Qualities For A Wife I've Come Up With

[PatriceA]

I think going into a dating situation with a grocery list is a losing battle. Anybody can look good “on paper” but still be a lousy marraige partner. Finding a life partner is sooo much more than having a person meet your items on a list. Sometimes its even hard to put into words exactly what makes a good marriage.

I think I would worry less about having a future date/partner meet your items on your list, and worry more about shaping yourself to be the best husband you can be to a future wife. Work on your own prayer life, and what God wants YOU to be and you will attract the right person for you.

 

[flyingfish]

I’m young and never married, so you might not value what I say, but some of the stuff on that list seems pretty irrelevant and I daresay you would forget about it should you meet the right woman.

Doubtless many people in successful marriages may have come from a broken family or may have divorced siblings. Also, 401k and health insurance? :ehh:

In my opinion you should be looking for someone who agrees with you on fundamentals about the kind of life you want to lead, and otherwise someone you can see yourself enjoying spending the rest of your life with.

 

[royal_archer]

Okay, here’s a list of qualities for any future wife I might marry in the future.
.

If you are looking for the theoretical perfect woman you should add:

Comes from the same social class as you. (you would be surprised at how social class impact peoples perspectives on life.)
Virgin (you wouldn’t want to realize that other men have been with the woman you love.)

House keeper. (One of you will have to stay home and raise the kids and you want to be sure that at least one of you is up for the challenge)

 

[royal_archer]

Physical Attributes:
Money Habits:

-Certainly is a good quality that I cannot really complain about but again should not be a determining factor. She may, like alot of people, may not simply know about accounting technics and simply may have a hard time looking at issues like that. In the course of a relationship or marraige, the stronger party may take over all the financies (like my relationship with me mostly deciding what we should buy or hold off on) That is a skill that can be taught or frivolous spending can be controlled if they are willing.

-Debt is most likely going to be a factor. It is not the end of the world. As long as she can understand the importance of how to repay the debt in time, she should be fine.*

• Has a 401K

-sounds like you are a gold digger almost and are caring more that she is successful or will be in the future.

You do want to find a spouse that shares your approach to monetary issues. If the proposed spouse is irresponsible with money then it may likely be a strain on the relationship for many years. I view the having of a 401k as an act of responsibility and more important than the amount in the 401K.

 

[royal_archer]

I apologize to everyone, that this is my third post here, but I’m still sort of irritated.

Some people whose parents where divorced might be MORE anti-divorce because they know the misery and pain it can cause!!

Porptional and excersizes? Why? So you can make other men feel jealous? What if she has a baby and can’t lose the weight?

College education? I hate to break it to you-but people who graduated from 8th grade are often more intelligent than people with a Masters, which I have!

I’m sorry…this still bugs me.

Exercising and college go toward intent of the perspective wife and her values. Assuming the original poster intended to find someone with intent and not set up some hard criteria. If someone excercises regularly they might have conflict with a spouse who has no interest in personal health issues. If someone has a high education and is cereberal they may have conflict with a a spouse who does not place the same value in education.

As much as we do not like to admit it there is a social “class” system. Get a bunch of doctors lawyers, and engineers together and you will have a different social interaction than if you have a group of people who do not have post k-12 education. You can not have a husband and wife who are members of two different social cliques and expect everything to be guaranteed to be rosey.

 

[royal_archer]

I’m young and never married, so you might not value what I say, but some of the stuff on that list seems pretty irrelevant and I daresay you would forget about it should you meet the right woman.

Doubtless many people in successful marriages may have come from a broken family or may have divorced siblings. Also, 401k and health insurance? :ehh:

In my opinion you should be looking for someone who agrees with you on fundamentals about the kind of life you want to lead, and otherwise someone you can see yourself enjoying spending the rest of your life with.

But commend the guy for trying. Lets face it to many people choose who they are going to date on some much more trivial, if not deviant, criteria.

 

[flyingfish]

But commend the guy for trying. Lets face it to many people choose who they are going to date on some much more trivial, if not deviant, criteria.

As I said before, I’ve never been married, but personally I find that attraction (physical and personality both) and desire carry you along much further than things like 401k’s. You have to want to be around your partner, think about them when they’re not there, be happy that you’re with them. If you’re intensely attracted and interested in them, you’ll have that regardless of whether their siblings divorced or whether they have health insurance.

