Project Husband

[Magickman]

I heard about Project Husband on the radio today.

Texan Lisa Linehan, age 35, has her wedding scheduled for Feb. 15, 2011. She has picked the time and the place, almost everything, except for the groom.

Because Lisa has decided it is time for her to be married, she initiated “Project Husband,” an Internet and mass media blitz intended to find her a man to marry.

She wants a man with a great sense of humor, who’s intellectual and honest, who is upbeat, outgoing, who is very self-confident, and who would like to have a family and children.

Lisa has chutzpah, I will grant her that.

What do you think? Is this any way to secure a spouse?

 

[Kimothy80]

It is bold but it’s also a bit tacky IMO. It’s also a way to scare off potential husbands!

 

[lutherlic]

Interesting and unusual. If she is Catholic, I do not see how she could possibly be taking the vocation of marriage seriously.

 

[Alexander_Smith]

Interesting and unusual. If she is Catholic, I do not see how she could possibly be taking the vocation of marriage seriously.

Yeah I agree. Pretty trivial way to treat marriage.

 

[Mystic_Banana]

Interesting and unusual. If she is Catholic, I do not see how she could possibly be taking the vocation of marriage seriously.

Ooh, I don’t know… it’s either a ridiclously awful display of shallowness (“I don’t care who I marry, but I want it to be then”), or a mystic display of the highest faith… (“I will marry on this date whoever God chooses for me”)

Somewhere between the 2???

Nah - more likely the former. I bet she only goes through with it if she has secured an elegant sufficiency of sponsorship and coverage…

 

[bkayw]

I wonder if the computer dating programs have statistically proven successful over time?

A few years back, there was a dating program on TV. A lady owned a dating service in Buffalo New York. It was an interesting program, but not neccessarily scientific.

 

[tafan]

Interesting and unusual. If she is Catholic, I do not see how she could possibly be taking the vocation of marriage seriously.

I disagree. It is unusual, but I see no inherent problem in it. Love is an act of will, find someone you like, who thinks the same way, there is no reason why a marriage should not work. My great-grandfather married a mail-order bride he had never met, I remember her as a child before she died at the age of 94. Great lady.

There is no reason why between now and Feb she would not have time to make sure her future spouse thinks the right way and she is attracted to him.

 

[StJudePray4Me]

Yikes.

Sounds like about as good an idea as appearing on “The Bachelorette.”

 

[Nec5]

What happens if there is a conflict with Project Wife?

 

[cmscms]

I have to wonder who would agree to marry her. She may get a spouse but no guarantees for happy ever after. Not to mention, any man who would respond to her add would be a total turn off to most women

 

[Charlotte1776]

I have to wonder who would agree to marry her. She may get a spouse but no guarantees for happy ever after. Not to mention, any man who would respond to her add would be a total turn off to most women

I agree. She’s going to have to scrape the bottom on the barrel to find a man who would marry someone so obviously desperate. Her future spouse would know he was only picked because he was available - Mr. Right Now, not Mr. Right.
If a marriage comes out of this adventure, I bet she’ll be thinking about divorce as soon as the honeymoon period is over. Marriage isn’t a fairy tale all the time (though it is most of the time if you marry a man as wonderful and loving as mine! )

 

[dulcissima]

I disagree. It is unusual, but I see no inherent problem in it. Love is an act of will, find someone you like, who thinks the same way, there is no reason why a marriage should not work. My great-grandfather married a mail-order bride he had never met, I remember her as a child before she died at the age of 94. Great lady.

There is no reason why between now and Feb she would not have time to make sure her future spouse thinks the right way and she is attracted to him.

I agree. Although I know nothing about this particular situation, there is no reason that this couldn’t lead to a perfectly valid marriage. It’s totally possible that this woman has decided to not sit passively by and wait for romance, that she knows that love is not just some rush of feeling, but rather a choice.

 

[lutherlic]

I disagree. It is unusual, but I see no inherent problem in it. Love is an act of will, find someone you like, who thinks the same way, there is no reason why a marriage should not work. My great-grandfather married a mail-order bride he had never met, I remember her as a child before she died at the age of 94. Great lady.

There is no reason why between now and Feb she would not have time to make sure her future spouse thinks the right way and she is attracted to him.

I agree. Although I know nothing about this particular situation, there is no reason that this couldn’t lead to a perfectly valid marriage. It’s totally possible that this woman has decided to not sit passively by and wait for romance, that she knows that love is not just some rush of feeling, but rather a choice.

I see your points and grant that it is not impossible for this to work. Still, she will be marrying in less than 5 months someone who is now a total stranger. To do that, she must make her selection in the next 60 to 90 days (more or less). She will choose someone in that very brief time that she has not otherwise met in 15 years of adult life. This is “speed dating” and “speed discernment”.

If she were your daughter, would you feel comfortable with this?

 

[Monte_RCMS]

There are a lot of guys who complain all the time here on CAF that they cannot find wives.

Maybe you should help your friend connect up with the eligible bachelors on CAF!

 

[PatriceA]

I disagree. It is unusual, but I see no inherent problem in it. Love is an act of will, find someone you like, who thinks the same way, there is no reason why a marriage should not work. My great-grandfather married a mail-order bride he had never met, I remember her as a child before she died at the age of 94. Great lady.

There is no reason why between now and Feb she would not have time to make sure her future spouse thinks the right way and she is attracted to him.

