Question about cohabitation

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Not to sound harsh - but, until your girlfriend’s marriage is reviewed by the tribunal she is to be considered a married woman. As Catholics, you have no business acting as man and wife, living together, etc. Yo u need to give real grown up consideration to the fact that her first marriage MAY be valid.

Her parents are across the street - my suggestion? She sleeps over there every night until you are married.

Stay close to Jesus in the Sacraments.
 
If God spoke to you directly and told you to move apart from your girlfriend, would you do it?

We have to recognize God speaks to the world through the teaching office of the Church. We should listen to the Church the same way we would listen to God speaking directly to us.

We grow in faith when we trust the Church and follow her instructions no matter how difficult that may be.

You can come up with dozens of excuses, but I think you know what you have to do.

It may not seem this way to you now, but in the long run, it’s always easier to do things God’s way rather than our way.
 
kage_ar said:
Not to sound harsh - but, until your girlfriend’s marriage is reviewed by the tribunal she is to be considered a married woman. As Catholics, you have no business acting as man and wife, living together, etc. Yo u need to give real grown up consideration to the fact that her first marriage MAY be valid.

Her parents are across the street - my suggestion? She sleeps over there every night until you are married.

Stay close to Jesus in the Sacraments.
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I agree. Dating should not have even been a consideration until the annulment is received.
 
When we began dating, I did not consider myself a Catholic. When we moved in together, I was still investigating the Church, trying to decide if I should return. Since then, our faith has grown, making this an issue.

We know that there is no perfect solution here, so we’re doing the best we can.
 
As Janet S noted

The priest is very likely to ask if one of you can’t move in with somebody else, a parent, sister or brother, friend etc. He did when I went through this.
 
Monkey1976 said:
For those who think that this experience shows are are not ready for marriage - I would ask you to consider how you would have responded if we were already married and I described that week in the exact same way.
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Uhhhmmm …not to state the obvious, but you two are NOT married …this is why the Church requires a period of marriage preparation to assist couples in assessing and developing readiness for sacramental marriage.
 
Good news - we’re moving forward on the annulment, and should have the paperwork in to the tribunal shortly. Is it appropriate to pray for an annulment? 🤷

For those who are wondering, I have spoken about this when I made my last confession, and was advised by my confessor to get the annulment completed as soon as possible, followed by immediate entrance into the marriage preparation program.

I have prayed long and hard about this, and we are working to make things right as fast as we can. As things currently stand, one of us moving out is not a practicable solution (for reasons already stated). We both know that this is wrong, and a near occasion of sin, and we do our best to resist temptation. As I said in the opening post, the times when we falter have dropped dramatically, and we do what we can to maintain continence. We’re not looking for what we’re doing to be seen as right (because it isn’t), or as good example (because it’s not), but we’re asking for help in living as brother and sister until we can enter the sacrament of marriage.
 
Monkey I understand the situation but in your opening post you did not state if you had family around where your girlfriend could move or other housing without charging rent. The priest should bring this up.
 
hilde_the_dog said:
Monkey I understand the situation but in your opening post you did not state if you had family around where your girlfriend could move or other housing without charging rent. The priest should bring this up.
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See post #17 above - looks like her parents live right across the street.
 
What about this suggestion.
  1. Marry each other in a civil ceremony since the committment is there.
  2. Continue to pursue the annulment
  3. Get the marriage blessed or convalidated once the annulment is received.
It just seems odd to commit to waiting for the marriage in church because of the annulment - but live together in the meantime - especially with her folks across the street.
 
ltbpoe43 said:
What about this suggestion.
  1. Marry each other in a civil ceremony since the committment is there.
  2. Continue to pursue the annulment
  3. Get the marriage blessed or convalidated once the annulment is received.
It just seems odd to commit to waiting for the marriage in church because of the annulment - but live together in the meantime - especially with her folks across the street.
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In the eyes of the Church this would be adultery. Without the declaration of nullity the previous marriage is presumed valid.
 
These are statistics from the Census Bureau regarding cohabitation…not church’s stats.

