Problem talking to parish priest

[EasterJoy]

He is also my boss. I work for the parish. Knowing that my boss has intimate knowledge of me, while working for him makes me uncomfortable.

He is a wonderful man. And, I hear, a great confessor. But I just have a hard time opening up to him.

Our last pastor (and probably our current one) would not be the confessor for anyone on the parish staff. We are very close to many parishes, and he felt that it would be far better for them to confide in someone other than their boss.

It may be because of a story similar to this, which I was assured was true even though the identities and location had to be hidden to protect the seal: A certain priest was hearing confessions at his parish, and a parishioner confessed having great difficulty keeping a charitable attitude towards a certain man in the parish. The fellow could be just impossible, she said, but she knew this was no excuse. Her confessor tried to counsel her, but nothing he suggested was something she had not either tried without success or thought had any chance of working. Finally, at his wit’s end, the priest suggested, “Well, maybe you can make this guy a plate of cookies.” To this, the penitent replied: “That might work. What kind of cookies do you like, Father?”

It is totally OK to find a confessor other than your pastor. If a particular priest is a co-worker or your boss, then it is probably better to find someone else as your confessor. You don’t need to have a reason to decide that you’re not comfortable with some certain priest, though, not if you have the luxury of more than one priest available. The same goes for simple pastoral counseling. You are your pastor’s responsibility, but you are not responsible to go to him first if you can find another priest would make you more comfortable. Don’t worry…if your pastor is the one priest you just have to talk to, the other priest will steer you back to him.

 

[Lion_IRC]

Rico S,
Why not talk to our High Priest Jesus?

 

[EasterJoy]

Rico S,
Why not talk to our High Priest Jesus?

The Lord gave us shepherds so we’d have someone “with skin on”, someone who can look us in the eye and have us tell them our worst, and still tell us that God loves us and that we are not alone in our troubles or failures.

I think that those who are afraid that a priest will look at them differently if he knows everything are a bit naïve about how much “everything” a pastor comes to know about human nature in general and his parishioners in general. If he’s looking to believe the worst about you, he’s not going to assume that those looking for help are worse than those who aren’t! Still, feelings are feelings. It is OK to go to someone else, if that is more comfortable, just like not wanting your world-class-famous-doctor next-door neighbor to be your personal physician. Maybe it doesn’t bother him to know you on the most intimate of terms, but if you’d be more comfortable if he didn’t, if you’d rather not have the guy you BBQ with do your annual exams, that is up to you.

 

[quiet52]

Rico, Considering that you do work for your pastor, it might be best to make an appointment with a priest in a neighboring parish, even if you and he knows each other.

 

[Captain_America]

Why can’t you just find another priest?

Dude, that’s the solution! I go to confession at another parish. I just don’t like my parish priest knowing my sins, and I find it impossible to talk with him: he’s just very standoffish and touchy and even crabby. Just not pleasant to deal with and doesn’t really talk much to men my age.

 

[Joannm]

Our last pastor (and probably our current one) would not be the confessor for anyone on the parish staff. We are very close to many parishes, and he felt that it would be far better for them to confide in someone other than their boss.

It may be because of a story similar to this, which I was assured was true even though the identities and location had to be hidden to protect the seal: A certain priest was hearing confessions at his parish, and a parishioner confessed having great difficulty keeping a charitable attitude towards a certain man in the parish. The fellow could be just impossible, she said, but she knew this was no excuse. Her confessor tried to counsel her, but nothing he suggested was something she had not either tried without success or thought had any chance of working. Finally, at his wit’s end, the priest suggested, “Well, maybe you can make this guy a plate of cookies.” To this, the penitent replied: “That might work. What kind of cookies do you like, Father?”

It is totally OK to find a confessor other than your pastor. If a particular priest is a co-worker or your boss, then it is probably better to find someone else as your confessor. You don’t need to have a reason to decide that you’re not comfortable with some certain priest, though, not if you have the luxury of more than one priest available. The same goes for simple pastoral counseling. You are your pastor’s responsibility, but you are not responsible to go to him first if you can find another priest would make you more comfortable. Don’t worry…if your pastor is the one priest you just have to talk to, the other priest will steer you back to him.

I have worked in a number of parishes. I never went to confession to a priest I worked with except for one, who happened to be my SD before I got the job. Then again he wasn’t the pastor. I have gone to confession to the pastor of the parish I presently work at but that was when he was pastor at my home parish. Now I would feel uncomfortable going to him unless it was really necessary.