Question for men-would you leave your wife if she lost her looks?

[Lea101]

Jesus was CONFIDENT

Caligula was a JERK

SO??? because Calig probably seemed “confident”

I love independent women, I never date one who calls herself that. Why? because when you need to shout from the roof tops how independent you are, you are not.

I had a great example of true power, they say to have your office chair higher than your visitor chairs on the other side of the desk to instill “authority”

And truly the small man(internal smallness) needs the big chair to beat small men. But the big man (internal bigness) can sit on the floor in the meeting and still win.

The “confident women” you are referring to are the small man in the big chair, they look cool because of superficial things like chairs…but inside they are insanely tiny.

When you see a woman who never bothers to proclaim her confidence and such as the defining point of her personality she probably has actual confidence so she can actually like herself for her more direct traits.

I have/had guy friends and their idea of confidence is a woman who does not constantly wallow in self pity, but is not completely fine with herself (I remember them feeling uncomfortable when another friend said “I look amazing in this picture”). I have female friends whose idea of confidence is the assertive, tactful man (which is probably why **** like 50 shades) are successful.

Both genders define it differently. Girls like the obvious loud confidence, guys like confidence you can’t see (what does that even mean, honestly?!?!?). An ugly generalisation, but I feel like it’s true from my experience.

IMO I feel like there’s a range. It’s not “insecure or confident”. So I get really confused at stuff like this.

 

[Elena321]

Yes^^ very nice…

Elena, would you ever stop being true friends with someone because they let thier looks go or lost them?If your friend thought no one would be thier friend anymore, or thought they would lose you too- how would that make you feel? How would it make you feel if your friend implied that you were shallow-just because you have the title of friend?

What if question was posted by someone who never had a friend and had a skewed vision about what friendship was about and posted a question like this? How would you set them straight, even if thier thoughts on this were in error, yet deeply ingrained? What if they believed that most friendships are shallow, even when they have had no personal experience with friendship? Would you think c asking if there are people who are shallow friends out there a viable question? Would you expect an yes answer?

What if you saw this friend have various other questions regarding thier looks in many different threads…and even though you felt others and yourself gave pretty good advice from people that had success in long time friendship, yet the friend still asks about it and thier mindset is not changing?

Would you think your friend is happy or suffering?

How many posts does it take before you tell the friend you are not equipped to help, and what would you advise?

If I be completely honest,I don’t think such a question would ever be asked because many friends(at least when talking about females) would prefer that they looked better than their friend/s.
Even if they don’t,I’ve never heard of any friends “unfriending” someone because of “bad looks” but I have heard of many men leaving/cheating on wife due to no longer finding her attractive & also many men state physical attraction is an important factor (but not only factor) when “searching” (nightclub,online dating etc).
So I don’t think the scenario is really realistic but my thread hypothetical was based on reality.

If someone did (hypothetically) post that question I would:
1.Tell them not all friendships are shallow & better friendships have a more genuine or stronger foundation.
2.If they told me they had experienced otherwise-I would accept that & understand that maybe they had had experiences that I couldn’t relate to or that they were surrounded by people that I don’t come into contact with.
3.I would feel sad for them to have experienced that.I definitely wouldn’t think they were happy but I probably also wouldn’t think they were in extreme suffering but a bit-just trying to make their way through the issue & get different perspectives.
4.There would be no number of threads on the posts as I would encourage them to keep posting as long as they felt it was helping them.
5.There also would be no limit as its not my website.
6.If they weren’t receptive to my advice I would think that perhaps my advice was deficient in some way & there might be someone else who might offer them different/more relevant advice/perspectives.
7.If they had a few similar threads & appeared to “ignore” my advice,I cant guarantee that I wouldn’t feel frustrated but I can certainly pray to God that I wouldn’t act on my frustration & pray to God to practice self control & not post anything.
Especially If I thought they were “suffering”-why would I want to add onto that?

8.There are other posters on CAF who have multiple threads on similar topics-why am I the only one getting “criticised” for this & no one is criticising/pointing out their multiple threads?

If I was bothered by multiple threads on one topic but not on another then I would consider that maybe there was something to do with me that made me react that way.
Ie:It seems that the people that are bothered by my threads also have “history” surrounding looks (eg:you mentioned about how your mother was.
A history like that could cause someone to “project” (sometimes subconsciously) certain feelings such as anger when they come across threads like mine.
Or they might have “history” around friends not taking their advice & then project that onto my thread but they shouldn’t do that because I am not the same person/situation as their friend & actually I was very thankful & receptive to many peoples views/comments.

