priest threatening to deny 7-year old FHC-help!

[ljprevo]

My son’s First Communion was in 1987. They SAID no pictures and they MEANT it. There was a tiny little nun, who grabbed the video cameras right out of people’s hands. She escorted a young Brooklyn lady out because of inappropriate dress too. She was something else.

They did sell a video of First Communion for about $20. I think I saw my son for about 4 seconds, but my sister was sitting in just the right place. She was in about half the video.

Inappropriate dress is one thing, a mere color, or lack of color (i.e. white) should not be a reason.

 

[GregoryPalamas]

[SIGN][/SIGN]

He says it is a theologically based decision, to show that you don’t need to be pure (wear white) to recieve communion. I agree that you don’t need to be pure, but let’s be real, my 7-year old has not committed a mortal sin and therefor actually is pure. Regardless, the theology ties FHC to baptism and being welcomed in to the Catholic world. In Baptism, we wear white and should do so for FHC as well.
Bottom line, he is a control freak and will not give in. At this moment, the Bishop has attempted to correct him and he continues to defy him.
As a side note, I’ve explained that this is not a mini-bride dress. It’s actually quite simple.
I really think I need a lawyer on this. Appreciate the feedback!

He doesnot know his theology. White is very appropriate. Doesn’t anyone read the Bible? It’s the separation between the three initiatory sacraments that is the real problem but if the three are to be split apart then by all means white should be worn by everyone receiving the sacrament. For crying out loud, read Revelation.

CDL

 

[VociMike]

He says it is a theologically based decision, to show that you don’t need to be pure (wear white) to recieve communion.

His parish must be practically perfect in every way for him to spend his time straining at such gnats. Let me guess, it’s a bastion of Catholic orthodoxy and spirituality, right?

 

[kage_ar]

scborromeo.org/ccc/para/1457.htm

**1457 **According to the Church’s command, “after having attained the age of discretion, each of the faithful is bound by an obligation faithfully to confess serious sins at least once a year.” Anyone who is aware of having committed a mortal sin must not receive Holy Communion, even if he experiences deep contrition, without having first received sacramental absolution, unless he has a grave reason for receiving Communion and there is no possibility of going to confession. Children must go to the sacrament of Penance before receiving Holy Communion for the first time.

 

[krazykatlady]

I had the same thing happen to us when our youngest daughter had her first Communion. The priest told the parents not to bring our daughters in white dresses and veils because we now have a new understanding of the Eucharist.
A few parents defied the priest and dressed their daughters in traditional first Communion clothing. They were not denied Communion. I wish I had done the same.

 

[mschrank]

We thought about switching parishes, but our daughter adores her catechist and her classmates. And, the people at the church-the other parents are very nice.

Who cares, the Priest would of been burned at the stake a few centuries ago.

I hate that, oh, we have a heretic priest and altar girls do the consecration but hey, nice people, and I like (X).

 

[Nechasin]

My son’s First Communion was in 1987. They SAID no pictures and they MEANT it. There was a tiny little nun, who grabbed the video cameras right out of people’s hands. She escorted a young Brooklyn lady out because of inappropriate dress too. She was something else.

They did sell a video of First Communion for about $20. I think I saw my son for about 4 seconds, but my sister was sitting in just the right place. She was in about half the video.

I have no problem with the camera ban. My parish bans cameras, but the pastor will spend as much time after Mass as needed to pose for pictures (with an unconscrated host) for those parents that absolutely have to have a picture.

 

[pnewton]

I hate to admit this, but I would consider doing what the priest says. Even though he his dead wrong and sounds as batty as they come. Practically, if your daughter is that attached to her class, like you said, you wouldn’t want to sour her on the Eucharist for the sake of this priest.

This is assuming you can not get any action from the bishop. Notice I said action and not just talk.

 

[daeve]

Inappropriate dress is one thing, a mere color, or lack of color (i.e. white) should not be a reason.

I didn’t suggest it was.

 

[daeve]

I have no problem with the camera ban. My parish bans cameras, but the pastor will spend as much time after Mass as needed to pose for pictures (with an unconscrated host) for those parents that absolutely have to have a picture.

