Priest told me and my wife porn is ok

[tyson]

So my wife and I went to confession and confessed watching porn together. The Priest did not condone it but said it was ok in the context of our marriage, and as long as we viewed it together and not alone that it was ok and enhancing for our sexual life. We feel convicted and are wanting to know if in fact it is ok. We both enjoy watching it together and not solo.

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

 

[kepha1]

---

"…shared sexual pleasure in marriage is a sacrament, a source of God’s grace.

**

"But what about fallen human nature?" some will cry. “What about original sin? Because of this, sex is dangerous!” Malarkey. Granted, any part of human nature can express human selfishness and lovelessness, and it’s no good pretending that somehow, mysteriously, the modern person has evolved beyond all this. At the same time, it’s a simple fact that scripture, as well as the deepest and best in Catholic tradition and theology, places the emphasis on the goodness of human sexuality.

All the same, we can’t seem to shake the feeling that sex is fundamentally embarrassing. Catholics need to hear the good news about sex. Yet when was the last time you heard anything from your parish, for example, that was positive or inspiring about sex? When was the last time you parish offered a talk on sexual pleasure in marriage?.."

"…Catholics should try to change all this. Parishes should make it a priority to give sex a higher profile. When appropriate, homilies can include references to the goodness and importance of sexual pleasure in marriage. Valentine’s Day should witness an all-out parish Lovers’ Dance, complete with romantic music and a dimly lit dance floor. Dare one even suggest that Greeley’s novels should be recommended from the pulpit for married couples? An informal survey reveals that couples who read Greeley’s novels find that their lovemaking becomes a more pleasure-filled, grace-filled experience.

Sad to say, about the only time the typical Catholic parish feels okay about bringing up sex is to warn teenagers about its dangers or to help parents of teenagers cope with their anxieties about their teenage kids’ sexual behaviors. The whole approach is problem-centered. Message: Sex is basically a problem, and that’s about all we have to say on the topic. Such efforts are fine as far as they go, but no parish should hem itself in like this. Otherwise, all a parish does is continue to cultivate the feeling that sex is, you know, icky.

A study in a Catholic magazine a couple of years ago revealed that sexual intercourse is on the increase outside of marriage and on the decrease in marriage. Now this is just great. Catholic parishes should rise up in the face of such revelations and mount a massive pro-sex-in-marriage campaign. Instead of encouraging, by default, the insidious notion that there can be too much sex in marriage, Catholics should do all they can to promote exactly the opposite. How about a little note at the bottom of the parish bulletin: "Attention, married couples: please make love often. God appreciates it."

"… Offer this note in the bulletin: "How long has it been since you and your spouse has a weekend away together? Our upcoming fund-raiser will offer certificates for get-away weekends for married couples whose means don’t allow them to do this sort of thing often. We believe in loving your spouse! Volunteer baby-sitters are available. Call the parish office for more information."

After married couples finish blinking in disbelief when they read such words, they will perceive a two-fold message: 1) Catholicism encourages spouses to make time to make love, and 2) our parish believe in this enough to put its money where its mouth is.

So important is this kind of thinking that on the national level the bishops should prepare and publish a pastoral letter encouraging parishes to promote sex in marriage. Such a letter would say: Be creative! Help spouses to enjoy their sexual intimacy because this is one of the most basic ways God thought of for married people to grow closer to God and each other. Spouses should not feel that they should restrain themselves from their natural (and supernatural) sexual inclinations. Fie on sexual restraint in marriage! Rather, spouses should recognize in their sexual attraction for each other God’s grace at work in them.

Catholic dioceses should launch an annual “God Loves Lovers Day.” Valentine’s Day would be a good time for this, too. When it comes to sex, the church’s public image is bleak; but some public-relations moves could change all that. Call it evangelization, which it is. Let’s have billboards with big red hearts on them proclaiming that “God Loves Lovers, So Love Your Spouse Today!” Imagine those long ad spaces on the sides of buses filled with signs that declare: “Your Catholic Neighbors Remind You That God Loves Lovers.” Imagine Catholic-produced, public-service radio and TV spots that encourage romantic intimacy in marriage.

