Question about marrying someone of another faith

[AmberDale]

You have to get special permission to get married outside of the Church.

People can get married out of the Church building, as long as they have a priest performing the ceremony. You don’t actually have to get married in the building persay. Getting Married in The Church doesn’t have to mean you are getting married at a particular church building.
There are people who have had a priest and a protestant minister “share” the ceremony. (I’m a convert so I don’t know all the lingo yet) Some people get married outside in God’s nature, with a priest. As long as it’s before God and a Priest is performing the ceremony, then you are concidered married in The Church.
The Church isn’t a building, it’s a living entity. Our Mother, Christ is the head and We “the church” are his body. hope that makes since.

If your boyfriend doesn’t get married within church guidelines then he isn’t allowed to partake in the Holy Eucharist (communion). he is more than welcome to come to church, pray, and the like but he isn’t allowed to receive the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus our Lord in the Eucharist.
Nobody with grave and mortal sins should receive the Eucharist.
The Church teaches that getting married to somebody who has previously been married (and hasn’t had it annuled) is a sin.
The Church teaches that you must get married in the Catholic Church, if at least one person is a baptized Catholic.

You husband will have to promise to do everything in his power to raise the kids Catholic. It was left up to my husband, if he wanted to have them baptized it was his job. He never got to it before I converted. So now it’s up to both of us.

You don’t have to convert anymore to marry him, you just need to make sure you are free to marry him. Go talk to your priest.

Typically, no anulments needed, it takes 6 months to go through marriage prep classes. Which are great and helpful.
Add the anunlment process and you are looking at maybe 6 months - 2 years or longer before your boyfriend can marry you without going against church teaching.

 

[AmberDale]

Shiann:

Short answer- because all sacraments are to be performed in a HOLY place- Church by a Catholic priest. If these terms (and others) are not met without proper dispensation- you are living in an adulterous situation. That is the danger to his mortal soul

Not if they got proper dispensation from the Church. And I might add that there aren’t many Catholic weddings that occur outside a Catholic Church. This is greatly frowned upon.

.

You don’t have to get married in the building. There are times when a priest agrees to go outside the building.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

AmberDale:

If your boyfriend doesn’t get married within church guidelines then** he isn’t allowed to partake in the Holy Eucharist (communion)**. he is more than welcome to come to church, pray, and the like but he isn’t allowed to receive the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus our Lord in the Eucharist.
Nobody with grave and mortal sins should receive the Eucharist.
.

Great point!!! and SO important!

Malia

 

[Shiann]

jbjwstar:

Thank you, thank you, thank you. The annullment thing is sooo much clearer now. Yay! Ooh, and I get to leave work. I’m going to go home and share some of this with my boyfriend and see what he says.
The apologists forum said that me and my “friend” should part ways since we are of different faiths. ::sigh:: The rest of it answered my questions about marriage in the church though so that was good. have a great night everyone!

I read that post. I found it very wise and written in a loving, Christian manner. I know that it was probably not what you wanted to hear, but it did bring up some very valid points. You may not wish to look at marriage from that perspective, but it does bring up a good point.

If you and your boyfriend have invested your soul in particular faith philosophies, how can either of you live Faithfully AND remain true to your faiths? I ask without malice.

I know love conquers all, and that love will get you through. And maybe it will. But it seems that you are purposefully setting up a situation that neither of your faiths will be invited to your marriage fully. You will be taking what works best from each religion and trying to merge them into one. How does that do service to either religion?

Again, this is not brought up to stir up the pot, nor is it maliciously intended… You needn’t even answer the questions at all. It is just food for thought for you, and any others who view this thread with similar circumstances.

May God’s Blessing’s shine upon you, and I pray you find clarity in this matter.

 

[Shiann]

AmberDale:

You don’t have to get married in the building. There are times when a priest agrees to go outside the building.

That’s true and I believe I stated that:

If these terms (and others) are not met without proper dispensation- you are living in an adulterous situation.