One of the craziest ways to find a husband, but I’m willing to see if she succeeds. People have been going about the traditional way to finding a spouse forever and it doesn’t always guarantee success. People meet in all sorts of ways, maybe it will work.

And if it does work, I’m sure they’ll have a movie deal before the ceremony ends and it will star Jennifer Aniston or something like that.

 

[tafan]

One of the craziest ways to find a husband, but I’m willing to see if she succeeds. People have been going about the traditional way to finding a spouse forever and it doesn’t always guarantee success. People meet in all sorts of ways, maybe it will work.

And if it does work, I’m sure they’ll have a movie deal before the ceremony ends and it will star Jennifer Aniston or something like that.

I agree it is crazy and I have definitve doubts about her motivation. All I was saying was that a quick, proactive, search for a spouse does inherently show that she is not “taking the vocation of marriage seriously”.

lutherlic:

I see your points and grant that it is not impossible for this to work. Still, she will be marrying in less than 5 months someone who is now a total stranger. To do that, she must make her selection in the next 60 to 90 days (more or less). She will choose someone in that very brief time that she has not otherwise met in 15 years of adult life. This is “speed dating” and “speed discernment”.

If she were your daughter, would you feel comfortable with this?

If my daughter was doing this type of internet campaign, big problems.

But not for the reasons you state? If my daughter got engaged after only knowing someone 60-90 days? not necessarily. It would completely depend on if my daughter and the prospective groom understood what they were doing. I have no problem with short courtships/engagements. As a matter of fact, IMO, they are way better than too long of ones. If your not engaged after 2 years, there is a problem. My brother and his wife got engaged after knowing each other 3 weeks. 20 years later, they seem to be doing pretty good. They were both Catholic, looking for a catholic spouse, and knew what marriage was all about. None of our family had a problem at the time, although I must admit we were really curious to meet her after hearing the news.

 

[KarenElissa]

I disagree. It is unusual, but I see no inherent problem in it. Love is an act of will, find someone you like, who thinks the same way, there is no reason why a marriage should not work. My great-grandfather married a mail-order bride he had never met, I remember her as a child before she died at the age of 94. Great lady.

There is no reason why between now and Feb she would not have time to make sure her future spouse thinks the right way and she is attracted to him.

I think the big difference in these two situations is the beliefs on marriage as a society have changed drastically. At the time your great grandparents were married, divorce was not an option. They knew that in being married, they were choosing to love each other for LIFE. PERIOD.

Now in society as a whole ( I have no idea what this particular person’s beliefs are), one isn’t married for life. They are married for as long as it is convenient for both parties. One it stops making one party happy, they file for divorce. I think that makes any kind of quick wedding like this highly suspect.

 

[tafan]

I think the big difference in these two situations is the beliefs on marriage as a society have changed drastically. At the time your great grandparents were married, divorce was not an option. They knew that in being married, they were choosing to love each other for LIFE. PERIOD.

Now in society as a whole ( I have no idea what this particular person’s beliefs are), one isn’t married for life. They are married for as long as it is convenient for both parties. One it stops making one party happy, they file for divorce. I think that makes any kind of quick wedding like this highly suspect.

Well, I tried, as best I could, to qualify my answer with the condition that she understood what a Catholic marriage was all about. I am making no judgements on this particular case, and if I did, I would tend to come down on the negative side.

But it does not take more than 60-90 days to figure out if your potential spouse views marraige as a life-long committment and does not see divorce as an option. I suspect that people who carry out dating and engagements for really long times are more likely to not see marraige as a life-long, no-divorce option, commitment. People don’t spend two to three years discerning if their boyfriend/girlfriend is their soul-mate. I would argue that the lengthy dating periods we often see are a sympton of the societal changes you refer to, not a solution.

 

[Secret_Square]

Actually, choosing a wedding date without a groom isn’t completely unheard of. Some couples who have formal weddings have to book their reception halls a year or more ahead of time, especially if the place they have in mind is very well known or in demand. When I was getting married and looking for a reception site, I checked with a well-known resort/lodge near my hometown only to find they were booked TWO YEARS in advance for the date I wanted. And this was simply a state park facility in a small town/rural area. The waiting list may be even longer for really popular venues in large cities.

When a wedding is planned that far ahead of time, it sometimes happens that the couple breaks up soon afterward but the bride keeps her wedding plans in place just in case she meets another guy before her chosen wedding date. I’ve not personally experienced this, mind you, I’ve just read about it in magazines and newspapers. But I bet it does happen occasionally.

I think this lady is pushing it by setting her prospective wedding date for next February, but if she chose Feb. 2012 or later, who knows, it might work.

As for long vs. short engagements, it’s probably true that long engagements of more than a year aren’t necessary for mature people who have finished their education or military service. Yes, it’s possible to know right away when you have met “the one.” My own parents, for example, got engaged less than 2 months after they met, and were married for just short of 54 years.

However, one advantage of waiting 6 months to a year is that you get to see your fiance in a variety of situations and get an idea of how they react to crises or disappointments, what their habits are, and whether you can trust them to do what they say they will do.

 

[Magickman]

There was a Minneapolis man who did the same thing, over ten years ago, and he did find a wife by advertising. I looked him up on the Internet, and at last report he and his wife were still happily married, with three children. David and Elizabeth Weinlick are their names.

Elizabeth is Catholic, by the way.

See: today.msnbc.msn.com/id/25121427