Purity, Modesty, and How We Dress At Mass

[Love_Divine]

First, I’m not a woman. With that in mind, please forgive me for any misguided confussion…

I don’t understand the comments about it being difficult to find modest clothing. Is it really that difficult? My wife dresses appropriately for Mass, and she simply shops at normal stores like you would find at any mall or shopping center.

Out of curiosity, I thought I’d check it out online. The first site that I checked was JCPenny, a moderately to inexpensively priced retailer. I clicked on “Women”, then “Skirts”. Right there, on the first page are two categories titled “At The Knee” and “Below The Knee”. There were many styles to choose from on just this first page alone. And there were several more. Prices seemed low enough to me. $17.99, $24,99, etc.

Just trying to understand. Please be gentle…

I live in Canada, so we don’t have JC Penny here, but I have shopped there before while in the US. There really wasn’t anything instore that fit me. (I’m regular sized on top, but I’ve got them larger birthing hips and ghetto booty on the lower half. Hooray for genetics! ) I have an extremely difficult time finding clothes that fit the bottom half without drawing additional unwanted attention and inappropriate suggestions of males of a certain ethnicity.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

I really can’t even afford to pay more and have less. I had to get my mom to pay for the only modest skirt I could find at $135 .

Where on EARTH are you shopping? I don’t know if it’s regional but Marshalls also has cute stuff at a good price. So does, what’s that store, Tuesday Morning? Tuesdays? Or any similar discount store.

I refuse to sweep other people’s floors, so no long skirts. And no one needs to see my legs, lol, which means, generally, nice slacks.

 

[dharmasister]

I recently kind-of-sort-of refused to continue seeing a guy over this very subject (and a few others.) We met online on CatholicMatch.com. Because we live almost 2 hours apart we spent the first month or so just talking on the phone. When we finally decided to meet in person to go out I arranged to drive to his city on Easter Vigil Saturday, have dinner together, and the next day go to a performance of the Blue Man Group.

He asked if I wanted to go hiking before the show. My response was, “Uh, no… I thought we would attend Easter Sunday Mass together.” Ok, so that was my first clue that he wasn’t “the one” for me since he would have bailed on Mass to spend time with a girl. Anyway, I digress. To get to the part about how we dress at Mass…

So Saturday night I arrive in Charlotte and check into a hotel. We arrange to meet in the lobby (cuz there ain’t no way he’s coming up to the room to get me!) While we are talking on the phone he mentions that he always wears shorts and sandals to church. I’m like “Really?!!! To mass?” His response was that Jesus doesn’t care what we wear to church, he’s just glad that we show up. He also tells me that there are a large number of people in his parish who are poor and can’t afford to buy nice clothes. He goes on to tell me that he’s just a shorts and sandals kind of guy and that he is being true to himself and that Jesus is ok with that. I tell him “Ya, but you are going to spend time with your Lord! You should WANT to dress in your best for him! I always dress nicely.” He said “Well, don’t worry, I’ll be dressed well for dinner. I’m coming straight from work and I wear dress slacks, a dress shirt and tie to work.” I asked him why he could dress up for work but not for God and he said it was because it was required for his job, but it’s just not his style.

Ok, so people CAN dress up when the occassion calls for it, but they just don’t see the mass as one of those occasions?

I later posed this question to him “Supposed you got invited to the White House to have dinner with the king of Sudi Arabia. Would you get dressed up for that?” “Of, course,” he said, “but you’re wondering why I won’t dress up for the King of the entire universe.” “Exactly!!!” I said.

He still sticks by his argument that Jesus doesn’t care.

And just a few final thoughts on the matter… Some of the labels I’ve seen on the jeans that people wear to mass are *7 For All Mankind *and True Religion. I have those same brands in my closet and they cost me over $200 a piece!!! If you can spend $200 on a pair of jeans - you CAN afford to buy a darned dress!!! And the Good Will and Salvation Army stores both carry dresses as does Walmart!!!

 

[Love_Divine]

Where on EARTH are you shopping? I don’t know if it’s regional but Marshalls also has cute stuff at a good price. So does, what’s that store, Tuesday Morning? Tuesdays? Or any similar discount store.

I refuse to sweep other people’s floors, so no long skirts. And no one needs to see my legs, lol, which means, generally, nice slacks.

I live in Canada (so add GST and PST onto that price), so we don’t have Marshalls, added to that I live in a small city compared to most places in the US.

