Projection and deserving a good spouse

[LethalMouse]

Satan through projection can imagine God being capable of what Satan is. Therefore must strike first to protect himself.

Satan through knowing what he would do in God’s place seeks through guilt and self esteem issues to create his own justice. He does not deserve God and therefore must make God a “bad guy” in his own mind.

When it comes to marriages and relationships, is hesitations sometimes nothing more than a small version of a Satan both expecting that everyone is as horrible as themswlves? And more that if anyone was not as horribke, the Satan would be undeserving of such a person?

 

[heidi_storage]

Interesting; I’ve never heard relationships compared to God and Satan before. Sounds like an unhealthy framework.

Would you mind asking your question again, without the God and Satan stuff so that I can understand what you’re getting at?

 

[LethalMouse]

Interesting; I’ve never heard relationships compared to God and Satan before. Sounds like an unhealthy framework.

Would you mind asking your question again, without the God and Satan stuff so that I can understand what you’re getting at?

Basically a person who is prone to do bad either projects that badness onto others. Sor of the “do unto others before others do unto you” frame of mind if not subconsciously.

Or in a sense they as a result of their own bad feel again perhaps subconsciously unworthy of a good person which either leads to accusation of bad on the other person for justification OR perhaps a full fledged rejection of good people because they feel the good person deswrves “more”.

 

[heidi_storage]

I’m sure that happens. Broken people tend to attract other broken people, and their relationship models are often unhealthy.

 

[pensmama87]

I’m sure that happens. Broken people tend to attract other broken people, and their relationship models are often unhealthy.

Yes.

 

[LethalMouse]

I’m sure that happens. Broken people tend to attract other broken people, and their relationship models are often unhealthy.

Well in sone ways I am talkiing in a more general and discreet sense to.

Like one that makes us think “she/he could [insert bad thing] me”

Being in some ways something we need to reflect on

As in that statement should make us ask ourselves if we made it becasue “I would [bad thing] her/him”

So not just the clearly messed up dtug addicts and such. But the almost quality people. The ones who look real good on paper.

 

[EasterJoy]

I don’t think the psychology of humans can be extrapolated to the psychology of the angels any more than human psychology can be presumed to be the psychology of God. That is more the theology of pantheistic Greeks who anthropomorphised their deities, wouldn’t you say?

Humans and angels are very different creatures, as can be deduced by the very different way God in His Infinite Justice has dealt with our falls from His grace.

I’m not sure what you mean by

So not just the clearly messed up dtug addicts and such. But the almost quality people. The ones who look real good on paper.

I am scratching my head trying to figure out what you mean in this section. What do you mean by “almost quality people” as contrasted to “clearly messed up drug addicts and such”?

 

[heidi_storage]

Yeah, I’m still a bit confused, too. My husband and I generally assume that the other is acting in good faith, and I think so do most healthy couples.

 

[LethalMouse]

I don’t think the psychology of humans can be extrapolated to the psychology of the angels any more than human psychology can be presumed to be the psychology of God. That is more the theology of pantheistic Greeks who anthropomorphised their deities, wouldn’t you say?

Humans and angels are very different creatures, as can be deduced by the very different way God in His Infinite Justice has dealt with our falls from His grace.

I’m not sure what you mean by

I am scratching my head trying to figure out what you mean in this section. What do you mean by “almost quality people” as contrasted to “clearly messed up drug addicts and such”?

There are people who as was said by another poster “broken” people.

But while they would still perhaps be technically “broken” there are degrees of such brokeness.

And let’s say you can say someone is seemingly not broken both to kthers and maybe even to themselves.

They harbor certain fears about getting involved with a potential or sometimes still harbor fears toward their spouse.

And I used the “they could do X to me” statement as a sort of show that in such cases we think of the dangers others pose us because of how bad we really are.

I suppose one can apply this to other things than soouses but notably this is where trust is meant to be and the worst place for these ways to be.

