Question for men-would you leave your wife if she lost her looks?

[bitterhope]

youtu.be/9NF5XU-k2Vk

This is what I thought of too!

OP, I’m sorry you’re struggling. I too get tired of the suggestion of therapy being thrown around over every single thing these days. Therapy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Many therapists have no business being therapists. Some cause more harm than good. I’ve seen many families split up by therapy instead of repaired by therapy. Even Catholic therapists aren’t guaranteed to be decent. The other problem I have with it is that I’ve seen parents damage their children by continual stressing that they have “issues” and psychological problems. One of my foster brothers is in his late 30’s now and still has no self confidence due to the way his mom, step dad, and other relatives would constantly tell him he was in need of therapy. He questions nearly every life situation that arises to check if he is reacting normally, if how he perceives things is accurate, to be sure he isn’t in some way lying or deceiving, etc. He isn’t the only person I’ve met with similar experiences either more or much less severe. People seem to rush into therapy over the most minor of things anymore and want to drag everyone else into it. It’s not good to constantly bring people’s mental health into question. Doing so make people second guess themselves about everything, causes deep hurt, ends up alienating others. I would think on a site about Catholic Answers advice would be more along the lines of friendship, opening hearts and minds to hear and understand where another is coming from, advising to seek out a priest for guidance in real life, and leaving it at that. The repeated calls for therapy in very minor situations seems to me to be giving medical advice which is against the rules. Most countries in the world don’t have the therapy cures all mindset that is so prevelant these days in the US and comes across as highly offensive to people from cultures where therapy is reserved for actual mental disorders such as bipolar, schizophrenia and the like. And many people in the US get turned off by it as well. It seems society is falling farther and farther away from community into individualism, where people are required to only have surface level relationships with other people, therefore looks matter much more to people and the only person anyone is allowed to bare their soul to is a paid professional. It’s no wonder so many cannot imagine loving someone else beyond looks, beyond body odor, beyond bad breath, beyond bad hair day, beyond illness and into heaven. People focus on their own looks thinking that is the only way to not end up alone. And if you (general, not specifically you) focus on your own looks to this extent it is very difficult to not focus on others looks as well. I’ll be praying for you OP and others that are struggling with similar situations.

 

[AdamP88]

It is ok if those undertaking it are ok with it. It is just my, again INWHO that to do so is a mistake.

If we are going to anchor ourself to someone for life, the core values need to be the same and that, to me, includes religion.

I also believe that the current culture of “looking for someone” via dating, flirting etc. can be, to an extent, a mistake.

ICXC NIKA

Why?

 

[Patavium]

Wow, OP, I hope you don’t leave CAF because of other posters here. There is no need to question the OP on why they are asking, as if it were forbidden to make up a thread and ask. Do you have to have a serious reason to post? No. And like many teachers repeat" there is no stupid questions, but only stupid people that don’t ask." This is a Catholic forum community, not CARM. Why nail the OP against a cross?

Agreed

 

[Klemens_Hadwig]

This is what I thought of too!

