Protestant Wife

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msaluta

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I recently reverted back to the Catholic faith from non-denominational Protestantism after years of searching and finding through the Church Fathers, writings of the Saints, and deep prayer and meditation.

In the 20+ years I have been away, much has happened. While in the Protestant Church, I became married to a Protestant, story here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Catholicism/comments/ivxx66/i_told_my_protestant_wife_im_catholic

Well today was the first day she was in possession of, and read Rome Sweet Home. Upon picking her up from work, she asked if I believe in infant baptism, and whether or not it is biblical. I explained to her that if we’re going to start talking about whether any topic is biblical or not, and that being the yardstick by which we’re going to measure, I then began to explain sola scriptura not being found in scripture, so that yardstick, while the Word of God is essential, is not the only yardstick. I explained that it is more likely that Christian practices and beliefs that were held in the actual time of Jesus were a more reliable depiction of how we should live out our faith, than a biblical reinterpretation 1500 years later (especially 2020 years later, since modern American Protestantism is more akin to a Tony Robbins seminar than actual worship).

Our conversation devolved into debate, which devolved into an emotional exchange, lacking respect, love etc.

I’m reaching out for a few things. In COVID world, I have no community. In going back to the Catholic Church, I’ve lost any and all Protestant friends. I suppose I’m looking to vent; looking for reassurance that Catholicism actually is true and biblical (and any references you’ve found helpful), since the questioning has shaken me a bit. I suppose I thought the conversation would’ve been like all other that I’ve read about where the other party takes points and honestly evaluates them without malice. Need prayers desperately. This is a tough cross.
 
Very tough situation. I’m about to get in the car so I can’t type much, except to say “hang in there” and continue to be a light to your wife’s family. You have my thoughts and prayers for strength.
 
Oh, it’s just the beginning of your journey to Catholicism together.
Apologize that things got heated, and ask her to be respectful of Catholic beliefs, and you be respectful of her beliefs. Her beliefs are not going to change overnight. I know I wouldn’t like it if somebody handed me a book and said “here you go, all your objections are answered”.
Acknowledge that this might take time. As in years.
Good luck and wishing God’s blessings to you both!
And welcome back home!!
Do you have kids?
 
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As someone who is reverting, and finding out that the process is really tough on my Protestant husband, I sympathize.

I think it’s Scott Hahn in Rome, Sweet Home who advised to forget the theological debates and focus on your relationship. That’s what we’ve been trying to do. It’s not easy, but it has saved us so far.

You will be in my prayers.
 
I agree with @OddBird, focus on your relationship, and not on trying to convert your wife right now. Let it become more familiar to yourself and lead by your example, not your words. In time, she may come around. But for now, focus on your own reversion.
 
msaluta said:
I’m reaching out for a few things. In COVID world, I have no community. In going back to the Catholic Church, I’ve lost any and all Protestant friends. I suppose I’m looking to vent; looking for reassurance that Catholicism actually is true and biblical (and any references you’ve found helpful), since the questioning has shaken me a bit. I suppose I thought the conversation would’ve been like all other that I’ve read about where the other party takes points and honestly evaluates them without malice. Need prayers desperately. This is a tough cross.
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Obviously, since I’m Catholic, I think you’re substantively correct. Sola scriptura is unworkable.

That said, I think the alligator closest to your boat is your relationship with your wife. If the discussion turned into a heated argument, I think you need to apologize and make it clear that while you might have a difference of opinion, you are going to endeavor to be respectful of her point of view. As someone with a non-Catholic wife myself, it’s very possible to have friendly discussions that don’t devolve into fights.

I also think it’s noteworthy that you say you lost all of your Protestant friends. Are you coming out of a super fundamentalist church that thought of Catholicism as the devil incarnate? It’s just odd that your friends abandoned you for returning to Catholicism. I have friends of all religious stripes. It would never occur to me to cut off a friendship over a religious difference.
 
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RolandThompsonGunner said:
I have friends of all religious stripes. It would never occur to me to cut off a friendship over a religious difference.
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Same here. But an old friend told me how her class mate’s father threatened to disown her if she dates a Catholic guy (protestant guy). There are definitely some nutjobs around from various faiths.
 
