Protestant Girlfriend - What to do!?

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Mr_Ignatius

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Hi all please help me if you have the time to read through this!

My Presbyterian girlfriend (she’s also a youth leader at her church) and I are currently studying. This is both our first relationship. There were always doubts as to whether we would work out or not, but we decided that we could discuss our differences within a relationship. To her surprise, my research into the faith for the last 6 has led me to fall in love with the Catholic church.

A couple months in and we have hardly talked about these issues. This is mainly because every time we DO talk about them, she get’s really upset and hurt… obviously this turns me off.

We both acknowledge the fact that we could just be friends. I was THIS close to telling her that its best for us to walk out but as we continue to strike up great conversations knowing that we still love each other so much I think twice, “Is this God’s will?”. I have been praying but I do need to do more.

I also lent her Scott Hahn’s “Rome Sweet Home” thinking it could be the breakthrough but to no avail. She told me “she didn’t like it”. I also brought her along to mass ONCE during our whole time together and during mass she was very unhappy as Holy Communion was done so differently to her own church.

Finally, when I talk about Catholic related things for the future e.g. “I’d like to get married in a Church with a Catholic Priest”, “If I were to become a proper Catholic, I’m not allowed to use contraceptives even when married” etc. she either gets very hurt or says something like “maybe you should just find a Catholic girlfriend”. This is frustrating! She has told me that she finds it frustrating that I am like “Catholic this and Catholic that”, where it seems I’m separating groups from each other all the time. I told her I’m sorry for doing so. We’re both extremely tired.

This massive strain in our relationship slowly began to surface a couple weeks ago. Can you guys please help me out? What would you recommend me to do?

God bless
 
Mr_Ignatius said:
Hi all please help me if you have the time to read through this!

My Presbyterian girlfriend (she’s also a youth leader at her church) and I are currently studying. This is both our first relationship. There were always doubts as to whether we would work out or not, but we decided that we could discuss our differences within a relationship. To her surprise, my research into the faith for the last 6 has led me to fall in love with the Catholic church.

A couple months in and we have hardly talked about these issues. This is mainly because every time we DO talk about them, she get’s really upset and hurt… obviously this turns me off.

We both acknowledge the fact that we could just be friends. I was THIS close to telling her that its best for us to walk out but as we continue to strike up great conversations knowing that we still love each other so much I think twice, “Is this God’s will?”. I have been praying but I do need to do more.

I also lent her Scott Hahn’s “Rome Sweet Home” thinking it could be the breakthrough but to no avail. She told me “she didn’t like it”. I also brought her along to mass ONCE during our whole time together and during mass she was very unhappy as Holy Communion was done so differently to her own church.

Finally, when I talk about Catholic related things for the future e.g. “I’d like to get married in a Church with a Catholic Priest”, “If I were to become a proper Catholic, I’m not allowed to use contraceptives even when married” etc. she either gets very hurt or says something like “maybe you should just find a Catholic girlfriend”. This is frustrating! She has told me that she finds it frustrating that I am like “Catholic this and Catholic that”, where it seems I’m separating groups from each other all the time. I told her I’m sorry for doing so. We’re both extremely tired.

This massive strain in our relationship slowly began to surface a couple weeks ago. Can you guys please help me out? What would you recommend me to do?

God bless
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I am sure she is a lovely girl, but I am sure there are plenty of lovely Catholic girls who would love to meet a Catholic man! 🙂
 
Memorare of St. Bernard of Saint Bernard converted this Jew Ratisbonne , ask her to say it and wear a Miraculous Medal…Or at least say the prayer. The green scapular is another sacramental said to procure conversion.

Your prayers & actions could speak louder than brow-beating !
 
Your girlfriend is right, maybe you should just try to meet a Catholic girl. Some Catholic, Protestant relationships work and become Catholic, Protestant Marriages that work but if you are going to pressure her, it will not work. If you cannot see yourself respecting someone else’s faith as you want them to respect yours just stick to dating only Catholics.
 
Mr_Ignatius said:
Hi all please help me if you have the time to read through this!

My Presbyterian girlfriend (she’s also a youth leader at her church) and I are currently studying. This is both our first relationship. There were always doubts as to whether we would work out or not, but we decided that we could discuss our differences within a relationship. To her surprise, my research into the faith for the last 6 has led me to fall in love with the Catholic church.

A couple months in and we have hardly talked about these issues. This is mainly because every time we DO talk about them, she get’s really upset and hurt… obviously this turns me off.