With this kind of thing going on, people would begin to change their minds about Catholicism being against sex. We Catholics have much good news to proclaim about sex, and we live in a society that needs to hear this good news desperately. So what’s stopping us? Embarrassment?

****marriagepreparation.com/CatholicCouples_Finley.htm**

 

[po18guy]

Have your Priest take a look at the catechism. From the Vatican website:

vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm

CCC 2354 Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials.

 

[Christy_Beth]

Porn is never ok.

 

[nordskoven]

The documentary about the sleep-walking murderer showed how the killer was able to finally get fully tested–by submitting to be a lab rat under Canada’s socialized health system. This included having his winkie wired to a sensor while he was forced to watch violent pornography. All he needed was a sleep test! OK the point is, that RESEARCH is a very squishy part of the proposed socialized medicine bill. Not a good thing. Just like this poor guy, people will be forced to be lab rats to get another service they need. And that could include pervy porn. Not liking…God deliver us from da Chicago commies.

 

[Ron_Conte]

This priest was basing his erroneous claim on a common theological error on marital sexual ethics, that (supposedly) nothing is immoral as long as there is an act of natural marital relations within the set of acts. This false doctrine has been spreading among the faithful for many years now, but it is nowhere taught by the Magisterium, nor is it compatible with Tradition or Scripture.

To the contrary, each and every knowingly chosen act must be moral under all three fonts of morality in order to avoid sin. A good act of natural marital relations does not justify a prior, concurrent, or subsequent sinful act. Each act is judged on its own as to its morality. The end of acheiving natural marital relations does not justify using any means whatsoever. The end does not justify the means.

Persons who promote the false doctrine than nothing is immoral in the marital bedroom sometimes cite Christopher West or a few other similar authors. But they never cite the Magisterium. There is no such teaching in the Catholic Faith.

[Exodus]
{23:2} You shall not follow the crowd in doing evil. Neither shall you go astray in judgment, by agreeing with the majority opinion, apart from the truth.

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

The priest, sorry to say, is gravely mistaken. Porn is NEVER ok, even in the context of marriage. It does great damage to the relationship, not only physically, but psychologically as well. Bring a copy of the Catechism to the priest showing the quote that someone mentioned that says pornography is a grave sin. He needs to know this so he doesn’t give anyone else bad advice. If he doesn’t agree with you even when you have the Catechism in hand, report it to the bishop and explain the issue. He needs to be counseled in this matter.

 

[camerong]

Let me add an often overlooked evil of porn when viewed by a couple. It reinforces an obsession with youth and appearance that is ultimately unsustainable for all humans. Women see the perky, skinny, tone women on the video tape (who are probably 18 and still photoshopped) and will inevitably feel inadequate next to them; men see the same women and will feel their wives inadequate. As sex therapists say, this is a 15-year olds version of intimacy, and it results in so many problems later on, including affairs, the man looking for a version of what he sees on the screen, the woman looking for someone who won’t look at her and concentrate on the cellulite. This may not happen to every couple, but this happens to many even without porn, and you can easily see how the chances increase with porn. Real, mature, holy sexuality concentrates on the other’s person, not his or her body.

Another point that needs to be reinforced is how much it harms the people being filmed. We see sex and intimacy as one of the most private, highest aspects of life–the Holy of Holies, as they said in the OT. Porn is the ultimate manipulation of this–taking strangers, putting them into sexual positions for different camera angles… If you look into it, you will be shocked by how demeaning and harmful the porn industry is to the actors and actresses. Search for Chrissy Moran’s story, for example.

Good luck with this. I hope you and your wife will look at this more fully (consider strongly reading the book Holy Sex!), and will come to the point where you are disgusted with pornography, not craving it.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Persons who promote the false doctrine than nothing is immoral in the marital bedroom sometimes cite Christopher West or a few other similar authors. But they never cite the Magisterium.

