"Priesting" myself?

[Irishgal49]

I’m needing confession again…as I’m struggling with an addiction. I wish I wasn’t still struggling with this 11 year confession list on top of this addiction, it’s starting to get to be too much and that’s why I can’t seem to focus on what I need to do.

Someone said that I’m “priesting myself” and I would like everyone’s opinion. When I met with a priest for my 11 year confession (I was coming back to the Church) we talked forever and then he said, “Oops I gotta go!” I told him I still had my list (which was 2 pages of stuff I organized by category–maybe 24-25 items as I write really big) and that I hadn’t made my confession. He started the confession and then said, “Well you have it written down…you know what you did wrong…so here, read this.” He handed me a piece of paper and on it was an act of contrition so I read it out loud and he gave me absolution. No penance, no hearing my items on the list or anything. I didn’t want to complain to my home parish priest (he had been on vacation and suggested I find a priest and make my confession) because I’d been out of the Church and didn’t want to look like I was being a pain. I just figured that I better take care of it myself as best I could.

Since then the list has been in my purse and I go over it and slide in a sin here and there when I confess and then I give myself penance for each sin so I can get rid of them. Like for instance, I’m wearing my hair scarfs for 6 months for penance for wearing “sleazy” clothing and I’m trying to read the entire Bible in 3 months for my porn penance. I have crossed off some items but it’s starting to wear on me and I forget things and can’t keep them straight as I have 4 penances going at once. I guess I could joke that “Father Lorrie” is pretty harsh with the penance but I just feel like I want to atone for them. I guess I am being pretty harsh but I want to have this list cleared up in a year. It’s getting discouraging.

I promised someone I would tell a priest and I emailed him tonight but that 11 year list is wearing on me. I know now that one of the items is why I’m fighting this addiction I am struggling with and so the list is growing. Anyway, I am about 1/3 of the way though my list and I’m bummed out because I don’t feel good after confession like other people talk about and I’m running out of ideas for penances and having a bunch of penances going at once is making me crazy. Is that “priesting” myself???

Lorrie

 

[MarkThompson]

This Sacrament is not My Name Is Earl. You don’t come up with a list of everything you’ve done wrong, carry it around with you, and invent wacky plans for how to atone for them. Period.

If the priest absolved you, then the guilt of your sins has been sacramentally absolved. If he did not give you any penance, then you do not have any penance to do for them – and even if he had given you penance, the absolution of sins is not conditional on performing penance.

If you would like to take up personal penitential practices, this can be a good thing or it can be an unhealthy thing. Find a priest, preferably a regular confessor or spiritual advisor, to talk to about it. Under no circumstances should you just be devising your own penances in this way – as you can now see for yourself from the burnout and difficulties you are experiencing. You should tell the priest about the hard time you are having letting go of the past and feeling comfortable with yourself in God’s mercy.

 

[Irishgal49]

I’m sure beginning to see that. I should have just asked my priest to begin with. I’m sure he will have something to say about this when he gets my email. Thanks for your comments.

 

[MarkThompson]

I’m sure beginning to see that. I should have just asked my priest to begin with. I’m sure he will have something to say about this when he gets my email. Thanks for your comments.

It could be worse – from the title of the thread and your username, I thought you were trying to ordain yourself a priestess.

Seriously though, you would hardly be the first person in history to have a hard time accepting that you have been forgiven out of the limitless abundance of God’s mercy. It seems counterintuitive, since so many people presume upon God’s mercy instead. There is no need to “go it alone,” though. A good priest should be able to put you back on track, and even something like joining a Bible study, volunteering for the poor, or some other ministry at your parish might give you ways to grow your spirituality in a healthy and joyful way rather than turning it inwards and always glancing backwards.

 

[puzzleannie]

I’m He handed me a piece of paper and on it was an act of contrition so I read it out loud and he gave me absolution.
Lorrie

he gave you absolution
you demonstrated contrition, you demonstrated intent to confess all known sins, he gave absolution
case closed
sins forgiven
gone
done
over
move on

yes you may say any prayer or do any work of mercy that suggests itself as a good penance if you wish but “priesting” is not a verb so ignore that comment.

and btw burn the list
hanging on to a list of 11 yr old sins is like keeping your diseased appendix in a jar after surgery–useless and possibly dangerous.