OP, I’m sorry you’re struggling. I too get tired of the suggestion of therapy being thrown around over every single thing these days. Therapy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Many therapists have no business being therapists. Some cause more harm than good. I’ve seen many families split up by therapy instead of repaired by therapy. Even Catholic therapists aren’t guaranteed to be decent. The other problem I have with it is that I’ve seen parents damage their children by continual stressing that they have “issues” and psychological problems. One of my foster brothers is in his late 30’s now and still has no self confidence due to the way his mom, step dad, and other relatives would constantly tell him he was in need of therapy. He questions nearly every life situation that arises to check if he is reacting normally, if how he perceives things is accurate, to be sure he isn’t in some way lying or deceiving, etc. He isn’t the only person I’ve met with similar experiences either more or much less severe. People seem to rush into therapy over the most minor of things anymore and want to drag everyone else into it. It’s not good to constantly bring people’s mental health into question. Doing so make people second guess themselves about everything, causes deep hurt, ends up alienating others. I would think on a site about Catholic Answers advice would be more along the lines of friendship, opening hearts and minds to hear and understand where another is coming from, advising to seek out a priest for guidance in real life, and leaving it at that. The repeated calls for therapy in very minor situations seems to me to be giving medical advice which is against the rules. Most countries in the world don’t have the therapy cures all mindset that is so prevelant these days in the US and comes across as highly offensive to people from cultures where therapy is reserved for actual mental disorders such as bipolar, schizophrenia and the like. And many people in the US get turned off by it as well. It seems society is falling farther and farther away from community into individualism, where people are required to only have surface level relationships with other people, therefore looks matter much more to people and the only person anyone is allowed to bare their soul to is a paid professional. It’s no wonder so many cannot imagine loving someone else beyond looks, beyond body odor, beyond bad breath, beyond bad hair day, beyond illness and into heaven. People focus on their own looks thinking that is the only way to not end up alone. And if you (general, not specifically you) focus on your own looks to this extent it is very difficult to not focus on others looks as well. I’ll be praying for you OP and others that are struggling with similar situations.

This post should receive a gold star.

 

[EasterJoy]

Is therapy Americans answer to everything?
It just a question.If you feel you have nothing to value to offer you don’t have to answer it.

I believe the answers implied that the question revealed a deep-seated emotional problem. People do get therapy for that.

No,i personally wouldn’t but that’s just me.

No, it is not just you. (You do remember the “for better or worse” part in the vows? )

Is there any value to this question?

No-one really knows what they would do in an extreme situation until they face it.

ICXC NIKA

It is not an “extreme situation” for a woman to lose her looks! (How young are you?)

On that note, though, I’d like to propose a slightly-more nuanced question:

This is addressed to everyone who cares to post on the thread:

What would you do if your spouse purposefully let himself or herself go–that is, if he or she obviously quit making any effort in dress or personal grooming for your sake?

How do you believe you would handle that?

On the flip side: How would you handle it if your spouse seemed to spend undue amounts of time, effort and money to be sexually attractive to others rather than to you?** What if being attractive to you was of little or no account, but being thought sexy by others seemed to be very important or even was something your spouse bluntly said was very important?

(To clarify: I don’t even mean dressing to suit himself or herself rather than you, although you can answer that, too. I mean women who try to gain the attention of men not their husbands and men who want to experience appreciation for their looks from women not their wives.)

 

[bitterhope]

On that note, though, I’d like to propose a slightly-more nuanced question:

This is addressed to everyone who cares to post on the thread:

What would you do if your spouse purposefully let himself or herself go–that is, if he or she obviously quit making any effort in dress or personal grooming for your sake?

How do you believe you would handle that?

On the flip side: How would you handle it if your spouse seemed to spend undue amounts of time, effort and money to be sexually attractive to others rather than** to you? What if being attractive to you was of little or no account, but being thought sexy by others seemed to be very important or even was something your spouse bluntly said was very important?

(To clarify: I don’t even mean dressing to suit himself or herself rather than you, although you can answer that, too. I mean women who try to gain the attention of men not their husbands and men who want to experience appreciation for their looks from women not their wives.)

Normally if someone “purposefully lets themselves go” as you say, or in any way is choosing not to take proper care of themselves, that points to something going wrong in their life. If my husband did that, I would be trying to p(name removed by moderator)oint what was wrong and help him come up with solutions to those problems. That’s part of marriage–to be there for one another and to work together to come up with solutions. Rarely does anyone purposely not care for themselves. Normally it’s because life’s obligations get in the way of personal time and therefore adjustments need to be made. Those adjustments may be as simple as rearranging schedules to make more time or they may require adjustments made to expectations abd attitudes.

