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AlanFromWichita
Guest
Yes. One of my original points in bringing up this thread is that I wanted to explore effective ways of communication with children.
One thing I find in many families whose children are sexually active, in despair or suicidal is that the children don’t think the parents understand them, and they are afraid to tell them anything because they do not want to be judged or punished for something they already feel terribly in trouble about.
I used to answer the telephone for the Youth Crisis Hotline for Kansas Children’s Service League. Often these youths had nobody to confide in other than peers, who could not give them good guidance. The situation was worse when it came to broken families, which of course are on the rise. It isn’t even limited to sexual misbehavior of the child. In any given day I would usually get at least one call from a young girl whose mother’s girlfriend was molesting her, but when she talked to her mother about her mother didn’t believe her. The mother then accuses the daughter of being jealous or vindictive.
My original point is to ask others to collaborate with me to see where we as parents are failing (with exceptions of course) to get across the message. Numbers-wise, the situation is dire and not getting better any time soon. Good cathecisis, strict moral conduct codes, and the like aren’t doing the job. I think there is a hint as to why: it is kind of like the difference between the law and the spirit. We can impose laws all day but teenagers are getting ever more empowered to get around them. If we don’t shape their spirits then all the control measures in the world are worth nothing, especially the minute they leave us…
I heard a good analogy. Trying to control a teenager with external means is like trying to cling onto a handful of sand. When you see it slipping away, squeezing harder doesn’t do any good. A new strategy is needed; maybe we could call it Good News for parents.
Alan
