Proper etiquette for hosts regarding guests who can't live without 'the game'

[Em_in_FL]

Wow this thread has gotten fun… kinda like political parties these days - not much compromise, just “my way” vs “his way”.


I think, since you have knowledge that family members are big sports fans and you have knowledge that a game is going on that day… it would be important to have clearly defined START and END times to the party.

In all reality, a good game normally lasts a long time… and typically runs in the afternoon hours on a Sunday afternoon.

Your Baptism party is probably going to take place over the lunch hour following Mass, correct?

So… after lunch, cake, and the proper celebratory time (which deserves total focus without games on)… officially the “party” is over. Plenty of time to probably still catch half the game.

Shake hands across the isles and let there be peace. Sheesh.

 

[pnewton]

FYI - DVR works for some things, but sports are live for a reason. That is a good suggestion, I judt don’t think it will work.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Wow this thread has gotten fun… kinda like political parties these days - not much compromise, just “my way” vs “his way”. I think, since you have knowledge that family members are big sports fans and you have knowledge that a game is going on that day… it would be important to have clearly defined START and END times to the party. In all reality, a good game normally lasts a long time… and typically runs in the afternoon hours on a Sunday afternoon. Your Baptism party is probably going to take place over the lunch hour following Mass, correct? So… after lunch, cake, and the proper celebratory time (which deserves total focus without games on)… officially the “party” is over. Plenty of time to probably still catch half the game. Shake hands across the isles and let there be peace. Sheesh.

The party was last weekend, and I was ‘blindsided’ (like the sports reference?) by the complaining and didn’t know quite how best to handle it. So…next time I will!

And…waaaiiit a minute…you’re not suggesting we hold hands during the Our Father are you?

 

[Em_in_FL]

The party was last weekend, and I was ‘blindsided’ (like the sports reference?) by the complaining and didn’t know quite how best to handle it. So…next time I will!

And…waaaiiit a minute…you’re not suggesting we hold hands during the Our Father are you?

^Orans?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Well, that is my point!
There is ALWAYS a game on that people can’t live without. ALWAYS.
college, pros, local, national, liitle leagues, spring, summer, winter, fall, re-runs of things in 1982, post-game shows, analysis shows, fantasy league shows, etc…

Everthing in between except for the WNBA!! And soccer.

Sounds like you’ve got one of those families.

Yeah, you’ve gotta give in on this one. You’ll never, ever win the battle.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Sounds like you’ve got one of those families.

Yeah, you’ve gotta give in on this one. You’ll never, ever win the battle.

Only if my battle is televised…I’d win for sure! And sell t-shirts.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Only if my battle is televised…I’d win for sure! And sell t-shirts.

:clapping:

Knowing how sports fans are…you’ve gotta work around them. There’s just no other way to handle it. You aren’t going to be competing with the game, they will just stay home or commandeer your TV or whatever it takes.



Yeah it’s pretty rude, but any front you pick, you’ll lose on.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Just thought I’d ask again: Why is it that people behaving rudely at a party get a pass if it involves sports? If I showed up and commandeered the TV to watch an armload of DVD’s or play video games, yelled at people to keep it down and refused to get up for dinner, to open gifts or whatever, I’d be considered rude, inconsiderate and possibly unstable. If I did the same thing to watch the Appalachian League’s girls’ field hockey tournament or the lumberjack games, then the people questioning my behavior suddenly become the rude, unreasonable ones. I’m not sure I get the double standard.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Just thought I’d ask again: Why is it that people behaving rudely at a party get a pass if it involves sports? If I showed up and commandeered the TV to watch an armload of DVD’s or play video games, yelled at people to keep it down and refused to get up for dinner, to open gifts or whatever, I’d be considered rude, inconsiderate and possibly unstable. If I did the same thing to watch the** Appalachian League’s girls’ field hockey tournament or the lumberjack games**, then the people questioning my behavior suddenly become the rude, unreasonable ones. I’m not sure I get the double standard.

I did politely ask people to re-phrase this problem mentally to read “video games” instead of “sports”. I’d love to hear some responses. You I think are correct…you’d be persona non-grata pretty quick.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Just thought I’d ask again: Why is it that people behaving rudely at a party get a pass if it involves sports? If I showed up and commandeered the TV to watch an armload of DVD’s or play video games, yelled at people to keep it down and refused to get up for dinner, to open gifts or whatever, I’d be considered rude, inconsiderate and possibly unstable. If I did the same thing to watch the Appalachian League’s girls’ field hockey tournament or the lumberjack games, then the people questioning my behavior suddenly become the rude, unreasonable ones. I’m not sure I get the double standard.

It’s not that there is a difference, it’s just picking your battles. That’s not one you are ever going to win, so if that’s the hill you choose to die on, so be it.

 

[Sarabande]

I guess I don’t see what the big deal is. To me it’s a way of bringing people together. Most men, I think, aren’t going to sit around chatting about the weather. They will sit around and watch the game and talk and be together that way (I’m usually right there with them). In most situations, the women will gather in the kitchen and chat. It’s not right or wrong. It’s just a different way that men and women (generally) interact.