I found this skirt at a high-end fashion outlet store in the mall. We don’t have the greatest shopping here to begin with.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

I live in Canada (so add GST and PST onto that price), so we don’t have Marshalls, added to that I live in a small city compared to most places in the US.

I found this skirt at a high-end fashion outlet store in the mall. We don’t have the greatest shopping here to begin with.

Oh, I gotcha.

Still, you might try QVC—the shipping probably wouldn’t add that much, and there are a lot of inexpensive lines, AND you can see the clothes on real people.

 

[Maryann_C]

Dahrmasister, basically said it all. The argument that there are poor people in a parish who can not afford ‘nice’ clothes , and the Jesus understands argument is a smoke screen by the father of lies and confusion…the fact is that people who do not dress in a respectable way for Jesus don’t get the fact that He IS the KING and our Lord even if he does call us no longer slave but friend!
That being said NOT having something appropriate to wear is not a reason to stay away and yes Jesus does want us to ‘come as we are’ but the point is that we should never fear coming to Him , in our sin so that he can heal our sickness /our sin so that our hearts are changed , our lives turned around to want to be with him and our eyes can be opened to see that he is our Lord and then we give Him all the Glory and one way to show our reverence and love for Him is to be respectably dressed in His house and not to cause fellow Christians to stumble or be distracted from prayer because we are inappropriately dressed.

Dear LoveDivine- shop online, ebay, perhaps or learn to sew…you will save alot of money.

I have to admit however the one thing, I can not argue that wearing sandals to church is wrong after all there are certain descaled orders that only wear sandals and as my son says…Jesus wore sandals!

 

[novusCatholic]

I rode my motorcycle to mass and was wearing my best leather jacket and jeans. An elderly woman made a point of approaching me after Mass to tell me not to worry. God loves me no matter what I look like.

Good one! I have a bike too.

If a person wishes to wear his “Sunday Best” to Church or wears everyday clothes, I rarely even notice, so it makes no difference to me.

I understand the idea of dressing well out of respect, but I think that modesty is the issue that needs to be addressed. I’ve seen some very tight dresses and some bulging cleavage recently, now that it’s warm out.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

Dear LoveDivine- shop online, ebay, perhaps or learn to sew…you will save alot of money.
!

Ahhhh…the people that are blessed with good genetics and can buy things on line. I have such a build that I HAVE to TRY everything on…and more often then not they don’t fit right or look right.

Of course it’s easier for guys then girls…

 

[Love_Divine]

Ahhhh…the people that are blessed with good genetics and can buy things on line. I have such a build that I HAVE to TRY everything on…and more often then not they don’t fit right or look right.

Of course it’s easier for guys then girls…

That’s me too!!! I have hips and a tiny waist. most skirts just draw attention to my lower half to be ogled because of how they’re cut too.

 

[Padraig1972]

I have witnessed a trend lately at this forum, that people intentionally ridicules debates so they either get moderated, stopped or deleted.

That is not very charitable or very much a sign of love and understanding. But hidden as fake agendas and rankplays. Something that CAF as well as our church should take gravely serious.

 

[novusCatholic]

This thread began with discussing how we should exercise modesty in the way that we dress, especially at Mass. It was more about dressing in a manner that would not tempt others to have impure thoughts. The way that we choose to dress says something about our culture and the direction that it’s heading.

Here’s a link to the homily for those who have not seen it.

 

[Padraig1972]

This thread began with discussing how we should exercise modesty in the way that we dress, especially at Mass. It was more about dressing in a manner that would not tempt others to have impure thoughts. The way that we choose to dress says something about our culture and the direction that it’s heading.

Here’s a link to the homily for those who have not seen it.

Yes and the sermon cannot be misunderstood if one is willing to listen to it entirely. I have listened to it many time. It is interesting, but frightening to see that not everyone understands how important this is. One of the hugest fights in our time, is to overcome (name removed by moderator)urity and sin.

Instead of saying: nah, no, it is not such and so on, people should ask each other for advice and back each other up. Not bicker or fight.

 

[utah_rose]

I will have to watch this sermon when at home as my work computer doesn’t display media well.

I do admit in my younger years wearing jeans to church, but I don’t now. I’d much rather people wear a nice pair of jeans that are clean & not ripped with a nice shirt or sweater to church compared to ripped jeans or very tight/short/revealing clothes.

