Priest refuses to perform private baptism?

[ellam25]

Hi,
So I grew up going to the traditional Latin mass; we were all baptized traditionally with just our family and godparents. My daughter is now ready to be baptized and since we are no longer at the parish (we are at a novis ordo parish now, its what is closest to us) we want to have her baptized there. However the priest straight up refused a private baptism, saying that the 'community" needs to be involved in her baptism to welcome her to the faith and that is why they will do it during mass. That does not seem proper to me and has a very Protestant feel to it. What do you all think about that? I want to have her baptized but I have anxiety as it is about larger crowds and am not very happy about this but idk.

 

[Xantippe]

Hi,
So I grew up going to the traditional Latin mass; we were all baptized traditionally with just our family and godparents. My daughter is now ready to be baptized and since we are no longer at the parish (we are at a novis ordo parish now, its what is closest to us) we want to have her baptized there. However the priest straight up refused a private baptism, saying that the 'community" needs to be involved in her baptism to welcome her to the faith and that is why they will do it during mass. That does not seem proper to me and has a very Protestant feel to it. What do you all think about that? I want to have her baptized but I have anxiety as it is about larger crowds and am not very happy about this but idk.

Can you tell the priest that crowds make you nervous and that it would be pastoral of him to be compassionate?

It should also be possible to find a smaller, less crowded Mass. In my experience, you’re quite right to be concerned about a crowded environment–when they do multiple baptisms during the same Mass, it is typically very crowded with family members and well-wishers.

If I were you, I wouldn’t be worried about a baptism during Mass being “Protestant”–a Catholic baptism during Mass is very Catholic. What else would it be like?

Yet another option is to make arrangements with a priest you know–it is quite possible to have a baptism done by a priest other than in your geographical parish if you make appropriate arrangements. (We once imported a deacon friend from out of state.)

 

[Phemie]

Yet another option is to make arrangements with a priest you know–it is quite possible to have a baptism done by a priest other than in your geographical parish if you make appropriate arrangements. (We once imported a deacon friend from out of state.)

Part of the appropriate arrangements is getting your Pastor’s permission to do so.

In our parish Baptism is usually celebrated during Mass but our Pastors have been very accommodating if parents have a valid reason for asking for a private Baptism. Certainly your anxiety would be reason enough here. In fact, I’m dealing with a couple now where the Dad has the same problem. We are still working on it, and trying to do so compassionately, but it’s complicated by the fact that the sufferer is the non-Catholic dad and Grandma, who effectively will be the one bringing the child to church, is adamant that he doesn’t matter and that the Baptism should be during Mass on Sunday.

 

[lax16]

Hi,
So I grew up going to the traditional Latin mass; we were all baptized traditionally with just our family and godparents. My daughter is now ready to be baptized and since we are no longer at the parish (we are at a novis ordo parish now, its what is closest to us) we want to have her baptized there. However the priest straight up refused a private baptism, saying that the 'community" needs to be involved in her baptism to welcome her to the faith and that is why they will do it during mass. That does not seem proper to me and has a very Protestant feel to it. What do you all think about that? I want to have her baptized but I have anxiety as it is about larger crowds and am not very happy about this but idk.

I am not a fan of “community” baptisms - they can be long and I find people can become quite annoyed. I also felt the priest was rushing in order to get them done during mass. I think it has a Protestant feel to it as well.

My parish does them privately and I prefer it that way.

When my youngest daughter was baptized she screamed her lungs out and would not stop crying. She had been asleep and I had to wake her from her nap to have her baptized. It was embarrassing and she was hard to hold. It was hard enough doing that in front of family and friends - in front of an audience, no way!

 

[7_Sorrows]

I like watching the baptisms. they do make the service a little longer and it is a way for the community to welcome in a new member.
I understand how you feel about crowds though. when I was received into the Catholic church I didn’t want to do it during Mass so the priest allowed me to do a private reception with me and the RCIA person who I worked one on one with.
I believe our priests does private baptisms as well.

