Question about a sexual intimacy problem

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Marital act is:
An act of love;
A moral obligation;
A moral duty;
A moral right.

In order to express love;
In order to improve the bonding of love;
In order to avoid the bad effect of concupiscence;
In order to be an actor of the human procreation;

The catholic paradigm is very wonderful, so powerful, so useful, so joyful, so charitable.

From love, by love, in love, of love, for love. Love is the cause and the end.
 
I like that. It is very natural, very catholic and so charitable. It is the real conjugal love.
Thank you, fpt.

It is something that we have fought hard for and struggled with. In fact, the Catholic teachings about marital intimacy that we learned about a few years ago were precisely what led to our conversion. The beauty and the love and the goodness were so inspiring and amazing, and we wanted that for ourselves. We are still a work in progress, and God has so much selfishness to strip away from us, but I want to shout from the rooftops sometimes how great I think Catholic teaching is on this matter. It is like a breath of fresh air in a world gone stagnant and putrid.
 
Thank you, fpt.

It is something that we have fought hard for and struggled with. In fact, the Catholic teachings about marital intimacy that we learned about a few years ago were precisely what led to our conversion. The beauty and the love and the goodness were so inspiring and amazing, and we wanted that for ourselves. We are still a work in progress, and God has so much selfishness to strip away from us, but I want to shout from the rooftops sometimes how great I think Catholic teaching is on this matter. It is like a breath of fresh air in a world gone stagnant and putrid.
I totally agree!! Of all the Church’s moral teachings her teaching on sexuality is just breathtakingly beautiful when actually understood. It is definitely one of my favourite things about the Church. Also, I just want to say that I think your description of your relationship with your husband is very inspiring, and definitely an ideal for all couples to aim for. 👍 Thanks for sharing. 🙂
 
Thank you, fpt.

It is something that we have fought hard for and struggled with. In fact, the Catholic teachings about marital intimacy that we learned about a few years ago were precisely what led to our conversion. The beauty and the love and the goodness were so inspiring and amazing, and we wanted that for ourselves. We are still a work in progress, and God has so much selfishness to strip away from us, but I want to shout from the rooftops sometimes how great I think Catholic teaching is on this matter. It is like a breath of fresh air in a world gone stagnant and putrid.
It’s actually a very difficult concept for people to grasp. All people hear are the NOs. No sex before marriage. No contraception. No mutual masturbation. No oral sex to completion.

People are so freaking focused on themselves and not the other. You can include me among those people by the way. How rarely do we consider that by seeking out others and giving ourselves to them, we in turn are fulfilled! Maybe we don’t feel it immediately. Maybe it’s drudgery for awhile. But eventually we understand that we are fulfilled through the love of other people and of God, not in the feelings we get from other people’s actions.

Getting a great gift is awesome. Finding that perfect gift for someone you love and making him/her feel special is even better. We know this to be true. Even the secular world gets it with the “it’s better to give than receive” line.

Why is this then so hard to apply to our intimate lives? Why do we only hear or focus on the negatives instead of the affirmations? Probably because we’re all selfish and we want love on our terms, not God’s terms. I know that’s the case for me.
 
It’s actually a very difficult concept for people to grasp. All people hear are the NOs. No sex before marriage. No contraception. No mutual masturbation. No oral sex to completion.

People are so freaking focused on themselves and not the other. You can include me among those people by the way. How rarely do we consider that by seeking out others and giving ourselves to them, we in turn are fulfilled! Maybe we don’t feel it immediately. Maybe it’s drudgery for awhile. But eventually we understand that we are fulfilled through the love of other people and of God, not in the feelings we get from other people’s actions.

Getting a great gift is awesome. Finding that perfect gift for someone you love and making him/her feel special is even better. We know this to be true. Even the secular world gets it with the “it’s better to give than receive” line.

Why is this then so hard to apply to our intimate lives? Why do we only hear or focus on the negatives instead of the affirmations? Probably because we’re all selfish and we want love on our terms, not God’s terms. I know that’s the case for me.
This is great. And I think it goes for those spouses who are the ones saying “no” as well as the ones who are looking for more “yeses” (not that your response says otherwise, but I was struck thinking about how I could be selfish in saying no, wanting MY space, MY sleep, sex on MY terms and conditions, even though I have often accused my husband of being selfish when he asks me and I’m not “in the mood.”)

Thank you for this. 👍
 
Marital act is:
An act of love;
A moral obligation;
A moral duty;
A moral right.

In order to express love;
In order to improve the bonding of love;
In order to avoid the bad effect of concupiscence;
In order to be an actor of the human procreation;

The catholic paradigm is very wonderful, so powerful, so useful, so joyful, so charitable.

From love, by love, in love, of love, for love. Love is the cause and the end.
Such an elegant and gorgeous post ❤️

Is this a quote?
 
Honestly, I am very proud to be a human being (body and soul), what means to be a sexed person in order to be able to practice the fact of making one flesh, in the human fashion with sexual cooperation, in the marriage.

