Priests and confession- Are they always willing to listen?

[Ohana]

I heard that pre- Vatican II (and today in some traditional masses) confessions would be heard during mass. There would be a Priest in the confessional when mass is going on, and those who needed to go would sit at the pews near the confessional. They would hear mass until their turn to confess- then go in for three minutes, come out and continue with mass (do the penance after mass). Problem was if communion time came before you had a turn at confession (presuming you were in mortal sin). Obviously you wouldn’t receive. Just finish the mass, do the confession, penance- and then look for a mass for communion only afterwards. Or request the Priest afterwards to give you communion. I’ve heard that some priests can even refuse this request for communion after mass, even though it’s perfectly legitimate .

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Back before 1955 or so it was not unusual to have 4-5 priests in large parishes. Even our little small town of 800 people had 2. Even when I was in college in the 60’s there were several priests at our campus parish. Sometimes confessions were heard during Mass as described. Now with the shortage of priests we are lucky to have one. My childhood parish now shares a priest with another town/parish.

We should consider this. Much is demanded of our priests. We need to include them in our prayers, and be careful of our demands of them.

One of the pluses in the shortage of priests is that the laity are finding that they can take some of the burdens of the priest on their own shoulders. He and the ordained deacons will always be the sacramental ministers, but we can take up some of the responsibility for RE, Outreach, basically the spiritual and corporal works of mercy. The priest still heads all that (directs) but we can be his and Christ’s hands and feet.

 

[agapewolf]

What are these meetings that keep taking up their time anyway?

Saying a mass at a nursing home-1-3 x a week
Communion calls- 2x a week at least
wearing a pager for a hospital (any time day or night)
Parish council- 1x a month
RCIA-- weekly
School board- 1x a month
finance meeting 1x a month
Stephen ministry 2x a month
Deanery meeting 1x a month
Diocesan committee/bishop meetings -1-2 x a month
Formation for parishoner led retreats- 1x a month
Parish events (perhaps a choir concert, living rosary, etc) at least 1x a month
Parish staff meeting- 1x a week

This doesnt include any youth events. And they still have the daily masses and hours to pray.

I’m not even getting 1/2 the list here.

 

[Marybeloved]

Saying a mass at a nursing home-1-3 x a week
Communion calls- 2x a week at least
wearing a pager for a hospital (any time day or night)
Parish council- 1x a month
RCIA-- weekly
School board- 1x a month
finance meeting 1x a month
Stephen ministry 2x a month
Deanery meeting 1x a month
Diocesan committee/bishop meetings -1-2 x a month
Formation for parishoner led retreats- 1x a month
Parish events (perhaps a choir concert, living rosary, etc) at least 1x a month
Parish staff meeting- 1x a week

This doesnt include any youth events. And they still have the daily masses and hours to pray.

I’m not even getting 1/2 the list here.

Surely, some of these things could be taken off the Priests’ shoulders, no?

I wish there was a place for lay ministry. I read that thousands of former pastors become Catholics. Perhaps (if such a thing existed) they could take over non-sacramental duties- be partners with the Priest at the Parish, like teaching RCIA, the choir meetings etc.

 

[agapewolf]

Surely, some of these things could be taken off the Priests’ shoulders, no?

I wish there was a place for lay ministry. I read that thousands of former pastors become Catholics. Perhaps (if such a thing existed) they could take over non-sacramental duties- be partners with the Priest at the Parish, like teaching RCIA, the choir meetings etc.

What choir meetings?

Everything is run by lay people. The pastor has final say, and a priest should be part of RCIA. They should be involved in their parish.

 

[Marybeloved]

What choir meetings?

Everything is run by lay people. The pastor has final say, and a priest should be part of RCIA. They should be involved in their parish.

