Protestant Girlfriend - What to do!?

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Thanks.

Um, yeah so we have broken up.
And we have basically called up the ‘final goodbye’ as it is quite pointless to drag it on until a certain date.

Although my mind, my friends and family, and Catholic answers people tell me that it was fine for us to walk away.

My heart questions whether I should have been so harsh. We were only in the relationship for 3 months - the other 6 or 7 months previously we were best friends. I don’t even know if we can call each other best friends anymore. Combined with logic, I question whether I should have waited it out, perhaps for at least another month or two to truly see if our relationship would bear good fruits but I don’t know if I rushed bringing up the big conversation which led to our break up.

ALSO. Most friends don’t even know about us breaking up. They still ask and refer about her and I haven’t told many people at all about the news. Is it something I can hold on to for a while? Until I can fully accept it, with heart and mind?
 
Mr Ignatius said:

“My heart questions whether I should have been so harsh.”

I don’t think you were harsh at all. There wasn’t any give on her side. She didn’t say anything like, “I’d be interested in reading up on NFP” and she didn’t go to Mass with you more than once. Remember, if I’m guessing correctly, her religious tradition has nothing against either having a Catholic wedding or doing NFP, and yet there was no sign of budging on her part with either of those two things. As you described it, the suggestion that you wanted to do NFP and have a Catholic wedding just made her mad. All the bending with regard to religion was going to be on your part, which if it was going to be typical of your life if you got married, sounds pretty miserable.

“We were only in the relationship for 3 months - the other 6 or 7 months previously we were best friends. I don’t even know if we can call each other best friends anymore.”

I’m so sorry.

“Combined with logic, I question whether I should have waited it out, perhaps for at least another month or two to truly see if our relationship would bear good fruits but I don’t know if I rushed bringing up the big conversation which led to our break up.”

From your previous postings, it sounded like she was waiting for you to break up with her.

“ALSO. Most friends don’t even know about us breaking up. They still ask and refer about her and I haven’t told many people at all about the news. Is it something I can hold on to for a while? Until I can fully accept it, with heart and mind?”

It’s probably going to make it worse for you if you do. How about if you just say, “X and I aren’t seeing each other any more” and just leave it there. “I don’t want to talk about it right now,” is a fine follow-up for the curious. However, if you have at least one discreet friend in real life, it might do you good to talk about it.
 
Mr. Ignatius,

I know you must be thinking this could be the one that got away. But sometimes, you have to let go of something to find something better.

It is clear that your differences will never cease to be differences. Neither one of you wants to give up their faith as they know it. That is a good thing.

But if you think ending it now is difficult, what do you think it will be like a month from now, or 3 months, or a year? It will be even more difficult.

So do yourself a favor, and start to move on. If friends ask about her, say you broke up. If they ask why, you can tell them or you can say you don’t discuss those kind of things. If you tell them, they may try to tell you it doesn’t matter if you are different religions, but just say that it matters to you.

Give it time. Try and stay busy and concentrate on your schoolwork.
God will be with you and the right girl will come for you one day.
 
I meant called off, not called up. My bad.

THanks xantippe. You’re right on that I guess, there wasn’t much budge at all on her part. But that’s not to say that I did a lot of studying on protestantism. But I believe I do know a substantially a lot more than her in regards to the whole great schism and differences, biblical basis for these and tradition etc.

ANd thanks irish mom. Appreciate it.
 
Mr_Ignatius said:
You’re right on that I guess, there wasn’t much budge at all on her part. But that’s not to say that I did a lot of studying on protestantism.
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And this is ok. Neither one of you should have to study up on, or consider converting to the other’s religion - not that I wouldn’t love to have all protestants become Catholic - but not as a condition of a relationship. I wouldn’t blame her, or attribute character flaws to her because she doesn’t want to budge. Rather I would consider those respectable characteristics. This is simply a case of being incompatible. You deserve to be with someone who shares your faith, and likewise, she deserves the same. You can’t provide that for each other, so the kindest thing each of you could have done for the other person is to break up. I agree with the PP who said that your timing was good. The only thing that would come of the relationship continuing on longer would be that you would become more emotionally connected to each other and less able to make good decisions. You’d end up with more or longer term heartache. When you know there is an incompatibility, sooner is better. Of course there is hurt and sadness now, but in time, you will be happy with the decision you both made.
 