It was nice. Whenever there was an event at school, the parents with video cameras would rush the stage, blocking everyone else’s view. Their pictures were more important than the event itself.

 

[cotaface]

Who cares, the Priest would of been burned at the stake a few centuries ago.

I hate that, oh, we have a heretic priest and altar girls do the consecration but hey, nice people, and I like (X).

The point was that we should be forced to leave our local parish because of a rogue priest that the diocese is reluctant to reign in. I’ll fight this fight, but I won’t run away from it.

 

[Karl_M]

Wow.

I’d find the next Catholic Parish in town and not set foot in whatever parish told you that (and I’d take my envelopes with me).

I know you said your daughter likes it, but that is a dangerous priest. If he’s that wrong about something so basic, how can he be right about serious scriptural issues?

Think about it this way, if you got a job transfer to another city 200 miles away, you’d have to switch parishes. I know that isn’t a perfect example, but I think you get the point. I’d say your daughter has more danger of leaving the faith in the future if she goes to this parish w/o wearing white (or wearing white and being denied). If you switch parishes, she’ll be mad at you-but kids are always mad at their parents for something. I’d rather take that risk than give this priest a victory.

I’d also write letters to the editor of the local Diocese newspaper, the actual newspaper, and maybe call the TV stations. If the priest wants to make a public statement about wearing white, I’d be more than happy to help him.

 

[cotaface]

Wow.

I’d find the next Catholic Parish in town and not set foot in whatever parish told you that (and I’d take my envelopes with me).

I know you said your daughter likes it, but that is a dangerous priest. If he’s that wrong about something so basic, how can he be right about serious scriptural issues?

Think about it this way, if you got a job transfer to another city 200 miles away, you’d have to switch parishes. I know that isn’t a perfect example, but I think you get the point. I’d say your daughter has more danger of leaving the faith in the future if she goes to this parish w/o wearing white (or wearing white and being denied). If you switch parishes, she’ll be mad at you-but kids are always mad at their parents for something. I’d rather take that risk than give this priest a victory.

I’d also write letters to the editor of the local Diocese newspaper, the actual newspaper, and maybe call the TV stations. If the priest wants to make a public statement about wearing white, I’d be more than happy to help him.

You absolutely make an excellent point and the truth is, we have tried to move, but since we are right smack in the middle of the CCD year, the other parishes are very reluctant to allow us to switch. We need to finish CCD first and then move parishes. At that point, I do feel badly for our daughter because she doesn’t get FHC w/ her classmates.
And…I’ll admit this. I really yanks my chain that this priest openly defies the Diocese in spite of their recent clarification that wearing white is totally appropriate.

 

[ASimpleSinner]

Hello,
I need some guidence. The pastor at our church prohibits us from dressing our child in white for her First Holy Communion. We have been warned not to “test” this policy as it may lead to our daughter being rejected. In other words, denied FHC because of the color of her clothing.
The Diocese has instructed the pastor that the church does not support this and that not only does it violate the church policy, but it violates our civil rights. The pastor has essentially defied the bishop at this point and continues to ban white.
Is a Canon lawyer appropriate for this? And if so, how do I retain one?
Thank you!!!

No a canon lawyer is NOT appropriate.

There is no canon saying that she HAS to recieve first communion in that parish.

By discretely calling around, you may find a pastor locally that will allow your daughter to join his parish’s first communion Mass. Or you could have her make her first communion privately or at a daily Mass in another parish by talking to the priest first.

One homeschooler family I know with a special affection for the founder of a small religous order discussed it with their pastor and made it known/agreed that their two sons - ages 6&7 - would be receiving their FHC at a Mass they were going to be attending in Chicago where this order’s founder would be.

And that was prefectly FINE.

Conversely, even though it is wrong, and this priest is acting like a real doofus (pardon my french!) there is no canon saying she has to wear white, or you have a right for her to do so.

But one thing I can’t discourage enough is bringing in canon lawyers to this matter. Even if the priest is wrong and being a jerk about it, take some higher moral ground. Do you really want your daughter’s focus or attention to be on turning her sacraments of initiation into litigation? Is that what you want to spend time and money on?