I’ve had people also appear to disregard/reject my advice but I didn’t “call them out over it”.Who am I to do that?
I just stopped posting because I could see I wasn’t the person that could “helping” them and maybe someone else could better.

 

[Lea101]

When you say ‘let go’, what do you mean by that. Why does one immediately assume that there’s something abnormal going on.

It’s good to think that, of course. There are always a range of possibilities.

But I also want to bring up people who just stop ‘trying’. Maybe they are sick and tired of primping (it is not easy), maybe they just really, really like cheeseburgers etc. Maybe they just hate exercise…you get my drift.

I don’t know if people are scared to bring this up in fear of sounding shallow, though.

 

[SilverShadow22]

I have/had guy friends and their idea of confidence is a woman who does not constantly wallow in self pity, but is not completely fine with herself (I remember them feeling uncomfortable when another friend said “I look amazing in this picture”). I have female friends whose idea of confidence is the assertive, tactful man (which is probably why **** like 50 shades) are successful.

Both genders define it differently. Girls like the obvious loud confidence, guys like confidence you can’t see (what does that even mean, honestly?!?!?). An ugly generalisation, but I feel like it’s true from my experience.

IMO I feel like there’s a range. It’s not “insecure or confident”. So I get really confused at stuff like this.

Well, I really don’t see myself as confident in a lot of ways… I’m an ok driver, not a confident one; I’d rather have the man drive. I’m not confident out and about by myself, I’m not confident starting complex new things by myself…

But my Steady says I do have the sort of confidence he likes. Huh?

Maybe he meant, that I am confident in him, who he is, that I can trust him, and why I like him. I am confident that I do like him. I am confident that I want to be with him way more often than I can be right now. This is probably the sort of confidence all men like… Well, actually, me too.

And no, I don’t like ‘loud, brash’ confidence - that’s an overcompensation. True confidence doesn’t have to batter home the point, it’s self-evident.

 

[Elena321]

That must be really hard.

It wasn’t hard physically(the thyroid symptoms) as a lot of people have much much worse illness but it was hard to have the changes happen to my face as they are permanent.
My mindset was never superficial to begin with but, still, to have such a loss is large because it was unexpected at this age & to then see others in your reasonably age group still enjoy their “madeup” photos (when makeup does little for me now) can be hard.

 

[Lea101]

Well, I really don’t see myself as confident in a lot of ways… I’m an ok driver, not a confident one; I’d rather have the man drive. I’m not confident out and about by myself, I’m not confident starting complex new things by myself…

But my Steady says I do have the sort of confidence he likes. Huh?

Maybe he meant, that I am confident in him, who he is, that I can trust him, and why I like him. I am confident that I do like him. I am confident that I want to be with him way more often than I can be right now. This is probably the sort of confidence all men like… Well, actually, me too.

And no, I don’t like ‘loud, brash’ confidence - that’s an overcompensation. True confidence doesn’t have to batter home the point, it’s self-evident.

But wouldn’t a large portion of women already feel like this…even I, the world’s most annoying insecure girl ever, would be confident with the fact that I want to be with him etc

 

[LethalMouse]

Pretty much everybody can get fat given a poor lifestyle situation (example: in the US poverty is closely associated with obesity).

However, the particular poor lifestyle situations are often driven pretty closely by gender–there are more women who can’t take care of themselves because they are with small children all day for years, there are more men who are long-haul truck drivers eating convenience store food day after day year after year, etc. These are not perfectly unisex situations.

Actually this is in essence equal and unisex. They may be different situations but are the same reason “life”.

This newer explanation is not the post I originally responded to.

You said mental issues. For men only

Unfair life for women.

The busy housewife and the truck driver examples are good because they are both equal in the UNFAIR LIFE category regardless of means to the unfairness.

In order to ignore the predjudice as to not look within, you simply dropped the mental illness so you

1. Do not have to acknowledge it is equally possible for women
2. Realize what you say and acknowledge you spoke with predjudice

The issue is both core reasons are applicable to both genders “mental” or “life” but the prine post said one or the other, which is the predjudice that so often prevails.

 

[Lea101]

It wasn’t hard physically(the thyroid symptoms) as a lot of people have much much worse illness but it was hard to have the changes happen to my face as they are permanent.
My mindset was never superficial to begin with but, still, to have such a loss is large because it was unexpected at this age & to then see others in your reasonably age group still enjoy their “madeup” photos (when makeup does little for me now) can be hard.