Glad you took this step.
It shows maturity on your part.
Better to have a few sad days now, at this point in your young life,
than to have to explain why “Daddy is so unhappy all the time”.
Think of that.
Your children deserve an undivided household and parents that are spiritually compatible.
God bless you.
Look around and count your blessings.
Trust God that He will send the right girl, often when you least expect it.
Peace.
pianist
 
Hey guys,

Sorry I don’t mean to revive a dead thread.

But this is on the same topic.
So my ex gf and I had planned to watch a movie together before we broke up. We already had tickets and stuff sorted. I was down to watch it still given that I thought we would be okay to watch it together. However it didn’t turn out as planned, she was disregarding me, responding to me in arrogant ways and didn’t seem interested in talking much at all. The drive home was pretty much silent as I gave up trying to start conversations.

I came into the night with hope and love and came out in despair and hatred.
I’m still pissed off. I texted her before I slept how she made me feel and how I was keeping all this **** inside of me.

Is it too much of me to ask for just a good friendship post break up? It’s been more than a month.

Is she doing this to me because she thinks that she was treated unjustly by me?

Does she blame me for giving up on the relationship? Is that why?

It seems like she’s okay with losing the friendship but that is the very very last thing I’d want. I still love her as a sister in Christ.

We also bought tickets to see a concert later next month. At this rate I’m thinking of just selling it rather than put myself through another unbearable experience with her.

FRUSTRATED :mad:
 
Mr_Ignatius said:
Hey guys,

Sorry I don’t mean to revive a dead thread.

But this is on the same topic.
So my ex gf and I had planned to watch a movie together before we broke up. We already had tickets and stuff sorted. I was down to watch it still given that I thought we would be okay to watch it together. However it didn’t turn out as planned, she was disregarding me, responding to me in arrogant ways and didn’t seem interested in talking much at all. The drive home was pretty much silent as I gave up trying to start conversations.

I came into the night with hope and love and came out in despair and hatred.
I’m still pissed off. I texted her before I slept how she made me feel and how I was keeping all this **** inside of me.

Is it too much of me to ask for just a good friendship post break up? It’s been more than a month.

Is she doing this to me because she thinks that she was treated unjustly by me?

Does she blame me for giving up on the relationship? Is that why?

It seems like she’s okay with losing the friendship but that is the very very last thing I’d want. I still love her as a sister in Christ.

We also bought tickets to see a concert later next month. At this rate I’m thinking of just selling it rather than put myself through another unbearable experience with her.

FRUSTRATED :mad:
Click to expand...
Being “friends” after a break-up doesn’t normally work very well.

It looks to me like she’s made her feelings very clear. You should stop calling, stop texting, stop expecting any type of relationship with her. Either sell the concert tickets, or, better yet, go with someone else. It’s time to move on.
 
Perhaps you took this so hard because you are telling everyone you want/ can be friends when really, you want more. You would not have been so hurt and angry if a different friend changed their mind and decided to not do something with you. It is THIS girl that is bothering you. And unfortunately, it is not going to work. I would suggest truly breaking off all contact and stop trying to make something work that isn’t going to. Cut your losses on the concert tix or sell them to stubhub or something, but don’t even think of going with her.

I know a month seems like a long time to get over someone, but it is not. May God bless you and guide you.
 
Mr_Ignatius said:
Hey guys,

Sorry I don’t mean to revive a dead thread.

But this is on the same topic.
So my ex gf and I had planned to watch a movie together before we broke up. We already had tickets and stuff sorted. I was down to watch it still given that I thought we would be okay to watch it together. However it didn’t turn out as planned, she was disregarding me, responding to me in arrogant ways and didn’t seem interested in talking much at all. The drive home was pretty much silent as I gave up trying to start conversations.

I came into the night with hope and love and came out in despair and hatred.
I’m still pissed off. I texted her before I slept how she made me feel and how I was keeping all this **** inside of me.

Is it too much of me to ask for just a good friendship post break up? It’s been more than a month.

Is she doing this to me because she thinks that she was treated unjustly by me?

Does she blame me for giving up on the relationship? Is that why?

It seems like she’s okay with losing the friendship but that is the very very last thing I’d want. I still love her as a sister in Christ.

We also bought tickets to see a concert later next month. At this rate I’m thinking of just selling it rather than put myself through another unbearable experience with her.