If my husband were purposely seeking attention from other women, that also would require me finding out why he thinks he needs that. What is going on with him that caused this change in behavior and what do we need to do to overcome those troubles? Now, if it were always like that I wouldn’t have married or wouldn’t have the right to complain. I chose him like that. But if it were different, it’s not normal to change personalities and so as his wife it’s my job to help fix what’s broken.

I would expect my husband to do the same for me if the tables were reversed. However, most of the “let themselves go” complaints are not purposefully but instead the result of life. Aging, having children, changes in metabolism and health, running on empty in order to get everything done that needs to be done, that kind of stuff. If one spouse is having more difficulty than the other perhaps the spouse should step up and help the other out more. That’s how marriage should go. If it’s due to the fact that the spouse is comfortable and no longer feels the need to make themself up every day, perhaps you should rejoice your spouse feels confident that your marriage is deeper than the surface and is satisfied that it’s a partnership for life. Any changes should be coupled with communication and an outreach of love and support for one another.

Of course if it is truly purposeful, not just the result of living life, and your spouse is refusing to open up to you, speaking with a priest about resources available to couples is a good place to head from there. That coupled with prayer to the Holy Family for your family will never lead s Catholic astray. Don’t wait to pray for your spouse until there is a problem though. Pray for your spouse even before you meet them if possible, and continue praying everyday of your life together. Step back and let God step in when it seems overwhelming.

 

[mommy_k]

This is addressed to everyone who cares to post on the thread:

What would you do if your spouse purposefully let himself or herself go–that is, if he or she obviously quit making any effort in dress or personal grooming for your sake?

How do you believe you would handle that?

On the flip side: How would you handle it if your spouse seemed to spend undue amounts of time, effort and money to be sexually attractive to others rather than** to you? What if being attractive to you was of little or no account, but being thought sexy by others seemed to be very important or even was something your spouse bluntly said was very important?

(To clarify: I don’t even mean dressing to suit himself or herself rather than you, although you can answer that, too. I mean women who try to gain the attention of men not their husbands and men who want to experience appreciation for their looks from women not their wives.)

I think anytime someone has an unhealrhy issue or focus regarding thier appearance, the root cause needs to be addressed before self esteem can be restored or maintained.

If the root cause can be determined within the family that’s great, but if not, outside professional help through a priest or counselor would be the next step…this would be especially important if some kind of trauma was involved, or my spouse was depressed or obsessed.

This would be true of any obsessive patterns–scrupulousity, ocd, and things of this nature.

 

[EasterJoy]

Normally if someone “purposefully lets themselves go” as you say, or in any way is choosing not to take proper care of themselves, that points to something going wrong in their life. If my husband did that, I would be trying to p(name removed by moderator)oint what was wrong and help him come up with solutions to those problems. That’s part of marriage–to be there for one another and to work together to come up with solutions. Rarely does anyone purposely not care for themselves. Normally it’s because life’s obligations get in the way of personal time and therefore adjustments need to be made. Those adjustments may be as simple as rearranging schedules to make more time or they may require adjustments made to expectations abd attitudes.

If my husband were purposely seeking attention from other women, that also would require me finding out why he thinks he needs that. What is going on with him that caused this change in behavior and what do we need to do to overcome those troubles? Now, if it were always like that I wouldn’t have married or wouldn’t have the right to complain. I chose him like that. But if it were different, it’s not normal to change personalities and so as his wife it’s my job to help fix what’s broken.

I would expect my husband to do the same for me if the tables were reversed. However, most of the “let themselves go” complaints are not purposefully but instead the result of life. Aging, having children, changes in metabolism and health, running on empty in order to get everything done that needs to be done, that kind of stuff. If one spouse is having more difficulty than the other perhaps the spouse should step up and help the other out more. That’s how marriage should go.

I totally agree that the charitable way to go is to assume a cause for a change in behavior is due to causes for which the person is not culpable and even that the spouse who feels “wronged” should feel bound to consider that his or her failures might ultimately be the issue that needs to be addressed.

