Question about engagement and wedding cost

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LaughingBoy1503

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How much should I expect to pay for a wedding and engagement? How much did you end up forking over? If someone does not mind sharing that with me. I was talking to a friend yesterday who told me I should have at least $15,000. That includes a wedding reception. She says her son managed to pull off everything for 13,000. Is this figure about right? What does everyone think or what was your experience?

If I do ever get married, nothing fancy is important to me and my girlfriend is very simple too but i am really wondering if everything that goes with a engagement and wedding would really add up to that much if things are kept simple.
 
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LaughingBoy1503 said:
How much should I expect to pay for a wedding and engagement?
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You can expect to pay whatever you budget. No one can tell you what to expect. If you have $1000 to spend, that’s what you will spend. If you have $1,000,000 to spend, that’s what you will spend.

It depends greatly on what you want, how many people you invite, your means, and where you live.

You can spend anywhere from $0 to infinity on your wedding. What is a small amount to one person is a fortune to another.
LaughingBoy1503 said:
How much did you end up forking over?
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Fork over, really???
 
Including the engagement ring, honeymoon, and wedding… probably close to $30,000. Did we need to spend that? No. Do we have any regrets? Also, no.
 
It’s been 10 years so I don’t remember the exact breakdown but something like…
$3,000 for the engagement ring, $3,200 for the photographer, $800 for my dress, $12,000 for the reception (150 people - that drank like fish!), $6,000 for the honeymoon (Italy for 16 days), $500 for the church, $800 for the musicians at the church, $200 offering to the poor… then there was his tux rental, wedding rings, invitations, gifts for attendents and favors.
 
Do not put yourself into debt alright? It is not about the wedding day and all about the marriage.
 
In contrast, on my second wedding we spent $75 for each wedding ring (no engagement ring), under $100 for my dress, around 2 or $300 for a woman to cater food at the reception, $25 to the priest, and skipped the honeymoon. You can spend as much or as little as you want.
 
Husband and I got married for well under $1,000 nearly 20 years ago, but that was nearly 20 years ago and very bare bones. We gave a small donation to the church, bought gold wedding bands ($200 total), a dress for me, a grocery store cake, a bouquet for me (also grocery store), and I cooked a homemade lunch at home for a few friends (quiche and salads, so I just pulled them from the fridge). On the other hand, we did a “Catholic elopement” and barely invited anybody, and one of our parents stopped talking to us for a loooong time because they hadn’t been invited/informed. But we were graduate students making probably about $24k total at the time, and that was exactly what we could afford and relative had been saying he wasn’t coming anyway… We furnished our newlywed apartment from IKEA with our cash gifts. (My dad was SO grateful to us–my younger sister wound up having a multi-day traditional Bavarian wedding in Germany.) At the time (before a family situation went sour), I wanted to do everything “right” (i.e. expensive) and it was a little sad to scrap that, but looking back, it didn’t hurt us at all to go small and cheap. But if you have the money and have a lot of local family and friends, don’t feel bad about going big.

Some thoughts:

–pay cash
–as I’m sure you’re well aware, you’re going to need your money later for other stuff
–be aware that some parishes have NASTY (and perhaps inappropriate) fees for weddings–so be aware of that possibility
–If you’re having an inexpensive wedding and you are of modest means compared to others in your area and it’s a high fee parish, tell that to your pastor and ask if he ever makes allowances for low income couples. (But it would be tacky to do that and then have a blowout.)
–figure out what is and isn’t necessary. For example, Catholic churches are often very pretty, and often don’t need any extra decorating at all. One of our CAFers got married at Christmas and had lovely Christmas decorations for “free”. Flowers and decorations are most necessary for ugly churches.
–figure out what is and isn’t important to you. Do you actually want to invite a lot of people? Could you be happy with a backyard barbecue reception? A lot of people do that and are perfectly happy. If you live in CA, the weather may be your friend.
–Think about what your needs over the next 2-3 years after the wedding are likely to be.
–Be prepared for some family weirdness and stay on the same page with your fiancee as to how to deal with it.
–Limit the number of fingers in your wedding pie.
–Don’t let the wedding planning overwhelm the marriage planning (your sacramental prep).

Best wishes!!!
 
Thank you! I was hoping you would weigh in on this thread.

I do want to pay cash for everything. I am debt free and plan to remain that way for as long as circumstances permit, if not for my entire life.

I think I could be happy with no reception at all just paying for essentials lol. But my girl is big on family so there has to be a reception. But she is frugal too so that is good.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
I think I could be happy with no reception at all just paying for essentials lol. But my girl is big on family so there has to be a reception. But she is frugal too so that is good.
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Sounds great!

I should mention that the only griping I’ve ever heard about weddings from guests is about not being fed adequately or there being no place to sit. (Sis once went to a cousin’s Pinterest-perfect wedding where the situation would have been dire if sis and her family hadn’t stopped for sandwiches beforehand. It probably photographed beautifully, but it just wasn’t a physically comfortable event.)

When are you thinking–summer, fall, or Christmas season?
 
Another thing–there are going to be people coming out of the woodwork with suggestions and criticisms.

Here’s a magic phrase for both of you to learn (and you can use it for the rest of your lives):

“Fiance(e) and I will have to talk about that.”

Then talk about it, far far far away from the woodwork person and if they ask again, here’s another magic phrase:

“Fiance(e) and I have decided to blah blah blah.”

Hopefully this won’t be necessary to do much, but weddings are a very weird, emotional time, and it’s not just bridezillas being terrible.
 