I agree. I’m not a sports person at all, but I also don’t see the big deal. In my family, many of the guys (and some of the gals) will be shooting arrows out of the upstairs bedroom window at a target on the ground during hunting season. And, yes, when that is done it’s only at the homes located in the country or with a lot of acreage. If we are in the mountains, where the entire family will congregate together often, we are spread out all over - some will go hiking, even taking midnight walks, some sit around the fire singing songs, punning or solving the world’s problems, haha, some will be in the house cleaning up and cooking, reading, others will be out on the lake, etc.

Watching the “game” was never as much of an “issue” in my family, but my grandfather and mother loved watching football and that was a big thing to watch when my grandfather was still alive. It had to be on. Our family is very close and we see each other almost every weekend and almost every occasion is a reason to get together and have a party, so there is only so much to talk about. Some people will sit outside and talk, joke, pun, play games, others will sit around in the kitchen, cook, prepare the table, talk, some will play the piano (when there is one), others will watch the tv - whether a game, a movie or a show, and others will find a corner in the house and have a nice intimate conversation.

To me, when there are lots of people gathered, what one does doesn’t have to be so formal. “Shall the ladies go through while the men finish their cigars and brandy?”

But for the OP, I can still understand your frustration because there are definitely people who seem to not be able to live without sports or the TV for that matter. The ex-boyfriend of my uncle’s sister would always just sit down in the front of the tv and never move from there. He would barely talk to anyone eve and even eat his food right in front the tv so that he wouldn’t miss any part of the game. I doubt most people are like this, but he definitely was the extreme and I know people were a little turned off by him. Needless-to-say, that is why he is now an “ex”.

 

[maryjk]

Just thought I’d ask again: Why is it that people behaving rudely at a party get a pass if it involves sports? If I showed up and commandeered the TV to watch an armload of DVD’s or play video games, yelled at people to keep it down and refused to get up for dinner, to open gifts or whatever, I’d be considered rude, inconsiderate and possibly unstable. If I did the same thing to watch the Appalachian League’s girls’ field hockey tournament or the lumberjack games, then the people questioning my behavior suddenly become the rude, unreasonable ones. I’m not sure I get the double standard.

It’s not that there is a difference, it’s just picking your battles. That’s not one you are ever going to win, so if that’s the hill you choose to die on, so be it.

And if you know ahead of time that you are not going to have the TV on for those that ALWAYS watch the Appalachian League’s girls’ field hockey tournament because you feel it is morally superior to NOT watch TV, then yes, you are going to get some push back.

The point is, if you KNOW your family is going to want to watch the game, and you refuse to allow them to do what you KNOW they want to do, you are just as inflexible as they are. In other words, you are both wrong.

 

[Kelfa28]

I have mixed feelings about a topic like this. Mostly because my husband and I aren’t sports fans. We just don’t get into THE GAME all that much. We won’t turn down an invite to a super bowl or world series party and we go and have fun but more likely then not the game is either not on at our house or it’s on in the background and I might watch a few minutes before getting distracted with something else.

Anyway, I think of what my parents used to do in these situations. My parents have always hosted all the big parties in my family for decades and the rule still stands. THE GAME doesn’t come on until dinner and desert are done. Then the game gets put on in either their room or downstairs in my dad’s den. Anyone who wants to watch is more then welcomed…this meant my dad, grandfathers and later my sister and BIL. Until then, the game is not on and no one complains.

I don’t mind this and thought this was a good compromise. However, my parents hosted a birthday party for me a few weeks ago and it was on a Sunday. My sister and BIL put the game on the second they arrived and they were glued to the screen the whole time. Their baby niece was there and they barely acknowledged her presence. I thought it was annoying but I didn’t say anything.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

And if you know ahead of time that you are not going to have the TV on for those that ALWAYS watch the Appalachian League’s girls’ field hockey tournament because you feel it is morally superior to NOT watch TV, then yes, you are going to get some push back. The point is, if you KNOW your family is going to want to watch the game, and you refuse to allow them to do what you KNOW they want to do, you are just as inflexible as they are. In other words, you are both wrong.

See…I don’t think I can agree with this. Follow along here…bear with me.

“Dear CAF…My husband only watches sports and does not pay attention to me or the kids”

Response from CAF (typically): “Oh you poor thing! Your husband is an inconsiderate person and needs to change (site relevant bible passages here). We will pray for you”

----OR-----

“Dear CAF…My husband only plays video games and does not pay attention to me or the kids”

Response from CAF (typically): “Oh you poor thing! Your husband is an inconsiderate person and needs to change (site relevant bible passages here). We will pray for you”

-----OR----

“Dear CAF…My husband is a drunk and does not pay attention to me or the kids”

Response from CAF (typically): “Oh you poor thing! Your husband is an inconsiderate person and needs to change (site relevant bible passages here). We will pray for you”

And if the husband is lucky…“We will pray for him, too”

So in the cases where family members wish to shun the party in favor of personal pursuits I don’t think we can both be wrong.

