Promote NFP more honestly!

[Em_in_FL]

Dr.'s cannot find anything wrong, nearest NaPro is very far away too

What kind of doctors? Regular OB?.. Or a Reproductive Endocrinologist? Are there any NFP-only physicians in your area??

 

[pentecostbaby]

I only know of ONE couple …

that had an NFP ‘accident’ (which is a TERRIBLE and offensive term for a child, BTW). And when she told us what had been happening, we realized what she had calculated wrong: she skirted too close to before her expected ovulation, and conceived a normal 5 days prior. Which is why she had a girl - girl sperm live longer . One of the problems - they were newlyweds; she was/is mortally embarrassed to discuss cervical mucus, cervical position, etc. So she has no support network to talk about NFP and charting.

Whereas the rest of us? I can tell you which of my friends is regular and which isn’t; who got their period back when during breastfeeding; how and why they thought their period might be returning; who’s worried her luteal phase is too short; who thinks her meds might be affecting her cycle, etc. It’s not like we all sit around and jaw about who did what last night and what part of the cycle she was in, but it IS something we all take seriously and support each other with. We have offered to look at each others’ charts. We’ve talked about the best NFP teachers in the area. We have the most battered copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility ever . We have created a culture that supports this.

We’ve also created a culture that - well, when I was complaining about my husband not getting a teaching job, my BFF said, You know we’d never let you be homeless. And they wouldn’t! The same way that I nursed her son and made her go sleep for five hours when she was so overwhelmed she just.couldn’t.function. The same way we told another friend that if she got pregnant now, we’d make sure her baby wouldn’t be in daycare.

I guess my point is that NFP is much, much easier to use as part of a faith community. Just the same way that children are less of a cross when you share them all .

 

[kristacecilia]

I guess for those of us with atypical signs, the Church just makes you have a marriage with little to no physical intimacy. The ‘‘glue’’ that helps bond married couples is not there, and you are told to just grin and bear it, offer up the suffering etc…

The Church doesn’t make you do anything.

You have the teaching of the Church. You can decide to abstain or to use NFP if you have a grave/serious/just reason to avoid pregnancy. Or you can decide to leave your fertility in God’s hands all together.

Also, the Chuch doesn’t promote NFP. The Church has proclaimed that periodic abstinence is not against God’s design for marriage.

Third party organizations, CCLI, Billings, Creighton… they design methods for determining fertility. They do their own studies and promote their products. They are NOT owned by the Church. If you have an issue with their efficacy studies or promotional material, contact them and file a complaint.

Stop blaming the Church.

 

[happymommy]

The Church doesn’t make you do anything.

You have the teaching of the Church. You can decide to abstain or to use NFP if you have a grave/serious/just reason to avoid pregnancy. Or you can decide to leave your fertility in God’s hands all together.

Also, the Chuch doesn’t promote NFP. The Church has proclaimed that periodic abstinence is not against God’s design for marriage.

Third party organizations, CCLI, Billings, Creighton… they design methods for determining fertility. They do their own studies and promote their products. They are NOT owned by the Church. If you have an issue with their efficacy studies or promotional material, contact them and file a complaint.

Stop blaming the Church.

 

[MooCowSteph]

You aren’t alone in this. Couples that practice NFP certainly aren’t typical of the anecdotal testimonals NFP supporters use as their “facts.”

1. Married couples I know using NFP report that is has created a sense of rejection, fear, and resentment in their marriage since sex is almost always accompanied by fear.
2. Men start to hate their wife’s natural cycle, rather than respect it. Women start hating their own bodies.
3. Unless couples already have GREAT communication, NFP usually tears the marriage down, rather than build it up.
4. Effectiveness reported is highly inaccurate. Every couple I know who uses NFP have had more than 1 unplanned pregnancy.

See, NFP is promoted by the church. That’s excellent, but it needs to be reported fairly. It NEEDS to stop being heralded as this “marriage saving birth control.” It’s not. It’s not even effective at avoiding pregnancy for very long. It’s a cross and a suffering and something that will either make a stronger marriage, or rip it to shreds. It needs to be put forward as the yoke and suffering of following Christ’s commands. At least if it is advertised as it IS rather than not being up-front with people and saying it’s this magical wonderful thing, then maybe married couples going into it will have a better chance of shouldering the pain of it. Rather than feeling ashamed and alone in their suffering and worrying that they are doing something wrong, getting mad at each other and destroying their relationship over it, they’ll accept it as the pain and hardship that it is.

