Protective husband vs controlling

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childinthefaith

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In a different thread regarding skirt length, I just saw bunches of replies I wish I’d seen >n time to reply.

HOWEVER, let’s go another route.

My wife came from a nearly wealthy family, always got wat she asked for, was super spoiled, and very naive before we began dating at age 16.

I was from a regular middle class family,but they got there with backbreaking work as exemplified by their coal mining/farming families in SE KY.
So we can say I was “raised a lot rougher than her.”

Because I personally have been in situations that went south, im much better than she at avoiding and spotting them. The girl is so sweet she’d probly offer a mugger a mint with her wallet.
I aint anywhere near that sweet, and would in such a situation offer the mugger a fast acute 9mm case of lead poisoning.

So, pure fact is she would possibly not consider a too short skirt too short. If that were the case, id suggest an alternate but I’d be very kind about it. And if it was short enough for me to comment, im confident she’d change. Big deal.

In summation, unless someone accosted my wife, id not become violent. But if they did, I would, but only to the necessary level.

We go nowhere on a regular basis where anyone would whistle or cat call, so no worries.

My main point was that if a husband feels his wife to be dressed inappropriately, he has every right to say so. Husband, not boyfriend.

2nd main point is those who do whistle and cat call play a dangerous game.

Peace to all
 
Disturbing that you find your wife so inept at navigating the world she lives in. Rather than worrying about how she is dressed, you may wish to spend your efforts helping her develop her skills in her navigation, so she doesn’t have to rely on anyone else’s judgement.
 
childinthefaith said:
My main point was that if a husband feels his wife to be dressed inappropriately, he has every right to say so. Husband, not boyfriend.
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Okay,. Suppose you comment and your wife tells you to mind your own business. Will you do more than comment, or will you accept her answer and let her decide what to wear?
 
Well this thread went south pretty fast.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with spouses looking out for each other in a respectful way. And here’s a shocker…what works for one couple may not work for another.
 
I’m sorry but you are being quite disrespectful yourself. What makes you think your judgement about him is correct? You know nothing about him and his wife, and to say those things about them is disrespectful.
 
1Lord1Faith said:
What makes you think your judgement about him is correct? You know nothing about him and his wife, and to say those things about them is disrespectful.
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It’s an opinion based on what he posted and how he described his wife. In my opinion, that is what’s disrespectful.
 
I guess the difference between controlling and protection is if the trust goes both ways .

Are you usually correcting her? Is she usually correcting you?
Or is it about even?
 
JMMJ said:
Disturbing that you find your wife so inept at navigating the world she lives in.
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If she is indeed “super spoiled” it doesn’t really match up with being a sweet girl who is overly trusting and naive. It makes more sense that someone who got everything she wanted growing up would fight tooth and nail to stop a mugger from taking her purse, like a kid throwing a temper tantrum and refusing to share. It’s someone who isn’t used to getting her way that would hand over her purse without question to whomever asked.
 
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childinthefaith said:
If that were the case, id suggest an alternate but I’d be very kind about it. And if it was short enough for me to comment, im confident she’d change. Big deal
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childinthefaith said:
My main point was that if a husband feels his wife to be dressed inappropriately, he has every right to say so. Husband, not boyfriend.
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And therein lies the issue regarding CAF and marriage topics my friends! Often times, people will state the second quote and will come across as controlling.

When they actually give details of how this looks practically, some give the first quote, which is pretty reasonable and even non religious, liberal couples do this (“Honey, maybe don’t shave your head”)

A lot of headaches can be avoided if we just stick to practical examples and talk about nuances instead of hard and heavy statements. There is a difference between suggesting and telling.

Anyway, all that aside, I think husbands can be both protective and controlling. Sometimes they confuse the two.

Now, the controversial part would be if she tells you, “No i quite like this skirt and I feel best in it”
 
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These threads are so odd to me. When we leave the house my wife will say “do I look ok?” “Or do you think this outfit is good?”
I do the same. Sometimes she says I should choose a different shirt or I say “what about your blue dress or skirt”. No body gets their feeling hurt, nobody is controlling. Can other people not achieve this level of communication?
 
redcatholic said:
Can other people not achieve this level of communication?
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There’s nothing wrong with the scenario you presented here. However, the way the OP has described his wife implies that he perceives her as a child who cannot fend for herself rather than an independent adult. It’s certainly possible that she really is so naive that she needs her husband to hold her hand through life and make every little decision for her. But we in the psychotherapy business would define such behavior from a parent or spouse as infantilization, and it sends up at least a little bit of a red flag when read on an Internet forum. If she really can’t fend for herself or make basic decisions, he needs to help her learn to take care of herself and be independent, not continue down the current path.
 
As a husband, you are the head of your family and it is your duty to provide leadership and protection. If that includes helping your wife to choose more appropriate outfits on occasions, so be it. However, if you are leading your family in the right way, this should not arise.

The problem that I see here is that you do seem to talk about your wife as if she were a child or suffering from some kind of mental impairment. Would I tell my wife that she was not appropriately dressed if she went out looking like Dolly Parton? Yes. Would my wife go out looking like Dolly Parton? No. If she decided that she wanted to dress like Dolly Parton there would be nothing that I could do about it, but we would have a reasonable discussion about it.

Does your wife not carry her own gun? My wife goes nowhere without her Glock 19. She has never had to fire it (at somebody) in self-defense, although she has drawn it on occasions and once fired a shot to leave the guy in no doubt that she knew how to use it.

If somebody is insulting to your wife in public, do not give him the satisfaction of starting a fight.
 
Praying for your wife, I cannot imagine being married to a man with such a low opinion of me and such a controlling state of mind.
 
I was worried once in grad school.

I came out of the shower, and found clothes laid out on the bed.

I asked a female friend at grad school if I had been particularly mismatched recently . . .

(it turned out that it had saved folding and putting away the clothes; all was fine)
🤣
 
My opinion is that a wife, in this situation would better show all the new clothes to her husband, if he is interested. Many women would wants to show their new clothes for approval, anyway. If he validates her choice, then it will spare many comments such as the lenght of her skirt. The only notices may be about mismatched clothes, open skirts etc.

Equally, a wife should make a notice if she feels that how her husband is dressed can put a prejudice on him. I would not hesitate to say something if need. He can’t notice all. It is not about his tastes, but when there is a mess or clothes that’s don’t cover properly.

Of course it can be unpleasant to heard, and something it’s pointless to notice (yet tempting), such as when it’s the evening, or the person will not go out, but sometimes it can be a service.

And a man or a woman will probably don’t want to make her spouse feel unconfortable in public because their clotles.

Equally these treads and people’s opinion focus too much on too short skirt, but the reality is that husbands can also prefer this and the wife the contrary!
 
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