 

[Rascalking]

If you are looking for the theoretical perfect woman you should add:

Comes from the same social class as you. (you would be surprised at how social class impact peoples perspectives on life.)
Virgin (you wouldn’t want to realize that other men have been with the woman you love.)

House keeper. (One of you will have to stay home and raise the kids and you want to be sure that at least one of you is up for the challenge)

You need to speak for yourself.

For the record, I don’t care if she is a virgin, her social class, or if she wants to be a stay at home mom or the next president of the Hewlett Packard.

Catholic, loves me, loves baseball. (The third being most important).

 

[royal_archer]

As I said before, I’ve never been married, but personally I find that attraction (physical and personality both) and desire carry you along much further than things like 401k’s. You have to want to be around your partner, think about them when they’re not there, be happy that you’re with them. If you’re intensely attracted and interested in them, you’ll have that regardless of whether their siblings divorced or whether they have health insurance.

But unfortunately to many people pick who they are going to date by who’s the best looking person at the singles bar.

While having a sibling that was divorced is not an indicator in it self, you should look at the values someone was raised with. If someone comes from a pagan household, there is a chance that those tendancies may comeout later in the marriage.

 

[royal_archer]

You need to speak for yourself.

For the record, I don’t care if she is a virgin, her social class, or if she wants to be a stay at home mom or the next president of the Hewlett Packard.

Catholic, loves me, loves baseball. (The third being most important).

But those things can become issues with relationships. maybe not the big things that halt relationships but the nagging background issues that can wear on a relationship.

 

[LilyElain]

But those things can become issues with relationships. maybe not the big things that halt relationships but the nagging background issues that can wear on a relationship.

There will always be things that wear on a relationship…that is the nature of things…but telling a woman you will not consider her because of superficial reasons, that
a. she has no control over and
b. will not necessarily have any bearing on a loving Catholic marriage
is ridiculous!

 

[Rascalking]

But those things can become issues with relationships. maybe not the big things that halt relationships but the nagging background issues that can wear on a relationship.

For some people, perhaps they can. It’s best to get over things like ::gasp:: not being a virgin (we all make mistakes) and social class (which, growing up, we have no control over).

I’ve never turned down a woman for any of these reasons. Never would either.

Maybe I’m just a super cool noble guy.

 

[LongingForLight]

I notice a lot of “statistical” information, but very few personality traits or character qualities. Trust your ability to recognize general qualities, rather than trying to confine them into traits that can be used as litmus tests. For example, instead of putting a list of monetary traits like, “has 401K, saves,” put “financially responsible”. You will recognize that trait without a list of specifics.

Also: This sounds like a description of a person you would be comfortable with. But you don’t want to marry someone you are 100% comfy with - you want her to force you out of your not-so-great habits at least a little, and maybe a lot, while helping you build your strengths. You will grow from a person who is challenged by her in some way into a person who can be comfortable with her, and likewise for her. She probably won’t feel like the family you grew up with to you. She’ll feel like the promise of your new family, the family you will create together.

You do want someone with compatible goals, and someone willing to negotiate through any areas of conflict. Kids, religion, work / family balance, male / female roles in a family, money and material possessions, how you spend time, housekeeping - you do want some level of agreement about those things, and where you don’t agree you will need to be able to both give-and-take until you get to the point where you can imagine a future together that you both want to have. Life will throw curve balls that disrail your plans, but you need to know that you can work through your differences. Figuring this out just takes time, however.

 

[chevalier]

Important stuff:

• practicing Catholic or possibility of becoming so;

Less important stuff:

• attractive to me (hard to predefine) and compatible (not the same as attractive, also hard to predefine)

Detailed qualities unique to my views on stuff/needs:

• loyal
• kind, interested, caring, responsive, and showing it
• is not against reciprocating interest or the idea that a woman show interest in a man or otherwise show favour
• exercises care not to harm people or people’s feelings with her behaviour or speech (preferably just doesn’t want to hurt people)
• opinions not totally immune to facts
• will not play jealousy games with me, including during dating, no, they are not fun or attractive nor in any way do they add spice to anything other than my headache
  - no cruelty streak (invincible kindness and inability to be cruel are way, way more attractive)
  - no obsession with getting things her way, doing her will etc.
  - no looking out for number one / struggling to reduce looking out for number one, some measure of altruism, putting others’ needs ahead of her own etc.
  - does not consider a man less attractive for failing to provide challenge, mess with her head, produce insecurity etc. and if she feels that way–trying to overcome it
  - yes doesn’t mean no and vice versa
  - men are not intellectually inferior, emotionally incapable etc. (except they do have superior brain architecture but still)

 

[chevalier]

To clarify “yes doesn’t mean no”, I don’t mean immune to emotional reactions, I mean it won’t get out of hand too much without being recognised as a problem. I don’t mean “What’s wrong?” “Nothing,” kind of situations, I mean really messy.