You do need special permission, and from my experience (granted it’s local) it is generally frowned upon.

 

[Shiann]

AmberDale:

You have to get special permission to get married outside of the Church.

People can get married out of the Church building, as long as they have a priest performing the ceremony. You don’t actually have to get married in the building persay. Getting Married in The Church doesn’t have to mean you are getting married at a particular church building.
There are people who have had a priest and a protestant minister “share” the ceremony. (I’m a convert so I don’t know all the lingo yet) Some people get married outside in God’s nature, with a priest. As long as it’s before God and a Priest is performing the ceremony, then you are concidered married in The Church.
The Church isn’t a building, it’s a living entity. Our Mother, Christ is the head and We “the church” are his body. hope that makes since.

If your boyfriend doesn’t get married within church guidelines then he isn’t allowed to partake in the Holy Eucharist (communion). he is more than welcome to come to church, pray, and the like but he isn’t allowed to receive the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus our Lord in the Eucharist.
Nobody with grave and mortal sins should receive the Eucharist.
The Church teaches that getting married to somebody who has previously been married (and hasn’t had it annuled) is a sin.
The Church teaches that you must get married in the Catholic Church, if at least one person is a baptized Catholic.

You husband will have to promise to do everything in his power to raise the kids Catholic. It was left up to my husband, if he wanted to have them baptized it was his job. He never got to it before I converted. So now it’s up to both of us.

You don’t have to convert anymore to marry him, you just need to make sure you are free to marry him. Go talk to your priest.

Typically, no anulments needed, it takes 6 months to go through marriage prep classes. Which are great and helpful.
Add the anunlment process and you are looking at maybe 6 months - 2 years or longer before your boyfriend can marry you without going against church teaching.

:clapping:

 

[Shiann]

It looks like we are getting a little confused in the communication.

The OP explained that from a CIVIL perspective she and her ex husband were unable to get a civil annulment as they were of age, had been married over 2 years, etc… so they were got a divorce.

There is also a Catholic annulment which invalidates a marriage. This is what the OP is seeking.

 

[jbjwstar]

Catholic90:

You may not, but your boyfriend does (or should – it’s part of the Catholic teachings). It’s his soul.

I’m walking down a railroad track. There is a rattling and a bright light coming down the line. My friend warns me and tells me it’s a train and I should get off the tracks. But I tell her I don’t BELIEVE it’s a train…so I’m not concerned…

I don’t understand you. You say you want to get married in the Catholic church. But you don’t want to learn about the faith. You don’t want to understand something that is obviously important to your boyfriend. If you truly loved him, I would think you would want to thoroughly understand everything he believes in – ESPECIALLY something as important as his faith!! Faith is what will carry you through the tough times.

I didn’t say I didn’t want to learn about your/his faith. I said that I didn’t want to delve as deep as to take an actual class. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be here. That should be quite clear. If I didn’t care, I would tell him I don’t want to be married in a church anyway.

IF I truly loved him? You know, I haven’t been judgmental of anyone on here. All I did was come here seeking some answers.

 

[jbjwstar]

AmberDale:

You have to get special permission to get married outside of the Church.

People can get married out of the Church building, as long as they have a priest performing the ceremony. You don’t actually have to get married in the building persay. Getting Married in The Church doesn’t have to mean you are getting married at a particular church building.

Ah, okay. I see the difference now.

AmberDale:

You don’t have to convert anymore to marry him, you just need to make sure you are free to marry him. Go talk to your priest.

Typically, no anulments needed, it takes 6 months to go through marriage prep classes. Which are great and helpful.
Add the anunlment process and you are looking at maybe 6 months - 2 years or longer before your boyfriend can marry you without going against church teaching.

eesh, two years? Gotta say that kind of sucks. But I will definitely be talking to the priest.

 

[jbjwstar]

Shiann:

I read that post. I found it very wise and written in a loving, Christian manner. I know that it was probably not what you wanted to hear, but it did bring up some very valid points. You may not wish to look at marriage from that perspective, but it does bring up a good point.

