Priest Refused to Hear Confession?

[UnusMilitum]

I think a good thing to do would be to first remove the beam from your own eye before going after this priest. Get your own issues under control. For some demons prayer isn’t enough. Make sure you fast and mortify your flesh. I’m not saying you’ll become perfect or that you won’t ever NOT have to struggle on a daily basis not to sin, but seriously, think about how contrite you are if you can fall back into the same evils just one day, or even mere hours after going to confession, and repeating this scenario multiple times a week. Think about how contrite you ought to be.

While HMC may mitigate the guilt associated with certain things for certain reasons these days it is always a bad idea to use these circumstances as a crutch or an excuse to continue sinning. It may be a habit, but habits can be broken, and especially with such a harmful habit you ought to be doing a lot to try to break the habit as quickly as possible.

Remember, in the act of contrition we “**firmly **resolve…to **amend **our lives.”

God bless!

 

[Al_Masetti]

One of the other posters mentioned the subject of discernment.

The best book, in my opinion, on the subject of discernment is “Weeds Among the Wheat” by Fr. Thomas Green. The way I use it is to just dip in anywhere … the text is so rich that usually I can only read a page or so before my mind begins to meditate on the ideas Fr. Green has written about.

avemariapress.com/itemdetail.cfm?nItemid=437

 

[Dempsey1919]

I think you should talk about this with your priest. Do not report him to the Bishop. Your priest may have had a valid reason for refusing to hear your confession. I think it would be a good idea to discuss this with one of your priests. I probably wouldn’t go to confession with this priest again. He sounds a little insensitive to the problems you are facing. Don’t harbour any bad feelings towards him. I would just look for another confessor.

Choose one of the priests within your parish to be your confessor. I would arrange a meeting to discuss this with him. You should tell him about your issues with scrupulosity and arrange a regular confession time. I would try to confess once per week and arrange a regular time to meet with him. Stick to this confession appointment and do not go to confession more than once per week. You suffer from scrupulosity and you need to combat this spiritual malady. If you committ a mortal sin, stop receiving Communion and wait until your regular time before confessing the sin. If you committ a moral sin on Monday and your confession appointment is not until the following Saturday, do not go to confession until that time. Use the week to perform personal acts of penance in reparation for your sins. You could fast for one day during the week before your confession and pray the Rosary for forgiveness every day until you can recieve the Sacrament of Reconciliation. This may be difficult for you, but it will help you to overcome your scrupulosity.

Here is what I would do:

1. 
   *]Do not confess to this priest again
   *]Select a regular confessor
   *]Meet with him to introduce yourself and explain your situation
   *]Establish a confession routine and stick to it!
   *]Perform personal acts of penance and prayer if you committ a mortal sin during the week before your confession
   *]Do not go to confession outside of your regular times
   
   Confession is extremely important but it must not cause you to become more scrupulous. Do your best to avoid sin, and perform small acts of penance througout the week if you do committ a mortal sin.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

The full consent of the will is the comforting aspect that mitigates a mortal sin to a merely grave one. However simply because something is pleasing or tempting and one is habitually persuaded by that does not *necessarily or always *mean one has not committed a mortal sin. I have said I’m not clear where the dividing line is interiorly for myself, (once I was told ‘you will know you have committed it’), and while I am comforted by this and #3, I believe it is reasonable to proceed cautiously giving advice to others on how to proceed on the matter.

If condition 3, full consent of the will, is not met then a sin is not mortal, it is venial. A grave sin is the same as a mortal one.

One need not confess venial sins though it is encouraged.

An addiction, or even a serious habit, can mean that condition 3 is not met and a sin is not a mortal sin.

 

[damooster]

Now I’m confused.

I just read this CA article on Scrupulosity and it says:

If you commit a genuine sin and your next confession is three weeks off, don’t obsess. Assuming that you are sorry, God forgives you as you anticipate the sacrament. When you ask God’s forgiveness, you are affected by the confession you will make several weeks hence.

Does this include mortal sins? Is this article suggesting that you can commit a mortal sin and receive the Eucharist because you plan on confessing in a couple of weeks?

 

[LilyM]

Now I’m confused.

I just read this CA article on Scrupulosity and it says:

Does this include mortal sins? Is this article suggesting that you can commit a mortal sin and receive the Eucharist because you plan on confessing in a couple of weeks?