I think it all depends on how you’re wearing clothes. Tight jeans on anyone unless they’re kids (8-9) usually doesn’t look good. You can still get modest fitting jeans in most stores or modest fitting slacks.

Dresses are more difficult, especially if you have a big bust, and so are tops. I have tried looking online and they’re either too expensive or frumpy looking, and I’d rather try things on.

Some of us don’t have stores like Marshall Fields or Chico’s to shop, so I’m just trying to rely on the things I do have, modest fitting slacks and bigger tops. One of these days the designers are going to figure out there are real women out there that would love nice long fashionable tops (they were popular in the 80’s) and stylish modest clothing.

I think part of the problem is that most clothes are made in other countries.

As far as guys wearing shorts and sandals to Church. unless you live in a resort town, that should be out as well as women wearing shorts or tube tops to Church.

In our area for some reason as soon as the temps reach about 50, guys are out wearing shorts and sandals at the grocery store. Do these guys think they look appealing to women? Not!

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

The point I’m trying to make, and Sailor is probably making too, is that you dress up for these things. Since Mass is even more important than these things, why wouldn’t you dress your best for Mass?

That is exactly what I’m getting at. And such clothes do not have to be out of anyone’s price range.

 

[MissRose73]

There are good consignment shops, thrift shops, charity shops and even yard/rummage sales selling clothes you can look at before purchasing. Most of those places have reasonable prices too.

Unfortunately, I have no skill in sewing beyond mending a simple rip or replacing a button on a shirt to purchase materials and make my own clothes.

That is exactly what I’m getting at. And such clothes do not have to be out of anyone’s price range.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

There are good consignment shops, thrift shops, charity shops and even yard/rummage sales selling clothes you can look at before purchasing. Most of those places have reasonable prices too.

Unfortunately, I have no skill in sewing beyond mending a simple rip or replacing a button on a shirt to purchase materials and make my own clothes.

Again…for those of us that are more…curvy…that is often not an option. I have tried to shop at those places but to no avail… Quite often I can’t even find a good option in a regular store…and it wears me out. That is what I get for having a small waist but hips…

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

So If I at age 40 + with a middle aged ‘spread’ ,sat next to you in Church in a mini skirt and tube top you wouldn’t care because you wouldn’t be distracted by the spectacle??

If you scroll down a bit past my original post, you will see that I largely agree with the original poster. If we disagree, it’s mostly a matter of emphasis. I’m uncomfortable placing too much emphasis on this matter when it is in a gray area. As Jesus said, the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath, and sometimes we confuse the two. We can make an idol out of the Sabbath just as we can with money, power, whatever else.

Obviously it’s not appropriate to wear a mini skirt to Church, we would all probably agree there. Is it really that important compared to larger issues? Doubt it.

In any event, the main thing for me to do in such a situation is to maintain my Christian love. I would recommend everyone else act as such as well.

 

[Bezant]

If you scroll down a bit past my original post, you will see that I largely agree with the original poster. If we disagree, it’s mostly a matter of emphasis. I’m uncomfortable placing too much emphasis on this matter when it is in a gray area. As Jesus said, the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath, and sometimes we confuse the two. We can make an idol out of the Sabbath just as we can with money, power, whatever else.

Obviously it’s not appropriate to wear a mini skirt to Church, we would all probably agree there. Is it really that important compared to larger issues? Doubt it.

In any event, the main thing for me to do in such a situation is to maintain my Christian love. I would recommend everyone else act as such as well.

I agree. The conversation [in general! Not between you lot] has become tired, almost to the point of stupidity.

As most people have common sense, and since the question of modesty is grounded more on that and local custom, than Scripture and the odd bits of advice from this pope and that Apostolic Father, we only need to ask: am I dressed properly before my God, if I saw Him?

 

[MissRose73]

I am plus sized and curvy, and managed to find things in a variety of stores ranging from thrift/charity shops to clearance racks in major department stores, and rarely paid the full price. It does take patience to look, I do say that from personal experience.

Again…for those of us that are more…curvy…that is often not an option. I have tried to shop at those places but to no avail… Quite often I can’t even find a good option in a regular store…and it wears me out. That is what I get for having a small waist but hips…

 

[dharmasister]

As most people have common sense, and since the question of modesty is grounded more on that and local custom, than Scripture and the odd bits of advice from this pope and that Apostolic Father, we only need to ask: am I dressed properly before my God, if I saw Him?

Amen!!!