I understand what you are going through. My face didn’t change though, I was born like that, so I didn’t lose the looks, I never had them.

It is painful to hear guys (and girls) talk about how they notice a girl’s eyes/how it is their favorite feature, etc when I look like an abused rat.

I can’t even wear the amount of makeup I want because it draws attention to my flaw. The only way I look normal is if I tilt my chin up so my eyes are half open.

So yeah, I can understand the preoccupation. Most people don’t understand, because while they might not look like a VS model, they don’t look abnormal. I’m not even expecting any guy to like me, lol. My brothers don’t even like talking to me in public.

So I’m personally not annoyed at your posts

Although I have no idea what you look like, and you might look totally fine, of course

 

[LethalMouse]

I have/had guy friends and their idea of confidence is a woman who does not constantly wallow in self pity, but is not completely fine with herself (I remember them feeling uncomfortable when another friend said “I look amazing in this picture”). I have female friends whose idea of confidence is the assertive, tactful man (which is probably why **** like 50 shades) are successful.

Both genders define it differently. Girls like the obvious loud confidence, guys like confidence you can’t see (what does that even mean, honestly?!?!?). An ugly generalisation, but I feel like it’s true from my experience.

IMO I feel like there’s a range. It’s not “insecure or confident”. So I get really confused at stuff like this.

Caligula was a man, and sadly many men are more him than Jesus as well.

There is a reason for the typical joke about women liking bad guys, bc they go for FALSE confidence.

Men on the other hand often see falsely confident women as great temporary sex toys or the men seek a woman who has a true quiet confidence but due to the prevalence of false confidence they date the actual insecure and unconfident girl.

And the difference in confidence and ability are often forgotten. I am a fairly confident, semi trained in martial arts, trained in combat and a slightly above avg strength etc.

If I walked into a room full of the top 20 worlds best heavyweight boxers unarmed and was told they were going to fight ne all at once I would not be “confident” i would win. I would be rather ready to deal with the inate fear of knowing I am about to get pummeled into a heap of pain.

This however does not negate inner and general confidence.

It is sort of like the famous quote on courage, and how you cannot have courage without fear.

The people you THINK are confidentare like someone without fear who has deluded themselves through the use of mental denial to not be aware of their fear. They deny their fear because the fear would cripple them entirely.

Only the truly strong can be afraid.

Note how most tough criminals have a million issues and sad backstories, their “toughness” is generally a facade put up to defend their true weak selves from having to deal with the world for real.

This is what you miss in your many posts too. You struggle sure, and you ask God’s purpose. But you are perhaps forged stronger than you know? You can express your concerns and fears. You can state your weaknesses. Sometines you might need to learn to not harp on them so much, but there are those out there who are so wesk they could never make a post about the same issues you do. Because just being aware of them in consciousness would destroy them. There is where you don’t see your very real strength and confidence.

Like my big chair little chair, you might be scared of sitting in the little chair, you might talk of its scariness. You may walk and sit in the tiny chair with great fear for the one who sits in the big chair. But Lea generally you would still go sit in the little chair and do what you can do win or lose. That is strength.

 

[SilverShadow22]

But wouldn’t a large portion of women already feel like this…even I, the world’s most annoying insecure girl ever, would be confident with the fact that I want to be with him etc

The other part is being cconfident HE wants to be with YOU. Yes I was uncertain at first, and questioning, and wanted reassured, but at a certain point, that becomes insulting.

I now know exactly why he wants me. Questioning now would be hurtful.

 

[LethalMouse]

Oh and another note on confidence, with God it is much greater.

Think of a simple and pious nun saint… does she exude what we often perceive as confidence?

But how much confidence does she contain?

Even if you have some false bravado which in true confidence remnants might remain, if you find yourself with an ever growing love and trust in God I can assure you your confidence will grow with it.

For you also then not have confidence in yourself, but in that you are living with God’s will and He who has the ultimate confidence is the one whom you live for. His becomes in a sense yours.

 

[Lea101]

This is what you miss in your many posts too. You struggle sure, and you ask God’s purpose. But you are perhaps forged stronger than you know? You can express your concerns and fears. You can state your weaknesses. Sometines you might need to learn to not harp on them so much, but there are those out there who are so wesk they could never make a post about the same issues you do. Because just being aware of them in consciousness would destroy them. There is where you don’t see your very real strength and confidence.