FRUSTRATED :mad:
Click to expand...
Just wanted to say I’m sorry for your difficult time.

I agree with what agnes therese said.

Just Thank God for the experience and let it all go. Some things just don’t work out as we had hoped. You are young and you have plenty of more relationships to explore, more interesting conversations to have with other people you haven’t met yet. Go out there and meet them! Look forward to that.
 
The only reason this is hurting you so badly is because you keep picking at the wound.
As many have said…she “left” the “relationship” eons ago.
Move on.
God desires much more for you than brooding over this.
Peace.
 
agnes_therese said:
Being “friends” after a break-up doesn’t normally work very well.

It looks to me like she’s made her feelings very clear. You should stop calling, stop texting, stop expecting any type of relationship with her. Either sell the concert tickets, or, better yet, go with someone else. It’s time to move on.
Click to expand...
This^^

I’ve been there many, many times. I am not friends with exes unless there is a mitigating circumstance. An ex is an ex for a reason. Let it go entirely. Take someone else to the concert and have a great time.
 
In her shoes I wouldn’t have gone. You made it clear to her in your relationship that it was not ok that she wasn’t catholic. You were forcing your religion down her throat. Then you broke up. Let the poor girl go. As a young woman myself I can tell you she does not want a friendship with you.
 
Mr_Ignatius said:
Hey guys,

Sorry I don’t mean to revive a dead thread.

But this is on the same topic.
So my ex gf and I had planned to watch a movie together before we broke up. We already had tickets and stuff sorted. I was down to watch it still given that I thought we would be okay to watch it together. However it didn’t turn out as planned, she was disregarding me, responding to me in arrogant ways and didn’t seem interested in talking much at all. The drive home was pretty much silent as I gave up trying to start conversations.

I came into the night with hope and love and came out in despair and hatred.
I’m still pissed off. I texted her before I slept how she made me feel and how I was keeping all this **** inside of me.

Is it too much of me to ask for just a good friendship post break up? It’s been more than a month.

Is she doing this to me because she thinks that she was treated unjustly by me?

Does she blame me for giving up on the relationship? Is that why?

It seems like she’s okay with losing the friendship but that is the very very last thing I’d want. I still love her as a sister in Christ.

We also bought tickets to see a concert later next month. At this rate I’m thinking of just selling it rather than put myself through another unbearable experience with her.

FRUSTRATED :mad:
Click to expand...
Sell your ticket and move on. Relationships will start and end throughout the rest of your life; sometimes in an ugly, unfinished way like this; it is all part of life. The purpose of dating is to find a spouse, this was most definitely not the girl for you, but the right one is out there somewhere, waiting to meet you. You will find her. :cool:
 
You are seriously dedicated to your faith as a Catholic. The more you show it, the more your girlfriend resents the Catholic Church. She wants you to be someone else or at least to pretend to be someone else, so you can be someone she wants to be married to. She does not want you to live your life as you foresee doing it and she does not want to be married to you as you are.

Even someone who has no dog in this fight with regards to religious truth can tell you that she’s right. You need to find a different girlfriend. That your difference with her has to do not only with your personal inclination but with the foundational truths that you have mercifully been given the grace to accept makes that only about 100 times more true.
 
Mr_Ignatius said:
Hey guys,

Sorry I don’t mean to revive a dead thread.

But this is on the same topic.
So my ex gf and I had planned to watch a movie together before we broke up. We already had tickets and stuff sorted. I was down to watch it still given that I thought we would be okay to watch it together. However it didn’t turn out as planned, she was disregarding me, responding to me in arrogant ways and didn’t seem interested in talking much at all. The drive home was pretty much silent as I gave up trying to start conversations.

I came into the night with hope and love and came out in despair and hatred.
I’m still pissed off. I texted her before I slept how she made me feel and how I was keeping all this **** inside of me.

Is it too much of me to ask for just a good friendship post break up? It’s been more than a month.

Is she doing this to me because she thinks that she was treated unjustly by me?

Does she blame me for giving up on the relationship? Is that why?

It seems like she’s okay with losing the friendship but that is the very very last thing I’d want. I still love her as a sister in Christ.

We also bought tickets to see a concert later next month. At this rate I’m thinking of just selling it rather than put myself through another unbearable experience with her.

FRUSTRATED :mad:
Click to expand...
Hi, i know it is easier said than done, but you have to let the relationship go.
 
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