 

[Tarpeian_Rock]

The three parishes I’m familiar with all do private Baptisms. While the symbolism of the child being received by the entire community at Mass is supposedly ideal, as a practical matter a Baptism is a very special family time, and to “squeeze in” (which is how it often felt) their special moment in front of a congregation of mostly strangers, with the attendant sense of impatience, was felt to seriously diminish the specialness of the moment. Also, very often family members who attend a Baptism may not have been in a church in years, and a private Baptism provides an opportunity for a teaching and welcoming moment that isn’t possible in front of the whole congregation. Usually deacons, who may have a more flexible schedule, are more than happy to arrange a private Baptism (with the pastor’s permission, of course).

 

[1ke]

However the priest straight up refused a private baptism, saying that the 'community" needs to be involved in her baptism to welcome her to the faith and that is why they will do it during mass.

Which is what the Roman Missal calls for in the Rite of Baptism for Children.

That does not seem proper to me and has a very Protestant feel to it.

It is 100% proper, and follows the rubrics laid down for the Rite of Baptism.

What do you all think about that?

I don’t understand what the problem is. Just because something is unfamiliar to you that does not mean there is something “wrong” with it. The pastor is doing what the Rite instructs, which is whenever possible the Rite is to talk place on Sunday, in Mass.

The Rite allows for other options, but that is the exception, not the norm. “Because I want it” is not a reason the priest has deemed acceptable to deviate from the norm. If you have another reason, unrelated to just wanting it private, then perhaps he will make accommodations.

I want to have her baptized but I have anxiety as it is about larger crowds and am not very happy about this but idk.

Why are you anxious about baptism during Mass? Is this a personal anxiety you have regarding crowds?

 

[RyanBlack]

Hi,
So I grew up going to the traditional Latin mass; we were all baptized traditionally with just our family and godparents. My daughter is now ready to be baptized and since we are no longer at the parish (we are at a novis ordo parish now, its what is closest to us) we want to have her baptized there. However the priest straight up refused a private baptism, saying that the 'community" needs to be involved in her baptism to welcome her to the faith and that is why they will do it during mass. That does not seem proper to me and has a very Protestant feel to it. What do you all think about that? I want to have her baptized but I have anxiety as it is about larger crowds and am not very happy about this but idk.

There’s nothing “Protestant” about having baptisms during Mass. Since baptism unites us to Christ and to the Church, baptisms during Mass are perfectly appropriate.

 

[7_Sorrows]

Which is what the Roman Missal calls for in the Rite of Baptism for Children.

It is 100% proper, and follows the rubrics laid down for the Rite of Baptism.

I don’t understand what the problem is. Just because something is unfamiliar to you that does not mean there is something “wrong” with it. The pastor is doing what the Rite instructs, which is whenever possible the Rite is to talk place on Sunday, in Mass.

The Rite allows for other options, but that is the exception, not the norm. “Because I want it” is not a reason the priest has deemed acceptable to deviate from the norm. If you have another reason, unrelated to just wanting it private, then perhaps he will make accommodations.

Why are you anxious about baptism during Mass? Is this a personal anxiety you have regarding crowds?

a lot of people have anxiety about crowds and getting up in front of people.

 

[7_Sorrows]

There’s nothing “Protestant” about having baptisms during Mass. Since baptism unites us to Christ and to the Church, baptisms during Mass are perfectly appropriate.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Hi,
So I grew up going to the traditional Latin mass; we were all baptized traditionally with just our family and godparents. My daughter is now ready to be baptized and since we are no longer at the parish (we are at a novis ordo parish now, its what is closest to us) we want to have her baptized there. However the priest straight up refused a private baptism, saying that the 'community" needs to be involved in her baptism to welcome her to the faith and that is why they will do it during mass. That does not seem proper to me and has a very Protestant feel to it. What do you all think about that? I want to have her baptized but I have anxiety as it is about larger crowds and am not very happy about this but idk.

A couple of things.
1 the phrase " my daughter is now ready to be baptized" really struck me as Protestant. Oddly more so than what you deemed as Protestant. If your daughter is born, she is ready. Period.

