Priests Who Fall In Love

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I can’t provide you online references but I can give you names. Feel free to reach out!

St. Patrick Seminary in Meno Park
St. Jospeh in Chicago
St John Vianney in Miami

I’m sure there’s more but I only have experience working with students at these three.
 
From what I’ve gathered, it’s more encouraged for younger men. Basically the ones coming straight from highschool or early college. I don’t think that older men with relationship experience who are discerning need to be encouraged to date. In a way, they already have a better handle on their choice.
 
I have a few problems with the idea of dating in the seminary. Now full disclosure: I’m a young woman who has some but not a lot of romantic experience and I know next to nothing about the workings of a seminary, so don’t be shy about arguing any flaws you are in my reasoning (but please be respectful 🙂 )
  1. Is the seminarian supposed to prove immunity to love? I know, I know - it’s about choosing God over the girl. But just because he did this time, doesn’t mean he’ll be able to next time. Maybe next time, the woman will be a better match. Or he’ll be in a more vulnerable state. But I feel this practice tells him he’s only fit to be a priest if he doesn’t fall in love. No. He should be able to run that risk and still always choose God. I hope they make that clear. And if the man felt no attraction at all to being a husband and father, I would question his ability to be a priest. If he dated beforehand, he can focus now on whether being married to the Church and spiritual fatherhood is right for him, without distraction.
  2. It’s cruel to the seminarian. The Seminary is HARD. It’s such an intense time. Adding a girlfriend to the mix - maybe I’m wrong, but that might be enough to send a person into total emotional confusion. He may also feel guilty, treating the girl with affection while discerning the priesthood. He may feel every kiss is cheating against God. He may feel he’s setting her up for a broken heart.
  3. And speaking of the girl… If a man asked me out, I’d want there to be some chance of a long-term relationship. I require that respect for my heart. If this happened while he was thinking of going to the seminary, sure, that’s fine, it’s like when you’re going out with a few different people and are just getting to know them. It could go any way and I’d be game. But if they’re already in the seminary, then maybe they’re only dating me because they have something to prove, and I refuse to be someone’s litmus test. To my mind, they’re going steady with God. If it doesn’t work, they’ll leave. And if they left the seminary while dating me - I’d always wonder if I ruined a priestly vocation. I know that’s irrational, but that’s what I’d feel, and I don’t need that guilt.
  4. Finally…when does he prove faithfulness? When does he prove he can go any length of time without the company of a woman? My mother required my father go steady with her and her alone for a full year before marrying him, to prove he can give her his exclusive love through good and bad. Other men tried, other men failed. When do seminarians prove they can do this, if they date simultaneously?
 
I know a former priest who left for a woman. For me, i think it was God telling him he wanted him to change direction as this lady needed daily help. Another form of vocation.

We cannot say if God has a hand in changing the path of a priest.

Let Gods will be done i say.
 
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if it were enough just to have sex relations to solve the problems of “heart” then marital infidelity would not exist.
And in addition sex is more psychological than physical, one can have no desire for his wife but have desire for another woman. In such a situation how a married man will solve this problem ?
Marriage is not a solution to solve the problems of vicious love that one could have, on the contrary the married man not having the culture of the continence, will hardly overcome the temptations that he can have.
 
Mboo said:
if it were enough just to have sex relations to solve the problems of “heart” then marital infidelity would not exist.

And in addition sex is more psychological than physical, one can have no desire for his wife but have desire for another woman. In such a situation how a married man will solve this problem ?

Marriage is not a solution to solve the problems of vicious love that one could have, on the contrary the married man not having the culture of the continence, will hardly overcome the temptations that he can have.
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I don’t disagree. I’m just saying that priests don’t have any access to the same psycho-sexual intimacy that is possible (though certainly not guaranteed) in a marriage. Celibacy, in and of itself, is neither fun nor easy, and the unfulfilled longing for romantic intimacy can be acutely painful at times.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
Huh? How?

The Church does emphasize procreation, but I don’t see how that is “at the expense of relationship”.
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I think maybe it could be explained that, under Catholic teaching, sexual activity is only to be engaged in if several conditions are met. This excludes the possibility of a lot of sexual relationships which would be considered “still a good, healthy thing” by those who don’t subscribe to Catholic church teaching.
 
Not only that, I believe they should be encouraged to marry. With the responsibility of being married and having children they may not be able to devote themselves 100% to the church 100% of the time, but they could devote themselves to the church 100% at least 30% of the time. I think you would wind up with many more priests so that shortage would not be an issue.
 
I have to agree. Why would a girl want to date a seminarian? That is strange to me.
 
Correct. And on a more psychological level I have difficulty understanding why a girl would want to spend time with a guy who was in the seminary. It just seems like an oxymoron to me.
 
First, full disclosure…I think priests should be allowed to marry, and I think seminarians should certainly be allowed to date.

I read the article. I read most of the responses. What really struck me is that the article mentioned that some of the priests are sociopaths. These guys cause all the trouble…really. Nobody has really commented on this. The thing is this…allowing for married priests and dating seminarians would go a long way in screening the sociopaths.

Let’s say a seminarian comes back from his date on Saturday, sits down and discusses it with his fellow seminarians. Most guys will be supportive or they will joke around nicely. Occasionally, you might get a well meaning warning. The thing is 1/20 times you get a really crazy comment. This will be a red flag to everybody. Likely this type of man will no longer want to go to the seminary if priest celibacy is ended.

I’m just saying…
 
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jack63 said:
The thing is this…allowing for married priests and dating seminarians would go a long way in screening the sociopaths.
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How? Do you think that sociopaths somehow never date or marry? Plenty of them do. There are dozens of true crime books on sociopathic boyfriends and husbands.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
How? Do you think that sociopaths somehow never date or marry? Plenty of them do. There are dozens of true crime books on sociopathic boyfriends and husbands.
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First, I have no problems with celibate priests. Honestly, unlike some protestant religions, I do not feel a priest should feel pressured to marry if the time is not right or he just doesn’t want to for whatever reason. With that being said…

A priest’s formation should also judge the priests moral and spiritual character. Allowing married priests and dating seminarians opens up another set of conversations and interactions where a red flag can be seen. Even if the a man chooses not to marry, can he interact thoughtfully and appropriately with those who chose to marry. On occasion can he interact appropriately with their wives, fiances, and girlfriends? That’s real life, and what he will need to deal with as a priest.

Of course, this will not catch every sociopath, but it will catch more.
 
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While I can see some good reasons for seminarians, especially younger ones, being allowed to date, and can also see some arguments in favor of married priests, I think there are already plenty of opportunities for those doing formation to observe and question a candidate about his interactions with married and unmarried women, without them needing to essentially watch him going on dates or watch him going about his marital relationship.
Also, no matter how many opportunities for checks are put in, some bad apples are going to slide under the radar. People who have sociopathic tendencies or other serious problems tend to be smart and adept at hiding them, or else they would not have even lasted in society long enough to make it to the seminary.
 
You beat me to it.

The article seems to set up an attack on celibacy. It’s not surprising that Vox would run this.

I can’t wait for the next edition on the sexual repression of imams and Buddhist monks.
 
I have never heard of that, I doubt very much that would happen in Australia.
(dating allowed in Seminaries)
 
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