Prolife obituary for miscarriage

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How unspeakably rude.
Excuse me, but I offered condolence as well as an opinion different from that of the OP on the subject of publishing an obituary, not criticism, insult, rebuke or anything even approaching rudeness, much less “unspeakable” rudeness. You are way out of line writing what your did.
 
Excuse me, but I offered condolence as well as an opinion different from that of the OP on the subject of publishing an obituary, not criticism, insult, rebuke or anything even approaching rudeness, much less “unspeakable” rudeness. You are way out of line writing what your did.
You are not excused. I find it unbelievable that you can justify posting some ‘statistic’ about how 1/3 of all pregnancies are lost during the first trimester and suggest that her grief should then be conducted privately. Why does a full term baby who dies after labor and delivery deserve an obituary but not a baby who dies earlier in the womb? You are entitled to your opinion but I can’t fathom posting a death stat to a woman who has lost a child and intending her to receive any comfort by pointing out that many others have died in similar circumstances and gone unremarked. Yes, I find that unspeakably rude.
 
Excuse me, but I offered condolence as well as an opinion different from that of the OP on the subject of publishing an obituary, not criticism, insult, rebuke or anything even approaching rudeness, much less “unspeakable” rudeness. You are way out of line writing what your did.
I believe you just missed my point. If my Mother Died, I would put her obituary in the paper. Is Joseph any less a person than my Mother? I know that many pegenacies end in miscarriage. I am not sure the exact number. My point is that we are Catholic and we are to believe that life begins at conception, so my childs life began and what life is not worth celebrating?

I am sure your comment was not ment to hurt my feelings. I know that you simply had an opinion and felt you should share. I am thankful for you condolences.
 
I am sorry for the loss you expereinced. But this response strikes me as unusual. Is it not the case that an estimated 1/3 of all pregnancies terminate through miscarriage in the first trimester? There are apparently many blighted pregnancies which never survive until term for any number of known and unknown reasons. I am not suggesting that you are not disappointed or grieving. I’m just wondering whether this is something to make the subject of public grief or a more private and intimate matter.
When I miscarried, my doctor said that 1 in 5 pregnancies ends with a miscarriage.
 
I have suffered two miscarriages. My first was so hard it has been six years this Dec. 29th since she has left me. My heart still aches so much for her. I was 10 weeks and I know that I could not have known that she was a girl but she was I know it. My pain for her is so hard because I never did hold her I also never gave her a proper burial. I just didn’t know. I always counsel those who have had a miscarriage to do these things because it is so important. I also know that my little Elizabeth Nicole is in heaven praying and waiting for us. My second child was very recently and I am still morning.

Thank you for sharing your story, I believe that being able to share is also a real help.
 
I believe you just missed my point. If my Mother Died, I would put her obituary in the paper. Is Joseph any less a person than my Mother? I know that many pegenacies end in miscarriage. I am not sure the exact number. My point is that we are Catholic and we are to believe that life begins at conception, so my childs life began and what life is not worth celebrating?

I am sure your comment was not ment to hurt my feelings. I know that you simply had an opinion and felt you should share. I am thankful for you condolences.
I am wondering if you tried to post the obituary in the paper my friend did this and it was printed. It was very nice.
 
I am wondering if you tried to post the obituary in the paper my friend did this and it was printed. It was very nice.
I haven’t posted it in our local paper. So many people wouldn’t understand and it would be hard to explain it face to face at this time. I mostly want to spread a prolife message. If I posted it in my local paper I think people would think it was all about recieving simpathy. I want my children’s lives to point to Jesus to show how wonderful a gift he gives.
 
You are not excused. I find it unbelievable that you can justify posting some ‘statistic’ about how 1/3 of all pregnancies are lost during the first trimester and suggest that her grief should then be conducted privately. Why does a full term baby who dies after labor and delivery deserve an obituary but not a baby who dies earlier in the womb? You are entitled to your opinion but I can’t fathom posting a death stat to a woman who has lost a child and intending her to receive any comfort by pointing out that many others have died in similar circumstances and gone unremarked. Yes, I find that unspeakably rude.
I agree. How many thousands of parents die every year? Are you, Island Oak, advocating telling grieving adult children they should carry out their grief in quiet because it just “happens”? After all, their parents grow old and death just happens eventually.

When someone feels the need to post something so hurtful to a grieving parent, I hope that in the future they opt instead to keep their mouths shut and close the thread.

I thought your obit was BEAUTIFUL, dkoinzan. What a wonderful way to acknowledge the sanctity of human life - can you imagine how many eyes and hearts would be opened to read such a beautiful obituary in a local paper?

Thanks for sharing it…
 
Sanctareparata,

Yes! You get it! I is an acknowledgement of the sanctity of life. Although some may feel that Island Oaks’ opinion was rude, it is just that kind of person I want to see Joseph’s obit. I want everyone to know that every conception is life. Thank you Island Oaks for the opportunity to explain that. It doesn’t matter that 1/3 of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. It matters that each one of those children were given life. Really death is not the issue it’s life that is important.
 
I have struggled with the sorrow of my son’s death. It seems that society just waves away the importance of life. My child has died and it seems that his very existances is denied. I believe that God gave me a special gift, a son. God created my son for a special reason. I may not fully understand that reason right now, but I believe his life is worth celebrating and sharing. I would like to encourage others to create obituaries for their unborn children. We believe life begins at conception so let us not let these children die without recognizing their importance, thier purpose. Don’t let society believe these children are not alive or precious. They exist from conception and they are our sons and daughters. I held my son after giving birth to him. He fit in the palm of my hand. I washed his little body and kissed his tiny head good-bye.