 

[pnewton]

Just thought I’d ask again: Why is it that people behaving rudely at a party get a pass if it involves sports?

Isn’t calling it rude wanting to watch a ball game just begging the question? It is not rude unless one first assumed it to be rude.

 

[maryjk]

See…I don’t think I can agree with this. Follow along here…bear with me.

“Dear CAF…My husband only watches sports and does not pay attention to me or the kids”

Response from CAF (typically): “Oh you poor thing! Your husband is an inconsiderate person and needs to change (site relevant bible passages here). We will pray for you”

----OR-----

“Dear CAF…My husband only plays video games and does not pay attention to me or the kids”

Response from CAF (typically): “Oh you poor thing! Your husband is an inconsiderate person and needs to change (site relevant bible passages here). We will pray for you”

-----OR----

“Dear CAF…My husband is a drunk and does not pay attention to me or the kids”

Response from CAF (typically): “Oh you poor thing! Your husband is an inconsiderate person and needs to change (site relevant bible passages here). We will pray for you”

And if the husband is lucky…“We will pray for him, too”

So in the cases where family members wish to shun the party in favor of personal pursuits I don’t think we can both be wrong.

Oh, wow. I thought these people were only spending a few hours or maybe even an hour at your house. They live with you and will only watch TV?

It seems like you are changing your story here.

Is this really about a few people wanting to watch a game while at your house or is it about your brother’s failing marriage because he owns 17 TVs? These are not the same problem.

If you are upset about your family’s reaction to the game not being on, you need to talk to them. Obviously they thought it would be on, and you decided they wouldn’t be watching.

If you are asking about your brother’s poor wife, let her take care of the situation. This isn’t your problem, unless she asked you for advice. She may like watching the games too.

 

[coachdennis]

See…I don’t think I can agree with this. Follow along here…bear with me.

“Dear CAF…My husband only watches sports and does not pay attention to me or the kids”

Response from CAF (typically): “Oh you poor thing! Your husband is an inconsiderate person and needs to change (site relevant bible passages here). We will pray for you”

----OR-----

“Dear CAF…My husband only plays video games and does not pay attention to me or the kids”

Response from CAF (typically): “Oh you poor thing! Your husband is an inconsiderate person and needs to change (site relevant bible passages here). We will pray for you”

-----OR----

“Dear CAF…My husband is a drunk and does not pay attention to me or the kids”

Response from CAF (typically): “Oh you poor thing! Your husband is an inconsiderate person and needs to change (site relevant bible passages here). We will pray for you”

And if the husband is lucky…“We will pray for him, too”

So in the cases where family members wish to shun the party in favor of personal pursuits I don’t think we can both be wrong.

But these people were not people you live with 24/7. They were family members you invited to an event and behaved badly. Did this ever happen before or was this a one time occurance?

If this has been a source of contention before, what did you really expect to happen? A total “conversion” experience? If this is a one time occurance is it something that can be brushed aside as everyone having a bad day and perhaps being overly sensitive?

More importantly, what will you do about the situation next time? Or are they never being invited back to your house?

 

[Jala]

Really?

Yes, really.

These aren’t my parents, but rather my sisters/brothers-in-law. They are a bit older than I, so we really don’t have a lot in common except our children, who were all born within about a 5 year span.

Of course I’m interested to hear about a new job, or an engagement, or a recent trip, or how a niece/nephew is doing in school, etc. But we rarely switch jobs, most everyone is already married, trips are few and far between, and (quite fortunately) all the children are highly intelligent and do very well in their studies. It doesn’t take an entire evening to ascertain any new information, especially since I can guarantee that by the time I arrive for Thanksgiving, I will have talked to at least one of my sisters-in-law twice in the previous week, and any good news would have already been shared by phone.

I do apologize that this has somewhat been “hijacked.” The OP’s issue is with people who are so addicted to sports that they’ll watch paint dry if it’s aired on ESPN. I don’t care that much for pro sports, so I have only a passing interest in whatever game may be aired on Thanksgiving day. I don’t insist that the TV be on (sports or otherwise), but since it already is, it’s a nice distraction to pass the time between “how’s school this year?” and supper.

We are boring people with boring lives. And not being a particularly social person, I’m happy to sit quietly, TV or not.

Jala

 

[pnewton]

So in the cases where family members wish to shun the party in favor of personal pursuits I don’t think we can both be wrong.

“Wrong” is not an accurate word here, but inflexible might be accurate. It takes two inflexible people to reach an impass. I prefer a host that is willing to accommodate guests, and I prefer guests be considerate of the host and keep their requests reasonable, or at least accept if a reasonable request is denied.

 

[Kit15]

Isn’t calling it rude wanting to watch a ball game just begging the question? It is not rude unless one first assumed it to be rude.

Indeed. It’s really not “watching a game” or “playing a game” that is rude. It’s the holeing yourself up away from everyone because you don’t want to be with them. But if it’s done as a group activity I really do fail to see what’s so rude about it.

That includes video games too. Especially multiplayer console games.