 

[flyingfish]

• opinions not totally immune to facts
• will not play jealousy games with me, including during dating, no, they are not fun or attractive nor in any way do they add spice to anything other than my headache
  - no cruelty streak (invincible kindness and inability to be cruel are way, way more attractive)
  - no obsession with getting things her way, doing her will etc.
  - no looking out for number one / struggling to reduce looking out for number one, some measure of altruism, putting others’ needs ahead of her own etc.
  - does not consider a man less attractive for failing to provide challenge, mess with her head, produce insecurity etc. and if she feels that way–trying to overcome it
  - yes doesn’t mean no and vice versa
  - men are not intellectually inferior, emotionally incapable etc. (except they do have superior brain architecture but still)

Your list makes it sound like you’ve dated some bad ones!

 

[sherimarie]

I like that you have standards that you are looking for in a future spouse. It looks like you have put a lot of thought into this, you should mark the things you are firm about (pro life) and try to stay flexable on the other things.
I think you should print this list off so 20 years from now when you and your lovely wife find it in a draw some where you can have a good laugh together.

 

[royal_archer]

There will always be things that wear on a relationship…that is the nature of things…but telling a woman you will not consider her because of superficial reasons, that
a. she has no control over and
b. will not necessarily have any bearing on a loving Catholic marriage
is ridiculous!

was it using those things as litmus tests or using them as a way to compare? While such things may not be rational reasons to not continue going out with someone, they do seem like traits worthy of consideration when determining who to meet especially when meeting people through modern media such as dating sites.

If someone comes from a household where divorce is accepted, wouldn’t you want to know that prior to dating instead of when the couple has two kids and the spouse is bored and looking to divorce as the easy solution it was for the people around them growing up? Once again family history of divorce is not a litmus test but if someone comes from such a back ground you need to seriously consider the ramifications on the future of the marriage.

 

[royal_archer]

For some people, perhaps they can. It’s best to get over things like ::gasp:: not being a virgin (we all make mistakes) and social class (which, growing up, we have no control over).

I’ve never turned down a woman for any of these reasons. Never would either.

Maybe I’m just a super cool noble guy.

A girl’s prior history was of little concern to me when I was young and just interested in dating and having a good time. However, prior intimate activity isn’t a mistake, it was a choice to have marital relations with another. As such the intimate relations which should be betwen a husband and his wife are also shared with a third party, or several third parties.

Social class in America is not dictated by ones parrents. We each have the option to work to the class we feel comfortable with. If you have a profesional mentality and your spouse has a welfare mentality, then there will be conflicts. Likewise if one spouse has a 9-5 mentality and the other has a driven profesional mentality you can get arguements. I’ve seen it happen frequently.

 

[mjs1987]

My list of qualities I would like a wife to have:

-Catholic*
-pro-life*
-compassionate to the poor and disabled*
-likes to cook especially for me
-likes to do laundry, especially mine
-likes to clean up messes, especially my messes.
-keeps the beer coming and cold on sports Sundays and nights

• keeps me from getting lazy and sleeping in until noon-2PM
  -is never too tired, if you know what I mean.*
  -is spiritually minded and pushes me to never accept mediocrity with Christ*
  -shares a common desire to have fun though in a more conservative, laid back way
  -will put up with my career choice and possible odd work schedule
  -likes being around me and can put up with my many eccentric qualities
  -wants to add to our household and let the Big Man decide how many*
  -education not particularly important but not entirely unimportant
  -likes to travel and see the world
  -does not have the exact same political views on every issue as me so we can have healthy debate
  -understands when I give her the budget for the month and how much we as a whole have to spend every month
  -balances my masculine side with her feminine side
  -will be open to considering home schooling*
  -committed to exercise regularly
  -Im normally not picky on looks so most women wont feel inadequate with me
  -smaller than me (not hard since I am 6’2.5")
  -can be the backbone and heart to my brains and muscle in the family
  -is accepted by my family (again, not hard to do)*

Ok, so maybe not all those are realistic . I can pray for it though haha!

• = non negotiables .