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Ours was less than $10k. I don’t know exact costs because I paid some and my parents paid some. Some things we did to lower costs:
  • I made the bouquets from fake flowers myself (bonus - I can see my bouquet from where I’m sitting right now and it looks the same as it did on my wedding day). I also made the programs, the invitations, centerpieces, favors, and most of the sparse decorations from kits I could purchase at any craft store.
  • We had a photography student do the photos. She gave us a discount and all of the photos she took and we agreed that she could use our photos to kick off her portfolio.
  • We had the reception at the church. We had BBQ and fried chicken. Catering was done by family who own a BBQ business so was at cost.
  • We kept the guest list small - under 100 people.
  • My uncle played the music at the reception. It was a playlist I made myself.
 
Step one: create a budget together.

Step two: defend the budget.

If parents want to help pay, have them give you the money and put it in the bank with your own then use the pooled money to plan the budget. I suggest not having a situation where “Mom is paying for the flowers” or whatever because then things get away from you. Parents may want to exert more control over the wedding, etc.
 
LOL, I’m the CAFer with the lovely Christmas time wedding. 😉
It was only 7 years ago this New Year’s… and I was previously widowed, so costs were pretty recent.

The big issue for you is going to be finding out if your bride is willing to forego some things, OR do be creative with her “dream wedding”. Hopefully your beloved is a reasonable and practical woman.

Here’s where we cut corners:
poinsettia wedding. Already mentioned
table decorations done by me and my 2 daughters, bought tall goblets that we placed on mirrored rounds (that were loaned by the venue with sprigs of holly (free out of the yard, and little crystals about. We put a single grocery store rosebud in one of them.
purchased a box of conversation starter cards that were witty (and also red) and placed a few on each table, as we knew some people would likely not know one another and it was a fun way to wait for the food.
Went looking for a lovely gown, found one, ($1900.00) took a picture and had someone on ebay make it for only $350.00 plus shipping. Looked identical. Saved so much money I bought a second evening gown on ebay for the reception.
Bought the simple tiara on ebay for $30 bucks.
Got the hubs a gorgeous wedding ring out of the sale counter at a small family run jeweler. They were so delighted to sell it they sized it for free.
My choir at church sang, the dad of a choir member who had been a Music Director in Manhatten (no kidding) played, but two soloists sang the post communion meditation song, and I played that piece. Kicked off my heels and rang to the choir loft. Was kind of funny. My husband thought for sure I’d trip and fall and unbeknownst to me, he ran along behind me carrying the train to my gown. Someone snapped a cute picture.
We rode in our own cars. No limo. It was an evening wedding so no one saw anyone arrive anyway. Cold, drizzly, people hunkered down inside the church.
The big ticket item was the dinner for 250 people. $8000. But the food was spectacular and everyone stayed and ate for ages.
A friend with a wonderful camera did the pictures as a wedding gift.
Joe bought a suit. Macy’s. Nice quality and fit and he needed one anyway. Asked all the groomsmen to wear a dark suit and a red tie. Ladies had long red dresses from ebay. Turned out each was the same style but slightly different embellishment. Now that look is all the rage. Their dresses were $119 each.

We had the BEST time. The cake was also a big-ticket item. 4 levels, half red velvet, half hummingbird cake. All white outside with real red roses on top. $800 delivered. Delicious.

The thing you must ask yourselves is:
Is the ratio of happiness for this thing that we want to buy or do, appropriate to the joy and memories that it will bring?
The limo doesn’t matter. Few will see it.
As long as she’s happy with the ring, don’t let anyone tell you it has to be a certain kind or price.
DOn’t be afraid to get sweet ideas off Pinterest or from friends.
Take any donation of services from people you trust. They sometimes have great skills and would love to help. That is their gift to you. Let them do it. Perhaps you can return a favor some day.
 
If you are creative, there are ways to do many things in ways that cost less than what the average person getting married today spends. A lot of it will depend on what your girlfriend likes and is willing to do. But also know that unless you and she decide to pay for everything, her family may have some say in things.

There are rings that are called engagement rings. There are other diamond rings. Some women don’t even care if the “diamond” is a cubic zirconia diamond. Some don’t even want diamonds. My smallish diamond was my grandmothers. My husband had it reset, and added smaller diamonds on either side of it. I still love it.

Certain seasons at church are already decorated for you. Christmas as mentioned by Pianistclare, and also Easter. Pinterest is full of ideas for flowers, as well as for any decorations etc for the reception.

Pinterest is a blessing to do it yourselfers. It also gives high expectations to people that are sometimes not achievable by other people.

As 1ke stated, you just need to figure out a budget and make a list of what you absolutely want. You may need to forego some things to get others. Remember that what is important to some is not necessarily what you need to do.

All that really matter is the marriage taking place in church. Everything else is nice, but not necessary.
 
We spend aprox. 1000 Dollar.
-400 eating and drinking
-100 for diverse taxes, documents etc.
-180 for my dress, shoes, hair etc.
-150 for my husband´s suit and shoes
-70 for home-made reception food and decoration
-100 for my ring

Expensive things we didn´t do:
-many guests. Really, the only thing I had done another way with more money.
-professional photos. A friend took photos and he did a great job. No regrets.
-a bridal dress from a bridal shop. My dress was from asos, modification by myself. Husband´s suit, too.
-We had not planned a wedding ring, as It was not that importand for me and husband don´t wear them because of work security. I still felt in love with a ring and I am good in “talking about the price” the middle eastern way, so, it was in our budjet 🙂 And, never buy “wedding rings” - the description will cost +1000 for a similar ring. (…)
-not a planned wedding arrangement in the restaurant. My best friend talked to the restaurant and decorated the room very lovely for us.
-guests stayed in my in-laws house and at the house of close friends, not in a hotel.

All in all, it was a great wedding.
 
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