I do not believe a spouse has no “right” to complain about behavior that is objectively wrong just because the habit was in place at marriage. Why would someone feel entitled to be “allowed” offenses just because they allowed themselves those offenses before they married?

Notice: I am talking about things that are objectively offensives, not mere differences of opinion, and in keeping with your wise assessment I am saying there is room to complain (say the state of affairs is a source of discontent),** not** that there is room to accuse (placing blame for the state of affairs on the other party).

Complaining–stating that a state of affairs is a source of discontent–is something spouses ought to be able to do. If you say you never fight when the fact is that you manage that by putting a lid on all expressions of discontent, then that only counts when you are actually contented. Avoiding fights by stuffing your complaints in a gunny sack is not a good long-term strategy. It is necessary that you can do this in order to wait for a time that is appropriate for problem-solving, but not good to just avoid ever rocking the boat at all.

… If it’s due to the fact that the spouse is comfortable and no longer feels the need to make themself up every day, perhaps you should rejoice your spouse feels confident that your marriage is deeper than the surface and is satisfied that it’s a partnership for life. Any changes should be coupled with communication and an outreach of love and support for one another.

Of course if it is truly purposeful, not just the result of living life, and your spouse is refusing to open up to you, speaking with a priest about resources available to couples is a good place to head from there. That coupled with prayer to the Holy Family for your family will never lead s Catholic astray. Don’t wait to pray for your spouse until there is a problem though. Pray for your spouse even before you meet them if possible, and continue praying everyday of your life together. Step back and let God step in when it seems overwhelming.

The part in bold is especially good.

 

[EasterJoy]

I think anytime someone has an unhealrhy issue or focus regarding thier appearance, the root cause needs to be addressed before self esteem can be restored or maintained.

If the root cause can be determined within the family that’s great, but if not, outside professional help through a priest or counselor would be the next step…this would be especially important if some kind of trauma was involved, or my spouse was depressed or obsessed.

This would be true of any obsessive patterns–scrupulousity, ocd, and things of this nature.

I think I’m talking about a garden-variety mid-life crisis and garden-variety taking your spouse’s attentions for granted.

This is a real question for those who have been through this (by the observation of your friends, of course, LOL!)–Does this common form of (usually temporary) insanity usually require the intervention of a professional?

I’m a fan of professionals when the waters are proving too fast for amateurs to make head-way, but some of us have spouses who have literally said, when they were younger: If I ever do that, shoot me. I’d think in that case it might suffice to say: Remember when you were 30, and you said, ‘If I ever do that, shoot me’? I’d rather not shoot you, but you were right to tell me to speak up, don’t you think?

 

[mommy_k]

I think I’m talking about a garden-variety mid-life crisis and garden-variety taking your spouse’s attentions for granted.

This is a real question for those who have been through this (by the observation of your friends, of course, LOL!)–Does this common form of (usually temporary) insanity usually require the intervention of a professional?

I’m a fan of professionals when the waters are proving too fast for amateurs to make head-way, but some of us have spouses who have literally said, when they were younger: If I ever do that, shoot me. I’d think in that case it might suffice to say: Remember when you were 30, and you said, ‘If I ever do that, shoot me’? I’d rather not shoot you, but you were right to tell me to speak up, don’t you think?

Ahhh, lol…of course not…Well dh and I have been together for 25 years and I am confident in our relationship to tell him to clean himself up, and stop acting like a fool if need be… ( of course in a loving way)…

And he knows he can tell me the same.
But it takes a few years of marriage under your belt to get to this place…
But we take care of each other too, and if he needs a haircut I remind him, and if I spent too much on makeup or something, he tells me too. (So next time I know to hide the bill). .

