Question about child

[Irishmom2]

I actually kicked him out when he did that…but I had a 3 week old baby and I was scared. I called his mother and told her that she had to handle him…and she did.

He somehow came out of it…and I ended up giving the dog a new home… He never actually apologized…

But THAT was the moment everything started going down hill.

I had NEVER been more sure of leaving him than at that time. My Mom suggested I let him back…and I did…

And it continued from there…

That was the moment you started acting helpless. What did you think he was going to apologize for anyway? Did you think he would apologize foe manipulating you? Come on. Did you really think he was going to commit suicide because you wouldn’t let the dog in? If you did, did you call the police? No, you gave in and you have been doing so ever since. He knows what buttons to push and how to wear you down to get what he wants.

This s what you want your son to see. This is what your son will model his behavior after.

 

[BUDDYBUDDY25]

Well, I know the advice I have received about my relationship is excellent…

But, I am very, very scared tonight. I would appreciate advice.

I just talked with our attorney regarding the lawsuit against the last landlord. Her attorney is threatening to go public with all kinds of lies about me. It WILL make headlines because of my public/high profile job. She is threatening to claim I filed a false insurance claim, that I filed for bankruptcy…and air all this dirty laundry.

In the end – we didn’t do anything “wrong”…even the city shut the house down, but she is planning to go the extortion route.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to pay the money because it only makes the behavior okay…and it’s not. I did NOT do anything wrong!

But, my name would go through the mud. I’m so ashamed. I don’t know what to do…

What would YOU do? My husband wants to still sue her…but I can’t stomach it. I’m terrified…

 

[Irishmom2]

What did your attorney suggest or recommend?

And please, explain what you mean by extortion.

 

[BUDDYBUDDY25]

She said that she knows we have a solid case – but that this is only the beginning of her threats and that they are nasty. She said if we chose to move forward – we will encounter this and much more…

She didn’t have a recommendation – other than to look at the big picture and weigh it out.

I do not want to sue – but I don’t want to be extorted…by that I mean that she wants us to pay 10k…she’s claiming we maliciously caused her plumbing problems…even though the plumber’s receipts clearly say it was blocked due to “construction debris” …from their renovation.

 

[Irishmom2]

And when you told your husband your fears of public humiliation, he said what?

 

[BUDDYBUDDY25]

He said that we would be giving in to a bully…and that she has nothing on us…

I said it doesn’t matter…she can make up whatever she wants…I am a public figure…so there’s little to zero punishment.

 

[Irishmom2]

At what point do you put your foot down and tell your husband that you need your job more than the threats of lawsuits, whether you have a case or not? How will you live if you lose your public figure job due to his incessant lawsuits?

Tell him you cannot afford any lawsuits and that any lawsuits he brings, he needs to pay for the lawyer himself and that you are not to be named in any of his suits.

 

[pianistclare]

Do you anything without consulting an attorney?

You have waited too long to extricate yourself from your husband’s foolish behavior.
It’s disturbing that the real reason you are in a panic is because your perfect life is going to be exposed.
Your son being in an abusive environment does not seem to alarm you.
You make excuses…you seem to think your husband is just fine the way he is…until your comfort is threatened.
Your values are skewed.
What you regard as important falls woefully short for a true, happy life.

Find an attorney that specializes in family law. One here gave you some excellent advice.
If you can preserve your family, get help for your sick husband, put your child in a more peaceful environment, you will have something.

As it is, you are clinging to things which are unimportant.
Prestige. That won’t give your child a happy life.
Wake up.
I’ll bet that lawyer does have a recommendation. You just don’t want to share it.
That’s fine. You have had 8 years at least that we know of, to get your husband some help. And now he has begun to embarrass you.
Is the plumbing issue really your husband’s fault as they allege?
Think long and hard before you answer…
I find it hard to believe that the landlord pulled that out of her —.
If you’re innocent I don’t see why you are terrified.
Unless you know it’s all going to hit the fan.