Ron,

In this context, this could be perceived as slander to Christopher West, but I know that wasn’t your intent. To clarify, Christopher West would never, in a million years, endorse a married couple using pornography in any way whatsoever. Pornography is a violation of human dignity.

 

[Ron_Conte]

Ron,

In this context, this could be perceived as slander to Christopher West, but I know that wasn’t your intent. To clarify, Christopher West would never, in a million years, endorse a married couple using pornography in any way whatsoever. Pornography is a violation of human dignity.

I was saying that they use West as an excuse.
I don’t know if he has even stated a position on this particular question.
West does teach the false doctrine that unnatural sexual acts are justified if they are combined in some way with natural marital relations.

The Magisterium definitively teaches that intrinsically evil acts are always immoral. They cannot be justified by being combined in some way with another act, one that is moral.

 

[centurionguard]

This priest was basing his erroneous claim on a common theological error on marital sexual ethics, that (supposedly) nothing is immoral as long as there is an act of natural marital relations within the set of acts. This false doctrine has been spreading among the faithful for many years now, but it is nowhere taught by the Magisterium, nor is it compatible with Tradition or Scripture.

To the contrary, each and every knowingly chosen act must be moral under all three fonts of morality in order to avoid sin. A good act of natural marital relations does not justify a prior, concurrent, or subsequent sinful act. Each act is judged on its own as to its morality. The end of acachievingatural marital relations does not justify using any means whatsoever. The end does not justify the means.

Persons who promote the false doctrine than nothing is immoral in the marital bedroom sometimes cite Christopher West or a few other similar authors. But they never cite the Magisterium. There is no such teaching in the Catholic Faith.

[Exodus]
{23:2} You shall not follow the crowd in doing evil. Neither shall you go astray in judgment, by agreeing with the majority opinion, apart from the truth.

This priest was basing his erroneous claim on a common theological error on marital sexual ethics, that (supposedly) nothing is immoral as long as there is an act of natural marital relations within the set of acts. This false doctrine has been spreading among the faithful for many years now, but it is nowhere taught by the Magisterium, nor is it compatible with Tradition or Scripture.

You made a HUGE IMPORTANT statement here. Regrettably; this was not shared inclusively by (“some”) of Christopher West erroneous teachings on his rendition of The Theology of the Body.

I can only echo what others here have said that any expression of Porn is never right for ANY Catholic living a married or single vocation in life.

 

[Tony_Souza]

Ron, have you ever actually read West, or heard him speak? Do you know what the Theology of the Body actually is, or where it comes from?

West did not invent it. He merely teaches and proclaims the message of our last pope. I could be mistaken, but the pope is part of Church hierarchy, right? If you are saying that West teaches false doctrine, you are saying that John Paul II taught false doctrine.

I don’t know to what you are specifically referring, but I can tell you that the Theology of the Body agees that there are certain acts which, in and of themselves, are sinful and should not be committed. But there are other acts which, when done in the right context, are perfectly ok. This principle can be applied to many aspects of life, even outside the bedroom. An example: It is wrong to kill another man. Unless he is trying to kill you or your family, and has a chance of success. In this situation it is not only ok, but the Church says it is your duty to protect your family, even if it means the deliberate taking of that man’s life.

I think maybe your disagreement with West would be in the question of which deeds are ok in the context of the marriage bed, and which are always evil.

And for the record, I have heard him talk, and I have heard him outright say that porn is always wrong, regardless of your marital state, or your intentions.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Ron, have you ever actually read West, or heard him speak? Do you know what the Theology of the Body actually is, or where it comes from?

West did not invent it. He merely teaches and proclaims the message of our last pope. I could be mistaken, but the pope is part of Church hierarchy, right? If you are saying that West teaches false doctrine, you are saying that John Paul II taught false doctrine.

I don’t know to what you are specifically referring, but I can tell you that the Theology of the Body agees that there are certain acts which, in and of themselves, are sinful and should not be committed. But there are other acts which, when done in the right context, are perfectly ok. This principle can be applied to many aspects of life, even outside the bedroom. An example: It is wrong to kill another man. Unless he is trying to kill you or your family, and has a chance of success. In this situation it is not only ok, but the Church says it is your duty to protect your family, even if it means the deliberate taking of that man’s life.