No - it doesn’t speak to receiving the Eucharist at all really, just to going to confession. And it’s not presuming the sin is mortal (it just mentions ‘genuine’ sin, and doesn’t specify the type). The advice is for those who are worried even with venial sins about wanting to confess them immediately, or perhaps those who feel unable to receive Communion even with venial sin on their souls. Remember part of scrupulosity is seeing mortal sin where it doesn’t exist.

 

[Al_Masetti]

No - it doesn’t speak to receiving the Eucharist at all really, just to going to confession. And it’s not presuming the sin is mortal (it just mentions ‘genuine’ sin, and doesn’t specify the type). The advice is for those who are worried even with venial sins about wanting to confess them immediately, or perhaps those who feel unable to receive Communion even with venial sin on their souls. Remember part of scrupulosity is seeing mortal sin where it doesn’t exist.

One of the “problems” with the way the Mass is “conducted” since Vatican II, is that nowadays EVERYONE goes to receive Holy Communion. It used to be that many people did not. For a variety of reasons. I can’t judge anyone. But is very surprising nowadays when someone does not receive. It used to be that maybe only half received. And they went up all out of order which made it very unnoticeable if you didn’t go up to receive.

I do know that if for some reason I did not receive [such as having just eaten] everyone looked “funny” at me.

A humorous story: I had gone to Mass on Saturday evening because on Sunday I was scheduled to attend a seminar in another city. Well, on Sunday I drove to the other city. There was NO traffic, made great time, got a wonderful parking place and I was way early for the seminar. Walked around. Found a diner open and had a huge breakfast. Walked around some more and found a Catholic church, went in to pray. It was right before the Consecration. So I very quietly slipped into a pew at the back of the church, half hiding behind a column, just to be able to pray quietly. A couple of minutes later, everyone trooped down to the sanctuary for Holy Communion … and they all glared at me!! [What’s wrong with that guy!!!] I felt like standing up and loudly saying “I just ate.” What made it more difficult for me is that the ushers were prying people out of the pews to go to receive. And I wasn’t going!

Maybe the insistence of the ushers that everyone had to receive Holy Communion is one reason why Mass attendance has dropped off so precipitiously. Many people may not be in the state of Grace, but respect the Holy Eucharist too much to commit a sacrilege. So rather than be humiliated in public, they just stay home or make some excuse for not attending Mass.

 

[TracyJ]

Maybe the priest was actually making a “spiritual” referral. Maybe he felt that you were
NOT in a sinful but that somehow HE couldn’t impress that fact on your heart and that
perhaps another priest could do a better job in getting thru to you.

 

[nsper7]

Remember, I am dealing with two issues here:

1. Scrupulosity
2. Addiction/‘acquired habit’ of masturbation/lust issues

 

[LilyM]

One of the “problems” with the way the Mass is “conducted” since Vatican II, is that nowadays EVERYONE goes to receive Holy Communion. It used to be that many people did not. For a variety of reasons. I can’t judge anyone. But is very surprising nowadays when someone does not receive. It used to be that maybe only half received. And they went up all out of order which made it very unnoticeable if you didn’t go up to receive.

I do know that if for some reason I did not receive [such as having just eaten] everyone looked “funny” at me.

I can tell you, I don’t care if anyone else received or not, going to church with my parents they’d certainly notice (and comment!) if I didn’t receive - not in a negative way, just to see if there was anything I wanted to talk to them about.

A humorous story: I had gone to Mass on Saturday evening because on Sunday I was scheduled to attend a seminar in another city. Well, on Sunday I drove to the other city. There was NO traffic, made great time, got a wonderful parking place and I was way early for the seminar. Walked around. Found a diner open and had a huge breakfast. Walked around some more and found a Catholic church, went in to pray. It was right before the Consecration. So I very quietly slipped into a pew at the back of the church, half hiding behind a column, just to be able to pray quietly. A couple of minutes later, everyone trooped down to the sanctuary for Holy Communion … and they all glared at me!! [What’s wrong with that guy!!!] I felt like standing up and loudly saying “I just ate.” What made it more difficult for me is that the ushers were prying people out of the pews to go to receive. And I wasn’t going!

Uggh - sounds like those ushers need some serious retraining. Makes me glad we tend not to use them here in Australia. The one place I have regularly seen them used, they direct more section by section rather than row by row, and certainly it doesn’t seem that anyone feels like they have to go to Communion! It might be a good idea to get in touch with the pastor about it, because it is really quite the wrong thing for them to do.

Maybe the insistence of the ushers that everyone had to receive Holy Communion is one reason why Mass attendance has dropped off so precipitiously. Many people may not be in the state of Grace, but respect the Holy Eucharist too much to commit a sacrilege. So rather than be humiliated in public, they just stay home or make some excuse for not attending Mass.