Why? Because it is the God’s plan for his human creatures. We are at his image (male and female) in order to make one flesh.

The marital act is a prayer, a liturgy, an act of love, a sharing for love. If we have to do it , we need to do, in the human fashion, with the sexual cooperation and in the respect of the conjugal holy erotism (Song Of Songs).

Lucifer is jealous because the marital act with the corollaries is only for the human beings.

I am happy not to be an angel. I like my nature, body and soul. I am a sexed person; it is a gift from God.

As human being, I am at the image of God. Lucifer cannot understand and does not want understand.
 
Honestly, I am very proud to be a human being (body and soul), what means to be a sexed person in order to be able to practice the fact of making one flesh, in the human fashion with sexual cooperation, in the marriage.

Why? Because it is the God’s plan for his human creatures. We are at his image (male and female) in order to make one flesh.

The marital act is a prayer, a liturgy, an act of love, a sharing for love. If we have to do it , we need to do, in the human fashion, with the sexual cooperation and in the respect of the conjugal holy erotism (Song Of Songs).

Lucifer is jealous because the marital act with the corollaries is only for the human beings.

I am happy not to be an angel. I like my nature, body and soul. I am a sexed person; it is a gift from God.

As human being, I am at the image of God. Lucifer cannot understand and does not want understand.
Your words are so inspiring and truthful, they make me even more excited about marriage than I was before! 😃

They make me proud to be human, too. 🙂

Are you a writer?
 
Your words are so inspiring and truthful, they make me even more excited about marriage than I was before! 😃

They make me proud to be human, too. 🙂

Are you a writer?
I am a catholic lay person who loves the natural moral law wanted by God. I want to explain, in the detail, the natural moral order of human beings wanted by God.

I am against all the heresies and against all the ideologies. I try to link Faith and Reason. Only the catholic moral, not more, not less. I am a catholic fighter in favor of truly reason.
 
I am a catholic lay person who loves the natural moral law wanted by God. I want to explain, in the detail, the natural moral order of human beings wanted by God.

I am against all the heresies and against all the ideologies. I try to link Faith and Reason. Only the catholic moral, not more, not less. I am a catholic fighter in favor of truly reason.
Good for you! I wish more people fought for the Truth.

What ideologies are you most against?
 
My advice to your wife, as a wife myself, is this: A woman can have a whole range of responses to making love, from initiating a passionate encounter herself, to quietly welcoming her husband quite passively, to meet his need and enjoyment. Unless I feel unwell I do not turn my husband away, and though I may be almost passively engaged with him, I still greatly enjoy his enjoyment. So, sometimes he has a passionate wife, and sometimes a passive wife, but we almost always make love when he wants to. It is not necessary for a woman to climax (which can be exhausting if she is already tired), so if the husband is happy to have a variety of responses from his wife, loving is possible more often than if he wants red hot passion every time. After all, it is about love and bonding.
I agree. One of the only things my mother told me about sex was to try very hard never to say no because it is a huge form of rejection. Before we had children my husband and I had children we had sex about 10 times a week, no exaggeration! There were times I was so tired, but I knew it would feel good and help us stay close. I actually miss those times.

I have a friend who is in the same situation. Any discussion with his wife has not changed the situation and he feels she just doesn’t care enough about him to work on things and that she assumes he would never leave him over it, but he has now told me he wants to leave her.

It sounds like you may need to see a therapist to help find some middle ground.
 
I think it’s quite common. It’s not exactly a mundane topic for discussion.

🤷
I had no idea married couples have a hard time discussing sexual matters? I mean if a person allows his/herself to share the ultimate form of intimacy and vulnerability with his/her spouse, you’d think they’d be able to talk about it?

That’s the way I’d feel anyway 🤷
 
Good for you! I wish more people fought for the Truth.

What ideologies are you most against?
My fundamental values

As catholic lay person, my line is the respect of moral natural law of human beings, I mean the humanity, male and female, created by God. My natural values are coming from the Creator. The humanity is composed of males with all the corollaries and also is composed of females with all the corallaries.

In front of God, we are equal in dignity with the same rights, duties and obligations and with special rights, duties and obligations in function of sex: this is the equality and the equity in function of sex. The male is a man, the female is a woman. Man has to stay male, woman has to stay female. Man does not have to want be a female, woman does not have to want be a male, each gender (sex) has to accept its body, its soul with their own corollaries. This is the dual humanity, body and soul and male and female: it is the nature wanted by God. The male has to respect the female and the female has to respect the male.

Because of the original sin and the bad effect of concupiscence, the male wants to dominate the female, and the woman want to seduce, in the wrong way, the male. As catholic, we have to avoid that. it is a moral obligation. Each one has to try to respect its vocation of male and its vocation of female. As catholic man, I have to have a huge consideration for the woman. In my mind, woman is the most beautiful creature of the creation, she is on the top of the natural creation wanted by God. She is potential lover, potential wife and potential mother. For a catholic man, she has to be his natural complementarity. For a catholic, woman is so divine. The bashing of woman is a social and moral scandal. It is very immoral. It is absurd. I do not tolerate that. I am very sad of that.