We both acknowledge the fact that we could just be friends. I was THIS close to telling her that its best for us to walk out but as we continue to strike up great conversations knowing that we still love each other so much I think twice, “Is this God’s will?”. I have been praying but I do need to do more.

I also lent her Scott Hahn’s “Rome Sweet Home” thinking it could be the breakthrough but to no avail. She told me “she didn’t like it”. I also brought her along to mass ONCE during our whole time together and during mass she was very unhappy as Holy Communion was done so differently to her own church.

Finally, when I talk about Catholic related things for the future e.g. “I’d like to get married in a Church with a Catholic Priest”, “If I were to become a proper Catholic, I’m not allowed to use contraceptives even when married” etc. she either gets very hurt or says something like “maybe you should just find a Catholic girlfriend”. This is frustrating! She has told me that she finds it frustrating that I am like “Catholic this and Catholic that”, where it seems I’m separating groups from each other all the time. I told her I’m sorry for doing so. We’re both extremely tired.

This massive strain in our relationship slowly began to surface a couple weeks ago. Can you guys please help me out? What would you recommend me to do?

God bless
Click to expand...
If this is a problem now, if you were to marry, the difference in faith will become a major holy war. If she isn’t interested in the Catholic faith now that you are, maybe it would be better to part ways on friendly terms. There are too many threads on the other side where someone married a non-Catholic and now there are big issues and children are now involved. If this doesn’t work out, then maybe looking for a Catholic girl that practices her faith. When one door closes, a window maybe opening. Too many people are scared to end this when not married, engaged etc. What is painful now, would be much worst if married. Wish her the best and let go and move on.
 
Hi,

there is a post here that you should read - Wife Won’t Accept My Victory. About a married couple having an issue because of different religious beliefs. It is not the same as your question but it does show one of the problems that can happen.

Prays and strenth to you my friend.

Winter
 
You know that both of you are trying to fit a round peg into a square hole.

This is exactly what the dating time is for, to discern marriage. I think you have enough information to make a decision but are finding it difficult to move on. Of course. This was the risk you took when you decided to date a young lady who was involved with her church and loving it, and the risk she took on as well to date you.

I think you both are better people for knowing each other, but marriage just isn’t going to be what it could be with same faith partners. Once children come into the picture, life will get 100 times harder, with more hurt feelings, compromises, disappointments, resentment.
 
Do her a favor and leave. Pressuring her and shoving your faith at her, which it sounds like you are doing, it unfair to her and she is the one suffering for it.
 
robwar said:
If this is a problem now, if you were to marry, the difference in faith will become a major holy war. If she isn’t interested in the Catholic faith now that you are, maybe it would be better to part ways on friendly terms. There are too many threads on the other side where someone married a non-Catholic and now there are big issues and children are now involved. If this doesn’t work out, then maybe looking for a Catholic girl that practices her faith. When one door closes, a window maybe opening. Too many people are scared to end this when not married, engaged etc. What is painful now, would be much worst if married. Wish her the best and let go and move on.
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There is no need to give her up now.

People change, and sometimes relationships aren’t elastic enough to accommodate the change.

But sometimes they can be!

Continue your discernment toward the Catholic Church. It’s a long process. Do not hide it from her, but do not push it up her nose, either.

If it be God’s will, she will come around to see your way.

If she walks out, you have your answer. But if you are the one to leave, you will wonder for years what might have been.

Whereas, within the will of God, you may be the catalyst of her conversion.

ICXC NIKA
 
GEddie said:
There is no need to give her up now.

People change, and sometimes relationships aren’t elastic enough to accommodate the change.

But sometimes they can be!

Continue your discernment toward the Catholic Church. It’s a long process. Do not hide it from her, but do not push it up her nose, either.

If it be God’s will, she will come around to see your way.

If she walks out, you have your answer. But if you are the one to leave, you will wonder for years what might have been.

Whereas, within the will of God, you may be the catalyst of her conversion.

ICXC NIKA
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From what Op described is that he is now very interested in his Catholic faith and the things he now desires in being married in the Church, practicing NFP etc and so on. She sounds very involved in her Church and not interested in these things or agrees with them. I said to depart on friendly terms since there seems to be an impasse here, it may be better to end it friendly but move on. Maybe in ending it, there might be a change later on in her. I don’t believe that this is the only fish in the ocean for either of them and it isn’t healthy to either force someone to believe or do something they currently do not believe in or desire. Somehow, too many posters on CAF seem to recommend to others to hang onto dating relationships that aren’t going to work out. I am not sure why. If major issues no matter what it is come up before marriage, it is best to end it friendly and move on. If something is a major issue now, getting marriage, the issue only becomes bigger. I remember when my husband and I did our pre-marriage retreat and they brought up that if couples came to major impasses over major issues that the hope was that it would end and the couple not marry and that the retreat would have done it’s job.
 
