Purpose of marriage to get your spouse to Heaven?

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lindeno

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Hi, I’m new here! I joined specifically to ask this question! My husband was raised a Protestant, but he doesn’t really go to church anymore…maybe once every couple of months. I’m Catholic and go to mass regularly.

I was talking to my husband today about how the purpose of Holy Matrimony was to get your spouse to Heaven. He said “I bet that’s a Catholic thing.” :rolleyes:

I’m trying to find biblical verses to back myself up. I know that I didn’t make this up.

Can anyone help me out?

Bianca
 
Sure, I believe this passage comes the closest - and welcome to CAF! (And Scripture Catholic is the best website for Bible references, and early Church quotes, for all the Church’s major teachings.)

1 Corinthians 7 (NIV)

14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
 
Even if scripture didn’t mention it it makes sense. Just like you’re meant to instruct and properly teach your children about the faith so that they may be saved (no one would argue otherwise), so too are the spouses meant to make each other a better person so that they may be saved because of their love for one another. Love desires the good of those we love.
 
I agree, it makes complete sense. 😉

We talked more about it and my husband said 'I’m sorry that I got all fired up about that because it was silly and thank you for caring about my soul."

👍 I’m working on him.
 
Take some time to read what the Catechism says about marriage. The section on marriage begins at para 1601 scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c3a7.htm#1601

1617 The entire Christian life bears the mark of the spousal love of Christ and the Church. Already Baptism, the entry into the People of God, is a nuptial mystery; it is so to speak the nuptial bath. which precedes the wedding feast, the Eucharist. Christian marriage in its turn becomes an efficacious sign, the sacrament of the covenant of Christ and the Church. Since it signifies and communicates grace, marriage between baptized persons is a true sacrament of the New Covenant.
This speaks about a Catholic married to a non-Catholic.

1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: “For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband.” It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this “consecration” should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith. Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.
 
God gives us free will. If a spouse doesn’t want to attend church then all you can do is pray that the spouse starts attending church.

Trying to get a spouse to Heaven is too controling of a responsibility if you decide to go that route. It is better to “leave the door open” for your spouse to enter God’s House on their own. They have to make that decision on their own. Your job is just to set examples of how God helps you and is with you always.
 
It may be that you decided to get married to help your spouse to heaven and accepted a vocation from the Lord? If so then you are starting out to be a saint.
 
lindeno said:
👍 I’m working on him.
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Love is the best way to do that so keep it up. 😃

While it’s true that you don’t have control of another person’s salvation, you can certainly be an influence for good or bad depending on how you treat them. So be a light to him even if you don’t always see eye to eye. He’ll eventually come around.
 
Since your husband is not Catholic, I presume he will not pay attention to anything from the Catechism, or other documents of the Church. Instead, have him read Ephesians 5 tonight:

25
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her
26
to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word,
27
that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Christ came to Earth, died and was resurrected, so that His disciples (His Church) could have salvation. This was his Pascal sacrifice, made out of divine love of all humanity.

Husbands are to do the same on this earth. They are meant to sacrifice themselves for their wives and families. Their vocation is to guide their families toward holiness, so that they also can be counted among the ranks of the predestined.

This is not just Catholic Theology. Protestant and Evangelical denominiations have the same interpretation of Ephesians 5. In fact, there are entire Evangelical ministries that have sprung up, to bring forth this message:

loveandrespect.com/content/crazy_cycle.php

So no, this belief is not just among Catholics. If your husband doesn’t get this, have him open an account here, and we will explain it to him, in simple, charitable terms.
 
marriage is the basic form of all society…the strongest unit…a man and wife dedicating their lives to God and stablility…cant beat it…plus toss in honesty,faithfulness and the ability to compromise and you have quite a good reason to have marriage and thus the family unit! Destroy this marriage bond and you will have anarchy of the soul and spirit…looking to the state for order it will only receive in turn law and order…but not of the kind we are striving for…read Orwells 1984 and Brave new world…both will alert you to what is happening and the consequences of it…good question.all the best…
 
kage_ar said:
Take some time to read what the Catechism says about marriage. The section on marriage begins at para 1601 scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c3a7.htm#1601

1617 The entire Christian life bears the mark of the spousal love of Christ and the Church. Already Baptism, the entry into the People of God, is a nuptial mystery; it is so to speak the nuptial bath. which precedes the wedding feast, the Eucharist. Christian marriage in its turn becomes an efficacious sign, the sacrament of the covenant of Christ and the Church. Since it signifies and communicates grace, marriage between baptized persons is a true sacrament of the New Covenant.
This speaks about a Catholic married to a non-Catholic.