 

[EasterJoy]

"*What man among you having a hundred sheep and losing one of them would not leave the ninety-nine in the desert and go after the lost one until he finds it? And when he does find it, he sets it on his shoulders with great joy and, upon his arrival home, he calls together his friends and neighbors and says to them, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you, in just the same way there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who have no need of repentance.

“Or what woman having ten coins and losing one would not light a lamp and sweep the house, searching carefully until she finds it? And when she does find it, she calls together her friends and neighbors and says to them, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found the coin that I lost.’ In just the same way, I tell you, there will be rejoicing among the angels of God over one sinner who repents*.” Luke 15:4-10

I do not know if he had a chance to share this with you, but I have had many priests tell me that nothing gives them more pleasure than to hear the confession of someone who is back after a long time away. Heaven is rejoicing, and so should we!!

You’re struggling with an addiction and you’re coming back to the Church after a very long time away. I’d suggest you not do this as a confess-and-slip-back-into-the-pew–although it is your right to do that–but that you talk to your pastor about what sort of resources and opportunities to re-connect there are for you in your parish and your diocese. You are home! Get into the fold, get with the program, snuggle in!

Let’s hope you beat this addiction and do not fall again in that respect, but we all fall and have to try again. There is also a let-down after the big hurdle of coming back is crossed and we settle into the day-to-day struggle that we still have to cope with. Grace makes all the difference, but it doesn’t remove us from this vale of tears or from our tendency to suit ourselves to our own loss. That is a long-term remodelling project that God does for us. Be ready for that; have your connections tended to and in place for the inevitable disappointments and difficulties. Know, too, that everyone you meet is in the same boat, even your pastor.

It is so good that you’re back! Try to do everything you can to stay, to put down deep roots that will carry you through the dry times, and to keep your connection with life.

 

[amber_lux]

If the priest absolved you, then the guilt of your sins has been sacramentally absolved. If he did not give you any penance, then you do not have any penance to do for them – and even if he had given you penance, the absolution of sins is not conditional on performing penance.

What you are ignoring, are the psychological ramifications of confession.

• It is one thing to write out a list.
• It is a completely different thing to go through that list with a third party.

I’ll warrant that the OP won’t accept that they have made a valid confession, until a Priest has heard each and every item on the list,** and given them a penance**.

 

[EasterJoy]

What you are ignoring, are the psychological ramifications of confession.

• It is one thing to write out a list.
• It is a completely different thing to go through that list with a third party.

I’ll warrant that the OP won’t accept that they have made a valid confession, until a Priest has heard each and every item on the list,** and given them a penance**.

I think the priest had a prior engagement and it would seem that he was already unacceptably late when he realized what time it was. I don’t know if he was going to be late starting Mass or what, but the penitent withheld nothing and absolution was given.

You make an excellent point, though. If a penitent feels he or she has literally gotten a short shrift, it is worth going back and talking to the confessor or pastor about that. That is not “being a pain.” Again, priests love to help people who are coming back after an extended absence. They are also quite capable of telling you if you are asking for more than what is good for your soul or possible for your priest, or that you have become scrupulous, so don’t worry about that. They are physicians of the soul, and it is their duty to help a penitent get free of sin and to navigate how that is done. You’ll run across very few who don’t count that one of the great priveleges of their vocation.

 

[Irishgal49]

UPDATE: I talked about it to the newly ordained priest this morning. I had to make a confession because I got tripped up with my addiction and needed a confession anyway. He was stunned and said to send an email to both he and the senior pastor as he could not discuss anything in the confessional without my restating it outside the confessional. He wanted the senior pastor to render the decision. I decided I would abide by whatever he decided and felt better already.

I sent an email to both the associate and the senior pastors. After mass today the senior pastor approached me and said, “I read your email and you have had a heaviness about you. I feel really bad about the way you’ve been handling this. Let’s schedule a time and you can read that list. The Lord wants to lift that burden from you.”

So…I am going to read the list in the same way you present mortal sins you recall after absolution.

In retrospect that priest had me schedule my appt with his secretary. He’s from another church. The pastor at my church was going on vacation and so my pastor told me to seek out a priest so I can make my confession and receive the Eucharist as soon as possible rather than waiting a week for him to get back from vacation. I scheduled the appt with the secretary and I told her it was an 11 year confession but she may not have told that priest because he seemed surprised when I told him I had my list when he was in a hurry to go. I think he thought I was just coming in for a conversation. He’s a really good priest according to the other clergy so I don’t think he was being negligent or dismissive.

