experience in listening.

Scrupulosity is not regarded by folks suffering from it as being serious. But the Church looks at scrupulosity differently. Because scrupulosity distorts the judgment of the penitent.

I would recommend doing a search here on Catholic Answers Forums for “scrupulosity” and when you find it, there is a newsletter published by the Liguori Fathers, “Scrupulous Anonymous”. In addition they have published a book on that subject. You can read the newsletters on line and the book is available through them.

There is another book … which used to get quoted a lot here on CAF, but which I haven’t seen lately. Difficult Moral Questions by Fr. Germain Grisez.

amazon.com/Difficult-Moral-Questions-Lord-Jesus/dp/0819909815

Get a copy and read it.

The issue of what is and what is not a sin is very difficult and the book on Difficult Moral Questions goes into enormous detail on what would and what would not cast identical actions into one category or the other.

Finally, to repeat what others have said, Trust the Confessor. It seems difficult to accept, but they have been trained and have experience. Trust them.

Exactly. If you’re obsessive-compulsive about confession, as you are, then it’s fair for a confessor to reach the conclusion that your masturbation addiction is ALSO a product of OCD. Which illness reduces your culpability much more than someone who is unaffected who indulges, even if they do so in an addictive fashion.

If your confessors in the past have told you that in your circumstances it’s not a mortal sin then you’ve got no reason not to trust their judgement on it. If you listen to them in good faith and they’re wrong then they will answer for it to God, not you. Holy obedience teaches us that except where our confessor is very clearly in the wrong, we are to trust him - that applies when he tells us that we are confessing too often or anything else.

 

[Lancer]

First, remember that Our Lord Jesus is not absent in this confession. Even if the priest was wrong in a pastoral sense…in a sacramental sense, he was not “outside the box”…so, I believe your first and foremost call…is to* be obedient to what this priest said to you. *

Second, he is the priest…and from what you have said…he did not violate his authority as a priest (even if he misunderstood you…which is human error…not willful malfeasance of his vows/duties in persona Christi).

Third, if you obey him to the best of your ability…forget parsing his words or your emotions…obedience will be most pleasing to the Lord…even if the Priest was off the target/misunderstood…or especially if he was personally upset at you…and reacted emotionally instead of In Persona Christi…he is still the Lord’s priest. You are in a no lose situation…the Lord Jesus put him there and you went to see him for absolution. If it did not work out the way you wanted…so be it…its in the Lord’s hands.* I recommend that you just accept his counsel…and be at peace*.

Fourth, if anything that the priest said to you rings true about yourself (in a spiritual sense)…it wasn’t the priest saying it…it was the Holy Spirit. Ask the Spirit for discernment and the grace to change what may be off centered on your thinking re: the sacrament of confession…and especially in your healing and conversion from the habit of lust and impurity.

Lastly, remember: * obedience is very, very pleasing to the Lord because it takes great humility which is from the Lord via his grace*…but it is also your response in accepting his gift of grace…and for the Lord….humility is the beginning of wisdom…in any scenario.

Pax Christi

P.S. I have been kicked out of confession three or four times…I mean literally “get out…don’t come back to me”…and in each case (after my emotions./anger settled)…I heard the Holy Spirit speaking through the words of the priest (not the how/what…but his intentions for my soul…in his words)…and I learned greatly about myself…and most especially about the Lord’s mercy and his sacrament…they were some of the most beneficial spiritual guidance/advice that I have ever received. The most important thing I learned was to …focus 15 percent on my time/thoughts/reflections on my sinfulness/failures and 85 percent on his mercy and love (The Incarnation and The Pascal Mysteries) which endure forever…in my preparation (examination of conscience) …during my confession to the priest…and in my post confession penance and thanksgiving prayers. Don’t use a rake to examine your conscience…use a feather…by definition, your conscience will get it!