Question about having sex when married

[sainthumbert]

I normally do not respond to posters who post similar “I believe this, it’s Church teaching, do you?” kind of questions. But, let me say this - I think that I adhere to all Church teachings.

Now, let me ask a question. Your post is not consistent. In the first sentence, you say "…Church does not require couples to engage in the marital act during each fertile period. " but, further down, at 5., you say “…default for married Catholics who engage in the marital act is to not use NFP” . Which is it? If the Church does not require relations during the fertile period, why is the default to not use NFP?

And, are you saying that it is Church teaching that God decides whether you with conceive or not, and that God operates outside of the biology He created?

The Church does not require couples to engage in the marital act during each fertile period. The couple may not by chance “be in the mood” during various fertile times, the couples may be separated due to business travel during various fertile times, the couple may be very busy during fertile times and therefore, by chance, may not become pregnant for several months or years (or in an extreme case of going against the odds - never become pregnant because it happens that, by chance, the couple never engaged during fertile periods). The Church does not REQUIRE that the couples engage at each fertile period or even a certain number of fertile periods. The Church has no prohibition against engaging in the marital act on a haphazard schedule even if this, by chance, delays pregnancy. On the other hand, if by the use of NFP, a couple methodologically plans to reduce the chances of pregnancy, it is a sin unless the couple has a serious, just, or grave reason.

I will shout from the rooftops that the primary ends of marriage is the procreation and the education of children and that NFP to delay pregnancy can only be used for just, serious, and grave reasons. If you are unable to make this declaration, you are either unlearned in the faith or a dissenter. Out of Christian charity, I presume the former.

 

[PaulinVA]

… On the other hand, if by the use of NFP, a couple methodologically plans to reduce the chances of pregnancy, it is a sin unless the couple has a serious, just, or grave reason.

Okay.

I will shout from the rooftops that the primary ends of marriage is the procreation and the education of children and that NFP to delay pregnancy can only be used for just, serious, and grave reasons. If you are unable to make this declaration, you are either unlearned in the faith or a dissenter. Out of Christian charity, I presume the former.

Since I said in my previous post that I think that I adhere to all Church teachings, in all Christian charity I will assume that you did not mean to insult me, which would be against forum rules.

 

[sainthumbert]

…

Peace of Christ be with you Paul.

 

[AngryAtheist8]

On the contrary AngryAtheist, it is very difficult to speak the truth when it is not popular. It is not easy for celibate priests to call people to a way of life that requires different sacrifices than they themselves encounter. Furthermore, Jesus was fully man (and fully God) but he never experienced marriage. Yet Jesus refused to allow divorce. **You could say that it is easy for Jesus to say no divorce when he never had to endure the hardships that come along with being married (even to a real good spouse). **
Back to the original poster, An06, she is doing good to explore and learn about these matters prior to her marriage. It would be awful for her to tell her future husband that she only wanted 2 or 3 children, and then after getting married, deciding that she wants to live out her vocation in a fuller manner. Her husband may not be interested in that.

Yes I could.
And in fact I would.
I am not a Christian, so I have no reason to see Jesus Christ’s (supposed) history in the most idealized manner.

 

[jess5]

I am in my late 30s, have been married 12 yrs & we have 3 wonderful children, all conceived with NFP. I was put on birth control pills at 18 due to anemia & assumed endometriosis (based on symptoms & family history) the doc said it would ‘perserve my fertility’. She didn’t tell me exactly how it worked, just that when I was ready to have kids I should be off of it for a few months first. I grew up Catholic & am an only child - my mom took the pill until I was 15 & then had her tubes tied, so not knowing anything different, I took the pills. My hubby & I, unfortunately hadn’t ‘waited for each other’, but knew this relationship was different so we didn’t have relations before marriage. But we knew we wanted to be married for about 6 months before we started our family, so I stayed on the pill until after the honeymoon, then we used barrier methods (per docs advice yrs before) to not conceive when ovaries were in overdrive after yrs on the pill. I was still worried about my fertility, so I began to study fertility awareness (a secular nfp, so to speak) as a way to conceive quickly. Our priest never mentioned anything about nfp before we got married & I don’t even think I knew it existed then (I knew about the not very reliable rhythm method of old & wasn’t going to use that . After learning my body was back to normal we used nfp to put off conception for a couple of months. When we started trying to conceive - I was pregnant in 4mos. We used a barrier once or twice between baby #1 & #2, then baby #2 was conceived on our 1st try. We then realized this nfp stuff must work pretty well & had begun to learn more about why the Church is against all forms of contraception - I was mortified that I wasn’t told the truth about the pill by my doc all those yrs ago. I learned how it increased my chances of breast cancer (my mom was dx with it (at 40yrs old) just 2 yrs before I started taking the pill). I have been practicing nfp completely for almost 9 yrs, I joke that we have been an nfp couple for 7 months. He just trusted me to know my body & let him know what was going on. We didn’t take a class, we live in a remote area - I learned from a book. I was the one to chart & eventually started to feel like the gate keeper (“no honey, we can’t tonight, unless we want another baby”, or “honey pencil me in tonight I’m not fertile” I was becoming less regular due to a small medical issue, so he began to want to know all that was involved in nfp when the infertile windows started to shrink I feel much more connected to him now & it is wonderful for our marriage. We spaced our 3rd child with nfp & have been postponing additional children for nearly 5 yrs since. It is effective & we do have sex, as often as we can with 3 kids, 10 & under it is the kids bedtimes & an early morning work schedule, not the nfp that limits our sex life.
I’ve described it this way, NFP allows you to learn the ‘foreign’ language that your body has been speaking all these years. But I recommend that you both take the class, he should know the language too
good luck in your future!