If there are lots of ushers out there like yours, it’s entirely possible.

 

[steve_b]

But I’d rather not confront the Priest directly here. After all, I am a new Catholic, although knowledgeable enough in the Catechism (I have looked up mortal sin and Confession issues) to know that what the Priest was incorrect in his advice.

1. 
   *]Welcome aboard. :tiphat:
   *]I applaud your reading of the CCC. It will form your conscience well
   n:
   

   Still, I must admit I am furious at this Priest’s attitude toward Confession. He seems to view it as unimportant.

   I’m sorry to hear that.
   n:
   

   If all these Post-Vatican II Priests want to take a lackadaisical view of Confession, that is up to them, but DO NOT KEEP AWAY THE FAITHFUL WHO ACTUALLY WANT TO RECEIVE RECONCILIATION FREQUENTLY! IF IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR POPE JOHN PAUL II AND POPE ST. PIUS X (WHO SUPPOSEDLY RECEIVED RECONCILIATION DAILY), THEN WHO IS THIS PRIEST TO DISAGREE?!?

   Agreed. Have you looked into other parishes in the area?
   n:
   

   It was interesting a few days ago I posted the question about how some Traditionalist Catholic challenge the Priests a lot, but I got my answer not in the way I expected…
   
   Actually, I was planning on asking the Priest to, after Confession/Mass, to enroll me in the Brown Scapular (I am currently wearing one, but have not been enrolled yet).
   
   I thought there are only two ways to be forgiven for mortal sin:
   
   A) Absolution as received from a Priest in Reconciliation
   B) Act of Perfect Contrition
   
   What the Priest said about just praying to God for forgiveness (no Perfect Contrition mentioned) sounds like what most of my Protestant friends say, but they’re Protestant.

   As you already know I’m sure, your answer is backed up by scripture. [1 Jn 5:16…]

 

[Cruikshank_s]

I think you should talk about this with your priest. Do not report him to the Bishop. Your priest may have had a valid reason for refusing to hear your confession. I think it would be a good idea to discuss this with one of your priests. I probably wouldn’t go to confession with this priest again. He sounds a little insensitive to the problems you are facing. Don’t harbour any bad feelings towards him. I would just look for another confessor.

Choose one of the priests within your parish to be your confessor. I would arrange a meeting to discuss this with him. You should tell him about your issues with scrupulosity and arrange a regular confession time. I would try to confess once per week and arrange a regular time to meet with him. Stick to this confession appointment and do not go to confession more than once per week. You suffer from scrupulosity and you need to combat this spiritual malady. If you committ a mortal sin, stop receiving Communion and wait until your regular time before confessing the sin. If you committ a moral sin on Monday and your confession appointment is not until the following Saturday, do not go to confession until that time. Use the week to perform personal acts of penance in reparation for your sins. You could fast for one day during the week before your confession and pray the Rosary for forgiveness every day until you can recieve the Sacrament of Reconciliation. This may be difficult for you, but it will help you to overcome your scrupulosity.

Here is what I would do:

1. 
   *]Do not confess to this priest again
   *]Select a regular confessor
   *]Meet with him to introduce yourself and explain your situation
   *]Establish a confession routine and stick to it!
   *]Perform personal acts of penance and prayer if you committ a mortal sin during the week before your confession
   *]Do not go to confession outside of your regular times
   
   Confession is extremely important but it must not cause you to become more scrupulous. Do your best to avoid sin, and perform small acts of penance througout the week if you do committ a mortal sin.

1. 
   I will second this with great encouragement. No, I’m not scrupulous, but I am very nit-picky about my sins. For a long time I suffered from carnal addictions as well and were I to confess with regularity as needed I am sure I would have been kicked out as well (and my confessors are very orthodox) What I did was exactly what Dempsey suggested you do. Go weekly, to the same priest and listen to his advice! Don’t go outside of your set appointment time. Instead commit yourself to penance, prayer and mortification. With time and sacrifice, your passions and troubles with lust will fade and holiness will take its place. My prayers are with you, be assured of that!

 

[WetCatechumen]

I have an idea which is 100% hypocritical:

Howabout you stop masturbating. Ever thought of that?

 

[nsper7]

I have an idea which is 100% hypocritical:

Howabout you stop masturbating. Ever thought of that?

I assume, since you said it was 100% hypocritical, you deal with this issue as well? If so, why have you been unable to take your own advice? I ask partially in obnoxious jest, but partially because I would like to hear how others (try to) deal with this issue since it may help me at some level as well.