 

[EasterJoy]

Ahhh, lol…of course not…Well dh and I have been together for 25 years and I am confident in our relationship to tell him to clean himself up, and stop acting like a fool if need be… ( of course in a loving way)…

And he knows he can tell me the same.
But it takes a few years of marriage under your belt to get to this place…
But we take care of each other too, and if he needs a haircut I remind him, and if I spent too much on makeup or something, he tells me too. (So next time I know to hide the bill). .

The ease comes after many years, but you had to start some time.

Honestly, a couple that has never had to handle each other’s complaints in a productive way ought to think about whether they know each other well enough to marry. The problem is, of course, that accommodating the wishes of the one you love is easy and the thing you love to do the most…at the beginning!

 

[mommy_k]

The ease comes after many years, but you had to start some time.

Honestly, a couple that has never had to handle each other’s complaints in a productive way ought to think about whether they know each other well enough to marry. The problem is, of course, that accommodating the wishes of the one you love is easy and the thing you love to do the most…at the beginning!

Yes …from the beginning we respected each other and still do today
I think this is very important when choosing a spouse.

When someone is treated with dignity by the person they love, aging, appearance and things like this fade into the background as time goes by, and the qualities that cemented the relationship, such as kindness, a giving nature, and so on is what becomes attractive .

 

[Elena321]

“Hypothetically,” let’s say I’m bothered by seeing the same exact issues raised over and over again.

Then it would probably be wise to reflect on why it bothers you so much.
I see many things in life/by people raised over and over and it doesn’t affect me.
In life its often not so easy to avoid, but on this forum/any forum theres so many topics that it would be easy for a person to go to a different one.
I('m not suggesting this does or doesn’t apply to you ) but sometimes it helps to reflect on whether the issue is truly with the other person or something of your own that you are projecting onto them/their situation (if that makes sense).

 

[Xantippe]

Then it would probably be wise to reflect on why it bothers you so much.
I see many things in life/by people raised over and over and it doesn’t affect me.
In life its often not so easy to avoid, but on this forum/any forum theres so many topics that it would be easy for a person to go to a different one.
I('m not suggesting this does or doesn’t apply to you ) but sometimes it helps to reflect on whether the issue is truly with the other person or something of your own that you are projecting onto them/their situation (if that makes sense).

I don’t mind seeing the same issue come up when raised by different people, but you’ve got a preoccupation with physical beauty that comes up over and over again out of all proportion to what it ought to be in a well-lived life.

Also, if your culture is so different and does have very high standards for women’s looks, why come to a predominantly North American forum for advice on dealing with that? Or why ask a predominantly North American group about stuff that tends to be pretty culturally based–whether or not men will leave their wives if they lose their looks? That’s just weird. If your culture is so different–ask for advice or feedback from people in your culture.

It’s also not that great to be basically asking men on a Catholic forum if they are planning to commit adultery…

 

[Elena321]

I don’t mind seeing the same issue come up when raised by different people, but you’ve got a preoccupation with physical beauty that comes up over and over again out of all proportion to what it ought to be in a well-lived life.

Also, if your culture is so different and does have very high standards for women’s looks, why come to a predominantly North American forum for advice on dealing with that? Or why ask a predominantly North American group about stuff that tends to be pretty culturally based–whether or not men will leave their wives if they lose their looks? That’s just weird. If your culture is so different–ask for advice or feedback from people in your culture.

It’s also not that great to be basically asking men on a Catholic forum if they are planning to commit adultery…

Wow.Did you read the other posters answers that it isn’t for an individual (you,me or other) to “dictate” what subjects a thread is about or decide how many threads one person is allowed to post on similar topics?

I’m sure theres "possibly many North American women/girls who might feel the same way too particularly in this age of “celebrity” and Facebook/social media?

My “knee jerk reaction” is to be very upset by your post & respond that way,but instead i’ll just ask can you please reflect internally on why my thread/s bother you that much and “push your buttons”.

 

[Elena321]

This is what I thought of too!