We have had children baptized both ways. I honestly like the public one better. I think it is important to witness to the idea of being prolific. Growth, hope.
The community needs that these days. I love watching little squirming babies get baptized.
But the intimacy of a private baptism has a special feel to it too!

But why should it matter what you particular parish wishes. The baptism is not about that at all is it?

I have a friend who insists all his children are baptized in the old form with the Latin because there are " extra excorcism" prayers in it.

BUT

If you saw my kids and his kids only one of us has little demons running around, and it isn’t me…

 

[mommy_k]

If this is something that is very important to you, ask your priest which nearby parishes do private baptisms.

You have to look at it this way–your priest could never honor all specail requests for sacraments, unless the reason is valid- and I am sure he has many of these requests.To have a private baptism, just because you feel it is more Catholic is not valid imho. Not all people are comfortable with getting up in front of crowds either, and unless you are under the doctors care for it , and it was severe-then its still not vaild imho.

When we belong to a Catholic community we have to be humble and grateful to belong to it.We adjust our attitudes and respect the authority of the parish. Not to do so, or to expect special treatment is signs of a rebellious nature.

So again, if you want a private baptism, find a parish where this is not considered a special request.

 

[pensmama87]

a lot of people have anxiety about crowds and getting up in front of people.

That’s true, but if that’s the issue, the OP needs to separate that from (mistaken) ideas about baptism during Mass being theologically inappropriate.

“Could we please do this privately because of my anxiety?” is likely to received a lot better than “Crowds make me anxious, Father, and also, the parish policy is Protestant.”

 

[Xantippe]

That’s true, but if that’s the issue, the OP needs to separate that from (mistaken) ideas about baptism during Mass being theologically inappropriate.

“Could we please do this privately because of my anxiety?” is likely to received a lot better than “Crowds make me anxious, Father, and also, the parish policy is Protestant.”

Ironically, one reason can be more convincing than two.

 

[ellam25]

A couple of things.
1 the phrase " my daughter is now ready to be baptized" really struck me as Protestant. Oddly more so than what you deemed as Protestant. If your daughter is born, she is ready. Period.
…

So that’s another thing. My daughter is 2 months old but they will not baptize her during lent. Idk why maybe I’m missing something. We performed an emergency baptism on her you know just in case something happened between now and when she can be baptized. When I said she’s ready I didn’t mean it like you’re implying.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

So that’s another thing. My daughter is 2 months old but they will not baptize her during lent. Idk why maybe I’m missing something. We performed an emergency baptism on her you know just in case something happened between now and when she can be baptized. When I said she’s ready I didn’t mean it like you’re implying.

Oh that no lent thing irks me to no end! That happened with our first before we knew of the idiocy of that rule that some parishes implement. The plus was that our first daughter was baptized in a Mass on Divine Mercy Sunday.

However here is a little article dealing with that lent stuff.
ewtn.com/library/Liturgy/zlitur356.htm

Here are some notable quotables…

“Can. 867 §1. Parents are obliged to take care that infants are baptized in the first few weeks; as soon as possible after the birth or even before it, they are to go to the pastor to request the sacrament for their child and to be prepared properly for it.”

Emphasis mine.
As you can see you are past the first “few” weeks.

"—3. An infant should be baptized within the first weeks after birth. The conference of bishops may, for sufficiently serious pastoral reasons, determine a longer interval of time between birth and baptism.

As you can see a conference of Bishops can elaborate. Not a parish priest…
But be nice…

Apart from the case of imminent danger of death an infant can and should be baptized if there is any reasonable health risk in the first weeks. Even the strong desire of practicing Catholic parents to offer baptism to their child at the earliest possible date after birth should be considered as sufficient to waive a rule of no baptism during Lent.

That part is just the person answering the question’s opinion but He is right.

Now please read the whole article because it does give some reasoning for the lent prohibition, though I find them flimsy at best.

Here is a parenting hint that has helped us in parish life immensely.
The squeaky wheel gets the oil.
That does NOT mean complain and whine based on whims that are ill informed or unfounded, but rather know the reasoning behind the theology and then excercise your right as the “Primary educator of your children in the faith”

Have your child baptized this weekend… I would.