This is ignorant and offensive. See Krista’s post above. NFP isn’t birth control. Children aren’t comething to be FEARED. If for some reason you actually fear children, don’t have sex. Period. And if the use of NFP is ruining your marriage and making you hate yourself, you have way bigger problems than NFP.

 

[joshrp]

So, today was reading an article by Human Life International, allow me to quote.

The Three Primary Concerns. The three primary concerns of couples inquiring about NFP are the result of a pervasive propaganda campaign by medical professionals, pro-abortionists, population controllers and others. These fears are that NFP is ineffective; that too much abstinence is required; and that it is too difficult to learn.
All of these misconceptions can be dispelled by proper instruction.
The maximum amount of abstinence required each month is about nine days using the most advanced methods of NFP

From talking with other NFP couples, nine days is hardly accurate. Perhaps NFP would be more widely practiced if NFP promoters were more up-front with couples about how difficult it actually is.

As long as you accept the consequences that you might have a child, you can have sex whenever you want, and use whatever methods you want to figure out the best times to have sex. That’s all there is too it I think. These doctors attacking NFP just want everyone else to be sex addicts like themselves.

 

[Modestly_Anne]

I can understand if you knowingly broke or skirted the rules. What I can’t live with is those of use who follow letter to the T and still end up pregnant.

What do you mean by “you can’t live with it”.

If you can’t live with the risk of having a baby, “DON’T HAVE SEX!!!”

People get pregnant, after the dh has had a vasectomy, after the woman has had a tubal, while on the birth control pill, while using condoms and yes while using NFP.

Just like we tell kids in sex education classes, NOTHING is foolproof except abstinence or of course a complete hysterectomy.

Yes, it’s sad that when there is a “just reason” to avoid that some have more difficulties than others in charting and feeling secure. But nothing in life is a guarantee, which is why we should place our trust in God.

 

[joshrp]

What do you mean by “you can’t live with it”.

If you can’t live with the risk of having a baby, “DON’T HAVE SEX!!!”

People get pregnant, after the dh has had a vasectomy, after the woman has had a tubal, while on the birth control pill, while using condoms and yes while using NFP.

Just like we tell kids in sex education classes, NOTHING is foolproof except abstinence or of course a complete hysterectomy.

Yes, it’s sad that when there is a “just reason” to avoid that some have more difficulties than others in charting and feeling secure. But nothing in life is a guarantee, which is why we should place our trust in God.

The problem is that most people just hate children.

 

[ryecroft]

The Church doesn’t make you do anything.

You have the teaching of the Church. You can decide to abstain or to use NFP if you have a grave/serious/just reason to avoid pregnancy. Or you can decide to leave your fertility in God’s hands all together.

Also, the Chuch doesn’t promote NFP. The Church has proclaimed that periodic abstinence is not against God’s design for marriage.

Third party organizations, CCLI, Billings, Creighton… they design methods for determining fertility. They do their own studies and promote their products. They are NOT owned by the Church. If you have an issue with their efficacy studies or promotional material, contact them and file a complaint.

Stop blaming the Church.

I kind of disagree with this - when you go to get married and you are told you need to take the CCL NFP course in order to get married in the Church, I view this as the Church promoting NFP -

As much as I hate that I have medical problems, I can’t imagine how I would handle it if I hadn’t been told (andd backed up by a Bishop) that because of my health issues and since I had been on the pill for many years to help with certain issues, that I was not committing a sin by being on it - in fact, we actually got some praise for trying so hard to go by NFP and not use ABC. I can’t imagine how morally pulled in so many ways I would feel if I had just cause not to want to get pregnant at the time, NFP wasn’t working for us and knew that abstaining for months at a time (consistantly) was not option for us. I don’t like ABC, but Im greatful for how it helps me and I sure feel a great deal more confident about it working than if I was only using NFP.
Just how I feel, but I really do take issue that you say the “Church” isn’t promoting NFP - perhaps you meant they’re promoting to “have as many children or pregnancies as God sends your way…” for some of us, we’ve tried going that route and it just isn’t something we can (literally in my case) necessarily live with. We do pray that in the near future, getting pregnant (again) will be something that my body will be able to handle. Until then, I feel much safer with the pill - (even though we do go ahead and chart - as we do want to be able to get pregnant as soon as the docs all give their ok’s)

God Bless
Rye

 

[kristacecilia]

I kind of disagree with this - when you go to get married and you are told you need to take the CCL NFP course in order to get married in the Church, I view this as the Church promoting NFP -

As much as I hate that I have medical problems, I can’t imagine how I would handle it if I hadn’t been told (andd backed up by a Bishop) that because of my health issues and since I had been on the pill for many years to help with certain issues, that I was not committing a sin by being on it - in fact, we actually got some praise for trying so hard to go by NFP and not use ABC. I can’t imagine how morally pulled in so many ways I would feel if I had just cause not to want to get pregnant at the time, NFP wasn’t working for us and knew that abstaining for months at a time (consistantly) was not option for us. I don’t like ABC, but Im greatful for how it helps me and I sure feel a great deal more confident about it working than if I was only using NFP.
Just how I feel, but I really do take issue that you say the “Church” isn’t promoting NFP - perhaps you meant they’re promoting to “have as many children or pregnancies as God sends your way…” for some of us, we’ve tried going that route and it just isn’t something we can (literally in my case) necessarily live with.

God Bless
Rye

An NFP class is not a requirement for a sacramental marriage in every diocese. Some diocese have chosen to make it a requirement in an effort- I presume- to help lower the percentage of Catholics using artificial birth control and to hopefully teach them that artificial birth control is immoral.

I can’t say I agree with this move. It is really leading to this idea that NFP is the default mode for marriage and that NFP is an alternative to birth control- but not teaching people that the default mode for marriage is ACCEPTING CHILDREN unless you have a just/grave/serious reason not to, and then abstaining permanently or periodically to avoid.

 

[Rita77]

What do you mean by “you can’t live with it”.

If you can’t live with the risk of having a baby, “DON’T HAVE SEX!!!”

People get pregnant, after the dh has had a vasectomy, after the woman has had a tubal, while on the birth control pill, while using condoms and yes while using NFP.

Just like we tell kids in sex education classes, NOTHING is foolproof except abstinence or of course a complete hysterectomy.

Yes, it’s sad that when there is a “just reason” to avoid that some have more difficulties than others in charting and feeling secure. But nothing in life is a guarantee, which is why we should place our trust in God.

:clapping:

 

[Modestly_Anne]

I kind of disagree with this - when you go to get married and you are told you need to take the CCL NFP course in order to get married in the Church, I view this as the Church promoting NFP -

As much as I hate that I have medical problems, I can’t imagine how I would handle it if I hadn’t been told (andd backed up by a Bishop) that because of my health issues and since I had been on the pill for many years to help with certain issues, that I was not committing a sin by being on it - in fact, we actually got some praise for trying so hard to go by NFP and not use ABC. I can’t imagine how morally pulled in so many ways I would feel if I had just cause not to want to get pregnant at the time, NFP wasn’t working for us ]and knew that abstaining for months at a time (consistantly) was not option for us. I don’t like ABC, but Im greatful for how it helps me and I sure feel a great deal more confident about it working than if I was only using NFP.
Just how I feel, but I really do take issue that you say the “Church” isn’t promoting NFP - perhaps you meant they’re promoting to “have as many children or pregnancies as God sends your way…” for some of us, we’ve tried going that route and it just isn’t something we can (literally in my case) necessarily live with.

God Bless
Rye

If abstaining was not an option for you??? That’s never true. It’s always an option for any couple. It might not be their desire or what they or you would want, but it’s certainly an option.

While ABC may be helping a health condition and may allow you to feel more confident that you won’t end up having a fertilized egg that actually implants and grows to term and ends up with you having a baby being delivered, if it is the Birth Control Pill you are using, you certainly CAN NOT feel confident that you aren’t aborting a fertilized egg on occasion.

 

[joshrp]

What do you mean by “you can’t live with it”.

If you can’t live with the risk of having a baby, “DON’T HAVE SEX!!!”

People get pregnant, after the dh has had a vasectomy, after the woman has had a tubal, while on the birth control pill, while using condoms and yes while using NFP.