I think maybe your disagreement with West would be in the question of which deeds are ok in the context of the marriage bed, and which are always evil.

And for the record, I have heard him talk, and I have heard him outright say that porn is always wrong, regardless of your marital state, or your intentions.

I think Ron and the rest of us are dancing around the names of the “deeds … of the marriage bed” that West does not summarily condemn. More important than whether such deeds are licit, in my humble opinion, is the “pornographication” of a culture in which people regularly openly talk about such private matters. I am not saying that sin is a private matter, but sin within the context of a marriage is between God and the two spouses, who are informed by church teaching.

God did not create “sex acts”, nor should we talk about “sex acts”. God created individuals who can express themselves in loving ways, in private. As soon as anything becomes a “sex act” – i.e. a bodily behavior defined and salivated over by our culture – we can be quite sure that it is sin. When we defend the goodness of sexuality, we are precisely not defending the commercially pornographized fetishes that go by the name “sexuality” these days.

 

[kage_ar]

I would suggest you make an appointment with your Priest, take in copies of the Catechism and other documents and ask him to discuss with you. It is likely you misunderstood what he said - pray for all our Priests!!

 

[BenjaminLumen]

Wouldn’t that be adultery… I think that would be Adultery in point of fact…

I think you would have to go to confession for Adultery over that.

 

[Catholicdeacon]

So my wife and I went to confession and confessed watching porn together. The Priest did not condone it but said it was ok in the context of our marriage, and as long as we viewed it together and not alone that it was ok and enhancing for our sexual life. We feel convicted and are wanting to know if in fact it is ok. We both enjoy watching it together and not solo.

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Let me start by saying that since I was not there I can not pass any judgment in what the priest said. Perhaps he was mis understood, perhaps he spoke in haste. However I find it strange that a priest is referring to spouse’s A confession during spouse B confession.
Having said this, here is the problem of bringing pornography into your marital life. Every time you and your wife experience the marital embrace you are fulfiling your sacrament and renewing the covenant that is marriage life. The more this act becomes an expression of your love for each other the more you allow the grace that comes from the sacrament to fill your hearts and strengthen the bond between you and your wife. When you bring porn into the expression of the sacrament you are adding your own “take” on how the sacrament is supposed to fulfill you and your wife. You are telling God “the plan you have decreted for man and woman is fine for other couples but we know what works for us”.
I have a recommendation to make to you and your wife. The next time you make time to fulfill your marriage covenant try this for foreplay. Pray the rosary together. I bet you will find that you enjoy the marital embrace like you have never enjoyed before.

Viva Cristo Rey!!

Catholic Deacon

 

[dnar]

Pornography is evil.

This priests advice was not in line with the Church’s teaching.

 

[NoWhereMan]

I have also heard of priests telling young couples who are not married thats its ok to have sex as long as they are in love, These days You don`t know what to believe, every priest has his own idea of things too. There is a lot of love going around these days temporary love tho after the sex desire is fulfilled the love is over

 

[Celtic_FC]

The priest said that? Just weird.

 

[setter]

So my wife and I went to confession and confessed watching porn together. The Priest did not condone it but said it was ok in the context of our marriage, and as long as we viewed it together and not alone that it was ok and enhancing for our sexual life. We feel convicted and are wanting to know if in fact it is ok. We both enjoy watching it together and not solo.

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Pornography is an intrinsic evil, because it objectifies the person into a sexual object for one’s own use and pleasure. It defiles the intrinsic good of our sexuality. No matter what the intent of a couple, it will always degrade the dignity of marital act as God intended. Also, point out to your priest that in pornography, there are always at least two victims - the one(s) viewing and the one(s) producing the material. Sad that your priest does not have a minimal common sense to realize or admit this in his misplaced counsel. Please extend God’s mercy to this priest and gently inform and admonish him for such erroneous counsel.