Like my big chair little chair, you might be scared of sitting in the little chair, you might talk of its scariness. You may walk and sit in the tiny chair with great fear for the one who sits in the big chair. But Lea generally you would still go sit in the little chair and do what you can do win or lose. That is strength.

I think truly strong people do this in real life, instead of hiding behind a computer screen. I’ve said things here that I’ll never say out loud. I can talk about my past with idk, cutting bravely here. But my family and friends think these scars were from that dang old wardrobe of mine (I came up with a very longwinded excuse, don’t bother)

If not for anonymity, I would never say the things I have said. Isn’t that a sign of a coward, honestly.

I’m 2 different people at the moment-a hopeless one here, and a happy, ‘sarcastic’ girl who pretend that nothing ever bothered her. Lol. I went to school the day after I saw my mother lying dead in front of me. I briefly told my friends about it and pretended to be unbothered. I did my work, laughed at stupid jokes, lived my life as if nothing ever happened. Right after school ended, I went to the church to pray for my mom’s salvation. Now THAT is a coward.

 

[Rosebud77]

Thanks Rosebud,

I don’t think it should be any different if a person is over 70.Their symptoms are just as valid and I’m all too familiar how some doctors can treat “younger” people with more complex issues/symptoms they know little about so I wouldn’t like to see how they might treat people over 60.
My concern is that they might be dismissive and chalk everything up to just “aging” effect & not listen to the patient.

WIsh I were nearer you then we could have a good moan together!
That sounds good

I rarely see doctors.And when I do I make sure they listen. They tend to in Ireland more i think. Well,if it is something simple they know about. I have what we call Myalgic Encephalomylitis and even today many drs think it is all in the mind and some here have never even heard of it.

I know my body and my mind and when to seek help and then not take no for an answer.

 

[LethalMouse]

I think truly strong people do this in real life, instead of hiding behind a computer screen. I’ve said things here that I’ll never say out loud. I can talk about my past with idk, cutting bravely here. But my family and friends think these scars were from that dang old wardrobe of mine (I came up with a very longwinded excuse, don’t bother)

If not for anonymity, I would never say the things I have said. Isn’t that a sign of a coward, honestly.

I’m 2 different people at the moment-a hopeless one here, and a happy, ‘sarcastic’ girl who pretend that nothing ever bothered her. Lol. I went to school the day after I saw my mother lying dead in front of me. I briefly told my friends about it and pretended to be unbothered. I did my work, laughed at stupid jokes, lived my life as if nothing ever happened. Right after school ended, I went to the church to pray for my mom’s salvation. Now THAT is a coward.

You are two people, not one. In that you found a way to tap into this, this the one who is near too concerned with weakness, and the other who ignores it. Your task is to learn something from each and blend the best aspects of yourself into one core. When you can acknowledge weakness but also not harp on it unhealthy like. So as to be sassy when it is time and be real when it is time. All is not lost here, as I said about false bravado remneants when true confidence is found. Lacking in a degree of confidence is not the same as not habing any. And neither is not being able to blend it right, it is a work in progress.

We all have our pitfalls…

And the mom thing isn’t that bad and I have fwlt as you. I made prank phone calls at my mom’s funeral from the basement payphone. I cried more that I didnt cry than I cried for the death itself, we THINK we need destroyed by it but we do not. You are here on CAF, even if imperfect some part of you knows God.

In that knowledge there is a part that knows this event was not as bad as it seems, a part that can be freed from the pains you think you should feel. Not being destroyed by a “saddness” is not necessarily a coward, but someone who knows better even if only subconsciously.

I as a kid asked why people would be so sad at death when we believe in God. But I am also human, I knew that is what humans do. So I was sad I wasnt like people “should be” and why was I not as sad?

I then reasoned well… maybe we are unsure if they went up or down and if down we should be sad? Okay maybe I thought this makes sense so I am still wierd for lacking destruction.

It is onky when God moves into the consciousness that you realize His will is that which is greatest. TBH I may have a preference based on my circumstance but I trust and accept all is as God sees fit. And that is truly freeing. My sadness is even less than ever.

 

[LethalMouse]

8.There are other posters on CAF who have multiple threads on similar topics-why am I the only one getting “criticised” for this & no one is criticising/pointing out their multiple threads?

I think they often do “critisize” other poster’s threads in the same light but many look at context.

