) Besides, I thought a synonym of “gentleman” was “confident leader”. 
Désolé, Mademoiselle, mais vous êtes gravement trompé. It is easy to imagine that being a gentleman includes capability of leading and of courage and maybe even confidence, but they kind of “timid” that we are talking about is primarily being defined as cast against the opposing extreme of a pushy, forceful aggressive man, well, you surely recognise the “bad boy” cliche, don’t you. Or, perhaps, indeed somewhat withdrawn, restrained, not the kind of guy who has experience picking up women. *That *is not the kind of experience a woman wants a man to have. Unless it is, which would be rather sad. One quality of a gentleman is sensitivity to beauty and that does not even have to mean a woman, it may well be and probably is primarily concerned with art. At any rate, a gentleman would be sensitive to the woman’s beauty, whether external or internal, and inhibited from just grabbing for it. He might be inspired to aspire to it and attempt somehow to earn it (not like one actually can do that), but at the same time, he certainly won’t be grabbing. And in that, he will justly appear timid. Thank you for appreciating the gravity of your error.Fine, I’ll bite. Possibly because the definition of “gentleman” doesn’t include timid. Some of the toughest, buffest, meanest, leanest, kindest, sweetest dudes I’ve ever known have also doted on their wives. (To the extent of letting them decorate the entire house in pink and frills.
I would honestly think this is why you are having trouble with relationships. Everything else you’ve said about yourself suggests you’re a catch, but, you simply have to find a way to bring excitement for a woman to fall for you. Maybe some women would be okay with nothing sexual until marriage, but most wouldn’t be. I’m not saying you have to have sex, and obviously as a Catholic you can’t, but aren’t there countless sexual things you can do that wouldn’t rise to the level of a mortal sin? Pressing women against objects like walls is exciting, and not overtly sexual. haha.
it (not like one actually can do that), but at the same time, he certainly won’t be grabbing. And in that, he will justly appear timid. Thank you for appreciating the gravity of your error.
This, a guy has to not seem timid. Timid is very unattractive, not manly and so on. It doesn’t mean you have to be rude and aggressive, but you have to come across as confident and strong.Fine, I’ll bite. Possibly because the definition of “gentleman” doesn’t include timid. Some of the toughest, buffest, meanest, leanest, kindest, sweetest dudes I’ve ever known have also doted on their wives. (To the extent of letting them decorate the entire house in pink and frills.
You should understand because you’d probably like to be understood and appreciated as a woman not only when you’re all made up and at your flirtiest/most charming. It’s besides the point how much a guy can produce or how long he can keep it up, the point is whether he’s allowed to be human. 
I’m pretty realistic about male expectations of me. I know that if I let myself go, if I’m not in good shape, well dressed, flirtatious and so on that I can’t expect a guy to be particularly into me.
I tend to agree with you and have come to that conclusion myself. I initially attract women all the time (I really do) for a variety of reasons, but eventually they just want to be friends. So I may need to change something I’m doing in between the time I meet them and the point where they typically lose romantic interest. Or eventually I’ll meet a girl who won’t mind the lack of ‘excitement’.
How old are you? But it makes sense, older women are probably looking for a husband whereas younger women are looking to have fun and maybe find a husband in the process.
I am 27, soon to be 28 in a few months.
**BINGO! **
It’s generally reasonable to expect similar levels of whatever, but some whatevers differ between sexes or can’t take the same from the counterparty, meaning stuff gets complicated.**BINGO! **
It’s not reasonable to expect a potential mate to not have the same things on their ‘list’ as yours, ie, seeking an ‘attractive’ counterpart . . . .
Yes, yes, but nobody said we were “obsessing” over confidence, silly dude. It’s just one of those generally attractive traits. To me, it signifies a bunch of other things, such as humility (definitely) and even the probability of being successful in life. I’ve liked a seriously wimpy dude, who had other things going for him.As for the strong and confident, you (both you and Dakota) wouldn’t like to be expected always to be at 100% girly, flirty chatty etc., I’m sure. I’m all for confident and strong, for the record, but I often wonder if those two, being in such vogue and so commonly underlined to such a great extent, are not code words overshadowing the whole person of a man. It feels objectifying sometimes, pretty much the same way as women feel about men obsessing over looks. It feels like “confidence”, however it is understood (and I’m sure everyone has its own concept of it) is something more important than you are as a person. Personally, I can pull off massive amounts of “confidence”, but I want someone who will stick by me in general, being my ally for good or bad, not only for the flashiest moments of my manifest confidence.
You wouldn’t have to be in that mode all the time, you would just have to do it enough to get classified as strong and confident. I don’t know on a practical level how frequently you’d have to do it. I can’t even think of particular things you’d have to do to show it.
Maybe, it’s hard to think of others, because like Jay you also sound like you are a catch. Maybe you guys need to be taking the ladies skydiving, driving them around fast on snowmobiles, playing “football” where you have to catch and pin down (for some reason I find running away and being physically chased exciting haha), and maybe being more sexually suggestive (but obviously not committing any grave sins).
I had to!
With the caveat that the :whacky: thing is very personal, I can think of guys that meet those specifications, and each would make someone a good husband…provided they had someone that makes a good wife. I don’t think any of them would find your list offensive, even the ones who thought “love talking” would be something of a cross to bear. Many would find “down to earth” and “not a spendthrift” good points in a woman, too!List of attributes I want in a guy:
Christian
Stable Job (meaning able to provide for the family)
Shoudl love talking to each other
Respectful towards me
Looks decent (which means my heart goes :whacky: not the traditional good looks)
Down to earth and not a spendthrift.
Now everyone - is this too much to ask???
This is kind of what I mean. The list is fine, but when it comes to marriage, marry someone to whom you will stay devoted, even after every item on the list seems to be gone. Marry someone you will still accept with changes you don’t like, just because you promised that you would. You don’t have to accept the changes without question, mind you, but you do have to keep accepting and loving the person, while the question of the changes is addressed.
Sheesh.Sorry to be a spoilsport, but…
I had to!
Even skydiving is a bit much for me…but I know girls who like it a lot. I actually have done the snowmobiling suggestion.
Cool factoid with a small amount of relevance: a philosophy student once told me that everybody has “ness”, for example you have an “EasterJoy-ness” specific to yourself, which is interesting when you consider that the human body replaces itself every few years or so.
I’m sorry, Your Astuteness, but “confidence” is the centre of 90% replies any young dood ever gets in a girls thread.Yes, yes, but nobody said we were “obsessing” over confidence, silly dude. It’s just one of those generally attractive traits. To me, it signifies a bunch of other things, such as humility (definitely) and even the probability of being successful in life. I’ve liked a seriously wimpy dude, who had other things going for him.
Oh wait, waitasec, humility, darn…