So I am going to be burning this list really soon!!

Praise God,

Lorrie

 

[Irishgal49]

It could be worse – from the title of the thread and your username, I thought you were trying to ordain yourself a priestess.

Seriously though, you would hardly be the first person in history to have a hard time accepting that you have been forgiven out of the limitless abundance of God’s mercy. It seems counter-intuitive, since so many people presume upon God’s mercy instead. There is no need to “go it alone,” though. A good priest should be able to put you back on track, and even something like joining a Bible study, volunteering for the poor, or some other ministry at your parish might give you ways to grow your spirituality in a healthy and joyful way rather than turning it inwards and always glancing backwards.

Ha ha ha ha! No I am a total anti feminist and anti “lady” priest so that would not be my style at all. I am taking it to the senior pastor for a “decision” and whatever he decides is what I will do.

 

[MarkThompson]

Ha ha ha ha! No I am a total anti feminist and anti “lady” priest so that would not be my style at all. I am taking it to the senior pastor for a “decision” and whatever he decides is what I will do.

Glad to read your comments today. You have my prayer for a fruitful meeting with your priest!

 

[Samson01]

Try not to become scruplous. I do know the starting out again is like layers of an onion, but also consider it is a life long process…

 

[Irishgal49]

Try not to become scruplous. I do know the starting out again is like layers of an onion, but also consider it is a life long process…

I do have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder so I am limited to ONLY mortal sins. I have them categorized so I really didn’t get all fussy about every little “possible” sin. I have enough of the mortal ones to make a thorough confession.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I’m really happy that this will be sorted out. Many people are sometimes left wondering about the validity of their confession because too many priests don’t stick to the formula. It is easy to get confused after a long break like yours. Personally, I really hate it when they don’t give me any penance and feel like something is missing. But neverthelss, such confession is still valid and I don’t go back to another priest with my old ‘list’ of sins. We have to learn to let go.

So definitely burn your list and move on. I suggest that at the end of the list you add that you are truly sorry for all the other venial sins you have committed but cannot remember at that point. This is not a cop out but a sincere wish to make a good confession. It has happened to me quite a few times that I genuinely forgot to mention something in the confessional. These venials sins are also forgiven in such a case, but given that you suffer from OCD make sure you cover your back in order not to obsess over them after your confession.

I hope this helps. God bless.

 

[Seatuck]

UPDATE: I talked about it to the newly ordained priest this morning. I had to make a confession because I got tripped up with my addiction and needed a confession anyway. He was stunned and said to send an email to both he and the senior pastor as he could not discuss anything in the confessional without my restating it outside the confessional. He wanted the senior pastor to render the decision. I decided I would abide by whatever he decided and felt better already.

I sent an email to both the associate and the senior pastors. After mass today the senior pastor approached me and said, “I read your email and you have had a heaviness about you. I feel really bad about the way you’ve been handling this. Let’s schedule a time and you can read that list. The Lord wants to lift that burden from you.”

So…I am going to read the list in the same way you present mortal sins you recall after absolution.

In retrospect that priest had me schedule my appt with his secretary. He’s from another church. The pastor at my church was going on vacation and so my pastor told me to seek out a priest so I can make my confession and receive the Eucharist as soon as possible rather than waiting a week for him to get back from vacation. I scheduled the appt with the secretary and I told her it was an 11 year confession but she may not have told that priest because he seemed surprised when I told him I had my list when he was in a hurry to go. I think he thought I was just coming in for a conversation. He’s a really good priest according to the other clergy so I don’t think he was being negligent or dismissive.

So I am going to be burning this list really soon!!

Praise God,

Lorrie

Very good resolution. There is a healthy psychological impact to actually naming the sins. That is why we do it in confession. That’s why the Lord set it up that way. You did the best you could under the circumstances , although you went astray with that whole self- penance thing. The Lord wants to set you free not bind you to a life of never ending punishments. Glad you will be burning that list.

 

[PaulinVA]

A confession is a confession is a confession.

Sometimes we feel like the weight of the world has been removed from our shoulders. Sometimes it’s quick, sometimes we are left thinking, “That was it?”.

If the priest absolved you, you are absolved, no matter how you fell or whether it went the way you think it should. Absolution is Absolution.