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We apologized to each other this morning, however our runway (amount of patience and kindness for dealing with each other’s faults) is getting rather short. There are some personality issues that compound this issue. One of which being my propensity to go on theological/philosophical/personal interest excursions without including my wife. Another being my wife tends to base her expectations on her mother and father’s marriage. Her father is the embodiment of “happy wife, happy life,” and after years of this spoilage, there is hardly a vertebra left in that man. Acquiescence is therefore often expected when my wife and I disagree, and that isn’t my modus operandi. I suppose you could think of it as two chiefs. So generally benign issues become hills upon which she will plant her flag and die on, which, in my time leading men in men’s groups, can lead to a life of quiet desperation, which I do not intend on living. Kindness, consideration, love, dying to self, prayer, and meditation will be my weapons of war. Unfortunately I am unable to control whether or not she can bear living knowing her will is not bent to, so while I do not like the long stretch of highway I’m looking down, God’s will be done.

Most of the Christians in the Sarasota Florida area have, during their church shopping and hopping, cycled through several of the more fundamentalist churches. You can’t throw a rock without hitting a former Sarasota Baptist congregant. That being said, in a way yes. There have been to my knowledge two publicly celebrated conversions from “religion to relationship” (Catholicism to Protestantism) in our current church. I think part of the issue may be that all of our friends are from our church. As in we have no friends or acquaintances that don’t actually attend our church. I guess you could say we live in an echo chamber.
 
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I was doing just that, until I came to the understanding that I was unable to participate in the sacraments, since I was not married in the Church. This led me to reaching out to the local tribunal. So while I was comfortable focusing on my own reversion at the time, after I found out I was unable to actually participate in sacraments, my wife could tell something was off in my spirit, which led to our initial conversation, which led to everything else.
 
We have one 5 month old son, who she has declared will not be raised Catholic.
 
So have you spoken to your priest about radical sanation as you mentioned in your Reddit piece?
 
I really can’t advise how best to handle this. One thought, and this is just a thought, might be less explaining and moreso a response like, “Yes, I do believe in infant baptism and I don’t think it contradicts scripture” and leave it at that unless she really wishes to discuss it more. It’s delicate, and I really wouldnt want to come across as lecturing to my wife. Not that this is what happened in your case, but just in case.
 
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I haven’t been in the situation. I was in a 33-year relationship with a Protestant, 23 of those married, but we didn’t argue about it, also I’m not a revert and he didn’t particularly practice his faith or mind if I practiced mine.

However, if you’re a revert, you’re just getting back to where you once belonged. It’s not that big of a change for you.

Your wife doesn’t have to convert with you. That’s always wonderful when it happens, but it doesn’t always happen. She just needs to accept that you were a Catholic when she married you, and you’ve been a Catholic all along, and you’re a Catholic now. Once a Catholic, always a Catholic. I wouldn’t knock myself out trying to convince her of the truth of the faith, you know it’s true…who wrote the NT and compiled the Scripture in the first place? Catholics.

Honestly I would suggest just putting it in God’s hands and maybe setting a discussion boundary that you will only talk about it if both parties stay calm and don’t get emotional or accusatory. From the link you posted, it also sounds like there may be other marital issues beyond just the faith difference, so perhaps counseling (and NOT with a minister of wife’s faith) is in order.

Good luck, it’s a tough cross to bear all right. Hang in there.
 
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Benny, it’s grossly inappropriate that you would disrespect the Catholic faith in this way by trying to talk this revert out of his faith.

msaluta, don’t let this kind of reaction dissuade you…stand firm brother
 
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I’m going to stick with the Tradition that tells us how to properly interpret Gods Word; that canonized God’s word to begin with.

God Gave us Christ, Christ gave us the Church, the teaching magisterium, and Sacred Tradition, as well as the power of binding and loosing.

That Church gave us the canonized bible and has the authority to properly interpret it.
 
You’re proselytizing. Knock it off, this is a Catholic forum and you need to respect that and not disturb the convictions of a man who is looking for encouragement to stay IN the faith, not someone else pushing him to leave. I’m sure he gets enough of that from his in laws and wife already.
 
Benny12 said:
I’m not disrespecting anyone. He asked for assurance and since it sounds very similar to my situation I’m sharing my thoughts.
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He asked for assurance for his Catholic faith; you are not just sharing your experience, you’re giving him the exact opposite of what he requested. That is in fact disrespectful and inappropriate on a Catholic board.
 
Not going to get into a tit for tat argument. Done way too many of those on the internet. The fact of the matter is that the Catholic Church is the proper manager of God’s word. It has the authority. Not you, or I. It says infant baptism is the right way to go. It gives it’s scriptural and tradition reasons. The article I gave touches on scripture to show it’s reasonable to believe infant baptism; but it isn’t necessary to go to scripture. You (or I) can’t go to scripture and pick out the parts you want and undermine the teaching authority of the Church.

If I do, then I’m relying on the Teaching authority of myself, or you. And that’s not what Christ gave us.
 
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