Priests Giving Advice on Marriage

[kepha1]

Celibacy is a support to married people in their commitment

to each other. The celibate reminds those who live together in marriage of their own celibate center, which they need to protect and nurture in order to live a life that does not depend simply upon the stability of emotions and affections, but also on their common love for God, who called them together. Onthe other hand, married people also witness to those who have chosen the celibate life, reminding them that it is the love of God that indeed makes rich and creative human relationships possible and that the value of the celibate life becomes manifest in a generous, affectionate, and faithful care for those in need. Married people remind celibates that celibates also live in covenant and are brides and grooms. Thus celibacy and marriage need each other.

Celibates can indeed have a very good understanding of married life and married people of celibate life. Remarks such as: “You don’t know what you are talking about be**cause you are not married (or celibate)” can be very misleading. Precisely because marriage and celibacy are in each other’s service and bound together by their common witness to God’s love as the love from which all human relationships originate, celibate and married people can be of invaluable help to each other by supporting their different life-styles.

Celibacy not only witnesses to the inner sanctum to married people, but also, together with marriage, celibacy speaks of the presence of God in the world to anyone who is there to listen. In a world so congested and so entangled in conflict and pain, celibates by their dedication to God in a single life-style, and married people by their dedication to God in a life together, are signs of God’s presence in this world. They both ask us in different ways to turn to God as the source of all human relationships. They both say in
different ways that without giving God his rightful place in the midst of the city, we all die in the hopeless attempt to fabricate peace and love by ourselves. The celibate speaks of the need to respect the inner sanctum at all cost; the married Christian speaks of the need to base human relationships on the intimacy with God himself. But both speak for God and his Lordship in the world, and together they give form to the Christian community and stand out as signs of hope.

Thus, in a world torn by loneliness and conflict and trying so hard to create better human relationships, celibacy is a very important witness. It encourages us to create space for him who sent his son, thus revealing to us that we can only love each other because he has loved us first.

Clowning in Rome
Henri J. M. Nouwen

 

[nina13_p]

Priests are the starting point. Especially if there is sin in the marriage (i.e. pornography, adultery). If these are man-woman communication issues, one might try the counsel of a Deacon. They are married and very faithful. I would be wary of professional therapists if they aren’t grounded in Catholic teaching on the sacrament of marriage, lest you be told “Ah, you do what feels good for you. You deserve better.” That my friend is bad advice. Seek counsel from Marriage Encounter presentation couples or Retrouvaille leaders for really intimate issues. But above all, pray, pray, pray. Don’t make hasty decisions and consider how those decisions will affect the lives of others – particularly if there are children. There are really great resources out there to reinforce marriages and family. Steve Woods’ Faith and Family Apostolate, Peter Herbeck’s Crossing the Goal Team; Doug Barry has a great book “First Line of Defense”. And these are for the men to help them realize that this faith is not a faith for wimps. Jesus never said it would be easy – as a matter of fact, he said it would be difficult. But the grace is there to get us through any thing if we ask.

Think about it: how strong does a man have to be to remain celibate/chaste in this world?? There is nothing weak about that.

 

[Yab_Yum]

If its a good priest he’ll be able to advise you on anything, not just marriage. I am so fortunate in that regard.

 

[cradlecatholic5]

I’ve spoke w/ a priest on several occasions about marriage, life, love, etc and have been helped immensely. I feel they KNOW alot and if they feel you need more counseling, they are humble enough to suggest it.

AND I also agree w/ Ignatius 777.

 

[stephe1987]

Priests have had training and deal with these sorts of problems all the time. You’re not the only one who has ever had marital problems, and he hears others’ confessions, too. Priests can offer a fresh perspective and help the couple learn to communicate better.

I find that people who say such things usually are saying it (whether or not they care to admit it) because they don’t like what the priest has said or is going to say. The priest will encourage people to work on their problems, and in today’s age of instant gratification, many people just want to leave the marriage. However, marriage is work. The problems do not go away and will go into a second, third, etc. marriage. That’s why second marriages have an even higher failure rate than first marriages. On the contrary, 80% of couples who were thinking about getting a divorce/annulment and did not go through with it are reportedly happily married five years later. They learn to communicate better and solve their problems so they can live better, happier lives.

 

[ConstantineTG]

How do you deal with the charge that a celibate, unmarried, Catholic priest cannot - or perhaps, should not - give advice on marriage or help troubled marriages? Do you agree with that frequently-made charge, or do you believe that such a person can often provide a refreshing perspective? I would take the latter view myself, but I am wondering how you answer this assertion when it comes from an inquisitor who is suspicious of the practice and value of priestly celibacy, and of the Church in general.

Its like asking, “can a healthy doctor give me advice about my condition? Will a doctor with the same condition give better advice because he knows exactly how I feel?”

I believe there is something celibate priests can offer, that is an unbiased opinion on a moral issue. A married man or woman might be sympathetic to your dilema in a way that it may cloud correct moral judgment. For example, you may ask a question if its okay to seek IVF because you’ve had trouble conceiving children. Another married couple who has a hard time having children would be more sympathetic and at the same time willing to sacrifice correct morals because they know how frustrating is it to not concieve. In the end you get bad advice. A priest may not have the same experience, but he’s trained to teach the right morals.

 

[NPC]

Its like asking, “can a healthy doctor give me advice about my condition? Will a doctor with the same condition give better advice because he knows exactly how I feel?”

I believe there is something celibate priests can offer, that is an unbiased opinion on a moral issue. A married man or woman might be sympathetic to your dilema in a way that it may cloud correct moral judgment. For example, you may ask a question if its okay to seek IVF because you’ve had trouble conceiving children. Another married couple who has a hard time having children would be more sympathetic and at the same time willing to sacrifice correct morals because they know how frustrating is it to not concieve. In the end you get bad advice. A priest may not have the same experience, but he’s trained to teach the right morals.

Good point…Sometimes the person with the experience is not necessarily the most appropriate person to approach. In many cases, surely the impartiality of the priest is a bonus & the breath of fresh-air that’s needed.

Thanks all, for the varied and interesting viewpoints:thumbsup: