Proper Dress and Behavior for Catholic Men

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I am a guy, a little long in the tooth, but a guy nevertheless. I am always put off by the sight of a male of any age attending Mass in swim, soccer, basketball, or other shorts. I see this much too often in my US parish, and the topper was the man wearing a t-shirt advertising a notorious local topless bar. None of this would happen in my little country parish in México. Clean and pressed jeans with a collared shirt yes, and topped by a sweatshirt or jacket in cooler weather. The only time I ever saw a tie there was the groom’s during the Nuptial Mass.

On the other hand, the sight of 15,000 Boy Scouts in short summer uniforms attending Mass celebrated by a bishop and concelebrated by a dozen or so priests was not offensive. Besides, the humidity and temperature were both hanging around 90. (I know that at least one priest and a deacon were also in the summer uniform under their vestments, and were probably a little more comfortable the other members of the clergy. I was once “drafted” to be the altarboy while wearing Scout shorts, long stockings, and a collarless shirt, but the v-neck of the shirt was covered by a neckerchief. There was no alb big enough to fit me, so I served “as is”.
 
I say it really depends on the parish. Some are more conservative, some are more allowing. It really is up to the ‘culture’ of the parish I think. Certainly, wearing clothing that is too revealing or is vulgar should probably be wrong anywhere.

As for me, I usually wear pants and a polo or button-down shirt to Mass. I think to a weekday Mass, I once wore shorts or something and a t-shirt (I attend a college ministry and I had just gotten out of class and wanted to go to Confession and then stayed for the Mass which was right before Newman Club, a college organization).

Again, beyond maintaining decency and purity (i.e. not being seductive or vulgar), it really comes down to the ‘culture’ of the parish. After all, looking like a slob compared to everyone else is inappropriate, but so is looking highfalutin.

I think the most important should by far making sure you are clean on the inside.
 
I think that dress should be modest. I am not one of those types that thinks clean jeans and a clean plain t shirt are in any way not respectful. I wore jeans and suspenders with work boots to my dads funeral as did my brothers and sister and all of his grand kids and almost all of his friends and other family members. I would wear the same thing to visit the president or the pope. I don’t see that I should, as a Franciscan, not embrace the same spirit of poverty that St. Francis did. In fact I am our RCIA director and this next Sunday at the Rite of Election I will Present our Catchumens in my Sunday Best.👍
 
You can do what courts do: look at what your grandfather wore and make the *necessary *adjustments to your circumstances. The difficult part is what is necessary.

Secondly, let’s not confuse the aspects of sexual temptation with the aspects of situational propriety. Both could fall under modesty, but they are not identical to each. In the former case, the matter is much more serious. In the latter, one can take a break to some extent.

On one occasion, a gentleman said to a gentleman, “What an elegant suit you have!” “That worries me. If it really were elegant, you wouldn’t have noticed it.” To an extent, elegance is conformity, although I would prefer to look at it as a discreet way of keeping style. Overdressing is not elegant. Being “more elegant”, i.e. wearing a higher dress code, than everyone else in the same company, is more likely overdressing than not.

This doesn’t mean we need to follow silly fashions or even any fashions at all. We ought not to be superficial. At the very same time, it must be noted that a 1890 fashion is still a fashion. Being an extinct fashion doesn’t make it an objective dress code.

Therefore, there are no precise answers as much as, “respect your neighbour.” Certain concretisations of it will always or nearly always hold true - at least in a given culture. For example, in the Western culture a man does not show up bare-chested in polite company. At the same time, a tribal man does not sin if he’s present at Mass with his chest bare and painted if he is showing respect. This doesn’t mean we can do the same, but it does mean that dress codes are largely cultural and the matter of it is respecting God (in church especially) and other people, and ourselves (in this order).
 
Modesty is a moral virtue, and a part of the virtue of temperance, by which a person brings moderation to his outward and inward actions (inasmuch as they can be reflected by certain exterior signs), in order to keep them under the control of right reason (Summa Theologica, IIa IIae Q.160, a.2). Saint Thomas Aquinas lists four kinds of modesty in ordinary matters, that are obligatory for everybody:

• One is the movement of the mind towards some excellence, and this is moderated by humility.

• The second is the desire of things pertaining to knowledge, and this is moderated by studiousness which is opposed to curiosity.

• The third regards bodily movements and actions (including words), which require to be done becomingly and honestly, whether we act seriously or in play.

• The fourth regards outward show, for instance in dress and the like. (Ibid.)

If all four aspects of modesty are equally important, there remains no doubt that the last two, which have no special name, are most commonly understood by the term modesty. Moreover, it is most especially the last that is referred to by modesty, on account of the disorder of fallen human nature, which is most easily overcome by a disordered attraction to the last kind of immodesty.

Clearly men have an equal duty as women to avoid provocative words or actions and to avoid any kind of dress that might show off their person or their body, leading to vanity. Like women, they are hence forbidden to display their bodies in public in an unseemly manner, or in a way that might produce a disordered attraction in the opposite sex. Men should always wear a shirt for gymnastics, and shorts should not be worn in public, but only be used for athletics, and should not be too brief or too tight. Likewise, men should dress modestly for Sunday Mass, with shirt, tie, jacket, trousers, all of which symbolize a man’s sense of responsibility, leading his family by the orderly self-discipline of modest dress, and doing his duty in the true worship of God.
 
RainDown said:
My mom never cared about what kind of pants I wore, but I was never allowed to wear T-shirts or shirts with pictures or logos to mass. A while ago, she saw some teens (who went to a Catholic high school) wearing shirts that said “Drain the Lizard–Spring Break 2008” with pictures of lizards standing at urinals, and she was pretty close to having a fit. Surprisingly, if she sees someone wearing a suit, she says something like “Why are they dressed in such expensive clothes?! Jesus didn’t wear anything like that!”
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I don’t know about where you live but over here you pick up a nice smart suit for the less than it costs to buy Nike sportswear. There are suits to match nearly all wallets, the last suit I bought only cost £50, while a tracksuit by Nike was £80. My shoes cost £40, I pair of Nike trainers £80, my plain white collared shirt was £6, a nike polo shirt was £15. People shouldn’t mistake smart with expensive or casual(dare I say slovenly?) with cheap, its not necessarily the case.

If your really struggling financially try the charity stores they normally have some suits. Also you can just forget the suit and just buy a smart pair of dress trousers which are something like £10 in the British versions of walmart and a dress shirt with collar for around £6.
 
TheDoctor said:
The way someone dresses is not a measure of the love and respect they have for God or His house. I have seen too many people in rags who are devout and too many in suits who are a shell with no love inside.
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Hi Doctor,

Later in your post you ask people to refrain from being judgemental. So I wonder, how can you possibly know what going on in these people’s hearts? These observations you’ve just made-- that you can tell when a raggedy-dressed person has a purer heart than a well dressed guy-- are not based on reality,

The way a person dresses at Mass definitely can be and usually is a measure of the love and respect that they have for God in His House. Is it the only measure? Of course not. And of course you have exceptions but they are not the rule.

It’s the same principle as dressing up when you’re taking out a girl you really like. Or wearing a suit on a job interview. Or a wife wearing the dress her husband likes best just to please him. Or wearing a nice dress to your best friend’s wedding, etc., etc. The way you dress in all of these instances is an indication of the respect you have for each occasion and/or the people you’re with. Conversely, if you fail to dress appropriately for these occasions you would be making the opposite impression.
 
ac_claire said:
The way a person dresses at Mass definitely can be and usually is a measure of the love and respect that they have for God in His House. Is it the only measure? Of course not. And of course you have exceptions but they are not the rule.
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It is also a measure of the love and respect they have for the other parishioners.

The uncivil man, how men dress is a mark of civility, or lack of after all, will be the object of criticism and sarcasm and his presence inopportune. And the reason for this rejection by good society? Because his external ways of being and acting reveal the lowness of his soul. Good, pure, and ordered customs reveal a man of good character. Bad, vulgar, and sloppy ways are the appanage of egoists.
 
Gardenman said:
While “appropriate dress” concerns are valid, at least those whom we feel are not dressed “appropriately” for Mass, are THERE,… right ?

There is a heavy duty “biker dude” who attends Mass at my church. Some people take a dim view of how he dresses, which really isn’t objectionable by any means…it’s just “who” he is.

He sings BEAUTIFULLY, volunteers for just about everything, and mixes in just fine with everyone. He’s always clean and the young kids think he’s very cool.
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The only thing I require from my teenage son is that he chooses a collared shirt for Mass as opposed to a t-shirt.
If he were an adult, dressed like a biker & still attended Latin Mass I’d say good for him.
I love the Latin Mass & have my own conservative standards I adhere to re. appropriate dress, but come on folks.Why all the endless bickering about wardrobe?
Sure people in other countries & cultures dress differently than we do. This is America.Things are different. Get over it & be glad we have the freedom to worship & dress as we choose.There’s no “Traditional Catholic Uniform”, nor should there be.
(I do draw the line at objectionable wording on t-shirts, but you’d imagine a priest might have a word with the wearer.😊 )
 
Cracker_Mom said:
I love the Latin Mass & have my own conservative standards I adhere to re. appropriate dress, but come on folks.Why all the endless bickering about wardrobe?
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I guess for me it’s about the transformative nature of Catholicism. In the past, Catholicism confronted various barbarian cultures and transformed them–language, art, music, literature, architecture, customs, manners, and yes, wardrobe–into something truly graceful (= grace-full). Nowadays there is such a strong trend to ape our modern and very degenerate culture by bringing all that, uh, stuff into the Church. So the language of the Mass gets dumbed down and the vestments are made from polyester and the music is contemporary and we wreckovate churches and put up felt banners as our art and we are sooooooo with it, man. And folks who are steeped in common culture just yawn and sleep in on Sunday morning.