 

[WetCatechumen]

I assume, since you said it was 100% hypocritical, you deal with this issue as well? If so, why have you been unable to take your own advice? I ask partially in obnoxious jest, but partially because I would like to hear how others (try to) deal with this issue since it may help me at some level as well.

It’s a slightly different situation for me:

Yeah, it’s a horrible thing for me. It eats you up inside and I feel dirty all the time. But I’m not Catholic, so I can’t get absolution. I’m only protected by the the fact that since I cannot receive Sacrament but am planning to once I am received into the church. Hence, perfect contrition as evidenced by my imminent conversion.

And yeah, my post was an obnoxious jest, but I think the priest might have been trying to say that you need to confront and deal with the sin, and STOP it, not just confess it all the time and continue with life as normal. I know you try, but seriously, it’s your own hand. If either of us really wanted to, we’d stop completely.

Paul’s official and scriptural suggestion is for you to get married, but that’s not an option for 13 year old boys or even for most people in their early twenties now.

I would say, take the advice of other people. Get a single, regular confessor, and don’t try to do extra confessions. If you can’t receive because you’re failed, then you can’t receive. I can’t receive ANY week so consider yourself lucky when you can.

Honestly, I have no advice on how to stop masturbating. Since I was twelve the longest I’ve gone is five months (once), and then two months (once) and after that a week max. It’s extremely hard (pun intended), and quite honestly, I have to trust in God’s mercy because frankly, I’m a pretty horrible person. Ultimately, I think that’s all we can do.

Doesn’t mean it’s not possible to be entirely holy. We are supposed to. And if you stop trying you’re screwed.

 

[Cruikshank_s]

for all wanting un-wanted advice: just “stop it!” isn’t enough. STOP IT AND DO SOMETHING ELSE! is much better.

first thing first… the devil wants you to think very poorly of yourself. He wants you to get down on yourself and give up. Don’t give him the satisfaction. Instead constantly affirm yourself. (even if it’s not entirely true yet) “I am a child of the living God. I am holy and pure. Satan has no hold upon my soul, I will follow the edicts of my Lord.” Keep telling yourself that.

More likely than not your problem is accompanied by pornography, if you’re not watching it, you’re thinking about it. yes? yes, ok good. You need to over-wright those images with prayer and spiritual reading. Consider praying the rosary a couple times daily. The Jesus prayer is also very good in focusing your thoughts on our Lord when tempted “Lord Jesus Christ, son of the Living God, have mercy on me a sinner.” just say it over and over until our Lord has firmly shunned those images and temptations.

If you’re into internet pornography, get a strong filter and enlist a friend to administrate the account, have him or her set the password and forget it. You will never get over this half heartedly. You need to make a strong sacrifice and build up an impenetrable defense with our Lord and Lady’s help.

When you fail (and you will) remember to trust in God and turn to him in your sorrow. He will give you strength. These things are acquired through practice, and can only be gotten rid of through harder practice. Pray daily and often, keep your mind constantly on holy things, and when Satan tempts you say your prayer, and he will back down provided you give into the grace of God.

Find out your reasons why you sin in this way. Think of the circumstances that precede the act. What prompts you? Find that out and correct it. Is it boredom? Occupy your mind and body with productive tasks. Why do you do these things? Find out why and counteract the stimulus, with a positive and holy endeavor.

And remember… LISTEN TO YOUR CONFESSOR. He knows these things, listen and act on every piece of sound advice he gives.

 

[EasterJoy]

Honestly, I have no advice on how to stop masturbating. Since I was twelve the longest I’ve gone is five months (once), and then two months (once) and after that a week max. It’s extremely hard (pun intended), and quite honestly, I have to trust in God’s mercy because frankly, I’m a pretty horrible person. Ultimately, I think that’s all we can do.

Doesn’t mean it’s not possible to be entirely holy. We are supposed to. And if you stop trying you’re screwed.

You know what, everybody has something to deal with. You come to the table hungry, knowing you are in need. It isn’t fun, but it certainly does address that sense of entitlement, which is itself a great obstacle to holiness.

I have had more than one priest tell me that they have to be on the lookout for penitents who get a “high” off of confession without making spiritual progress, just as a doctor has to watch out for patients who make lots and lots of visits without becoming any more compliant or letting their prescriptions run their course. It is a tricky business, because of course hypochondriacs and non-compliant patients still get legitimately sick, but that doesn’t change the maxim, “First, do no harm.” Confession can be unknowingly abused, just as surely as antibiotics can.

