Problem (Worldy Issues)

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I’m sorry but I guess I don’t understand what you stated. What is defy belief? I don’t think I’ve ever heard if that. I just wish my husband would tell me like the other men at the churches we’ve attended what to wear etc…I wish he would just make rules like this (clothes & the other things I’ve mentioned in the other post) so that I wouldn’t be conflicted over it anymore. This makes me bad? Or wrong? I’m always so conflicted on how I’m to live & what I need to do that I wish he would.
Between this thread and the other, you are beginning to defy belief. Why would you wish that he’d tell you to wear skirts or dresses only? Has he forbidden you?

Most Catholic women who want to wear skirts or dresses only simply do so…go to the Traditional forum, there are many of them there. Many also wear veils to Mass, even for the Ordinary Form. They do not blame the Church for not requiring it and they do not blame their husbands for not requiring it. After all, why blame a husband who leaves you free to do the right as you see the right, all on your own? Why would it disappoint a wife that her husband leaves some bit of her moral life or self-expression up to her to execute? Do you want to be kept in boundaries, but to have someone else to blame that you are inside them? And if he requires you to wear something besides dresses and skirts, then why are you rebelling? Or did you marry a non-Catholic, and now wish that he’d try to force you to do what you want instead of forcing you to do what he wants? It is not just that you are incredibly dependent on your husband’s opinions. Forgive me, but you are not making sense.
 
I’m sorry but I guess I don’t understand what you stated. What is defy belief? I don’t think I’ve ever heard if that. I just wish my husband would tell me like the other men at the churches we’ve attended what to wear etc…I wish he would just make rules like this so that I wouldn’t be conflicted over it anymore. This makes me bad? Or wrong? I’m always so conflicted on how I’m to live & what I need to do that I wish he would.
It is to defy belief that you want to be content to let your husband have total authority over you, but only until he doesn’t lord it over you quite heavily enough. Why are you conflicted? It is not as if he’s telling you one thing and the Church is telling you something else…no, that is actually happening in the case of your husband skipping Mass, but that doesn’t conflict you, you simply toss Mass out. You feel guilty about worshipping at home on your own, which no one has forbidden, but not for skipping Sunday Mass, which actually is obligatory. Do you see what is not making sense here?

You are making it sound as if you only want to do the will of everyone but yourself on one hand, but on the other hand you want to do what you want to do, but also want to stick the responsibility onto some authority figure whom you think ought to be forcing you to do it.

You cannot have your cake and eat it, too. You are even not doing what you are obliged to do. Do not waste time wishing someone would force you to do what is actually left as an act of generosity instead of an obligation. Do not waste time seeing the good and wishing that someone else would force you into it. If it is a duty, do it. Do not wait to be told, as if you were uncomprehending of rules until someone else forces them onto you. If it is not a duty, but a good left for you to choose, do not wish to be forced to do it. Choose it freely, and quit wishing you were a slave instead of a daughter of God.
 
It is to defy belief that you want to be content to let your husband have total authority over you, but only until he doesn’t lord it over you quite heavily enough. Why are you conflicted? It is not as if he’s telling you one thing and the Church is telling you something else…no, that is actually happening in the case of your husband skipping Mass, but that doesn’t conflict you, you simply toss Mass out. You feel guilty about worshipping at home on your own, which no one has forbidden, but not for skipping Sunday Mass, which actually is obligatory. Do you see what is not making sense here?

*Husband isn’t Catholic. He doesn’t wish me to follow Catholic religion. He says very negative things about it. He & I were going to his own church(es) in the past & those weren’t very long in attendance since he found fault in all of them. He says he has no interest right now in going to his church which is the only true church-a bible believing church-since he can’t find one he likes or agrees with anymore. *

You are making it sound as if you only want to do the will of everyone but yourself on one hand, but on the other hand you want to do what you want to do, but also want to stick the responsibility onto some authority figure whom you think ought to be forcing you to do it.