If you and your boyfriend have invested your soul in particular faith philosophies, how can either of you live Faithfully AND remain true to your faiths? I ask without malice.

I know love conquers all, and that love will get you through. And maybe it will. But it seems that you are purposefully setting up a situation that neither of your faiths will be invited to your marriage fully. You will be taking what works best from each religion and trying to merge them into one. How does that do service to either religion?

Again, this is not brought up to stir up the pot, nor is it maliciously intended… You needn’t even answer the questions at all. It is just food for thought for you, and any others who view this thread with similar circumstances.

May God’s Blessing’s shine upon you, and I pray you find clarity in this matter.

Thank you for the kind post. However, I think I may not have explained a couple things clearly enough (once again). I don’t plan on “mixing” our religions or taking what is best from them and combining them. That’s not the case at all. We have simply “agreed to disagree”. I’ll go to my meetings, he’ll go to church and we’ll take turns going together. As long as we’re not unhappy with it I dont’ see the harm.

I actually dont’ believe that love conquers all. I tried that approach in my first marriage, and trust me, we did not divorce for lack of love. I’m not naive enough to believe that anymore I guess. Which is why I do think I’m going into this with a clear head.

 

[aimekuelmc]

Hi JB,

I read through the posts, and one thing I thought should be pointed out - and if I’m wrong, I know someone will correct me here -

Your children will be able to make their own decision at their confirmation. This is usually some time in high school.
So many today (I did!) just go through the motions, but confirmation is really where they are confirmed into the Catholic faith.
Baptism is where the parents promise to raise the children in the Catholic faith, and nurture that faith through the life of the child.
But they really need to go to CCD classes (religious ed) etc.

And I have to second the recommendation to join the parish RCIA, preferably with your fiance.
The classes (at least in our parish) start in the fall, and end in early spring. They only meet once a week.
You will be able to ask questions, and learn more about the Catholic faith. It will also help your fiance if there are some things he isn’t sure about. It isn’t really delving deeply, but covers most basic beliefs.
But you don’t have to convert if you don’t want to.

Also, you said you are living together? If you are living as brother/sister, in seperate beds, I don’t believe there is sin, but it is a possible cause for scandal to others.

I believe your marriage could be extremely strong. It takes a lot to make a marriage work, but you are showing a lot of that needed determination in coming here for information.

That determination to make a marriage together may be very necessary - there is no way to know what trials you and your fiance will face. The way you both deal with them together will help your marriage grow so much stronger! Please know, I say this from personal experience.

But one thing, Please? Do whatever is necessary to be married in the Church. I know you won’t fully understand this request, but it is so important.

I will keep you and your fiance in my prayers!

MC

 

[MistyF]

Hi, I sent you a PM because I went totally off topic in what I was going to write here, so I sent it privately instead.

I was raised JW, and am going to marry a Catholic next June. I have been agnostic for 10 years, and my original intention was to remain a non-religious, even atheistic, person. A lot has changed in my life, though, and I’m taking RCIA classes. I bet that you would get a lot of understanding out of them. But, anyway - I was married before. Not to a JW, though. I was married to a Mormon. LOL. Thankfully he wasn’t a religious person, he was just raised that way. Anyway, he and I married because I needed insurance for surgery. When I realized that I couldn’t marry my fiance unless my first marriage could be annulled, I got quite upset. Mostly because I knew that if it couldn’t be annulled, I wouldn’t marry him, though I knew he would still be willing to marry me. But, I made an appointment with the local priest, and he met with me the next week. He asked some questions about my first marriage, and said that he thought my anullment was rather obvious. Of courses, it will still need to go through the process, but he said it wouldn’t take very long.