A person who desires to and tries to confess what is truly a mortal sin (i.e., not an addiction-caused act committed by a will so mitigated by habit that the sin is venial or more of a spiritual fault than a sin) but is not allowed to confess because of a mistake or even obstinence or laziness on the part of the priest is not going to be refused God’s forgiveness.

Treat this as you would your relationship with a physician. Trust your confessor for awhile, take his advice, see what happens. If you are not satisfied that his care is in the best interest of your health, change physicians. The priest will manage.

 

[YADA]

I read through the responses and you have recieved some really good advice …

it i sad that you felt the priest was unresponsive to your need to confess a sin that weighs heavily upon you …

I offer this with compassion and without disrespect … and this is based upon your recounting the encounter with the priest …

You emphasized not having ben able to recieve the Eucharist the day before [even though you attended Mass] and a desire to reiceve at Mass that day … Perhaps the priest heard you saying that you wantd to go to confession because you desired to recieve the Eucharist [not that desiring the Source and Summit of our Chirstian Life is a bad desire] not that you were sorry for having offended God and yourself and your faith community … that your desire to receive the Eucharist was greater then your deire to conquor your ‘addiction’ … that you were not primarily remorseful about the sin but more about being kept from the Eucharist …

Perhaps this was his way of getting to to consider your motivatoin in seeking absolution … and thos is different then his thinking that you are not really sorry … but in overcoming addiction you have to “face it openly and honestly” … know what motivates you and why … think AA - 12 Step program …

I pray for God’s Grace to shine upon your heart and create courageous spirit able to overcome your addiction in the Name of Jesus Our Lord and Savior

 

[nsper7]

I read through the responses and you have recieved some really good advice …

it i sad that you felt the priest was unresponsive to your need to confess a sin that weighs heavily upon you …

I offer this with compassion and without disrespect … and this is based upon your recounting the encounter with the priest …

You emphasized not having ben able to recieve the Eucharist the day before [even though you attended Mass] and a desire to reiceve at Mass that day … Perhaps the priest heard you saying that you wantd to go to confession because you desired to recieve the Eucharist [not that desiring the Source and Summit of our Chirstian Life is a bad desire] not that you were sorry for having offended God and yourself and your faith community … that your desire to receive the Eucharist was greater then your deire to conquor your ‘addiction’ … that you were not primarily remorseful about the sin but more about being kept from the Eucharist …

Perhaps this was his way of getting to to consider your motivatoin in seeking absolution … and thos is different then his thinking that you are not really sorry … but in overcoming addiction you have to “face it openly and honestly” … know what motivates you and why … think AA - 12 Step program …

I pray for God’s Grace to shine upon your heart and create courageous spirit able to overcome your addiction in the Name of Jesus Our Lord and Savior

I only brought up the Eucharist issue AFTER his initial refusal to hear my Confession.

 

[LilyM]

I read through the responses and you have recieved some really good advice …

it i sad that you felt the priest was unresponsive to your need to confess a sin that weighs heavily upon you …

I offer this with compassion and without disrespect … and this is based upon your recounting the encounter with the priest …

You emphasized not having ben able to recieve the Eucharist the day before [even though you attended Mass] and a desire to reiceve at Mass that day … Perhaps the priest heard you saying that you wantd to go to confession because you desired to recieve the Eucharist [not that desiring the Source and Summit of our Chirstian Life is a bad desire] not that you were sorry for having offended God and yourself and your faith community … that your desire to receive the Eucharist was greater then your deire to conquor your ‘addiction’ … that you were not primarily remorseful about the sin but more about being kept from the Eucharist …

Perhaps this was his way of getting to to consider your motivatoin in seeking absolution … and thos is different then his thinking that you are not really sorry … but in overcoming addiction you have to “face it openly and honestly” … know what motivates you and why … think AA - 12 Step program …

I pray for God’s Grace to shine upon your heart and create courageous spirit able to overcome your addiction in the Name of Jesus Our Lord and Savior

I don’t think a desire to recieve Our Lord in the sacrament of Holy Communion can be construed as an unworthy motive for going to confession. Remember even attrition or imperfect confession will procure a valid absolution, so really the motive should not even be in question unless there was an utter lack sorrow for sin for any reason.

And I think our buddy here certainly WAS sorry that his sins separated him from Our Eucharistic Lord. It’s by far a worthier motive than the fear of hell or the other pettier sentiments that bring so many people to confession, and nonetheless are valid.