*How else are you to live if you don’t have a parent or spouse to tell you what to do? my father still tells me what to do & I do it because he isn’t someone to disagree with. To keep the peace I have always done what people say. As far as my husband goes he did tell me what to wear etc years back but then stopped. At that time I wore dresses/skirts 24/7 & shunned all worldly things as best as I could. He did as well but somewhere along the line he stopped & then so did I because I thought I was to do so. After awhile I knew it was a mistake but he has his own opinions & I don’t pry because he’s going to do what he wants no matter what I say IF I said anything which I don’t. *
 
When God chose to enter the world, He chose a woman, our Beloved Mother. Women, to me, hold special beauty for this very reason. Modern fashion, modern music, modern anything does not alter that. No one knows the physical appearance of the Blessed Virgin, but to me, she is the most beautiful woman ever. Holiness … seeking to do God’s will in her life … that is beauty.

Enjoying literary works is a gift. Embrace it. Read everything you can! I am a fellow reader, as are (I would guess) most others on CAF. I read everything from Catholic works to the most wretched postmodern philosophy (know thy enemy, right?). There is nothing wrong with that – it will increase your witness. Heck, look at Dr. Mary Healey, Jimmy Akin, Trent Horne, Dr. Peter Kreeft – great people of faith that have great knowledge. You have a gift!

Anyway, these are my thoughts, for their little worth. I will likely never meet you, but I know, dear sister in Christ, that you are a beautiful woman whom Christ will bless. To quote the movie Tombstone, “I swear my oath on it.” May you find peace and joy in the blessed Trinity! 👍
 
How else are you to live if you don’t have a parent or spouse to tell you what to do? my father still tells me what to do & I do it because he isn’t someone to disagree with. To keep the peace I have always done what people say. As far as my husband goes he did tell me what to wear etc years back but then stopped. At that time I wore dresses/skirts 24/7 & shunned all worldly things as best as I could. He did as well but somewhere along the line he stopped & then so did I because I thought I was to do so. After awhile I knew it was a mistake but he has his own opinions & I don’t pry because he’s going to do what he wants no matter what I say IF I said anything which I don’t.
How else are you to live? By following your own conscience as the Church teaches us to. We are all created with rationality and a conscience and are expected to both form our own consciences according to Church teachings and to follow our consciences in what they tell us is correct and incorrect behaviour. If your conscience is telling you to only wear dresses then that is what you should do whether or not your husband tells you to. Even Casti Connubi, which speaks of the kind of submission a wifef ought to give her husbnad makes a distinction between the kind of submission a child gives their parent and the kind of submission a wife gives her husband. And when the Catechism speaks of obedience to ones parents it explicitly says that obedience is no longer required once a child is emancipated (ie reaches a certain age or leaves the house or gets married etc) The kind of relationship you describe with your father is not healthy. I also believe it is possible, as others have suggested, that you suffer from scruples. I would go talk to a priest about this and see if you can find a spiritual director who can help you with all of this.
God Bless
 
How else are you to live if you don’t have a parent or spouse to tell you what to do? my father still tells me what to do & I do it because he isn’t someone to disagree with. To keep the peace I have always done what people say. As far as my husband goes he did tell me what to wear etc years back but then stopped. At that time I wore dresses/skirts 24/7 & shunned all worldly things as best as I could. He did as well but somewhere along the line he stopped & then so did I because I thought I was to do so. After awhile I knew it was a mistake but he has his own opinions & I don’t pry because he’s going to do what he wants no matter what I say IF I said anything which I don’t.
You have always done what people say, that I can believe, but surely you do not believe that every saintly woman you know is without an idea how to follow moral law without exact instructions from someone else. I also do not know any married women who not only need their husband to dictate their dress code–the husbands marry women who choose modest dress in the first place, solving that problem–but who need to have their dress code republished annually. Surely the definition of modesty isn’t so changeable.
 
“How else are you to live if you don’t have a parent or spouse to tell you what to do?”

Trololololol-lololol-lololol… :rolleyes:
 
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