It seems like you’ve made some effort to persuade her. Obviously, always pray for her conversion. But now that she’s shown resistance to the Catholic faith, you’ve got to decide whether you would be willing to marry her and raise children as she is right now. You have no guarantee that she will change.

From the looks of it, if her attitude to Catholicism continues once you are married, you are setting yourself up for lifelong marital strife, heartache, and difficulties with pursuing your own vocation to holiness - not the least with the issue of contraception. If she is opposed to the Church’s stance on artificial contraception, the temptation to mortal sin for you to use it will certainly be heightened. And if you refuse to cave in on artificial contraception in spite of her dislike of your stance, well…trouble’s 'a coming.

Just my two cents based on the evidence you’ve shown in your story. I think it would be slightly less problematic if she agreed on your opposition to artificial contraception.

But really…why not find a nice Catholic girl? You can pray the Rosary together and go to Eucharistic Adoration together! You can go to Mass and receive Jesus together! You can teach your kids the Catechism together and put little medals on their clothing! You can dress them up together for their first Communion and leave statues of Mary and the saints all over the house! Seriously…raising a little Catholic family and having a little Catholic house is going to be SO much easier when your wife is unambiguously Catholic.

EDIT: check out this thread. Do you want to put yourself in a situation like this?
 
Mr_Ignatius said:
Hi all please help me if you have the time to read through this!

My Presbyterian girlfriend (she’s also a youth leader at her church) and I are currently studying. This is both our first relationship. There were always doubts as to whether we would work out or not, but we decided that we could discuss our differences within a relationship. To her surprise, my research into the faith for the last 6 has led me to fall in love with the Catholic church.

A couple months in and we have hardly talked about these issues. This is mainly because every time we DO talk about them, she get’s really upset and hurt… obviously this turns me off.

We both acknowledge the fact that we could just be friends. I was THIS close to telling her that its best for us to walk out but as we continue to strike up great conversations knowing that we still love each other so much I think twice, “Is this God’s will?”. I have been praying but I do need to do more.

I also lent her Scott Hahn’s “Rome Sweet Home” thinking it could be the breakthrough but to no avail. She told me “she didn’t like it”. I also brought her along to mass ONCE during our whole time together and during mass she was very unhappy as Holy Communion was done so differently to her own church.

Finally, when I talk about Catholic related things for the future e.g. “I’d like to get married in a Church with a Catholic Priest”, “If I were to become a proper Catholic, I’m not allowed to use contraceptives even when married” etc. she either gets very hurt or says something like “maybe you should just find a Catholic girlfriend”. This is frustrating! She has told me that she finds it frustrating that I am like “Catholic this and Catholic that”, where it seems I’m separating groups from each other all the time. I told her I’m sorry for doing so. We’re both extremely tired.

This massive strain in our relationship slowly began to surface a couple weeks ago. Can you guys please help me out? What would you recommend me to do?

God bless
Click to expand...
I am sorry to say this, but as a Catholic you are bound to the teachings if the church, and Protestant marriages will only work if the Protestant is willing for you and the children to be Catholic. The Protestant needs to be open to the faith and it sounds like she is 100% turned off.

First “loves” are tough…there will be a better fish in the sea for you.
 
Mr_Ignatius said:
Hi all please help me if you have the time to read through this!

My Presbyterian girlfriend (she’s also a youth leader at her church) and I are currently studying. This is both our first relationship. There were always doubts as to whether we would work out or not, but we decided that we could discuss our differences within a relationship. To her surprise, my research into the faith for the last 6 has led me to fall in love with the Catholic church.

A couple months in and we have hardly talked about these issues. This is mainly because every time we DO talk about them, she get’s really upset and hurt… obviously this turns me off.

We both acknowledge the fact that we could just be friends. I was THIS close to telling her that its best for us to walk out but as we continue to strike up great conversations knowing that we still love each other so much I think twice, “Is this God’s will?”. I have been praying but I do need to do more.

I also lent her Scott Hahn’s “Rome Sweet Home” thinking it could be the breakthrough but to no avail. She told me “she didn’t like it”. I also brought her along to mass ONCE during our whole time together and during mass she was very unhappy as Holy Communion was done so differently to her own church.