OP, I’m sorry you’re struggling. I too get tired of the suggestion of therapy being thrown around over every single thing these days. Therapy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Many therapists have no business being therapists. Some cause more harm than good. I’ve seen many families split up by therapy instead of repaired by therapy. Even Catholic therapists aren’t guaranteed to be decent. The other problem I have with it is that I’ve seen parents damage their children by continual stressing that they have “issues” and psychological problems. One of my foster brothers is in his late 30’s now and still has no self confidence due to the way his mom, step dad, and other relatives would constantly tell him he was in need of therapy. He questions nearly every life situation that arises to check if he is reacting normally, if how he perceives things is accurate, to be sure he isn’t in some way lying or deceiving, etc. He isn’t the only person I’ve met with similar experiences either more or much less severe. People seem to rush into therapy over the most minor of things anymore and want to drag everyone else into it. It’s not good to constantly bring people’s mental health into question. Doing so make people second guess themselves about everything, causes deep hurt, ends up alienating others. I would think on a site about Catholic Answers advice would be more along the lines of friendship, opening hearts and minds to hear and understand where another is coming from, advising to seek out a priest for guidance in real life, and leaving it at that. The repeated calls for therapy in very minor situations seems to me to be giving medical advice which is against the rules. Most countries in the world don’t have the therapy cures all mindset that is so prevelant these days in the US and comes across as highly offensive to people from cultures where therapy is reserved for actual mental disorders such as bipolar, schizophrenia and the like. And many people in the US get turned off by it as well. It seems society is falling farther and farther away from community into individualism, where people are required to only have surface level relationships with other people, therefore looks matter much more to people and the only person anyone is allowed to bare their soul to is a paid professional. It’s no wonder so many cannot imagine loving someone else beyond looks, beyond body odor, beyond bad breath, beyond bad hair day, beyond illness and into heaven. People focus on their own looks thinking that is the only way to not end up alone. And if you (general, not specifically you) focus on your own looks to this extent it is very difficult to not focus on others looks as well. I’ll be praying for you OP and others that are struggling with similar situations.

Well stated & thanks for your prayers

On the “positive side” -therapists can sometimes be helpful if a person/s is unbearably affected by their problem and they themselves choose to see one.They can be one “tool”/option (but not the only tool as some people think) .

On the “flip side”-it should be recognised that not all Therapists/Pychologists “bear good fruit”.Some can go into this career for wrong reasons such as having their own issues or ego and in turn can cause harm to people/families (as you mentioned).
In addition,ive noticed a tendency with some people who attend therapists/psychologists to then “overly psychologize” everyones elses queries/issues too and/or not always be able to come from a clear position due to their own issues and this can cloud their perceptions of other people’s situations.

 

[Rosebud77]

I don’t mind seeing the same issue come up when raised by different people, but you’ve got a preoccupation with physical beauty that comes up over and over again out of all proportion to what it ought to be in a well-lived life.

Also, if your culture is so different and does have very high standards for women’s looks, why come to a predominantly North American forum for advice on dealing with that? ** Or why ask a predominantly North American group about stuff that tends to be pretty culturally based–whether or not men will leave their wives if they lose their looks? That’s just weird. If your culture is so different–ask for advice or feedback from people in your** culture.

It’s also not that great to be basically asking men on a Catholic forum if they are planning to commit adultery…

Quietly disagreeing. It is interesting and helpful to see how folk in different cultures see these things. What is less helpful is when folk seem to have closed minds and get aggressive when folk from different cultures add a view that is different from theirs. We can all and each learn from seeing and respecting those from other cultures. We are a global community are we not? Unless you are planning to rename CAF as USCAF… The differences fascinate me …

 

[Elena321]

We are all free to not post on threads we are bothered by seeing though. It is not up to us to tell anyone that we are tired of seeing new threads about the same things. It is not up to us to decide that someone has posted on a topic too many times. Obviously when one posts, they are fulfilling a need they have to ask a question.

Thankyou to you and the others for the kind reply’s.