But in total anyone who say, spends alot of time talking of the possible evils one could endure in a relationship/ marriage, can be speaking due in part because of how terrible they themselves are.

The biggest thing being I suspect they are rarely aware of how horrible they are.

 

[EasterJoy]

There are people who as was said by another poster “broken” people.

But while they would still perhaps be technically “broken” there are degrees of such brokeness.

And let’s say you can say someone is seemingly not broken both to kthers and maybe even to themselves.

They harbor certain fears about getting involved with a potential or sometimes still harbor fears toward their spouse.

And I used the “they could do X to me” statement as a sort of show that in such cases we think of the dangers others pose us because of how bad we really are.

I suppose one can apply this to other things than soouses but notably this is where trust is meant to be and the worst place for these ways to be.

But in total anyone who say, spends alot of time talking of the possible evils one could endure in a relationship/ marriage, can be speaking due in part because of how terrible they themselves are.

The biggest thing being I suspect they are rarely aware of how horrible they are.

There aren’t many people who ever examine their own consciences who don’t have a sense of being more broken than anyone else would guess. C.S. Lewis is not the only one to guess, however, that when it comes to our brokenness we are often the last ones to guess where our biggest wounds are. We obsess about the crooked deck chairs and smudges on the mirrors, but blithely ignore the water coming in the hull.

With regards to marriage, it takes courage, it takes a sense of humor, it takes a humility that can have affection for an undeniably imperfect person. I don’t know if you’re old enough to know the phrase “a face that only a mother could love”? Well, when you’re married, you have to have some of what one old man called his secret to his 60 year marriage. “I get up every morning, I look in the mirror, and I say to myself, ‘Well, you’re no great prize, either.’” She’s not perfect, neither am I, but we muddle along…a down-to-earth commitment.

Hope that helps. The main thing is to try not to make this harder than it is. Find someone who is as sea-worthy as mortals tend to be, someone with a stubborn optimism, integrity, and belief in the old adage of “homicide, maybe, but divorce, never,” who can say, “Lord, you take over loving him for a bit, please, because right now, I’m NOT up to it” and your chances are pretty good.

 

[heidi_storage]

And let’s say you can say someone is seemingly not broken both to kthers and maybe even to themselves.

They harbor certain fears about getting involved with a potential or sometimes still harbor fears toward their spouse.

And I used the “they could do X to me” statement as a sort of show that in such cases we think of the dangers others pose us because of how bad we really are.

See, I would say that shows brokenness, if that’s the person’s dominant way of thinking about his/her relationship.

 

[Xantippe]

T
Hope that helps. The main thing is to try not to make this harder than it is. Find someone who is as sea-worthy as mortals tend to be, someone with a stubborn optimism, integrity, and belief in the old adage of “homicide, maybe, but divorce, never,” who can say, “Lord, you take over loving him for a bit, please, because right now, I’m NOT up to it” and your chances are pretty good.

Way too many people kill their spouses for that line to be ha ha funny.

 

[LethalMouse]

Way too many people kill their spouses for that line to be ha ha funny.

Hmmm a bit of my thread a showing?

They say you can joke if it isn’t “true”

Another point in fact in a similar way…

Some people can joke about terrible things because they know it is 100% a joke.

I’d imagine those who find dark humor off putting might at times have an actual darkside themselves

 

[LethalMouse]

There aren’t many people who ever examine their own consciences who don’t have a sense of being more broken than anyone else would guess. C.S. Lewis is not the only one to guess, however, that when it comes to our brokenness we are often the last ones to guess where our biggest wounds are. We obsess about the crooked deck chairs and smudges on the mirrors, but blithely ignore the water coming in the hull.