Cohabitating Couples and Unmarried Families
• Greater rates of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, and dysfunctional relationship behavior (domestic abuse, unfaithfulness, high amounts of conflict) exist in cohabiting relationships.
• Couples living together before marriage have a greater rate of divorce than those who did not live together.

The benefits of marriage for both men and women include:
· lower mortality rates,
· lower rates of chronic illnesses or disabilities,
· higher ratings of one’s own health,
· less depression, anxiety and suicide,
· less problem drinking and substance abuse,
· greater financial well-being, and
· lower rates of intimate partner violence.
Another advantage of marriage is that it can also result in higher levels of paternal involvement with the family and assistance with childcare responsibilities.
It is important to note that these superior outcomes do not accompany cohabitation. Cohabiting relationships are far less stable than marriages. Cohabiters experience less emotional and financial success and higher rates of domestic violence. As noted before, marriages following cohabitation are more likely to end in divorce than those not preceded by cohabitation. Over one-third of cohabiting relationships involve kids, and children living with cohabiting couples have more behavior problems and lower academic performance than children in married-couple families.

The church is very wise about couple relations. They want the best for you…and until the annulment, cohabitation is not the best for any one. Pray on it…
 
stbruno said:
The church is very wise about couple relations. They want the best for you…and until the annulment, cohabitation is not the best for any one. Pray on it…
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This is a good point to bring up.

There are good reasons behind all the Church’s teachings.
 
What is the purpose of marriage in a civil ceremony since it is not valid in the eyes of God? It means nothing.

It would be a wrong intention to marry civilly with the purpose of having the marriage convalidated later.

The intention is not sincere.
 
Dorothy said:
What is the purpose of marriage in a civil ceremony since it is not valid in the eyes of God? It means nothing.

It would be a wrong intention to marry civilly with the purpose of having the marriage convalidated later.

The intention is not sincere.
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I agree on this point - a civil marriage would simply take us from being in a near occasion of sin into a state of being totally unable to make a good confession and receive Our Lord.
 
Monkey1976 said:
I agree on this point - a civil marriage would simply take us from being in a near occasion of sin into a state of being totally unable to make a good confession and receive Our Lord.
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It is a blessing that you are aware of this.
 
It seems that only one thing remains. To live apart in order not to expose yourself to the occasion of sin.
 
Monkey1976 said:
The most worrisome possibility to me is the chance that our pastor might refuse to let us marry in the church.
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I’m sorry, I must say something here…THIS (above) is your most worrisome possibility? What about losing your soul? NOTHING should be more worrisome than that. and the fact that this question is more important than if your confession was valid… that speaks volumes.

Nothing worldy, or other reasons like …humanness, illness, pregnancy, a non-understanding partner, etc , whatever… is grounds enough to play lottery with your soul.

If the pastor would refuse to let you marry, don’t you think that maybe he might have a good reason? Why do you want to “get by” with something?

Sleep on the couch until she can make arrangements to sleep at her parents house.
 
Monkey1976 said:
I realize that having one of us move out would normally be the best solution to the situation, but financially, it’s simply not possible.
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Do you not trust that God will provide? Have you not read the Bible where Jesus speaks about birds and lilies? This is where you need to put your full trust in God, rather than in money or in your relationship with a woman who, until the annulment, is still another man’s wife.
Try Matthew 6:19-34 or Luke 12:22-31 both of which essentially say the same thing, and should speak directly to your heart on this matter. It is time to trust GOD fully. Take a leap of faith, and lovingly tell the woman you are living with to move in with her parents.
 
I am not judging anyone and I don’t want to sound harsh here but how does one allow himself/herself to be put into this position in the first place? What was life like before cohabition? Didn’t they each manage to survive somehow? Didn’t they consider the possible consequences before they agreed to this arrangement? Why wasn’t the Church consulted at that time? Why put the priest and the Church in such an uncomfortable, maybe politically-incorrect position now? Annulments aren’t granted by duress, nor are they automatic. In other words, the couple cannot count on it and need to make arrangements for an alternative path, one which may include breaking up, sorry to say, if each party still wishes to be a member of the Church and avoid scandal. I mean, what kind of advice are they looking for exactly?
 
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