 

[CatholicRaven]

So that’s another thing. My daughter is 2 months old but they will not baptize her during lent. Idk why maybe I’m missing something. We performed an emergency baptism on her you know just in case something happened between now and when she can be baptized. When I said she’s ready I didn’t mean it like you’re implying.

Well… You really should not have performed an “emergency baptism” unless there was an ACTUAL emergency and she was in danger of death. Of course, if there was danger of death, and you’d mentioned it to the priest, I’m sure he would have been willing to baptize her immediately, too.

Many parishes discourage celebrations during Lent, wanting to keep in mind what Lent is about (penance, sacrifice, preparing for new life in Christ…). Baptism is allowed when needed, but it is often preferred to wait until the Easter Vigil, as the Sacrament of Baptism is so closely related to Easter!

I’m curious, though… you didn’t get her baptized during her first few weeks of life (before Lent started Feb. 10), but now you’re in a big hurry (even to the point of doing a non-emergency “emergency” baptism) and can’t wait a couple more weeks? Why?

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

So that’s another thing. My daughter is 2 months old but they will not baptize her during lent. Idk why maybe I’m missing something. We performed an emergency baptism on her you know just in case something happened between now and when she can be baptized. When I said she’s ready I didn’t mean it like you’re implying.

I’m sorry I completely missed that emergency baptism part!!!
You should not have done that. It now complicates matters. You need to speak with the priest and tell him you did this so he can decide if a “conditional baptism” should be done or none at all. If you baptized her, then she already had been baptized. And we believe in “one” baptism…
The priest needs to be made aware of the sacramental condition of the person he is performing a sacrament on…
Think of it this way, if you indeed baptized your daughter then. Priest “re” doing it would not be the actual baptism.
Much blame falls on you for that move. But some falls on a church and parish that makes it so hard to baptize in the first place.
I’m not pope Francis’s biggest fan but one good thing about him is that he favors easier access and more liberal application of this, the first of all sacraments.

Your daughters sacramental record needs to be accurate. Please discuss this with your priest asap. And I’m the future… Don’t do that!

 

[ellam25]

Well… You really should not have performed an “emergency baptism” unless there was an ACTUAL emergency and she was in danger of death. Of course, if there was danger of death, and you’d mentioned it to the priest, I’m sure he would have been willing to baptize her immediately, too.

Many parishes discourage celebrations during Lent, wanting to keep in mind what Lent is about (penance, sacrifice, preparing for new life in Christ…). Baptism is allowed when needed, but it is often preferred to wait until the Easter Vigil, as the Sacrament of Baptism is so closely related to Easter!

I’m curious, though… you didn’t get her baptized during her first few weeks of life (before Lent started Feb. 10), but now you’re in a big hurry (even to the point of doing a non-emergency “emergency” baptism) and can’t wait a couple more weeks? Why?

My daughter was in the hospital for some time after birth because she was very low birth weight and was in danger for sometime. They have designated dates when they do bàptisms . we did the emergency baptism around the time she was getting away from danger in January but it was past the designated date and I was not yet part of that particular parish yet anyway. (My husband and I move around a lot…) Ad then that’s when the priest said they don’t do baptisms during lent and I’d have to wait until April. The whole thing is messed up and ridiculous I think.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My daughter was in the hospital for some time after birth because she was very low birth weight and was in danger for sometime. They have designated dates when they do bàptisms . we did the emergency baptism around the time she was getting away from danger in January but it was past the designated date and I was not yet part of that particular parish yet anyway. (My husband and I move around a lot…) Ad then that’s when the priest said they don’t do baptisms during lent and I’d have to wait until April. The whole thing is messed up and ridiculous I think.

Your priest needs to be informed of what you did. If you indeed baptized your child then you need not have a baptism again. Maybe he could do an anointing. Once you do a baptism your priest needs to be made aware.
Yes, the rules can get ridiculous but you need to also take responsibility for your own uneducated choices…