She may or may not have sinned by missing Mass. What you should take away from this discussion is that, if she has sinned, reconciliation with God and the Church is easily available to her. God is always waiting to embrace the sinners who return to Him.
Since you are a reasonable person with a level head, I’ll try not to let it get to me.
You have already received lots of good advice in this thread. I do not see what else you want. She basically has two choices - another parish or trying to make things work where she is. If she has really been as traumatized by this priest as you say, then she is probably better off somewhere away from him.
This seems a little judgmental. In my parish the women are not uneducated. Just to name a few, one has her own law firm, another is an architect with contracts with the federal government, another is a retired Navy Commander. Many have university and or graduate degrees. And all are fully employed , busy with their families and are devout and passionate Catholics. They are the pillars of the Church. They are Lectors, EMHCs, teach CCD, and do so many volunteer activities. One has lead 3 Bible study classes over the Summer on the Credo, St. Mark and the Carmelite Saints. She just received her STD degree in Theology in addition to the degree she has in Sacred Music. Her classes are enlightening and are well attended. Things get done with the help of these ladies, not only within the parish, but also with fundraising, help for the caregivers of Wounded Warriors and of course helping the poor and homebound. I am talking about active women in the Church, in the Catholic Daughters of America, Legion of Mary, the Rachel Project, and other groups that one can join. They don’t find it difficult being Catholic at all.
You have received much good advice here, so perhaps now would be a good time to begin steering clear of this person’s personal drama.:tiphat:
At first, you probably will think this will not help, will not properly address your friend’s problem, but for her fear, I would recommend the Litany of Humility. And of course the Rosary.
Do keep in mind that everything we “know” about this priest, we have third-hand.
I am not sure why you are disheartened … The OP’s post is very confusing … and the poster that offered that this young lady may be causing her own drama seems to be spot on … We have no specifics [other then the priest made a comment on weight - and not even what that comment was and that he encouraged her to speak with her parish priest …
This seems like a perception problem on her part … again just accusations - no examples and just her personal feelings/perceptions
Don’t you find it odd that someone who so recently entered the church has had only negative encounters with clergy? Sorry - I do … and how long is this period - years? then the OP says this later
Then - this?
Scared to attend church
It seems here that the only person focused on any past conflict is this person.
I have known many priests over the years - friends with many … Personally, there are priests I like more then others - some we invite to dinner or a basketball game… others we respect as our pastor but probably would never invite over for a beer
…
Priests serve where the Bishop assigns …
Our family does not parish shop -
Remember - priests come with strengths and weaknesses - just like the parishioners they shepherd…
Personally I do not attend Mass to see the priest - I attend Mass to encounter Jesusand that is what I would tell this young lady - Work your part time job, complete your Masters and attend Mass each Sunday - perhaps if she focused on those three priorities -* and less on the failings of others* - her life would be less stressful
Some wise advice. There is nothing we go through that The Lord can use for the good- whether positive or negative. I have worked under a principal that was a huge bully( not just with me but others) going through this helped me spiritually more than I realized at he time. I learned to forgive and pray for him. We’d oils not shy away from difficult situations but embrace them asking for The Lord to help us grow in holiness through it. All of us need to encourage one another through these times but not necessarily " escape" from our trials as greater good can come of them.She should start going to Mass again. If it would help, she could attend another parish. She can go to confession there as well. Her focus should be on Jesus and nothing else.
Then I believe that this is an opportunity for forgiveness on her part. The priest has said that he as forgotten anything that happened in the past with her. He has let it go and moved on. I believe that this was an invitation on his part for her to do the same. We are all called to forgive those who have hurt us. I would suggest that she start praying for this particular priest everyday even if she doesn’t feel like it. He is probably already praying for her. Her negative feelings are an indication that she has not forgiven him. Remember what our Lord’s Prayer says. *“and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” *
I think that when she gets over this hurdle she will be able to return to her original parish without difficulties. Life is a journey and learning to live our faith in real life is a reward and can also be a challenge.
I hope that everything works out.
Confession is not JUST for mortal sins. Canon law advises confession of even venial sin. (As does Rome also in other contexts.) Further, many theologians advise confessing severe temptations to sin.Hi Mrs Sally, why do you say she needs to go to confession, and therefore implying she is in mortal sin. Just wondering, it seems there is information I do not have.
Time heals all wounds (or wounds all heals, ha ha). She will get over it and time will erase it. God will always be there waiting for her, and if she has God in her heart, He will stay. There are many parishes.