I will bet you a dollar that you and I both know you don’t.

I agree with your desires. I disagree with the pastor’s. But turning this into a fight - as is the case 9X out of 10 - isn’t going to accomplish much, will not be edifying, and will only serve to surround your daughter’s first encounter with Jesus in the Eucharist with fighting and anger.

I know you don’t want*** that***.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Hello,
I need some guidence. The pastor at our church prohibits us from dressing our child in white for her First Holy Communion. We have been warned not to “test” this policy as it may lead to our daughter being rejected. In other words, denied FHC because of the color of her clothing.
The Diocese has instructed the pastor that the church does not support this and that not only does it violate the church policy, but it violates our civil rights. The pastor has essentially defied the bishop at this point and continues to ban white.
Is a Canon lawyer appropriate for this? And if so, how do I retain one?
Thank you!!!

The White is used to symbolize that she/he (white dress or shirt) has brought their Baptismal garment un-stained to the Sacrament. I would not push it, just dress her that morning and don’t make a big show of it when you arrive at the Church. If he denies her Holy Communion, without notifying you ahead of time as to why she does not qualify for reception of the Sacrament. You should then go to the Bishop and demand that he do something about the pastor and his practices. Believe me he won’t defy the Bishop for very long.

 

[DJgang]

I would definitely write a letter to the Bishop.

What does other parents in the class think? Are they talking about it at all…I’m assuming your daughter is not the only little lady to have FHC.

Can he really deny her FHC because of the way she dresses? Now…that is a Cannon Lawyer question.

Can any Priest deny anyone who is Catholic, communion because of the way they are dressed? Anyone?

Those would be my points.

 

[ASimpleSinner]

The White is used to symbolize that she/he (white dress or shirt) has brought their Baptismal garment un-stained to the Sacrament. I would not push it, just dress her that morning and don’t make a big show of it when you arrive at the Church. If he denies her Holy Communion, without notifying you ahead of time as to why she does not qualify for reception of the Sacrament. You should then go to the Bishop and demand that he do something about the pastor and his practices. Believe me he won’t defy the Bishop for very long.

But running the risk of him denying communion to prove his power trip… Let’s think of the little girl.

Do we want her memories of this event to possibly include getting dressed up and then being publically turned away?

That is just a bad memory waiting to happen. I can almost her her as a jaded college student at part 15 years later "Yea, growing up I learned that the Catholic Church was all political BS and priests are all jerks!"

Think episodes like this, and watching parents fight and parishes have (preventable) infighting don’t lead to that?

Do we want to take this chance?

Let’s put her & Jesus first. I don’t want to see a little girl’s first Eucharistic encounter with Jesus Christ to be marred in litigation, embarassment or humiliation. Why chance it?

 

[kage_ar]

Understand you have a dress… would it be possible to find a pretty pastel cardigan or shawl for her to wear over her shoulders?

 

[Wolseley]

But running the risk of him denying communion to prove his power trip… Let’s think of the little girl.

Do we want her memories of this event to possibly include getting dressed up and then being publically turned away?

That is just a bad memory waiting to happen. I can almost her her as a jaded college student at part 15 years later "Yea, growing up I learned that the Catholic Church was all political BS and priests are all jerks!"

Think episodes like this, and watching parents fight and parishes have (preventable) infighting don’t lead to that?

Do we want to take this chance?

Let’s put her & Jesus first. I don’t want to see a little girl’s first Eucharistic encounter with Jesus Christ to be marred in litigation, embarassment or humiliation. Why chance it?

I agree, but maybe somebody ought to tell the priest that.

“You know, Reverend (I hesitate to use the title ‘Father’), your screwy ideas mixed with your titanic ego may end up driving this child out of the Church—and the state of her immortal soul will be on your head.”

 

[pnewton]

No a canon lawyer is NOT appropriate.

There is no canon saying that she HAS to recieve first communion in that parish.

Asking a canon lawyer wouldn’t hurt. That would be the one to tell you if there was any point or not. I do believe there is an obligation to make the sacraments reasonable available to all the faithful, so there might be a question of canon law.