Priests Giving Advice on Marriage

  • Thread starter Thread starter NPC
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
N

NPC

Guest
How do you deal with the charge that a celibate, unmarried, Catholic priest cannot - or perhaps, should not - give advice on marriage or help troubled marriages? Do you agree with that frequently-made charge, or do you believe that such a person can often provide a refreshing perspective? I would take the latter view myself, but I am wondering how you answer this assertion when it comes from an inquisitor who is suspicious of the practice and value of priestly celibacy, and of the Church in general.
 
NPC said:
How do you deal with the charge that a celibate, unmarried, Catholic priest cannot - or perhaps, should not - give advice on marriage or help troubled marriages? Do you agree with that frequently-made charge, or do you believe that such a person can often provide a refreshing perspective? I would take the latter view myself, but I am wondering how you answer this assertion when it comes from an inquisitor who is suspicious of the practice and value of priestly celibacy, and of the Church in general.
Click to expand...
A priest is celibate not catatonic. Priests have had “intimate” relationships of some sort throughout their lives. They have had parents most likely siblings not unlikely they had girlfriends and not to mention friendships. To be successful in any of those realtionships one most possess skills needed to be successful in a marriage. Honesty, open mindedness, selflessness, love etc etc. The issue of sex is irrelevant because a problem in the area of martial sexual relations is usually a sign of problems in the other more important areas of a relationship. Those who discount what a priest could offer a troubled marriage are short sighted and quite frankly uninformed about human nature.
 
A person who counsels rape victims need not have been a rape victim.

A person who counsels for depression need not be a depression sufferer.
 
ignatius777 said:
A priest is celibate not catatonic. Priests have had “intimate” relationships of some sort throughout their lives. They have had parents most likely siblings not unlikely they had girlfriends and not to mention friendships. To be successful in any of those realtionships one most possess skills needed to be successful in a marriage. Honesty, open mindedness, selflessness, love etc etc. The issue of sex is irrelevant because a problem in the area of martial sexual relations is usually a sign of problems in the other more important areas of a relationship. Those who discount what a priest could offer a troubled marriage are short sighted and quite frankly uninformed about human nature.
Click to expand...
I agree. But that being said though, the priest wouldn’t be the only person I would seek out for counseling with marital issues. I would also seek out a professional marital counselor as well.
 
What a silly statement.

When we have a serious issue, we go to someone trained to help us. A priest is trained in the doctrines of the Church so he can guide us spiritually. He also receives training in counseling so he can guide us pastorally in counseling.

If the assertion in your OP were true, then women should never go to a male OB-GYN because he’s never had a baby or a menstrual period. Nor should men go to a female doctor. Someone who has bi-polar disorder should not trust their psychiatrist because they’ve never had bi-polar disorder.

I mean, that argument falls on its face in 2 seconds. One need not have experienced everything in the world in order to be competent to give advice to someone objectively and based on sound Church teaching or sound counseling principles.
 
PatriceA said:
I agree. But that being said though, the priest wouldn’t be the only person I would seek out for counseling with marital issues. I would also seek out a professional marital counselor as well.
Click to expand...
And most Priests trained in Pastoral Counseling and worth their salt will know when to refer couples to the professional…in fact, I could tell pretty quickly when that needed to happen!
 
Alex2008 said:
And most Priests trained in Pastoral Counseling and worth their salt will know when to refer couples to the professional…in fact, I could tell pretty quickly when that needed to happen!
Click to expand...
Well I wrote that because there’s been one or two threads by CAF members that have thought the counseling from their priest was the only advice they needed and were against any further professional counseling.
 
I ask myself who likely has a better persepctive on marriage: Me, who is limited by my own experience of marriage? Or a priest, who is pastorally trained and has dealt with hundreds (or more) married couples in a plethora of different situations?

I also tend to suspect that years of listening to people’s Confession probably gives priests a unique insight into the human psyche.
 
This used to really bother me, and it still does sometimes. It’s not a “silly statement” at all. It’s an honest question that deserves an honest and fair response.