Not attending because there isn’t “much of a community there” is no excuse. We don’t attend Mass because we like the community at that church. We attend because the sacrifice of Our Lord happens at each Mass. We are obliged to attend on Sundays and Holy days of Obligation. This obligation is not conditional on us liking the community at that church or getting on with the priest at another.
No its not. That is the teaching of our Church. We are all obliged to attend Mass on Sundays and Holy days of Obligation. Failing to do so may put a person in a state of grave sin. There is no proviso that says “Life happens, so that makes it OK”. we are obliged to go, unless we are prevented from going by illness, or there is no church anywhere in that locality that we could attend, or one that we could get to by driving a reasonable distance.
That does not fulfil her Sunday obligation, not at all.
A heavy courseload is not an excuse either.
The majority of the congregation in Catholic Churches seem to be women, and most of the ministries and positions held by lay-people seem to be held by women. How would anyone find it hard being a woman in the Catholic Church?There are many such people in the Church. Why is this an issue.?
I think you need to tell your friend that we go to Mass because of our relationship with Jesus, not because there is a good sense of community and a priest that you like and get along with. The latter two things are good if they exist, but they are NOT essential. A person cannot be excused from not attending Mass because they don’t get along with the priest, they don’t like the community there, or they’re too busy with their work or studies. Is one hour on a Sunday (plus travel time) really too much time to put aside in our lives for Our Lord?
Great post! It only seems harsh to those who do not want to hear it. It is for our own good to hear the truth…spoken in love of course.Not attending because there isn’t “much of a community there” is no excuse. We don’t attend Mass because we like the community at that church. We attend because the sacrifice of Our Lord happens at each Mass. We are obliged to attend on Sundays and Holy days of Obligation. This obligation is not conditional on us liking the community at that church or getting on with the priest at another.
No its not. That is the teaching of our Church. We are all obliged to attend Mass on Sundays and Holy days of Obligation. Failing to do so may put a person in a state of grave sin. There is no proviso that says “Life happens, so that makes it OK”. we are obliged to go, unless we are prevented from going by illness, or there is no church anywhere in that locality that we could attend, or one that we could get to by driving a reasonable distance.
That does not fulfil her Sunday obligation, not at all. A heavy courseload is not an excuse either.
There are many such people in the Church. Why is this an issue.?
I think you need to tell your friend that we go to Mass because of our relationship with Jesus, not because there is a good sense of community and a priest that you like and get along with. The latter two things are good if they exist, but they are NOT essential. A person cannot be excused from not attending Mass because they don’t get along with the priest, they don’t like the community there, or they’re too busy with their work or studies. Is one hour on a Sunday (plus travel time) really too much time to put aside in our lives for Our Lord?
If she doesn’t like the priest, then just attend Mass anyway. It’s not like she is obliged to make any conversation with him. Outside of his saying the Mass, just have little to do with him.
And we are required to go to confession if we miss Sunday Mass (or a Holy Day of Obligation) and we are not allowed to receive Holy Communion until we do so. And she must attend Confession, so go to another priest, somewhere, anywhere. I really don’t know why so many people seem to have an issue with going to Confession. We all sin, and most of us sin mortally on occasion. We need to go to Confession to have our souls healed. I don’t know why you would seem to take offence at the suggestion that she needs to go to Confession. If you miss Mass you MUST go to Confession (unless you are incapacitated or there is no Mass that you could have possibly attended) that is the teaching of our Church.
It’s not about her and the priest, it’s about her and Jesus. Her relationship with the priest, his dissolving of the Parish Council and creating a new one (as is his right as Parish Priest), her like or otherwise for the community at the church, etc. are all in the end irrelevant. These are earthly things and cannot be used as excuses for us neglecting our obligation to Jesus.
I’m sorry if any of the above seems harsh, I really don’t mean to be harsh. But I think your friend ought to stop thinking about her own feelings, and go to Confession and then go to Mass every week (regardless of her issues with the priest). Mass is about Jesus, not the priest, the Parish Council or personal relationships with any individuals in the parish.
For one thing, I think we may be missing some of the story here.
A simple, “Good morning Father” as you pass him on the way out is the most you need to say to him. You don’t even have to say that. If you don’t like the guy then just walk past him without eye-contact. It’s not as if he’s going to come running after you demanding that you stop and speak with him. And most likely he’ll be surrounded by other parishioners waiting to chat to him about all sorts, asking for school forms to be signed, booking baptisms, complaining about something, or just chatting. It’s often hard enough to get to speak to the priest after Mass if you really want to. Avoiding contact with a priest you don’t like is very easy indeed.