But now we have a truly counter-cultural movement in the Latin Mass. And in that culture our priests are vested in beautiful vestments and intone the beautiful Latin prayers, Gregorian chant and the treasury of Church music have pride of place, and we seek to emphasize beautiful Church architecture and so on. And yes, we think that it is proper, fitting, that we cultivate that more civilized mindset that knows, instinctively, that it is appropriate and respectful and proper to dress up for that which is important and, therefore, especially for the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

That can seem like one is just being hoity-toity, but really it’s all based on a common principle, the culturally transforming aspect of Catholicism.
 
DavidPalm said:
I guess for me it’s about the transformative nature of Catholicism. In the past, Catholicism confronted various barbarian cultures and transformed them–language, art, music, literature, architecture, customs, manners, and yes, wardrobe–into something truly graceful (= grace-full). Nowadays there is such a strong trend to ape our modern and very degenerate culture by bringing all that, uh, stuff into the Church. So the language of the Mass gets dumbed down and the vestments are made from polyester and the music is contemporary and we wreckovate churches and put up felt banners as our art and we are sooooooo with it, man. And folks who are steeped in common culture just yawn and sleep in on Sunday morning.

But now we have a truly counter-cultural movement in the Latin Mass. And in that culture our priests are vested in beautiful vestments and intone the beautiful Latin prayers, Gregorian chant and the treasury of Church music have pride of place, and we seek to emphasize beautiful Church architecture and so on. And yes, we think that it is proper, fitting, that we cultivate that more civilized mindset that knows, instinctively, that it is appropriate and respectful and proper to dress up for that which is important and, therefore, especially for the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

That can seem like one is just being hoity-toity, but really it’s all based on a common principle, the culturally transforming aspect of Catholicism.
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I hear you.I always dress up for Mass. But I think it’s bound to be a learning curve for some folks & others may never agree with what we consider proper attire. We in charity can allow them their differences & feel blessed they share our love of the Latin Mass.
 
Cracker_Mom said:
I hear you.I always dress up for Mass. But I think it’s bound to be a learning curve for some folks & others may never agree with what we consider proper attire. We in charity can allow them their differences & feel blessed they share our love of the Latin Mass.
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Yes, of course! Although I obviously have strong opinions, it is just a matter of charity to understand that not everybody is at the same place and some people are truly ignorant about such things. We’ve had any number of folks come to our TLM in jeans and such. Nobody says anything to them about it. But if they continue to come, typically you’ll see them start to dress up after a while. That’s the culturally transforming nature of Catholicism in action.

What I really object to (we’ve seen little hints of it here) is when a kind of virtue is made out of dressing down. But you and I are on the same wavelength 👍
 
DavidPalm said:
Yes, of course! Although I obviously have strong opinions, it is just a matter of charity to understand that not everybody is at the same place and some people are truly ignorant about such things. We’ve had any number of folks come to our TLM in jeans and such. Nobody says anything to them about it. But if they continue to come, typically you’ll see them start to dress up after a while. That’s the culturally transforming nature of Catholicism in action.

What I really object to (we’ve seen little hints of it here) is when a kind of virtue is made out of dressing down. But you and I are on the same wavelength 👍
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We have two college students who sing with us at Latin Mass. One has brightly colored “plugs” in both ears.🤷
I think folks respond as you say,instinctively, little by little.And always when we respond in kind in charity.
We have to remember, too, the saints who, for whatever reasons dressed in rags.And that there will always be eccentrics.
By the way, you have great garden photos in the link to your blog.Didn’t know anyone else who’s grown black radishes.👍
 
Verbum_Caro said:
…
Let’s say you were receiving the key to the city, and your son showed up at your award ceremony wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and unshaven (parked his Harley legally though ;)), and when questioned by your friends and coworkers, responds “My dad knows how much respect I have for him!” Would you give him a “that’s my boy!” or a glare over the rim of your glasses? :pVC
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I hear you and while I may not agree with how I would act, I see where you are going.

If I understand the analogy right, I am God and the key ceremony is Mass. To me though, it is more important that my son is there and how he acts when he is there. How he looks is more for the people around him, than for me. To continue the analogy, if the Police came and said my son was not dressed “properly” so they turned him away, I would drop the key and go after him. I would rather have nothing with him than the world without him.

