Problem (Worldy Issues)

  • Thread starter Thread starter p31k
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
P

p31k

Guest
Many things going on. Fashion: I dress modestly & do not wear makeup. I swing back & forth between wearing jewelry, even certain clothes, (modest like leggings/jeans) & other feminine things. Some days I feel it’s alright to wear dresses/skirts only, then I jump to thinking leggings/jeans are alright, & sometimes I think both are alright to do whenever. Same with jewelry & other girl type things. Sometimes I want to wear makeup but I stop myself. If I decide to wear something I feel completely guilty so I stop what I’m doing & change. Other times I don’t care.

Entertainment: I rarely listen to music for the most part but at times do the same as above. I really enjoy some of the music of today (deep down I acknowledge this) but I deny myself because again, I feel guilty so I don’t listen to any kind of music. Same with television.

Personal hobbies I limit to reading. But there too I have issues because I like to read about ALL kinds of subjects so I go back & forth. One day it’s fine the next it’s not. I always end up giving my things to others because I know that I don’t deserve them. I feel it’s wrong to want things & that I should be living my life for God 24/7.

Problem is that I decide things are not right & I give them all up to live a more pure Christian life. I am surrounded by people who don’t share my views & I’m made fun of for them. I’ve been called names etc…The past couple of years everything that I do I end up feeling guilty! I reason that God must be showing me that my ways & tastes are wrong. Is it the devil tempting me away from God? What do they call this type of problem? I’ve had it all my life.
 
There is a book I love that I recommend to you: Dressing with Dignity by Colleen Hammond. I think this will help address some of the issues you are struggling with.

I, too, go round and round on the clothing issues and this book has helped me. I also look to my husband and follow his preferences. Follow God Himself above all else, He is revealed best thru His Church.
 
I really suggest making an appointment with your priest. There’s nothing wrong with wearing makeup, with listening to music, with reading a wide variety of books.
There’s also nothing wrong with NOT doing these things, but it should be because you don’t want to, not because you feel guilty when there’s nothing to feel guilty about.
 
p31k said:
Many things going on. Fashion: I dress modestly & do not wear makeup. I swing back & forth between wearing jewelry, even certain clothes, (modest like leggings/jeans) & other feminine things. Some days I feel it’s alright to wear dresses/skirts only, then I jump to thinking leggings/jeans are alright, & sometimes I think both are alright to do whenever. Same with jewelry & other girl type things. Sometimes I want to wear makeup but I stop myself. If I decide to wear something I feel completely guilty so I stop what I’m doing & change. Other times I don’t care.

Entertainment: I rarely listen to music for the most part but at times do the same as above. I really enjoy some of the music of today (deep down I acknowledge this) but I deny myself because again, I feel guilty so I don’t listen to any kind of music. Same with television.

Personal hobbies I limit to reading. But there too I have issues because I like to read about ALL kinds of subjects so I go back & forth. One day it’s fine the next it’s not. I always end up giving my things to others because I know that I don’t deserve them. I feel it’s wrong to want things & that I should be living my life for God 24/7.

Problem is that I decide things are not right & I give them all up to live a more pure Christian life. I am surrounded by people who don’t share my views & I’m made fun of for them. I’ve been called names etc…The past couple of years everything that I do I end up feeling guilty! I reason that God must be showing me that my ways & tastes are wrong. Is it the devil tempting me away from God? What do they call this type of problem? I’ve had it all my life.
Click to expand...
God created the world and saw that it is good. Hobbies are good, in that they are enjoying the good things God created. Learning about the world or the things in it is learning about the things God made, which is good. There can be problems if you put too much emphasis on them, or exalt them above God and take them out of their proper place, but there is nothing wrong with them themselves.