Sometines they see someone as looking at something in a wrong light or having a deeper issue. Like for example granted we can’t see eachother, but let’s say we don’t get the impression things are as bad as you say then… the issue is you have a problem with self image more than with all the surrounding issues you thread about. To see someone doing something self destructive is never a good feeling to decent humans however they often prohect it differently

If I was bothered by multiple threads on one topic but not on another then I would consider that maybe there was something to do with me that made me react that way.

Sometimes yes they may have a guilt or some such that makes them annoyed if your thread casts light on a failing of theirs. Or in some cases they may see issue with it for more legit reasons (see above example)

I’ve had people also appear

to disregard/reject my advice but I didn’t “call them out over it”.Who am I to do that?
I just stopped posting because I could see I wasn’t the person that could “helping” them and maybe someone else could better.

People react differently, but why does a parent lose their cool when their kid doesnt take advise? Because the parent wants to be “right”? Maybe a disordered parent, but mostly because they see the kid as hurting themselves in some way.

There of degrees of emoathy and caring etc. But in some cases somwone givinging you advise (whether they are objectively right or wrong) they think they gave you good advise that will help you and to see you disregard it is to in their eyes see you harm yourself. And for some people that can cause great pain.

 

[Lea101]

And the mom thing isn’t that bad and I have fwlt as you. I made prank phone calls at my mom’s funeral from the basement payphone. I cried more that I didnt cry than I cried for the death itself, we THINK we need destroyed by it but we do not. You are here on CAF, even if imperfect some part of you knows God.

In that knowledge there is a part that knows this event was not as bad as it seems, a part that can be freed from the pains you think you should feel. Not being destroyed by a “saddness” is not necessarily a coward, but someone who knows better even if only subconsciously.

I as a kid asked why people would be so sad at death when we believe in God. But I am also human, I knew that is what humans do. So I was sad I wasnt like people “should be” and why was I not as sad?

I then reasoned well… maybe we are unsure if they went up or down and if down we should be sad? Okay maybe I thought this makes sense so I am still wierd for lacking destruction.

It is onky when God moves into the consciousness that you realize His will is that which is greatest. TBH I may have a preference based on my circumstance but I trust and accept all is as God sees fit. And that is truly freeing. My sadness is even less than ever.

I pretended that I’m fine in real life because I’m allergic to concern

Still hurts though. I just do everything privately. I was calling myself a coward because I’m scared to be vulnerable in person, but I can only do so here, or (in another case, a forum for people who are starving themselves. I then shifted here because I thought it would be healthier and that forum was just stupid and dangerous, and also ashamed because I’m no longer underweight, lol. Long story)

I wish I didn’t feel sad over stuff like that. But I do, and I can’t physically show it to anyone. I don’t even know where this “super unbothered” girl came from but I can’t break that ugly image. You know, when the dam breaks…things happen

 

[LethalMouse]

I pretended that I’m fine in real life because I’m allergic to concern

Still hurts though. I just do everything privately. I was calling myself a coward because I’m scared to be vulnerable in person, but I can only do so here, or (in another case, a forum for people who are starving themselves. I then shifted here because I thought it would be healthier and that forum was just stupid and dangerous, and also ashamed because I’m no longer underweight, lol. Long story)

I wish I didn’t feel sad over stuff like that. But I do, and I can’t physically show it to anyone. I don’t even know where this “super unbothered” girl came from but I can’t break that ugly image. You know, when the dam breaks…things happen

You’ll be fine, you are young and have time. You will learn and grow and become something greater than what is now. I touched on knowing God when I was young, it took about 2 decades to see Him rightfully. And you don’t fix everything overnight. We just grow and get better.

You said you starved underweight, you’ve mentioned cutting before. You don’t now? Well babysteps my dear, you have cone a long way from an anorexic slicer and you may not see the strides made but they are quite big. What did this all transoire in? 5 or so yrs from kid to cutter to not? Imagine the improvement of 5 more years???

You won’t even be what 23/24? And if you imorove and discover yourself at the same rate as the last 5 years? How far will you have come?

You won’t be everything you want tomorrow, I can all but promise you that, but in 5-10 yrs? I expect you’ll read these posts and think “who is that, idk tbat girl anymore”.

Relax, give it time, do what you can, and grow just a tiny bit each day.

 

[mommy_k]

If I be completely honest,I don’t think such a question would ever be asked because many friends(at least when talking about females) would prefer that they looked better than their friend/s.
Even if they don’t,I’ve never heard of any friends “unfriending” someone because of “bad looks” but I have heard of many men leaving/cheating on wife due to no longer finding her attractive & also many men state physical attraction is an important factor (but not only factor) when “searching” (nightclub,online dating etc).
So I don’t think the scenario is really realistic but my thread hypothetical was based on reality.