 

[Rosebud77]

This is what I thought of too!

OP, I’m sorry you’re struggling. I too get tired of the suggestion of therapy being thrown around over every single thing these days. Therapy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Many therapists have no business being therapists. Some cause more harm than good. I’ve seen many families split up by therapy instead of repaired by therapy. Even Catholic therapists aren’t guaranteed to be decent. The other problem I have with it is that I’ve seen parents damage their children by continual stressing that they have “issues” and psychological problems. One of my foster brothers is in his late 30’s now and still has no self confidence due to the way his mom, step dad, and other relatives would constantly tell him he was in need of therapy. He questions nearly every life situation that arises to check if he is reacting normally, if how he perceives things is accurate, to be sure he isn’t in some way lying or deceiving, etc. He isn’t the only person I’ve met with similar experiences either more or much less severe. People seem to rush into therapy over the most minor of things anymore and want to drag everyone else into it. It’s not good to constantly bring people’s mental health into question. Doing so make people second guess themselves about everything, causes deep hurt, ends up alienating others. I would think on a site about Catholic Answers advice would be more along the lines of friendship, opening hearts and minds to hear and understand where another is coming from, advising to seek out a priest for guidance in real life, and leaving it at that. The repeated calls for therapy in very minor situations seems to me to be giving medical advice which is against the rules. Most countries in the world don’t have the therapy cures all mindset that is so prevelant these days in the US and comes across as highly offensive to people from cultures where therapy is reserved for actual mental disorders such as bipolar, schizophrenia and the like. And many people in the US get turned off by it as well. It seems society is falling farther and farther away from community into individualism, where people are required to only have surface level relationships with other people, therefore looks matter much more to people and the only person anyone is allowed to bare their soul to is a paid professional. It’s no wonder so many cannot imagine loving someone else beyond looks, beyond body odor, beyond bad breath, beyond bad hair day, beyond illness and into heaven. People focus on their own looks thinking that is the only way to not end up alone. And if you (general, not specifically you) focus on your own looks to this extent it is very difficult to not focus on others looks as well. I’ll be praying for you OP and others that are struggling with similar situations.

Five star post! Thank you… ( my old eyes need paragraphs though !!)

We were talking about this just now on the hone,my “anamchara” and I… . Saying much the same kind of thing.

I had fortgotten I did once see a therapist here!. The situation was so Irish that it would be hard to explain fully, but when I approached the Church here re, shall we say changing ships, the reaction was, … well bizarre and not welcoming.

Anyways Ash Wednesday saw me at Knock… and a priest I talked with in the confessional had no idea how to help but pointed me here…( I did ask I think three of the priests…)
knockshrine.ie/counselling/

They do charge and to anyone one a pension and having to travel?

aaci.ie/aaci-members-folder/mayo/knock-counselling-centre.html

So I trotted along. This was 15 years ago by the way and we were not then used to the modern dress sisters … and yes the centre then was run and staffed by sisters… Seems they have all gone now?

I was very upset. The only advice I was given was to do what pleased me. If you want to join the church do so, If not, do not, Doesn’t matter… <make an appointment and come back… Needless to say I did not.

It is just not part of society here. Mental health care is drug based. Waiting lists are long and dangerously so even after sudden bereavement. I talked with a lady whose neighbour;s son had committed suicide. She had to wait so long for counselling she hit the bottle.

For me, it is friendship and also giving friendship. Amazing what I hear at the market stall… The folk i talk with are ships passing in the night and there is a safety in that. But then the Irish LOVE to talk! . You get stuck on rural roads as two cars have stopped, driving in opposite directions to have a chat…

 

[Rosebud77]

… then there was the psychiatrist I saw the day I had a terrible migraine. I threw up in his washbasin and he opined, " Ah there was something you wanted to get rid of…"

Therapists and psychs see everything as psychological… We are surely allowed to have an off day without it being deep and meaningful