That said, it can be good for a person to give up worldly goods in order to focus more explicitly on God. This is also good, and if you want to or feel called to do so, then great. But if you do go this route, you probably want to get a spiritual director, and possibly even consider the religious life (or Opus Dei or similar if you don’t want to religious life, but do want to have more explicit focus on God involved more in your daily life). It is good to have others with you, both to help you and to ensure that you don’t go crazy by trying to decide that you need to take on things that humans generally can’t do.

But especially don’t feel guilt about it one way or the other. It is perfectly ok to have hobbies and the like, they are not bad. If you decide to give them up, do it out of love of God, not because of misplaced guilt.

(I’m not even going to comment on the pants issue, but if you want an amusing take on the issue, I suggest googling Simcha Fisher pants.)
 
p31k said:
Many things going on. Fashion: I dress modestly & do not wear makeup. I swing back & forth between wearing jewelry, even certain clothes, (modest like leggings/jeans) & other feminine things. Some days I feel it’s alright to wear dresses/skirts only, then I jump to thinking leggings/jeans are alright, & sometimes I think both are alright to do whenever. Same with jewelry & other girl type things. Sometimes I want to wear makeup but I stop myself. If I decide to wear something I feel completely guilty so I stop what I’m doing & change. Other times I don’t care.

Entertainment: I rarely listen to music for the most part but at times do the same as above. I really enjoy some of the music of today (deep down I acknowledge this) but I deny myself because again, I feel guilty so I don’t listen to any kind of music. Same with television.

Personal hobbies I limit to reading. But there too I have issues because I like to read about ALL kinds of subjects so I go back & forth. One day it’s fine the next it’s not. I always end up giving my things to others because I know that I don’t deserve them. I feel it’s wrong to want things & that I should be living my life for God 24/7.

Problem is that I decide things are not right & I give them all up to live a more pure Christian life. I am surrounded by people who don’t share my views & I’m made fun of for them. I’ve been called names etc…The past couple of years everything that I do I end up feeling guilty! I reason that God must be showing me that my ways & tastes are wrong. Is it the devil tempting me away from God? What do they call this type of problem? I’ve had it all my life.
Click to expand...
It might be what we Catholics call “scruples.” It means that you concern yourself overly with the details of life and want to know if everything you think/do/say is a sin, and in what degree. People with scruples tend to be very hard on themselves and think that they somehow have to be above all reproach in their spiritual life.

Scrupulosity

Some people believe this is a manifestation of OCD, just in a spiritual channel. We always recommend that people with a scrupulous turn of mind get a spiritual director and a regular confessor (might be the same priest, might not) to help them sort out what is real and what is just their mind pulling them off-track.

I would say you are going between extremes - pulled by the world sometimes; pulled by your spirituality at other times. Finding a balance will help you go forward with less confusion.
 
Dressing fashionably AND modestly is one of the reasons I’ve gone into fashion design. It’s hard to be modest with most of what’s put out today as “fashionable” but I manage to do it.

Wanting to look beautiful and feel beautiful is not a sin unless it’s taken to excess (vanity). I make it a point to dress well every day, because I strongly believe that we need to overcome the stereotype of Catholic women being dowdy, cranky, guilt-ridden, and matronly. If we’re trying to encourage others to explore Catholicism, they need to see that Catholics are approachable, and that it isn’t all sadness to follow the religion.

If you need help finding a personal style that is modest and fits your lifestyle/body type, feel free to PM me.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
It might be what we Catholics call “scruples.” It means that you concern yourself overly with the details of life and want to know if everything you think/do/say is a sin, and in what degree. People with scruples tend to be very hard on themselves and think that they somehow have to be above all reproach in their spiritual life.

Scrupulosity

Some people believe this is a manifestation of OCD, just in a spiritual channel. We always recommend that people with a scrupulous turn of mind get a spiritual director and a regular confessor (might be the same priest, might not) to help them sort out what is real and what is just their mind pulling them off-track.