If someone did (hypothetically) post that question I would:
1.Tell them not all friendships are shallow & better friendships have a more genuine or stronger foundation.
2.If they told me they had experienced otherwise-I would accept that & understand that maybe they had had experiences that I couldn’t relate to or that they were surrounded by people that I don’t come into contact with.
3.I would feel sad for them to have experienced that.I definitely wouldn’t think they were happy but I probably also wouldn’t think they were in extreme suffering but a bit-just trying to make their way through the issue & get different perspectives.
4.There would be no number of threads on the posts as I would encourage them to keep posting as long as they felt it was helping them.
5.There also would be no limit as its not my website.
6.If they weren’t receptive to my advice I would think that perhaps my advice was deficient in some way & there might be someone else who might offer them different/more relevant advice/perspectives.
7.If they had a few similar threads & appeared to “ignore” my advice,I cant guarantee that I wouldn’t feel frustrated but I can certainly pray to God that I wouldn’t act on my frustration & pray to God to practice self control & not post anything.
Especially If I thought they were “suffering”-why would I want to add onto that?

8.There are other posters on CAF who have multiple threads on similar topics-why am I the only one getting “criticised” for this & no one is criticising/pointing out their multiple threads?

If I was bothered by multiple threads on one topic but not on another then I would consider that maybe there was something to do with me that made me react that way.
Ie:It seems that the people that are bothered by my threads also have “history” surrounding looks (eg:you mentioned about how your mother was.
A history like that could cause someone to “project” (sometimes subconsciously) certain feelings such as anger when they come across threads like mine.
Or they might have “history” around friends not taking their advice & then project that onto my thread but they shouldn’t do that because I am not the same person/situation as their friend & actually I was very thankful & receptive to many peoples views/comments.

I’ve had people also appear to disregard/reject my advice but I didn’t “call them out over it”.Who am I to do that?
I just stopped posting because I could see I wasn’t the person that could “helping” them and maybe someone else could better.

I will rise above this attack and just let you know that sometimes having an argumentative spirit is what makes one more unattractive then appearance .

You have had some of the most seasoned and knowledgeable posters in family life try and help you with your question, and to see why it is flawed to think of things like this. You have brought your experiences from your life and culture, and when someone tries to explain their point of view, if it is not in agreement with your thinking, they are attacking you in your mind.

There are many many posters who have ongoing issues and most times, professional help is suggested. To think that your posts do not mirror this is denial on your part.

It is ok for you to raise hot button issues, but not others, and if they respond, you deflect it back to them, stating th
ey are the unsensitive ones. Meanwhile, you post you are sensitive and would not post like this because it us hurtful…gjrlfriend…you are posting hurtful things, just for the sake of being right.

If you are seeking prayerful support in the future , there is the prayer intentions subforum. Here you get honest opinions, both good and bad.

 

[EasterJoy]

I’ve also got a mild variant of a genetic lung disorder that causes excess neutrophil elastase.Neutrophil elastase breaks down the elastin in the lungs causing mild breathing problems (in my case) but unfortunately it not only breaks down the Elastin in the lungs but anywhere where there is Elastin (eg:the face).

Are you worried your husband might leave you? Are you worried that your genetic disorders might eventually make you unlovable? Oh, Sweetie…that is not cultural. Anyone old enough to have a wrinkle or a grey hair can understand that! :console:

That is a big burden to carry all by yourself. Find someone to talk to, someone who can help you talk to your husband. Most husbands suffer enough when they see their wife’s health declining. Be very careful how you broach this subject with him, get some help in advance, because many husbands are deeply hurt by the insinuation that they would be as shallow and unreliable as other men are. Many men in the very countries that prize beauty will attach their masculinity to the unquestionable strength of their personal virtue. You don’t want to turn an understandable fit of insecurity into an unintended attack on your husband as a person, let alone as a man.

Hang in there, though. This is emotions talking. That does not mean it is not real. It means that there is a limit to how much rational arguments will touch it. This problem needs emotional care. Try to find that, just as surely as you go to the doctor when your body needs healing. Do remember to take care of your husband’s emotions, though, too. You are in this together.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

Unfortunately some women have done that too…

Well it is fair. If a woman’s worth is tied so strongly to youth and beauty, a man’s worth should be tied to his wealth, his sexual performance and his height.