With regards to marriage, it takes courage, it takes a sense of humor, it takes a humility that can have affection for an undeniably imperfect person. I don’t know if you’re old enough to know the phrase “a face that only a mother could love”? Well, when you’re married, you have to have some of what one old man called his secret to his 60 year marriage. “I get up every morning, I look in the mirror, and I say to myself, ‘Well, you’re no great prize, either.’” She’s not perfect, neither am I, but we muddle along…a down-to-earth commitment.

Hope that helps. The main thing is to try not to make this harder than it is. Find someone who is as sea-worthy as mortals tend to be, someone with a stubborn optimism, integrity, and belief in the old adage of “homicide, maybe, but divorce, never,” who can say, “Lord, you take over loving him for a bit, please, because right now, I’m NOT up to it” and your chances are pretty good.

Good stuff

But fyi I am not asking per advice persay more philosophical psychological ponderance to humans in general lol

I did enjoy them classes lol

 

[SilverShadow22]

Hmmm a bit of my thread a showing?

They say you can joke if it isn’t “true”

Another point in fact in a similar way…

Some people can joke about terrible things because they know it is 100% a joke.

I’d imagine those who find dark humor off putting might at times have an actual darkside themselves

Then why do I find dark humor humorous because I can almost see myself agreeing with it?

Homicide, maybe. Divorce, never.

Is literally true to me. I don’t even find that dark lol

 

[LethalMouse]

Then why do I find dark humor humorous because I can almost see myself agreeing with it?

Homicide, maybe. Divorce, never.

Is literally true to me. I don’t even find that dark lol

Homicide in the face of Old Testament rules?

Like you feel quasi at least justified?

Or husband didnt take out the trash for the third time so you gonna go psycho and murderous???

I think that is also a difference.

Let alone my “core” person concept. Being the odds of such a person actually killing vs saying they would.

“Protest too much goes both ways”

In that “I would NEVER!!!” Means they would

And a life lived with not a single kill often includes many suggestions that “oh I’d totally kill them”

People lie to themselves both good and bad

 

[SilverShadow22]

Homicide in the face of Old Testament rules?

Like you feel quasi at least justified?

Or husband didnt take out the trash for the third time so you gonna go psycho and murderous???

I think that is also a difference.

Let alone my “core” person concept. Being the odds of such a person actually killing vs saying they would.

“Protest too much goes both ways”

In that “I would NEVER!!!” Means they would

And a life lived with not a single kill often includes many suggestions that “oh I’d totally kill them”

People lie to themselves both good and bad

Oh, I’d definitely kill. I just wouldn’t murder.

Big difference.

 

[LethalMouse]

Or to use the trash example, the spouse who is actually restraining themselves from murdsring the other for trivial things is the one who would likely not find it funny.

The spouse who would need an insane epic catalyst to even really sort of consider it would find it hilarious.

So you would homicide in the face of divorce? But what about anything less?

And then if he just said “bye” and sent forth secular divorce would you? Or would your suggestion of homicide be something you mutter in near jest while doing nothing?

 

[LethalMouse]

Oh, I’d definitely kill. I just wouldn’t murder.

Big difference.

See? Kill vs murder

Ergo you cn find humor in kill because it is just

You can find humor in murder because you can’t do it.

Like “kill some terrorists about to kill civilians” is okay

“Ha! If my hubby doesnt take ojt the trash again Ill kill him” funny becaaus you quite obviously dont mean it.

Now if you cant say the second without a hint of truth!

Then!!! If hubby said such a joke to you you might freak out… not because he is dangerous, but because you are.

 

[SilverShadow22]

Or to use the trash example, the spouse who is actually restraining themselves from murdsring the other for trivial things is the one who would likely not find it funny.

The spouse who would need an insane epic catalyst to even really sort of consider it would find it hilarious.

So you would homicide in the face of divorce? But what about anything less?

And then if he just said “bye” and sent forth secular divorce would you? Or would your suggestion of homicide be something you mutter in near jest while doing nothing?

That would depend on the particular circumstances but killing for trivial reasons is by definition murder.