What alot of people said is totally true. The experience that priests have in counseling other people is a huge benefit. The fact that they are unmarried and have never lived with a female they’re intimate with (this is not an insult to priests. I know that some priests can be married in the eastern rite, or are widowed or something) is troublesome. Alot of people who counsel drug addicts are recovering addicts themselves.

It’s no where near as “black or white” as some people are making it out to be.
 
1ke said:
What a silly statement.

When we have a serious issue, we go to someone trained to help us. A priest is trained in the doctrines of the Church so he can guide us spiritually. He also receives training in counseling so he can guide us pastorally in counseling.

If the assertion in your OP were true, then women should never go to a male OB-GYN because he’s never had a baby or a menstrual period. Nor should men go to a female doctor. Someone who has bi-polar disorder should not trust their psychiatrist because they’ve never had bi-polar disorder.

I mean, that argument falls on its face in 2 seconds. One need not have experienced everything in the world in order to be competent to give advice to someone objectively and based on sound Church teaching or sound counseling principles.
Click to expand...
Excellent point. “Experience” in a given area is no guarentee that what advise they have to offer is good advise.
 
Scoobyshme said:
Most OB/GYN doctors are men. Does that disqualify them? Hardly.
Click to expand...
It doesn’t disqualify them, of course not. However, it might make a woman more comfortable to speak to a female OB/GYN. (I’m not a woman, nor am I married, so I don’t know for firsthand experience-it’s not something I speak of with my female friends :o )
 
Thanks all for replies so far!

Obviously, as I said in my O.P., I disagree with the idea that a priest has nothing to offer a married couple, so I would agree with the points made thus far…

…Not that I’m necessarily looking for people to support my opinion…so if there are any “devil’s advocates” lurking, feel free to chip in.

Rascalking - I understand what you are saying, that it’s not always so black-and-white. Obviously, not every priest is in a position to offer sound advice to a couple in difficulty; that said, neither will every therapist necessarily be able help to solve their problems, nor will another married couple simply because of the fact that they are married. As a number of posters have said, you go to where the help is - that may be a priest, it may be a marriage counsellor, it may be a close friend or relative. I suppose my point is that celibacy should not necessarily rule out the possibility of the priest having something valuable to contribute any more than marriage should necessarily qualify or rule-in a person to contribute something valuable.
 
NPC said:
How do you deal with the charge that a celibate, unmarried, Catholic priest cannot - or perhaps, should not - give advice on marriage or help troubled marriages? Do you agree with that frequently-made charge, or do you believe that such a person can often provide a refreshing perspective? I would take the latter view myself, but I am wondering how you answer this assertion when it comes from an inquisitor who is suspicious of the practice and value of priestly celibacy, and of the Church in general.
Click to expand...
It is often better to get advice from someone that has been through what you are going through, but (as others have noted) it is certainly not required. My experience is that some priests are good at counseling on most or all issues, some on only certain topics, and some are lousy at all counseling. In this they are not different than other men. That said, my sense is that if we had more married priests their counseling in this area would probably improve (although I can’t be certain of that). Either way, the ability to counsel in this one particular area is only one of many factors to consider when evaluating the value of keeping priestly celibacy the norm.
 
Catholic90 said:
A person who counsels rape victims need not have been a rape victim.

A person who counsels for depression need not be a depression sufferer.
Click to expand...
Two excellent points! Not to mention that a priest better understands the teachings of God and God’s plan for us in the married vocation because there are many similarities between the service of the married vocation and the service of the religious vocation.
 
The fact remains that “The Theology of the Body” was written by Pope John Paul II and this old celibate man from Poland wrote one of the greatest works on marriage. If we all adopted the approach that JPII taught, our marriages would thrive. This work is a revolution of the heart against our own concupiscence. It teaches us the true meaning of marriage (which is not solely for procreation), but an opportunity to imitate Christ to our spouse in an act of total self giving. Only when we do this, do we open ourselves up to receive an extraordinary Grace from God that truly fulfills us and makes us truly happy. I personally have tested this (in my own limited capacity) and I can honestly say that I am just beginning to see my wife as Jesus sees her…and I’m only scratching the surface. Beauty eminates from her and I marvel at God’s handiwork.