The choir concerts you listed is what I meant. And we are looking for solutions- the sacraments, most especially a crucial one like penance are suffering, meaning catholic life is suffering. We can’t expect the priest to be as available for confession as much as possible without finding ways of taking some of these unnecessary duties off him to make more room to focus on administering the sacraments- (unnecessary is spoken in the sense that they can be done by others without the priest)

 

[agapewolf]

The choir concerts you listed is what I meant. And we are looking for solutions- the sacraments, most especially a crucial one like penance are suffering, meaning catholic life is suffering. We can’t expect the priest to be as available for confession as much as possible without finding ways of taking some of these unnecessary duties off him to make more room to focus on administering the sacraments- (unnecessary is spoken in the sense that they can be done by others without the priest)

You don’t think that the priests should attend the choir concert …once a year that the choir has worked for all year long? Really? That IS part of the sacramental life…being present for these events.

Thanks a lot.

 

[Luvtosew]

Looks like we need more Priests to listen to confessions then, because no one else can.

Sounds like some are overworked and some aren’t. They do need to get rest also and well should enjoy some activities of the Parish as well.

But atlas , confession is the rock of the Church, without that no communion as we know it, and they would have to re define what makes a Mortal sin.

 

[Marybeloved]

You don’t think that the priests should attend the choir concert …once a year that the choir has worked for all year long? Really? That IS part of the sacramental life…being present for these events.

Thanks a lot.

I fail to get why you’re so upset. How exactly is the concert sacramental? Anyway, my point was that there must be some way of reducing some of these burdens so that the sacraments do not suffer. Even if the choir has worked all year- how does the priest not being there but other lay ministers (if they existed) diminish their hard work?

 

[agapewolf]

I fail to get why you’re upset. How exactly is the concert sacramental? Anyway, my point was that there must be some way of reducing some of these burdens so that the sacraments do not suffer.

Because I am a music director at my parish. I work my tail off for half a year doing research for a Christmas music program…the other half booking musicians, rehearsing with the choir and coordinating an outstanding and prayerful event. This is the highlight of our year, the ONE thing we do that is over and above weekly masses. All of the musicians work extremely hard and sacrifice in order to be top quality for this ONE thing. It’s the time they get to really demonstrate all they have to offer (because the mass is not the time to do that).

For someone to call it a mere “choir meeting” that the priests can easily skip because it is overly burdening him is insulting. They should be there , to show support for the choir, to be in the life of the church. This is part of the priestly life.

For him not to show is the same as a dad having a kid that does one thing well…such as play piano. And he misses the recital.

and MY whole point to begin with was to list the amount of things a priest is part of, and should be part of. It seems so many people are ignorant here of what they actually do all day. and are so quick to criticize.

 

[Marybeloved]

Because I am a music director at my parish. I work my tail off for half a year doing research for a Christmas music program…the other half booking musicians, rehearsing with the choir and coordinating an outstanding and prayerful event. This is the highlight of our year, the ONE thing we do that is over and above weekly masses. All of the musicians work extremely hard and sacrifice in order to be top quality for this ONE thing. It’s the time they get to really demonstrate all they have to offer (because the mass is not the time to do that).

For someone to call it a mere “choir meeting” that the priests can easily skip because it is overly burdening him is insulting. They should be there , to show support for the choir, to be in the life of the church. This is part of the priestly life.

For him not to show is the same as a dad having a kid that does one thing well…such as play piano. And he misses the recital.

and MY whole point to begin with was to list the amount of things a priest is part of, and should be part of. It seems so many people are ignorant here of what they actually do all day. and are so quick to criticize.

And My point is that it’s all just too much!

The priests are too few, the laity too many and the needs too grave. Absolutely nothing can trump the sacraments in importance. Do you think that the loving father would ever place the important Piano recital before rent, food or medical bills? If he couldn’t do everything…what do you think would take the back seat? Food in the fridge, or rent or medical payments or attending the Piano Rehearsal? That’s the difference in magnitude between confession and choir concerts.

I appreciate the hard work. But come on, our priests are like the widowed/single dad with ten children who holds down two jobs! He can’t do everything he’d like to do for all the children and still take care of all the basic necessities- some of the older children may have to take up some duties, or an aunt or other relatives- Such as attending the Piano rehearsal on dad’s behalf. And it’s not really about the Choir concert- That was just an example. The point is that we have to do more so that the priest’s PRIMARY responsibilities to the faithful (Without a doubt, administering the sacraments) don’t suffer.

 

[agapewolf]

And My point is that it’s all just too much!