What sorts of ways do you think that the differing religions might affect your marriage? You had said you thought about these things already, and I know how much it helps me to talk about things like this, so I just wanted to give you the opportunity to delve deeper into the real issue here. I would guess that you have strong ties to the JWs? When you have children, and he takes them to the Catholic Church, will you receive a lot of pressure not to do that? How will you react? Have you thought about the birth control issue? If you use birth control, then your marriage is not open to children, which would be sinful for him, even if you don’t believe it is for you. Have you guys been able to have deep, intelligent conversations about religion? I think that would be the most telling way to see if you can both respect each other’s beliefs in the long run - because it would require acknowledgement of the other person’s opinion, but acceptence that they did not agree with you. That’s a very valuable skill.

As I said in my PM - if you ever want to talk, feel free to contact me!

 

[AmberDale]

Shiann:

That’s true and I believe I stated that:

If these terms (and others) are not met without proper dispensation- you are living in an adulterous situation.

You do need special permission, and from my experience (granted it’s local) it is generally frowned upon.

sorry, didn’t see the proper dispensation. I just remember reading the book they give you to read for the marriage prep classes and it was in there. Like I said, I don’t always know or remember words like dispensation.
I know some things are frowned upon here too, but it’s “possible” to get the dispensation to get married out of the building. I wanted to get married in the building because it’s a pretty church. I was just trying to make the point that being married in The Church and A Church are different.

 

[Shiann]

AmberDale:

sorry, didn’t see the proper dispensation. I just remember reading the book they give you to read for the marriage prep classes and it was in there. Like I said, I don’t always know or remember words like dispensation.
I know some things are frowned upon here too, but it’s “possible” to get the dispensation to get married out of the building. I wanted to get married in the building because it’s a pretty church. I was just trying to make the point that being married in The Church and A Church are different.

 

[kristacecilia]

There are some things that have been said on this thread that have been very confusing. I would like to clear some stuff up.

I would also suggest that the original poster of this thread go to forum.catholic.org and post her question there, as well as here. I find the Catholic Online forum to be more valuable when I am searching for definitive answers. I like this forum for other reasons.

There is also a Catholic annulment which invalidates a marriage. This is what the OP is seeking.

This is misleading. First of all, the proper terminology is “Declaration of Nulity”, that is, declaring that there was no marriage in the eyes of God in the first place. This is what the Catholic Church investigates. If a valid marriage took place at the time you were married to your first husband, then you are still married in the eyes of God and not able to wed again. If no marriage took place at the time of your first marriage (because of lack of form, insufficient understanding of marriage, or numerous other reasons) you are still single in the eyes of God to marry. It is not re-marriage- you were never married to begin with.

The Church assumes that all marriages are valid in the eyes of God until proven otherwise and persons who have been married before and not had their first marriage declared null are encouraged not to date until their marital status has been cleared (since you are not Catholic, I am not expecting you to have done this!) The Church also discourages Catholics from becoming romantically involved with someone whose marital status is questionable, like your own. I think your boyfriend may have not done the best possible thing in this situation.

As for being married in the Church and in the church…

All Catholics are bound by Church law to be married in the church (building) by a priest or deacon, and to another Catholic (wait for it…) unless they are given a dispensation by their bishop.

Since Catholics routinely marry non-Catholics, this dispensation is not hard to get. The dispensation to marry in a location other than your boyfriend’s parish is harder.

Like the other posters have suggested, you and your boyfriend need to go together to see a priest privately. Call the rectory or parish office of the parish closest to your house and schedule an appointment to see the priest on the subject of your engagement. He will give you the proper routes to go through to file your paperwork with the tribunal to have your first marriage investigaged, and to have the proper dispensations for your boyfriend and you to marry.

I would also echo the RCIA suggestion. You are going to be bound to help your boyfriend be the best Catholic he can be, and that starts by knowing what the Catholic church teaches. You are under NO obligation to convert- I would suggest your boyfriend even go with you to the RCIA, it sounds like he could use a refresher in what he professes to believe.

You are in my prayers, and feel free to PM me with any questions!

 

[jbjwstar]

Thanks Krista.