(…)
That is a beautiful memorial for your child. And I think it is important for you and others who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth and abortion to remember these children (as they feel called) with something like this. It can be healing for you and it allows others, like those reading this thread, to cry with you and say a prayer.

I agree that putting it in the paper might result in more questions and scrutiny than one might want, however I have head of an organization that that help do memorial quilts for the families. I will try to find the information on this. Remember the AIDS quilt? It was something like that. A parent, grandparent or whoever could make a square that would be a part of one quilt. Has anyone heard of this?
 
I should have said that you can’t recognize death until you recognize life. Without life there is no death. Isn’t that how we began to justify abortion in the first place.
 
I have been praying about where exactly to have Joseph’s obit, if at all. I think I shall try to have it put in our Church bulliten. They always put a little something in their for the others who have passed away. Actually they put something in there about my daughter who was stillborn at 31 weeks. For some reason they didn’t mention Joseph. Thank you for the encouragement.
 
I have been praying about where exactly to have Joseph’s obit, if at all. I think I shall try to have it put in our Church bulliten. They always put a little something in their for the others who have passed away. Actually they put something in there about my daughter who was stillborn at 31 weeks. For some reason they didn’t mention Joseph. Thank you for the encouragement.
Good idea… that sounds like the perfect place.
 
Dana,

I am sorry for your losses. I think your message is beautiful and reflects true love and respect for human life in a way that only a mother’s heart can understand.

I also suffered 2 miscarriages and the I think pain is unimaginable by anyone that has not suffered one. But what made it worse was what I perceived as lack of acknowledgment by society that this is a real loss, of a real person, that had dignity and deserved to be respected and honored just as if my own mother passed away. In eternity, it does not matter if we are 8 weeks preborn or 80 years old. For God, we are all the same.

It was sad also to see the lack of support from the church also, we called the diocese looking for support, they did not know what to do with us, and kept “passing the buck”, I was sadden to realize that the pro-life ministry is really just “anti-abortion” and you will find support to not have an abortion or if you had an abortion but not for a miscarriage.

Eventually we found support from a local non-catholic hospital and from a wonderful local cemetery.

We were able to bury both our babies and have small services for them. But this took all the effort we could muster in the midst of our grief. Dealing with odd comments and looks from hospital personnel that wanted to make sure that we really wanted the remains or suffering from lack of support from our church friends that did not think it was important to attend the funeral or even send condolences.

The cemetery was a wonderful resource and is a place of healing. They have a garden of donated spaces for unborn babies. We go there and pray and on All Souls days they celebrate a Mass for all people buried there - born and unborn. One lady there called us “bold witnesses for life”. I do not consider myself a bold witness - only a mother that lost 2 babies.

I wonder sometimes why this happened, or why was this allowed, but I realize now that by going thru this, I have developed a sense of compassion for others that I did not have. I have given my testimony at church and I posted it here in the forums but it seems to have been deleted.

Maybe God is calling us (you included) to use our sorrow to become His bold witnesses for life.

May God bless you and may our blessed mother comfort you.
 
Thank you RosaLydia. I so appreciate all your words. I have lost two children this year. Theresa was born on Mother’s day and it seemed only appropriate that I give her to Mary as her gift. Somehow that made it so much easier. Everyone accepted Theresa as a child because the was 31 weeks. I never dreamed that God would ask me to do this again. I prayed what ever he willed for me, I would have the striength to do. We had a graveside rite and buried her between her grandparents. It took all we had. Joseph, knowone wants to even think he was there. My husband’s family believes I may have postpartom depression. None of them seem to realize that I just lost two children and if I weren’t upset about this that I wouldn’t be human. :banghead: Thank you again. I know that their are wonderful websights out their to share grief with other’s that have experienced similiar losses, but I want everyone to realize life begins at conception. The people who have had stillbirths and miscarriages already know.
 
I think it would be nice to put something like this in your church bulletin or any other church publication. It’s a beautiful tribute to your son, and like I said before, I think a lot of women would be very touched by it, because so many women do have miscarriages, and maybe it would help them heal.
 
This breaks my heart. I lost two children and as a male I was not allowed to grieve - by DW, MIL, or my own mother. I lost two children - what more can I say? They were flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood. I never got to cuddle them in my arms like their two brothers but they are as real to me as their two brothers. If we, as Catholics, truly believe in the sanctity of life, well, I just wish there was something, anything to do to fill the hole that I feel and have felt for over 25 years. I think the obit is a good way to go and I think HMC needs to come up with a blessing or a rite if we are to be consistent with our standards.

In my heart of hearts, DW and I lost two children. In my heart of hearts, I grieve - 25 years later. I know I will meet them one day but Lord, excuse me y’all for saying this, you women can be so pragmatic - DW, MIL, and my own mother. Those werent’ miscarriages, those were my two children.
 
In my heart of hearts, DW and I lost two children. In my heart of hearts, I grieve - 25 years later. I know I will meet them one day but Lord, excuse me y’all for saying this, you women can be so pragmatic - DW, MIL, and my own mother. Those werent’ miscarriages, those were my two children.
Some how if we can reach people with our children’s stories, people would realize that life does begin at conception. I am so sorry you were never allowed to grieve for your children. They are your children. you should be proud to have two little Saints in heaven interceeding for you.
 
My Daughter’s headstone arrived today and the priest decided to let me put Joseph’s obituary in the bulletin. I am pleased but sad. Two babies in one year is to hard at times.
 
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