 

[AnneTeresa]

UPDATE: I talked about it to the newly ordained priest this morning. I had to make a confession because I got tripped up with my addiction and needed a confession anyway. He was stunned and said to send an email to both he and the senior pastor as he could not discuss anything in the confessional without my restating it outside the confessional. He wanted the senior pastor to render the decision. I decided I would abide by whatever he decided and felt better already.

I sent an email to both the associate and the senior pastors. After mass today the senior pastor approached me and said, “I read your email and you have had a heaviness about you. I feel really bad about the way you’ve been handling this. Let’s schedule a time and you can read that list. The Lord wants to lift that burden from you.”

So…I am going to read the list in the same way you present mortal sins you recall after absolution.

In retrospect that priest had me schedule my appt with his secretary. He’s from another church. The pastor at my church was going on vacation and so my pastor told me to seek out a priest so I can make my confession and receive the Eucharist as soon as possible rather than waiting a week for him to get back from vacation. I scheduled the appt with the secretary and I told her it was an 11 year confession but she may not have told that priest because he seemed surprised when I told him I had my list when he was in a hurry to go. I think he thought I was just coming in for a conversation. He’s a really good priest according to the other clergy so I don’t think he was being negligent or dismissive.

So I am going to be burning this list really soon!!

Praise God,

Lorrie

This is really great news, Irishgal! I am happy for you.

 

[Ter1]

God gives us Confession for our healing. I have, on occasion, brought up sins (big stuff) that I confessed before when something about them is bothering me, of course telling the priest I already mentioned it. When you’re dealing with really big stuff it sometimes comes up again or you remember some aspect etc. so don’t get bothered that you should never bring up something already confessed. We often need later reassurance that we were forgiven. I think that sometimes very big wounds need bandaging again, not because we aren’t forgiven but because we need more grace for healing.

The self-imposed penances are a bit more worrisome. I think you should definitely tell the priest what penences you have chosen and restrict yourself to what he advises, for the moment. Remember God loves and forgives you, the penance the priest imposes may seem very slight, that is because he is applying all the merits of Christ and the Saints to your sins, therefore your real penance may be simply to accept God’s forgiveness and your little penance and not hurt yourself (in penance) anymore.

 

[jmj1984]

I’m needing confession again…as I’m struggling with an addiction. I wish I wasn’t still struggling with this 11 year confession list on top of this addiction, it’s starting to get to be too much and that’s why I can’t seem to focus on what I need to do.

I promised someone I would tell a priest and I emailed him tonight but that 11 year list is wearing on me. I know now that one of the items is why I’m fighting this addiction I am struggling with and so the list is growing. Anyway, I am about 1/3 of the way though my list and I’m bummed out because I don’t feel good after confession like other people talk about and I’m running out of ideas for penances and having a bunch of penances going at once is making me crazy. Is that “priesting” myself???

Lorrie

It sounds like you need a general confession this is basically a confession of all the sins mortal and otherwise that we can remember, St Ignatius of Loyola I believe had one or several due to his scrupolisity and St Francis de La Sales recommends that we have one before embarking on ‘The way of perfection’.
For obvious reasons a General Confession would have to be booked and would take a hell of a long time but it will give you absolution and peace of mind for ALL sins even those you don’t remember and hopefully an opportunity for some serious spiritual direction. I would not impose ANY penance on yourself except what your confessor states, if necessary find yourself a permanant confessor and bind yourself with a vow of obedience to do ONLY what your confessor says. Great saints like St Margaret Mary Alcoque (to whom Jesus revealed the devotion to The Sacred Heart) had to do this in order to mitigate their overzealousness. I cannot emphasise how important it is with a situation like this it is to get a permenant confessor who can help guide through the minefield of life with sound spiritual direction, pray to God for this grace and seek a sound priest out who could be your permanent confessor.

Of course all of this is just my opinion and I could be wrong

 

[jmcrae]

he gave you absolution
you demonstrated contrition, you demonstrated intent to confess all known sins, he gave absolution
case closed
sins forgiven
gone
done
over
move on

yes you may say any prayer or do any work of mercy that suggests itself as a good penance if you wish but “priesting” is not a verb so ignore that comment.

and btw burn the list
hanging on to a list of 11 yr old sins is like keeping your diseased appendix in a jar after surgery–useless and possibly dangerous.

Ditto.