The priests are too few, the laity too many and the needs too grave. Absolutely nothing can trump the sacraments in importance. Do you think that the loving father would ever place the important Piano recital before rent, food or medical bills? If he couldn’t do everything…what do you think would take the back seat? Food in the fridge, or rent or medical payments or attending the Piano Rehearsal? That’s the difference in magnitude between confession and choir concerts.

I appreciate the hard work. But come on, our priests are like the widowed/single dad with ten children who holds down two jobs! He can’t do everything he’d like to do for all the children and still take care of all the basic necessities- some of the older children may have to take up some duties, or an aunt or other relatives- Such as attending the Piano rehearsal on dad’s behalf. And it’s not really about the Choir concert- That was just an example. The point is that we have to do more so that the priest’s PRIMARY responsibilities to the faithful (Without a doubt, administering the sacraments) don’t suffer.

By the language you are using, you aren’t getting it. It is not a rehearsal.

The “older children” are the actual people in the choir. You aren’t getting it. His attendance at the choir concert IS part of the parish life. His attendance at a choir concert is not hindering his ability to administer sacraments. And administering sacraments are NOT the only thing that is important to a priest. If he is not ministering to them outside of the sacraments, people do not know their need for the sacraments.

 

[Marybeloved]

By the language you are using, you aren’t getting it. It is not a rehearsal.

The “older children” are the actual people in the choir. You aren’t getting it. His attendance at the choir concert IS part of the parish life. His attendance at a choir concert is not hindering his ability to administer sacraments. And administering sacraments are NOT the only thing that is important to a priest. If he is not ministering to them outside of the sacraments, people do not know their need for the sacraments.

And you’re not getting it. The choir thing was just an example. Of course it’s parish life- but not all things in the parish are of equal importance, just like not all things in the home and family are of equal importance. Our conversation is not getting us anywhere. I’m discussing how we can make it possible for the priest to take care of the most important things- in LIFE, not just the church- such as unburdening sins. I’m not talking about choir concerts- that’s just an example. It could be any number of activities in the parish that has nothing to do with the choir. You are fixating on the choir concert- that’s really not the focus of the point I’m making, it’s just one example

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

And you’re not getting it. The choir thing was just an example. Of course it’s parish life- but not all things in the parish are of equal importance, just like not all things in the home and family are of equal importance. Our conversation is not getting us anywhere. I’m discussing how we can make it possible for the priest to take care of the most important things- in LIFE, not just the church- such as unburdening sins. I’m not talking about choir concerts- that’s just an example. It could be any number of activities in the parish that has nothing to do with the choir. You are fixating on the choir concert- that’s really not the focus of the point I’m making, it’s just one example

And with all due respect…you are not getting it. A priest has many important responsibilities - sick calls…very important…I don’t know ow many people Fr. has brought back into the Church before their death. RCIA-also very important…people coming into the church need to know the truth. Administrative and Parish council are important…they set the direction for the Church.

I am sorry that you were hurt because your priest could not drop everything for your confession and you could not receive on Christmas…but think about the pain that Christ went through for us. Maybe it’s a good time to reflect on His passion.

 

[Marybeloved]

And with all due respect…you are not getting it. A priest has many important responsibilities - sick calls…very important…I don’t know ow many people Fr. has brought back into the Church before their death. RCIA-also very important…people coming into the church need to know the truth. Administrative and Parish council are important…they set the direction for the Church.

I am sorry that you were hurt because your priest could not drop everything for your confession and you could not receive on Christmas…but think about the pain that Christ went through for us. Maybe it’s a good time to reflect on His passion.

Sick calls are all about sacraments- one of those things that should not be neglected. Please just move on if you’re only here to spew more condescension- I did not say I was upset the priest “could not drop everything for my confession”- I was complaining on how he did it on the whole. Like I said, I’ve been told politely to come back later when it wasn’t possible at that time. I really could do without the sarcasm.

 

[NewEnglandPriest]

What are these meetings that keep taking up their time anyway?

Off the top of my head:

School committee, parish finance council, parish trustees meeting, RCIA, Religious Ed, special events committees, engaged couples, funeral planning, wakes, diocesan meetings, deanery meetings, annulment meeting, maintenance issues, etc. etc. etc.