I wish you well, but I have no more confidence in your choices.
I hope your child turns out ok.
I hope your husband gets help.
But I have observed this:

Never ONCE have you said that you have prayed about it.
Prayed for healing.
Prayed for a lovely life for your son.
Prayed for husband’s healing.
It’s time to wake up and realize that YOU cannot do it alone.
God will help you, if you but ask.
Time to get humble, get to Mass, get to confession.
At least it would clear you mind of all the junk that passes fro reasonable thought.

And it’s free.
No attorneys necessary.

 

[Irishmom2]

I am not going to quote pianistclare’s whole post, but she is right. You are more concerned about everything other than your child. In fact, look at the name of this thread, and yet, it has very little to do with your child. It has mostly to do with your husband and with you.

Really, honestly, think about what is going on in your life. It needs to change, and it is ging to change, one way or another. I hope it will be for the better.

 

[Et_Cetera]

Your poor, poor son. I haven’t read the other threads, but this is enough of a taste to see that a lot of things just aren’t right. Has your husband been formally diagnosed? He’s exhibiting signs of a mental illness–likely some type of paranoia. Why would he call the police because someone talked to your son? Why would the police even take it seriously?

Edit: I see in another thread that you’re in public office and make six figures. You need to get away from your husband and start getting your finances back in order. If your husband has no money of his own or a legitimate job, he’ll probably be fairly powerless against you when it really gets down to it. You need to get his negative self out of your life.

 

[BUDDYBUDDY25]

Yes… I know. I need prayer and to take action.
I’m trying go get an attorney for family law and therapy.

But I need to point out that my husband called the police because of the following: we were already in a legal dispute with the landlord. She showed up drunk at the property… Started sneaking into the home while we were away and then approached our son at lunch to ask him his new address, because our attorney wa not providing this info for valid reasons.

When I found out I was furious and called the lawyer and then the principal… Who said she would handle it.

But husband seperately called the principal and the police… To get it on record.

 

[VivienneJ]

I have worked in several schools in different countries and in none have we allowed parents to have access to children other than their own to resolve various issues. Usually this would be things like getting an address or phone number, or, and more likely to ‘discipline’ a child they felt had wronged their child.

Having said that, it is difficult to prevent a parent from talking to a child while that parent is on the campus for a legitimate reason: bringing or fetching their child, or volunteering in some way. We would certainly intervene when we knew some inappropriate interaction was taking place.

I have expressed concerns in another thread about a legal issue that I am unfortunately going through with a former landlord.

That landlord is also a parent in my son’s class. He’s 8.

This woman went to have lunch with her child and approached our son at school asking him questions about our living situation.

My attorney suggested I call the principal. I did. She said that our son should know that anytime she approached him … He was supposed t immediately go to a teacher.

My husband then called the principal independently and then called the cops… In order to get the upper hand on the legal situation. M

Now, I’m getting the cold shoulder when I volunteer at the school. Did my husband cross the line?

In the post above, your former landlord was wrong to ask your child for this information. Your attorney gave you the correct advice. The school principal responded appropriately. Your husband’s call to the police was unnecessary.

I can understand the apparent ‘cold shoulder’ when you volunteer. Schools have quite enough to deal with the problems that arise ‘spontaneously’ as it were. I am not going to accept an offer of help from a parent who is likely to cause me more problems in giving that help. And here I do reference your husband’s rapid recourse to lawyers and police. That you are a public figure who is embroiled in legal and personal issues with another parent could also feature in this.

But I need to point out that my husband called the police because of the following: we were already in a legal dispute with the landlord. She showed up drunk at the property… Started sneaking into the home while we were away and then approached our son at lunch to ask him his new address, because our attorney wa not providing this info for valid reasons.

In your first post you appear to be saying your husband called the police because your former landlord ‘harassed’ your son at school. Here you list a whole lot of other reasons. I wonder what the reason was, and what he expected the police to actually do?

 

[BUDDYBUDDY25]

Thank you got your advice and perspective.

To answer your question… He called the police because he wanted to scare her and get the upper hand on the legal situation. (Backfired). But the other reasons just contributed to the concerns for her …