In the marriage, the woman is or should be the " New Eve of her Man " and the " Saint Mary Magdalene of her husband ", I mean: the Female, the Fiancée, the Bride, the Sweetheart, the Love, the Mistress, the Lover, the Beloved, the Muse, the Friend, the Best-friend, the Girlfriend, the Helper, the Soul-Mate, the Companion, the Partner, the Associate, the Wife and the Potential Mother, the Educator, the Teacher, the Professor, the Thinker, the Philosopher, the Schoolgirl, the Pupil, the Student, the Follower, the Female Opposite Number, the Alterity, the Complementarity, the Princess, the Queen, the Doctress, the Nurse, the Guide of her Husband and the Person who reveals in him, his part of feminity and helps his masculinity. Female has to understand the normal sexuality of her male. Wife is the teacher of the sexuality of her husband, she is also the professor of the sexuality of her husband, and then she is the doctor and love’s master of the sexuality of her husband.

In the marriage, the man is or should be to be the " New Adam of his wife" and the " Holy Beloved of his wife" , I mean: the Male, the Fiancé, the Bridegroom, the Sweetheart, the Love, the Lover, the Beloved, the Companion, the Friend, the Best friend, the Boy-friend, the Helper, the Soul-Mate, the Companion, the Partner, the Associate, the Husband and the potential Father, the Educator, the Teacher, the Professor, the Thinker, the Philosopher, the Master, the Mentor, the Follower, the Schoolboy, the Pupil, the Student, the Male Opposite Number, the Alterity, the Complementarity, The Prince, The King, the Doctor, the Nurse, the Guide of his Wife, and The Person who reveals in her, her part of masculinity and helps her feminity. Husband is the teacher of the sexuality of his wife, he is also the professor of the sexuality of his wife, and then he is the doctor and love’s master of the sexuality of his wife.

In conclusion:
the Masculinism, the radical feminism, the sexism from male, the sexism from female, the theory of gender, the misandry, the misogyny, the theoretical homosexualism, the negationism of alterity and of the complementarity of male and female, the negationism of the sexuation, the relativism of the sexuation…etc. All those heresies or those ideologies are wrong, are dangerous, are not very natural. As catholic, I have to avoid them.

And there are two type of wrong approaches: by nature, by essence, by substance or by circumstances and intentions. Their moral regimes are not the same and have to be different, it is not negotiable.

For instance

the anti-rationalism, the primary anti-personalism, the primary anti-phenomenologism, the absurdism (absurdity or absurdisness), the masculinism, the radical feminism, the sexism from male, the sexism from female, the theory of gender, the misandry, the misogyny, the theoretical homosexualism, the negationism of alterity and of the complementarity of male and female, the negationism of the sexuation, the relativism of the sexuation, the manicheism, the catharism, the jansenism, the fideism, the victorianism, the puritanism, the theoretical providentialism, the moralism, the rigorism, the dolorism, the prudism (the prudishness), the scrupulism, the quietism, the quiverfull movements…etc.
 
I had no idea married couples have a hard time discussing sexual matters? I mean if a person allows his/herself to share the ultimate form of intimacy and vulnerability with his/her spouse, you’d think they’d be able to talk about it?

That’s the way I’d feel anyway 🤷
Yeah, well…In practice, it’s not that easy. Or comfortable. It’s easier said than done. Or maybe easier done than said.

You can say all sorts of things before you’re actually married.
 
Yeah, well…In practice, it’s not that easy. Or comfortable. It’s easier said than done. Or maybe easier done than said.

You can say all sorts of things before you’re actually married.
You’re right. I don’t know because I’m not yet married.

God Bless you and your husband 🙂
 
You’re right. I don’t know because I’m not yet married.

God Bless you and your husband 🙂
Thank you, He has. We have our struggles, but so does every marriage. Don’t expect total constant bliss, and you won’t be disappointed.

🙂
 
It feels like rejection because it is. Your wife is not holding up her end of the marital bargain. As fpt posted the marital embrace is indeed an obligation the spouses owe to one another.

Imagine if you quite your job and told your wife you had a low industriousness drive; would that be OK?

Talk to a conservative priest (with your wife).

BTW, here it comes…
 
It feels like rejection because it is. Your wife is not holding up her end of the marital bargain. As fpt posted the marital embrace is indeed an obligation the spouses owe to one another.

Imagine if you quite your job and told your wife you had a low industriousness drive; would that be OK?

Talk to a conservative priest (with your wife).

BTW, here it comes…
here what comes?

I agree, talk to a priest. What’s happening isn’t fair to you. Lack of sex in a marriage is not good. It can lead to a lot of issues down the road…
 
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