 

[NewEnglandPriest]

I fail to get why you’re so upset. How exactly is the concert sacramental? Anyway, my point was that there must be some way of reducing some of these burdens so that the sacraments do not suffer. Even if the choir has worked all year- how does the priest not being there but other lay ministers (if they existed) diminish their hard work?

The pastor is more than just a sacramental vending machine. He’s also the shepherd of the parish as a faith community. Pastors and the other parish priests have to attend a multitude of events. You might not care if the priest attends or not, but I assure you that most parishioners do care very much.

Sacraments are indeed the more important thing, but they’re not the only thing. Reasonable accommodations need to be made…

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

Sick calls are all about sacraments- one of those things that should not be neglected. Please just move on if you’re only here to spew more condescension- I did not say I was upset the priest “could not drop everything for my confession”- I was complaining on how he did it on the whole. Like I said, I’ve been told politely to come back later when it wasn’t possible at that time. I really could do without the sarcasm.

I am sorry but I really wasn’t using sarcasm…maybe it would help if you would tell us exactly what you ARE looking for?

 

[Marybeloved]

The pastor is more than just a sacramental vending machine. He’s also the shepherd of the parish as a faith community. Pastors and the other parish priests have to attend a multitude of events. You might not care if the priest attends or not, but I assure you that most parishioners do care very much.

Sacraments are indeed the more important thing, but they’re not the only thing. Reasonable accommodations need to be made…

Why do you say I don’t care if he does not attend? I said I care that he cannot do all those things- not in the current state of affairs of shortage of priests. Is what I’m saying really all that unreasonable? I just made a suggestion for a lay ministry that would take up former pastors to help the overwhelmed parish priest in some of these things so the priest could devote more time to the spiritual formation of his parishioners (sacraments). Man, this Liturgy forum really is a tough crowd.

 

[graceandglory]

I does he think his flock are mostly non sinners.

more likely, they are non-repentant.

 

[yellowbird]

I’ve just had a horrendous experience with a certain priest from our parish. Went for christmas morning mass. Hoped to have a quick confession just before the mass, other priests have allowed it before. This one gave me a harsh rejection/reprimand that I found myself wiping some tears in the early part of mass.

Since sins can occur any time (I already went for confession on Monday) but fell into some sin I couldn’t discern as mortal or not. Should have looked for him yesterday evening- Left the house too late last evening (my fault) so I figured I could steal one minute for confession right before mass in the morning, as other priests have allowed that before without even so much as a complaint. I really was hoping to partake of communion this Christmas morning. So I waited for him at his “office” waiting to ask him for one minute (literally) before mass.

I guess I’m used to the Opus Dei priests who I used to confess to sometime ago- They always seemed more than happy to oblige a penitent. And when they could not, would just politely indicate a better time for it- Like tell you to return after mass or something. Some of these Diocesan priests sometimes don’t seem to care so much about freeing a soul from sin- They tell you that this is not the right time of going to confession as if sin has a schedule.

So now I haven’t confessed. I have to wait till Tuesday to visit an Opus Dei Priest. I don’t see myself ever going back there. I don’t know how I can reveal myself in such vulnerable ways as telling ugly sin (sin always is ugly) to a person already appearing harsh and resentful- especially without a confessional box. It’s partly my fault, I know. But am I the only one who notices this grudging attitude regarding confessions from some of these Priests?

Our Parish has a Priest who can be a little gruff - he has spoken sharply to me in the past and my feelings have been hurt. I try not to take it personally though… that is simply his personality. Priests are “Fathers” to many many people - and sometimes Fathers feel overworked, unappreciated and stressed out - especially during a very busy time like Christmas.

Rather than vowing to never go back there again, why not extend this Priest the same grace our Lord extends to you when you fall short? You make mistakes - you say things you regret, and you aren’t perfect. Neither is the Priest.

And in the future, make going to confession during the scheduled times a higher priority? Or at the very least, call for an appointment rather than waiting for him right before mass? For all you know he was going to use that last “minute” to use the restroom?