Just like we tell kids in sex education classes, NOTHING is foolproof except abstinence or of course a complete hysterectomy.

Yes, it’s sad that when there is a “just reason” to avoid that some have more difficulties than others in charting and feeling secure. But nothing in life is a guarantee, which is why we should place our trust in God.

As long as you know that you might have a baby, and you are ok with that if it happens, then sex is ok. Being prudent isn’t the same as violating the purpose of sexuality.

 

[Modestly_Anne]

As long as you know that you might have a baby, and you are ok with that if it happens, then sex is ok. Being prudent isn’t the same as violating the purpose of sexuality.

That’s exactly what I meant here.

 

[kristacecilia]

If abstaining was not an option for you??? That’s never true. It’s always an option for any couple. It might not be their desire or what they or you would want, but it’s certainly an option.

While ABC may be helping a health condition and may allow you to feel more confident that you won’t end up having a fertilized egg that actually implants and grows to term and ends up with you having a baby being delivered, if it is the Birth Control Pill you are using, you certainly CAN NOT feel confident that you aren’t aborting a fertilized egg on occasion.

Yes, also this.

Abstinence is an option for any couple. It is just a matter of exercising self-control over your physical desires. It is hard for most people, but anyone CAN do it.

And yes, the pill can be abortive. Plus it raises your risk for a whole host of health issues- stroke, various cancers, etc.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

An NFP class is not a requirement for a sacramental marriage in every diocese. Some diocese have chosen to make it a requirement in an effort- I presume- to help lower the percentage of Catholics using artificial birth control and to hopefully teach them that artificial birth control is immoral.

I can’t say I agree with this move. It is really leading to this idea that NFP is the default mode for marriage and that NFP is an alternative to birth control- but not teaching people that the default mode for marriage is ACCEPTING CHILDREN unless you have a just/grave/serious reason not to, and then abstaining permanently or periodically to avoid.

to this and to your previous one too!

And yes, ABC can be used in some cases to treat an ailment, but in that case it simply a medication that happens to have the unintended side effect of ABC, and yes, it should be commended for a married woman who is being prescribed ABC (to deal with an ailment) to see if there are other options so she does not need to use a medication that affects her fertility (and is possibly abortifacient), but ABC for birth control is never OK.

 

[joshrp]

Yes, also this.

Abstinence is an option for any couple. It is just a matter of exercising self-control over your physical desires. It is hard for most people, but anyone CAN do it.

And yes, the pill can be abortive. Plus it raises your risk for a whole host of health issues- stroke, various cancers, etc.

People are abusing the unitive purpose of sex. They are not even using the marriage act of sexual intercourse for union between each other. That are using it for something else, I don’t know what though.

 

[ryecroft]

If you all don’t mind, I’m going to begin another thread, because I fear we’re going to go off on a complete tangent and I fear I may have planted the seed for that tangent. So I’m going to begin a post about “is there proof the pill is deffinitively an abortifacient?” I just know I wanted to start in on this and I’m betting some other people on here may have wanted to as well (at least from one person mentioning it to me, I know it is) - I hope that’s o.k. I just wanted to continue the “honesty” part of this thread without having this become kind of not so nice like I’ve occaisionally seen posts about NFP and ABC go on here (not that I’m saying anyone on here isn’t nice - just saying I’d rather have a completely different post about certain things instead of a tangent) - if any one is opposed, I apologize -
God Bless
Rye

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

to this and to your previous one too!

And yes, ABC can be used in some cases to treat an ailment, but in that case it simply a medication that happens to have the unintended side effect of ABC, and yes, it should be commended for a married woman who is being prescribed ABC (to deal with an ailment) to see if there are other options so she does not need to use a medication that affects her fertility (and is possibly abortifacient), but ABC for birth control is never OK.

Exactly. I feel I should supplement what I said earlier with this - ABC is it’s own cross to bear. It’s a strain, to be sure. There just is no easy way, that’s why marriage is considered it’s own trial.

I really do think that’s why, as a general rule, we need to treat one another with unending patience, understanding, and non-judgmental attitudes when we don’t know something for sure. Spacing births is really only up to the priest, the couple, and God. And it’s hard and painful enough with just THOSE three!!

 

[Warrior1979]

NFP isn’t birth control.

Actually it is, and the Church refers to it as such; e.g., Humanae Vitae.