To state that priests don’t understand or can’t contribute to helping resolve marital issues is presumptuous nonsense. Personally, my priests and the Catholic Church have helped me to resolve my issues far more than any professional counselor. Nonetheless, I understand that sometimes there is need to seek out professional help, but don’t underestimate the power of the sacramental graces made available to us - particularly when we open our hearts to receive.

I do not look down upon professionals as I know that they can provide valuable insight and a level playing field where a couple can strive to reconcile their differences. Ultimately though, it comes down to the heart - and that unique expertise belongs to God.

God Bless
CSJ
 
NPC said:
How do you deal with the charge that a celibate, unmarried, Catholic priest cannot - or perhaps, should not - give advice on marriage or help troubled marriages? Do you agree with that frequently-made charge, or do you believe that such a person can often provide a refreshing perspective? I would take the latter view myself, but I am wondering how you answer this assertion when it comes from an inquisitor who is suspicious of the practice and value of priestly celibacy, and of the Church in general.
Click to expand...
It’s a silly argument.

You don’t need to be insane to be a psychiatrist or have cancer to be a surgeon.

Do I need to cheat on my wife in order to be able to tell someone else it’s a bad idea?

Priests spend some 6 years getting a graduate school education focused on pastoral ministry for a reason.

Chuck
 
NPC said:
How do you deal with the charge that a celibate, unmarried, Catholic priest cannot - or perhaps, should not - give advice on marriage or help troubled marriages? Do you agree with that frequently-made charge, or do you believe that such a person can often provide a refreshing perspective? I would take the latter view myself, but I am wondering how you answer this assertion when it comes from an inquisitor who is suspicious of the practice and value of priestly celibacy, and of the Church in general.
Click to expand...
Jesus was not married (unless you believe the DaVinci code 😉 ) Would He have nothing to say of value to a married couple?

How about the Apostle Paul? He wasn’t married, but we read his beautiful words on love (I Corinthians 13) all the time at our weddings–Did he not know what he was talking about?!

People can apply the wisdom of God to various circumstances, even if they are not in those particular circumstances.
 
RosaryFan said:
Two excellent points! Not to mention that a priest better understands the teachings of God and God’s plan for us in the married vocation because there are many similarities between the service of the married vocation and the service of the religious vocation.
Click to expand...
BINGO!
We can now see that celibacy has a very important place in our world. The celibate makes his life into a visible witness for the priority of God in our lives, a sign to remind all people that without the inner sanctum our lives lose contact with their source and goal. We belong to God. All people do. Celibates are people who, by not attaching themselves to any one particular person, remind us that the relationship with God is the beginning, the source, and the goal of all human relationships.
Click to expand...
By his or her life of nonattachment, the celibate lifts up an aspect of the Christian life of which we all need to be reminded. The celibate is like the clown in the circus who, between the scary acts of the trapeze artists and lion tamers, fumbles and falls, reminding us that all human activities are ultimately not so important as the virtuosi make us believe. Celibates live out the holy emptiness in their lives by not marrying, by not trying to build for themselves, a house or a fortune, by not trying to wield as much influence as possible, and by not filling their lives with events, people, or creations for which they will be remembered. They hope that by their empty lives God will be recognized as the source of all human thoughts and actions. Especially by not marrying and by abstaining from the most intimate expression of human love, the celibate becomes a living sign of the limits of interpersonal relationships and of the centrality of the inner sanctum that no human being may violate.

To whom, then, is this witness directed? *I dare to say that *celibacy is, first of all, a witness to all those who are married. I wonder if we have explored enough the very important relationship between marriage and celibacy. Lately we have become aware of this inter-relatedness in a very painful way. The crisis of celibacy and the crisis of married life appeared together. At the same time that many priests and religious persons move away from the celibate life, we see many couples questioning the value of their commitment to each other. These two phenomena, although they are not connected with each other as cause and effect, are closely related because marriage and celibacy are two ways of living within the Christian community that support each other.
con’t…
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top