1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: “For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband.” It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this “consecration” should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith. Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.
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A Catholic married to a baptized non-Catholic would be the first or the second?
 
Being a member of a mixed marriage and having parents that were in a mixed marriage I think this is very nice that a non-Catholic could be sanctified through his spouse. Equally a Catholic could be desecrated by his spouse, I’m thinking specifically about the use of birth control and how this affects mixed marriages. Personally I do not think it’s moral for a Catholic man to marry a non-Catholic woman as there is greater possibility that an abortive means of birth control will be used.
 
I personally know a married couple where the husband was not Catholic but wife was Catholic. After many years of the husband attending the Catholic church with his wife he became Catholic too.
Another couple I know… the husband was from the Jewish religion and the wife was Catholic. He also became Catholic.

Both men know more about the Catholic religion than I do because they really have kept up and studied our religion.
I am really impressed with them. Lucy
 
I, personally, have been tormented by this very issue of marriage being a way to help my husband reach heaven. I am a practicing Catholic (from birth) and my husband was raised Catholic (from birth). We were married in the Church and I always viewed our marriage to have a special “blessing” as it was a Sacramental marriage (my mother’s parents were not both Catholic, so I was told frequently about the issues that arise due to my grandparents “mixed” marriage). When I was young (early 20’s), I dated a few men, most of whom were not Catholic and some that were even divorced already. When I met my husband, it was a blessing because I thought I had finally found someone with my same beliefs and he had never been married. Here’s where the torment begins…
We were married for 20 years and he just walked out! I have 3 children, all of which have been baptized, confirmed, etc. in the Church. Now, their father lives with his old high school girlfriend and never goes to Church (at least I doubt it).

How can I now help my husband reach Heaven, when I couldn’t even get him to try to reconcile our marriage??? I pray for him regularly, etc., but I have a hard time talking to him as I always want to tell him that his leaving was a mistake and that marriage lasts till death…Of course, that’s the last thing he wants to hear, so I kind of gave up trying. How long do I try to keep waiting and trying? I’ve given the whole thing up to God because I know he has a plan…FOR ALL OF US. I just get so discouraged and lonely.
 
dmanning said:
How can I now help my husband reach Heaven, when I couldn’t even get him to try to reconcile our marriage???
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Pray is probably the only thing you can do for him, at this stage. It sounds as if he abandoned his family, marriage, and Lord. Someone who does that has a complete lack of humility, piety, obedience, and responsibility.

I suspect that this husband of yours patently refuses to listen to you - and probably refused to listen, before he left? Is he one of those oblivious types, who didn’t really care about their wives - only themselves? If so, offering him advice is pointless, and a waste of time. (I think the description of this person is “married but not engaged”…)

Obviously, you need to pray for salvation. But this person needs a conversion back to Christ. If the Lord desires this, he will likely give your husband a giant shot of chastisement. You don’t have to do do this; the Lord will take care of it. (Don’t go over to his home and set it on fire or poison his dog - that is unwarranted. And criminal.)

The Lord will give him some setback - a health scare, loss of employment, or similar disaster. Hopefully, this will serve as a “wake-up call”. Then he can come to his senses. Then he can return to his family, and to Christ.
 
I don’t necessarily think that the scriptures or the Catechism specifically say that the **purpose **of marriage is to get our spouse into Heaven. Instead, that is one of the effects of a consecrated, holy marriage. To me the difference is that I don’t necessarily set out to marry someone just b/c I want them to go to heaven. Instead, I grow to know, love, and honor my spouse, therefore I want them to go to heaven. Since theoretically, if one member is Catholic, this would include blessings and graces from God conferred on the couple at their wedding ceremony (and continually throughout their marriage), heaven is what we’re working towards.

Simply put, I don’t think I married (or any of us) married our spouse just to ensure that they get to heaven. However, I think we all married our spouses and want them to get to heaven and hope that God looks favorably on our sacrifices and marriage to allow this.
 
Hi DMANNING, YOU DO HAVE A WAY OUT! You must go to your priest and get a marriage annulment since your spouse is not honoring the sacrament of marriage.
You don’t need to get your spouse to get envovled in the annulment. You can do it all by yourself with the help of your priest or a friend.

Your spouse broke out of the sacrament of marriage when he left you to go live with another woman. You are nolonger responsible for him getting to heaven since he chose to leave his wife and his family to live with that woman. Your spouse has chosen to be sinful. That is not your responsibility to try to change him. He most likely laughs at you.
Don’t waste your time trying to get him back. Your marriage is over as far as he is concerned. Release him with love and prayer. Leave him in God’s hands.