P.S. - how the heck did you know about my glasses?😃
 
ac_claire said:
Hi Doctor,

Later in your post you ask people to refrain from being judgemental. So I wonder, how can you possibly know what going on in these people’s hearts? These observations you’ve just made-- that you can tell when a raggedy-dressed person has a purer heart than a well dressed guy-- are not based on reality,
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Hi ac. I am not judging. I am basing this on people I have known and things I have seen. Of course, I would be a fool to make a blanket statement out of this. I was simply pointing out that in my experience you can’t judge a “bible by it’s cover”.😃
ac_claire said:
The way a person dresses at Mass definitely can be and usually is a measure of the love and respect that they have for God in His House. Is it the only measure? Of course not. And of course you have exceptions but they are not the rule.
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Of course. However, my objection was aimed at our brothers and sisters who see how someone is dressed at Mass as the absolute indicator.
ac_claire said:
It’s the same principle as dressing up when you’re taking out a girl you really like. Or wearing a suit on a job interview. Or a wife wearing the dress her husband likes best just to please him. Or wearing a nice dress to your best friend’s wedding, etc., etc. The way you dress in all of these instances is an indication of the respect you have for each occasion and/or the people you’re with. Conversely, if you fail to dress appropriately for these occasions you would be making the opposite impression.
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I look at it just a little different. When I dressed up to date my wife, it was because I was trying to show off and get her to like me. When I dress up to go to a job interview, I am trying to impress. When going to a wedding or funeral, it is becasue I am expected to dress that way and to not do so would may bring shame me and my family.

When I dress to go to Mass, I am not trying to show off, or get anyone to like me, or impress anyone, or doing it to avoid public ridicule by not fitting in. I am going to worship God.

Again, my issue is only with those who see the way someone dresses as the only indicator of holiness or respect. (Maybe I’m a little sensatitive because we have a priest friend who is a Consolata Missionary in the Congo and I’ve read of what they do just to get to Mass.)

P.S. - in case anyone cares: I usually go to Mass in clean jeans and a collared golf shirt or sweater or dress pants. I’ve never let the kids go in anything dirty, torn, ripped, etc)
 
TheDoctor said:
I look at it just a little different. When I dressed up to date my wife, it was because I was trying to show off and get her to like me. When I dress up to go to a job interview, I am trying to impress. When going to a wedding or funeral, it is becasue I am expected to dress that way and to not do so would may bring shame me and my family.

When I dress to go to Mass, I am not trying to show off, or get anyone to like me, or impress anyone, or doing it to avoid public ridicule by not fitting in. I am going to worship God.

Again, my issue is only with those who see the way someone dresses as the only indicator of holiness or respect.
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This is right of course, it’s not the only indicator. But it is one indicator. As Catholics we have a sacramental worldview…Physical signs and appearances indicate deeper spiritual truth.
 
Most of the men seem to dress in regular dress shirts and dress pants, though i have seen a few highschoolers with jeans and tshirts.
I don’t know how it is in protestant churches,but most of them seem to be in their Sunday Best as they used to say.I have seen whole families all dressedup,from dad to the littlest kid, in restaurants or out grocery shopping after church ,etc.

As a kid, we always dressed up for church.Neither momma or daddy would have allowed us to dress like a slob for mass.

Had to laugh about the book of ediquette for men at Brooks Brothers.These books by Emily Post and others were very popular
80 or more years ago, and consoulted religiously by ladies to make sure they weren’t making soical blunders.
All this started going out in the 1960s and later.
Guess the men nowadays need to learn how to not only dress like a gentleman, but act like one as well.
 
Well you try to dress as nicely and as appropriately as your means allow you to, but nothing that is over the top.

Here in New England, Winters are long, cold, and wet. Usually 4" of precipitation per month (i.e. 4 to 8 feet of snow per winter), and daytime temps in around 10 to 20 degrees F, and humidity around 60% to 80% even when below freezing. Our last frost is usually in May but I’ve seen snow in June. So, it is needless to really expound on how it just gets COLD, how my vegetables never seem to ripen before Autumn, or how much its costs to heat our big stone churches. Maybe I’m just complaining after having spent some time in places where its like 90F everyday. Please remember, I have no qualms about seeing my breath as Mass. All it takes is some know how.

Aside from my unmentionables, the basics are that I’ll have on a t-shirt, polypro long johns, and white t-shirt over that. Two pair of socks or just some 1/2" to 3/4" thick wool socks.

If I were to wear a suit I’ll put on my suit over that, and since it’s Winter it’ll normally be wool and leather shoes (plastic shoes get too cold)

If I do the sweater thing, often it’ll be a long sleeve collar shirt and a big Irish knit wool sweater, which are great for keeping out the damp. A good pair of warm boots does the trick to keep feet warm on the cold, hard, stone floors. Pants tend to be nice jeans, as its easier to get the rock salt out of them and dress pants cost too much to ruin during the course of a Winter.

When it’s extra cold, like negative degrees, obviously a ski jacket with liner, and set of sweats under my regular clothes if I can squeeze them in, are in order.

:winter:
 
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