I would say you are going between extremes - pulled by the world sometimes; pulled by your spirituality at other times. Finding a balance will help you go forward with less confusion.
Click to expand...
Very interesting article. I was always told that these are selfish desires. That they’re not to be important. I have seen people say this but do the opposite. In order for me to stay where I need to be then I must give it all up. I must turn it all over to God & pray harder that I am convicted to give it all up. Most times I see hobbies, entertainment, & the like as all sinful. None of it is good. I don’t even care for Christian themed anything. (certain books/all of the music/t.v.) The Bible is the only book I’m thinking that would be good for me to exclusively read. I could easily go through my stuff right now & give a lot of it away. I tend to do this often. I’ve been thinking about doing it today. Some call it decluttering?
 
mandajane said:
Dressing fashionably AND modestly is one of the reasons I’ve gone into fashion design. It’s hard to be modest with most of what’s put out today as “fashionable” but I manage to do it.

Wanting to look beautiful and feel beautiful is not a sin unless it’s taken to excess (vanity). I make it a point to dress well every day, because I strongly believe that we need to overcome the stereotype of Catholic women being dowdy, cranky, guilt-ridden, and matronly. If we’re trying to encourage others to explore Catholicism, they need to see that Catholics are approachable, and that it isn’t all sadness to follow the religion.

If you need help finding a personal style that is modest and fits your lifestyle/body type, feel free to PM me.
Click to expand...
I don’t want to be beautiful. That just makes me uncomfortable. I wear what fits & don’t try to be attractive. Fashion used to be interesting when I was a teen but not as an adult. That stopped years ago. It’s alright for others but it’s not for me.
 
agnes_therese said:
I really suggest making an appointment with your priest. There’s nothing wrong with wearing makeup, with listening to music, with reading a wide variety of books.
There’s also nothing wrong with NOT doing these things, but it should be because you don’t want to, not because you feel guilty when there’s nothing to feel guilty about.
Click to expand...
I shouldn’t be following the world. Those vanities are of the world. (At least to me) I don’t want to be in h* for anything! I don’t want to be sinful. I probably shouldn’t be on a computer or here if that means I’m offending God in any way. That makes me a hypocrite. Everything I do is thought out because I don’t want to sin. Even a thought & feeling can be sinful. There are always so many inner conflicts. Inner turmoil. How can we know if it’s satan or God? Obviously evil & negative things are satan. God is good & positive. If its worldly then it must be satan.
 
Holiness comes from within. Rather than focusing on the external (although the standards you’ve adopted for yourself are good), focus on your interior disposition. When our hearts and souls are in the right place, our external attributes follow suit. It works from the inside out. Jesus preached against changing the external while leaving the interior life in a sad state.
 
p31k said:
I don’t want to be beautiful. That just makes me uncomfortable. I wear what fits & don’t try to be attractive. Fashion used to be interesting when I was a teen but not as an adult. That stopped years ago. It’s alright for others but it’s not for me.
Click to expand...
There’s nothing wrong with beauty. Mary was beautiful, but modest. She went to weddings and enjoyed the music and food. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Besides, holiness comes from within. How we look and what we listen to are more distant concerns. Let’s get our priorities straight. Our appearance and actions must reflect rather than supplant our interior disposition.
 
p31k said:
I shouldn’t be following the world. Those vanities are of the world. (At least to me) I don’t want to be in h* for anything! I don’t want to be sinful. I probably shouldn’t be on a computer or here if that means I’m offending God in any way. That makes me a hypocrite. Everything I do is thought out because I don’t want to sin. Even a thought & feeling can be sinful. There are always so many inner conflicts. Inner turmoil. How can we know if it’s satan or God? Obviously evil & negative things are satan. God is good & positive. If its worldly then it must be satan.
Click to expand...
I think you should make an appointment to speak to your priest. This post sounds like scruples to me, and you can literally drive yourself mad with these thoughts. God made this world and Satan is not in everything here in the world. You would benefit from spiritual direction. I will put you in my prayers. Glad you’re here.
 