It is time for you to take action and get rid of him by annullment. Times have changed and there are many reasons for annulments. Tell your priest to give you the list of questions that your Archdioses/ Tribunal Office will ask of you.
Our New Pope Benedict has added some new reasons why the sacrament of marriage can be annulled.
An Annullment of marriage from the Catholic church is not legal in the eyes of the law. Your spouse will still have to financially support your children. They are still his responsibility. They will always be considered his children in the eyes of the law.

The only think that will change is that you will be free from him and he will be free from you. The door will be open for him to get married again in the Catholic church. That option will also be yours.

Think about it… his new wife will be responsible for his soul.

You will be free to move on in your life and not worry about your ex-spouse.

It may take you months to think about getting an annulment. It usually take one or two years to get the Catholic annulment. Don’t wait too long because you never know that you might meet a nice man to marry and then you will have to wait for the annulment.

I applied for a marriage annulment in Feb. 09. I am still waiting for an answer from the Tribunal. Lucky for me that I am still single and not wanting to get married again.

I applied for the annulment because my adult son would like to see my ex-spouse get married in the Catholic church. My ex-spouse has been married for many years now by the civil court. He has a better chance to get to heaven if he gets married in the Church.
I presently do feel responsible for him but once I am free from him then I can move on in my life. The door will be open for him to return to the church. Lucy
 
BiologyBrain said:
I don’t necessarily think that the scriptures or the Catechism specifically say that the **purpose **of marriage is to get our spouse into Heaven. Instead, that is one of the effects of a consecrated, holy marriage. To me the difference is that I don’t necessarily set out to marry someone just b/c I want them to go to heaven. Instead, I grow to know, love, and honor my spouse, therefore I want them to go to heaven. Since theoretically, if one member is Catholic, this would include blessings and graces from God conferred on the couple at their wedding ceremony (and continually throughout their marriage), heaven is what we’re working towards.

Simply put, I don’t think I married (or any of us) married our spouse just to ensure that they get to heaven. However, I think we all married our spouses and want them to get to heaven and hope that God looks favorably on our sacrifices and marriage to allow this.
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I don’t know. I think there are some missionaries that married the man to convert him and quite a few in our family but didn’t always work out. Some did.
 
LaLucia said:
Hi DMANNING, YOU DO HAVE A WAY OUT! You must go to your priest and get a marriage annulment since your spouse is not honoring the sacrament of marriage.
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Be careful with the word “must”. No married Catholic “must” submit for an annulment, under any circumstances. The Church always encourages couples to work through their problems, and try to restore their marriages, before filing for an annulment. Divorce and annulment should always be the last choice, not the first one.

And the Church does not grant annulments in every case. There must be a specific impediment to the marriage on the date of the actual wedding - not today, 20 years on. So far, DManning has not indicated anything that was wrong at the start of their marriage - everything seemed to be fine back then. It is now that things have gone awry.

Of course, a priest or deacon can explain the annulment process in your diocese - the actual procedures for filing for the annulment, and what you must do to take this step. So yes, if you do decide to go down this route, you need to speak with a member of the clergy.

Now, she certainly has cause for separation from her spouse. Adultery is one of the specific reasons granted for marital separation (along with heresy or apostasy, danger to life and and life, and the choice of evangelical perfection.) So DManning could simply remain separated indefinitely - and remain in good standing with the Church. Hence, unless there is a specific reason for seeking an annulment - such as one of the parties once to marry someone else - then there is no reason to rush down to the chancery, and fill out the paperwork.

DManning really needs to speak to her pastor, then pray and reflect on what she wants to do with her life and marriage.
 
I don’t really know DMANNINGS whole life story so I should not have used the words “MUST”.
But I think the annulment idea is a great idea if things don’t get worked out between her and her spouse.

She needs to try to remember what was going on in her life and her spouse life when they got married. She may find some major flaws that were there before the marriage.

It doesn’ hurt to look back at her life and his life before they got married.

Her spouse has left her for another woman that he already knew from his high school days. So I suspect that there was some type of history between him and his high school girlfriend. Maybe he wasn’t allowed to marry his high school sweetheart at the time of his high school days.

This is all private information that DManning has to do a search on to see if that may qualify her for an annulment.

Please forgive me for being so intrusive since I don’t really know the whole story since before the marriage took place. That is what needs to be looked at first.

I also think that DManning wants her husband back…and maybe if she waits…he may go back to her.
 
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