Finally, when I talk about Catholic related things for the future e.g. “I’d like to get married in a Church with a Catholic Priest”, “If I were to become a proper Catholic, I’m not allowed to use contraceptives even when married” etc. she either gets very hurt or says something like “maybe you should just find a Catholic girlfriend”. This is frustrating! She has told me that she finds it frustrating that I am like “Catholic this and Catholic that”, where it seems I’m separating groups from each other all the time. I told her I’m sorry for doing so. We’re both extremely tired.

This massive strain in our relationship slowly began to surface a couple weeks ago. Can you guys please help me out? What would you recommend me to do?

God bless
Click to expand...
Hi Mr Ignatius,
Code: 
Before I get into anything else, I just wanted to point out something first.  I've noticed its not talked a whole lot when it comes to mixed marriages... and I assume that if you are dating, that it means that you are looking to see if marriage is on the horizon for the both of you.
I just wanted to say, think about the children that you might bring forth, first, before yourselves or any love you might share. I’ve read so many threads and other posts on other boards the focus is about how the couple is going to get along, but hardly ANYONE talks about what harm it could to for the child when it comes to mixed marriages.

Yes, its true that each person on earth has to decide what they are going to believe in, and that this is the same for children as well. However, when a child growing up is left without a solid faith foundation given by a harmonious mother and father it can be a detriment to their development. Life is hard enough… life gets even harder when a child has no real stable faith belief given to them by their parents that they can place trust in. Faith is a gift, after all. Its a blessed one. Even if the child hasn’t really believed on their own in it, it is still a foundation they will come to rely on.

A stable faith belief comes from two parents in total loving harmony about what is real when it comes to the spiritual. Spirituality is the very core of how someone works, acts, behaves and if the two are in synch, then the better it goes for them and their family… i.e they are yolked well together as scripture says. Even among Catholics, some are not yolked well together, so keep that in mind too.

Now before anyone says that is impossible- I will say it seems RARE these days and that people can and do get by when they have mixed faith marriages, but why would you want to give a mess to children and therefore cause more trouble and heartache to yourselves when you see them struggle as well? I think about St. Therese’s parents- they were together and united in faith and it brought a solid core that their children could believe and did believe in, because the parents practiced it, they believed it and so it is naturally passed down to a child of that union.

This is the best gift to give to each other in a loving relationship, it is also the best gift to the children of such a union… even if they grow up to be rebellious one day, at least they were given a foundation and not something weak and divided. I’ve read that children from mixed religion marriage will often choose not to practice any religion at all.

I do also want to say that yes, people can change their minds about what faith they are when in a marriage, but don’t let that be an excuse when it comes to making plans. I’ve seen people state that as a reason to disregard the caution of marrying outside your faith.

Also, Its true also that your girlfriend might one day have an epiphany and desire to become Catholic,. I would assume that is what you are hoping for, and maybe you should- as it *could *happen, but it should happen of her own will and not any sort of pressure she might be feeling from others. I think you’ve done all you can in that regards.

All I’m trying to say is try and think practically about this relationship and even sit down and discuss it with her about what both of your hopes are for the future. Do they match? Do you both want the same things? It can be hard, but be very painfully realistic! You need to assess both within your own spiritual self and with her if this relationship should go any further. Its tough, and believe me, I’ve been there- but it is for the best. Its a loving thing to do by letting go of someone you love so that they could be loved by the right person, not just a good person.

I wish you the best OP.
 
I not only dated a protestant but married one.

I knew it was God’s will for me.

He was open to raising any Children Catholic.

He converted with in a year of our marriage.

HOWEVER, I married his family too…and they have been to the detriment of my children’s upbringing.

The world is not perfect, it has enough trouble of it’s own. I would strongly consider my sad experience and learn from it. I have five children. The two oldest have been raised Catholic and left the church. One has married outside the church. The other three are firm in their faith, but too young to be pulled by an unbelieving person in a dating relationship. Satan is too tricky to play with. I would move away from this relationship…but pray to the Blessed Mother.

It seems to me if she loves you she would want to love who you are…but her family doesn’t have to…
 
Friendships are based on having things in common. If you don’t have the most important thing in your life…your faith…in common, it seems it will be hard to have a very deep relationship. It would be different if you could discuss things calmly and in a friendly manner, but if her feelings are going to be hurt each time you express your faith then really, how deep of a friendship can you have?

Settle for being friendly acquaintances, pray for her, and look elsewhere for a deeper relationship that may lead to something more.
 
Mr_Ignatius said:
Hi all please help me if you have the time to read through this!