St Thomas Aquinas said our spirit is oriented in such a way that we are always seeking truth, goodness and beauty. Beauty brings us closer to Him. If you are denying yourself all that is beautiful, joyful, Godly, your spirit suffers. I work in the fashion business, and encourage my clients to be their best self, whether they are spending their hard-earned money with me or not. We are created in the imagine and likeness of God - dressing well (and not necessarily trendy), honors Him. Feeling good about our appearance - looking our best - lends a comfort and confidence to allow ourselves to do our best work for God. While one can go overboard of course, I never apologize for embracing and promoting the beauty around us. When we put effort into our appearance, not only will our spirit benefit, but so will our marriage:)
 
Just out of curiosity, what does your husband say when he learns you’ve been giving your stuff away?
 
p31k said:
If its worldly then it must be satan.
Click to expand...
This is not true, dear. God made the world, and to say that the world is completely evil goes against healthy human nature. Often the Devil tells people this half-truth in order that they try to give up the world entirely, become discouraged, and the pendulum swings in the opposite direction.

True, much of the world is evil. But think about this: Even the worms in the mud give glory to God simply by existing. How much more does a healthy, happy human life give glory to Him! Your talents and passions were made by God Himself, and even those of a lower, more “worldly” order can be used in His praise if your heart is pure and loving.
 
p31k said:
Doesn’t say anything since it’s being donated.
Click to expand...
I’m not following you. If you have no opinion in your own home, but only do what your husband says, then how is it that you’re out buying clothes to suit yourself and then giving them away to suit yourself? Doesn’t he have opinions about how you dress and how you spend money? What does he say about that?
 
This is not healthy behavior. You need to speak to a Priest immediately.
 
EasterJoy said:
I’m not following you. If you have no opinion in your own home, but only do what your husband says, then how is it that you’re out buying clothes to suit yourself and then giving them away to suit yourself? Doesn’t he have opinions about how you dress and how you spend money? What does he say about that?
Click to expand...
He doesn’t tell me what to wear but I wish he would tell me to wear skirts or dresses only. It would be easier for me & there would be no flip flopping around all the time. I tell him what I’m spending when I shop before I go so he knows ahead of time. he also doesn’t care about the clothes because I dress modestly so no problem there. Most days I want to forsake all things feminine and just be. It seems so silly to want to look a certain way. My husband says I look nice in anything-It makes me really uncomfortable to hear that. I really don’t want to draw any attention to myself. Years ago this would have not bothered me. I’d be flattered. Now it all seems so wrong. I can’t win. I see more joy in an Anabaptist lifestyle (the women) than any other religions. I would actually love that. To be set apart doing our own things.
 
p31k said:
He doesn’t tell me what to wear but I wish he would tell me to wear skirts or dresses only. He doesn’t I tell him what I’m spending when I shop before I go so he knows ahead of time. he also doesn’t care about the clothes because I dress modestly so no problem there.
Click to expand...
Between this thread and the other, you are beginning to defy belief. Why would you wish that he’d tell you to wear skirts or dresses only? Has he forbidden you?

Most Catholic women who want to wear skirts or dresses only simply do so…go to the Traditional forum, there are many of them there. Many also wear veils to Mass, even for the Ordinary Form. They do not blame the Church for not requiring it and they do not blame their husbands for not requiring it. After all, why blame a husband who leaves you free to do the right as you see the right, all on your own? Why would it disappoint a wife that her husband leaves some bit of her moral life or self-expression up to her to execute? Do you want to be kept in boundaries, but to have someone else to blame that you are inside them? And if he requires you to wear something besides dresses and skirts, then why are you rebelling? Or did you marry a non-Catholic, and now wish that he’d try to force you to do what you want instead of forcing you to do what he wants? It is not just that you are incredibly dependent on your husband’s opinions. Forgive me, but you are not making sense.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top