My Presbyterian girlfriend (she’s also a youth leader at her church) and I are currently studying. This is both our first relationship. There were always doubts as to whether we would work out or not, but we decided that we could discuss our differences within a relationship. To her surprise, my research into the faith for the last 6 has led me to fall in love with the Catholic church.

A couple months in and we have hardly talked about these issues. This is mainly because every time we DO talk about them, she get’s really upset and hurt… obviously this turns me off.

We both acknowledge the fact that we could just be friends. I was THIS close to telling her that its best for us to walk out but as we continue to strike up great conversations knowing that we still love each other so much I think twice, “Is this God’s will?”. I have been praying but I do need to do more.

I also lent her Scott Hahn’s “Rome Sweet Home” thinking it could be the breakthrough but to no avail. She told me “she didn’t like it”. I also brought her along to mass ONCE during our whole time together and during mass she was very unhappy as Holy Communion was done so differently to her own church.

Finally, when I talk about Catholic related things for the future e.g. “I’d like to get married in a Church with a Catholic Priest”, “If I were to become a proper Catholic, I’m not allowed to use contraceptives even when married” etc. she either gets very hurt or says something like “maybe you should just find a Catholic girlfriend”. This is frustrating! She has told me that she finds it frustrating that I am like “Catholic this and Catholic that”, where it seems I’m separating groups from each other all the time. I told her I’m sorry for doing so. We’re both extremely tired.

This massive strain in our relationship slowly began to surface a couple weeks ago. Can you guys please help me out? What would you recommend me to do?

God bless
Click to expand...
Maybe you should just find a Catholic girlfriend. Seriously, where do you think this relationship is headed? The young lady is making it clear that not only is she not interested in your faith tradition, she wants to have nothing to do with it. She even has you apologizing for talking about it! How open do you think she will be in baptizing and raising your children as Catholic? What church service would you be attending on Christmas or Easter? If you two can’t at least agree to disagree at this point, then you should be a gentleman about it, do the right thing and break up with her, so she can find someone else who shares her religious values and you can look for a girl who is more sympathetic to the Catholic Church.
 
I think it’s time to move on. There’s nothing that you’ve said that suggests that this young woman could be happy raising Catholic children with a Catholic man.

Mr Ignatius said:

“I also lent her Scott Hahn’s “Rome Sweet Home” thinking it could be the breakthrough but to no avail. She told me “she didn’t like it”. I also brought her along to mass ONCE during our whole time together and during mass she was very unhappy as Holy Communion was done so differently to her own church.”

This young woman does not sound like Ms. Ecumenical. I think she’d be miserable in a mixed marriage.

“Finally, when I talk about Catholic related things for the future e.g. “I’d like to get married in a Church with a Catholic Priest”, “If I were to become a proper Catholic, I’m not allowed to use contraceptives even when married” etc. she either gets very hurt or says something like “maybe you should just find a Catholic girlfriend”. This is frustrating! She has told me that she finds it frustrating that I am like “Catholic this and Catholic that”, where it seems I’m separating groups from each other all the time. I told her I’m sorry for doing so. We’re both extremely tired.”

Maybe you should just find a Catholic girlfriend.

I think you want something from her that she can’t give you (at least right now).

Note that in Rome Sweet Home, the religious difference between the Hahns caused them YEARS of marital unhappiness.

Think of her happiness. The sooner you let her go, the less bitter this breakup is going to be, and the less lasting harm it will cause either of you.
 
Scott Hahn and his wife were both Calvinist’s until their conversions, and if I remember correctly, his wife joined the Church a couple of years after he did. You never know sometimes. My wife and I both come from Protestant backgrounds and I will be received into the Church this Easter. She was against this very much at first, but has been warming up to the idea. She has been very supportive recently and is also supportive of bringing our son up as a Catholic. But, these things definitely take time.
 
I recommend getting a Catholic girlfriend, in order for you two to build each other up, and in order to save yourself sorrow and hardship.

My spider senses tell me that there is some moral teaching of the Catholic Church that she is unwilling to accept, and this means intellectual and theological persuasion will just hit a steel wall. It was a good try, but apologetic material is only useful once a person has disposed themselves to be receptive of it, otherwise it’s either an agent of annoyance or disinterest.

Also, the CC does not permit compromise on matters of truth. If you marry and have children, you are commanded to endeavor to raise them Catholic, because your children foremost belong to God. This is not going to be easy if the lady having your litter of puppies is a committed Presbyterian.

At some point in your life, you should come to realize that the gospel and the teachings of the Church - contrary to our dampened intuitions - is an easy yoke. If you are accused of being a snob for being particular, then so be it.
 
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